Tesia (2003)

This was originally written in April of 2003. The update is that Tesia is married with two kids and lives in the Bay Area.

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Portland has always been a place of healing for me. That’s because whenever my heart (or my spirit) was truly broken, there were two pairs of arms waiting to embrace me as soon as I got off the plane.

In 1997, though, Portland was also a place of excitement and mystery. Tesia and I had been talking online for about 4 months when we decided that we would be each other’s date to the “wedding of the millenium.” After all, it was the Diva and the Divine that had introduced us. As the time to meet grew near, we were both on pins and needles. Would we really turn out to be what the other expected?

I rambled as Susan drove me to meet her. “I don’t know if I’m ready for this, Susan. You shouldn’t have fixed me up with anyone. Look at me. I’m a nervous wreck! She’s going to think that I sweat too much. Where’s the attraction in that? I hope my breath doesn’t stink. Susan, do you have any gum? Say something to get my mind off of things. How are the Giants doing this season?”

Looking back on it, I am sure that Susan wanted to give me a Xanax. But to her credit, she didn’t say anything… she just gave me a look. You know, the one that says, “calm down or I’ll hurt you.” I bit my lip. This was going to be difficult.

We arrived at the opera rehearsal space that would serve as the reception hall after the wedding. Tesia was helping her mother decorate, and she was…

Gorgeous. I mentally made a note to slap whatever part of myself caused me to mistrust Susan’s judgment. It was amazing. We picked up our conversation right where we had left it the day before, when we were both just voices across the internet.

A few weeks ago, I was sitting in Diane and Susan’s living room, leafing through the wedding pictures. I came across this picture of a woman whose face was lit up in joy, one of those smiles that you only catch by happenstance because it doesn’t look nearly as convincing when posed.

After a few seconds, I gasp. That woman was me. I hadn’t recognized myself at first because that kind of pure joy hadn’t found me in many years.

…or maybe it was that kind of girl.