Dana and I are working out the details of moving to Houston. I actually just typed Youston and I almost didn’t correct it… I mean, that is the correct pronunciation, is it not?
We are both so tired of being broke and disenfranchised that Houston is a chance to start over. We are not moving because we are running away from Portland. In Houston, Dana will be able to teach, since she already has her Bachelor’s. Dana has wanted to be a history teacher for as long as I’ve known her, so in effect, this move is really to help her just as much as it is to help me.
I don’t know what the hell to do once we get there, but I’ll figure it out. I’m pretty sure I have enough hours to substitute, but that already sounds like a bad idea. I will either be the best teacher in the entire world, or I will completely suck at it. I find that this is true in every profession I have attempted. I don’t really have a “stasis button.” However, I am trying to find it.
We have also missed out on some pretty big dates, family-wise. It hurt to be the only kid who wasn’t there when Wi-Phi was born. I’m betting that this is not the last birth we’d miss if we decided to stay here. We are devastated to lose our domestic partnership, but it doesn’t do us any good when we can’t support ourselves, anyway.
What you guys don’t know yet is that Dana was fired from Tapalaya. It’s not my story to tell, it just is. So with both of us unemployed, it’s an untenable situation. I don’t want the next year to be the same slog we’ve tried to manage previously. In fact, this morning, I said to Dana “we just need to grow a pair and start living our lives.”
By this, I mean that if Dana wants to be a teacher, she needs to get on it. If I want to do, well, whatever it is that I want to do (it rotates, but will always involve writing), then I need to *do it.* I am awed that Dana is being so brave and putting herself out there and saying, “yes. I deserve to be a teacher. I deserve to make money.”
We are both in this phase of explosive growth, and while we are grieving the possibility of leaving Portland tremendously, I reminded Dana that it didn’t have to be permanent. Moving is easy. I should know. I was a preacher’s kid. I don’t want her to feel limited, like “you have to love Houston, and if you hate it, your opinion doesn’t matter.”
Although I did tell her that I thought it would surprise her how much she liked living there. Of course the heat is oppressive, but nine times out of ten, I can swim in my parents OUTDOOR pool on Christmas Day. That does not suck.
The thing that I will lose and miss the most is preaching at Bridgeport. I feel like I am destined to preach there… not to be the pastor, just loving Bridgeport as my congregation because they love me and they watched me grow. From my first sermon until now, I guarantee that they had to sit through the “growth moments” as well as the brilliant.
Now, I need to take the growth moments I got at Bridgeport and use them to preach to me. I sure could use it.