Kathy picked me up at 6:20, and we walked to the car. Laying on the passenger side front seat was a bouquet of red sunflowers (well, actually I’m not sure what kind of flowers they were). And that’s when it hit me. This was supposed to be a date. My stomach clenched. Two thoughts ran through my head: a) can I get out of this? b) I cannot, under any circumstances, date a woman named Kathy. Against my better judgment, I got into the car. No one had ever brought me flowers on the first date. I had to at least find out what would happen next. Going back into the house would only ensure one thing: that I wouldn’t get to know anyone new.
We started with the usual basics, such as “what do you do?” and “where are you from?” Turns out, she’s known all over Oregon as “the bug lady.”
“The bug lady?” My voice was somewhat hesitant. The feeling in my stomach went from bad to worse as she explained that she climbed into crawlspaces, air vents, and attics to rid clients of their pest problems. And this is the point at which I know my writing is a sham. I cannot think of a single thing to say that’s either snarky or funny about it, because honestly, I am still a little grossed out.
(Editor’s note 2013: I swear to God that she got teary over her meaningful work.)
We drive up in front of the restaurant where she’s already made reservations. It’s one of the most expensive in town. My OhShitometer is pushing 80, but amazingly, the conversation doesn’t suffer. Kathy is really easy to talk to.
After dinner, we walked along the river in Waterfront Park. There are no ships, but there are plenty of lights bouncing along the little ripples in the water. I realize that I’m having a good time.
However.
As we’re driving home, I know that saying goodnight will be awkward. I’ve already mourned the fact that this is the first woman I’ve dated in well, ever, that’s brought me flowers and taken me to an expensive restaurant on the first date and I can’t even pretend there’s a spark.
I thanked her. I said goodnight. I went into the house.
Stories That Are All True 