This is not a new idea. Dooce has a section called “Stuff I Found While Looking Around,” and McSweeney’s has “Reviews of New Food.” It is basically a way for me to introduce you to fine hypertext products (that line was stolen from Jason Kottke). However, the reviews will be entirely mine. You can send requests for reviews to Facebook profile ldlanagan or ldlanagan AT gmail.com.
A Stranger’s Photo Feed
It takes some digging, but there are some excellent photographers out there that need help, and the best way you can do it is following their stuff and looking at them as they’re published. Pick someone that lives in a different country than you so that none of the pictures are familiar. Get lost in someone else’s world for a while. Notice that they’ve got pictures from everything they eat for breakfast to their vacation to the Taj Mahal. Learn that each picture is worth a thousand words, because you’ve seen 10 pictures and there’s more than enough for a novella. You would be surprised at how much you can learn about a photographer’s passion just based on the subject of their pictures. Run, do not walk, if you’ve managed to pick out a photo feed of cat pictures. What you’re looking for are things to inspire you, not to give you ideas as to what to do with your cat when you get home. I know you’ll do it. I have.
The Omnipotent Third Eye
More than just a literary device, the omnipotent third eye is a comprehensive response to life. Go into a trance, and look at your recent memories. Your omnipotent third eye will feel the need to say things like, “man, you were really a jerk there.” The surprising part is that you agree with him. LOOK! YOU’RE MAKING PROGRESS! Understanding that you’re a douchebag really helps you move in the world from time to time. But then your wife gets jealous, because your third eye is now in charge of the stock portfolio. With great power comes great responsibility. Be aware of it, and use your third eye for the good of all humanity, or to save yourself from looking like a tool. You choose.
Miller High Life
Sometimes you find yourself in a skate park after work with two of your kitchen coworkers and they’re shredding up the stair rails while you’re sitting there watching and because you’ve just gotten off a ten hour shift in which you could barely breathe, it looks like Tony Hawk 1 and Tony Hawk 2… the fatigue is getting to your brain and you’re so thirsty, so thirsty, and someone hands you a cold Miller High Life. In that state, ladies and gentlemen, is the only time you’re ever going to think that beer is really, really good.
Milky Way French Vanilla
Candy Crush Saga is ruining my love of candy, because every time I see chocolate I want to smash it into oblivion. The only reason I don’t crush the one in my hand is that it would be a much bigger mess to clean up than on screen. However, I applaud this game wholeheartedly in its fight for childhood obesity. There’s nothing better for fat kids than taking candy and making it run after you. I have a pack of Jolly Ranchers (though in our family, they are “Humorous Herdsmen”) still sitting on my coffee table. I think Candy Crush Saga may have something to do with it. Lemon Drops, which used to be one of my favorites, are now the candies left at the end of the bowl when there’s nothing left. Same goes for butterscotch. I hate you now.
So anyway, the French Vanilla version of the Milky Way is worth checking out. It’s got your same Milky Way setup, it’s just that the nougat inside is French Vanilla instead of whatever flavor nougat is supposed to be, anyway. In short, it is delicious, if you can ignore that in about five minutes, you’re going to go back to Candy Crush Saga, and the chocolate creeping up the walls will fill you with regret.