I try not to do it, but I’m really fucking good. I can reduce people to tears when I want to, as you can imagine. I have enough verbal flexibility to completely cut someone off at the knees, and I feel very important about saying this because I preach so much forgiveness and patience. The reason I’m able to write about forgiveness and patience so much is that I am a mother fucking instruction manual on what NOT to do. My pain is your gain. I can only hope that I am learning with you, over time, when I go back to my own words and realize I’m not living up to the ideals I’ve presented.
God, sometimes you just want to take the low road so bad. The things that enter into my head that slip through the filter are always the things I should have kept to myself. When things aren’t fair, they’re not just unfair. They’re completely FUBAR. I do not deal in “middle-of-the-road.” I yell a lot. My cats could give me the “stop thinking about it” lecture.
There’s only been 12 years of my life that you haven’t been completely fucking with me. I want those years back. Give them to me. NOW.
See, I just took the low road. And what do I have left? I’m angry again, and I did it to myself on purpose. But that little jolt of anger was a rallying cry to be more than I am. To rise above. To just be the best writer I can be because I’LL SHOW THEM! No, I won’t. And I probably can’t ever, because again, “can anything good come out of Nazareth?” Anyone who’s known me longer than 10 years has a glazed look on their faces when I speak about my writing. That’s why I connect to my readers. I put a lot of emotion on the page, and I don’t always have a place to go with it except here. I don’t want my real friends to get bored and not want to be my friends anymore.
Thanks for giving me a place to crash whether I’m on the high road or not. I hope you’ll let me fall occasionally, but be there to pick me up when I do. This is not a web site.
I have built a community.
Because the low road? There’s a reason they call it that.