I said something about a Supergrover playlist the other day, that she reminds me of the color green, new life, new earth, etc. But what I needed in the moment was to release pain before I could enjoy everything again without anger or resentment. Here is the list.
- She’s So Mean, Matchbox Twenty
- Her clothes are on the floor and my records are scratched, but she’s the best thing that ever happened to me.
- I Believe in Love, Indigo Girls
- When we tried to rework all of this, each to our rendition, painted blindly in a corner, lost for ideas blinding fishing for a compliment or kindness just to bring us into view. You could not interpret me, and I could not interpret you.
- Unwell, Matchbox Twenty
- I wasn’t crazy, I was unwell. She’s hell on wheels in a black dress, but not by choice.
- Hold On, Wilson Phillips
- This is a direct result of the movie “Bridesmaids,” and it is completely responsible for making me cry and blow my nose at red lights.
- Nobody Knows, The Tony Rich Project
- It’s everything you can’t say, because no one wants to hear it.
- Pink Triangle, Weezer
- It’s the quickest way to make me sob with empathy at Rivers’ plight, because I would know nothing about the reverse….. #eyeroll
- Not Your Fault, AWOLNATION
- I yelled at her for so much that didn’t have anything to do with her, and that’s where I’d start if I got to meet her on the ground. Just “I’m sorry” all over the place. Alternatively, there were other times when I felt she was doing the same thing to me with no hesitation or apology. It cuts both ways.
- Despacito, Louis Fonzi and Daddy Yankee
- This is probably the most controversial song on the list because I loved it based on the idea that I was blogging the most innocuous things about her because no one else would think they were important and the narrator talks about writing on her body. This is what happens when you decide a song is about someone and ABSOLUTELYFUCKINGNOT fluent in Spanish. Dude is a creep, and my thought was beautiful because she was writing our story on my shoulderblades as well. I still like it, it’s just not a mutual story anymore. The ink on my skin I got from the amusement park is fading and when it goes, there’s no re-entry. I will not let people tell me one thing and do another. I want to hold your hand while the ride lasts, and if you decide to jump, my emotional support can’t depend on whether I’m happy about it or not. It can’t depend on getting things I want that you don’t, and vice versa, trying to convince the other we’re right. Relationships aren’t supposed to be THAT much work. You aren’t supposed to find dealbreakers once a week.
- Superman, Eminem
- This is only when I’m really angry, or I skip it. She was the equivalent of “I’m not fazed, I hang around big stars all day, It’s not a big deal to me anyway… you’re just plain old Marshall to me.” I was all “girl, you run that game. First off you don’t know Marshall. At all so don’t grow partial… that’s ammo for my arsenal.” Great at first, a shit show later. I could never recapture her attention even though I wanted to rescue her.
- Love Game, Eminem and Kendrick Lamar
- The chorus makes me laugh my ass off in this context. “Have a blessed day.” I am the little fuckin’ Ferris wheel and I have no shame.
- Business, Eminem
- I desperately want to know what it would be like if Dre and Em were us. She would drop me like a sack of potatoes in a rap battle. You can do that when you have ten years of blackmail. Alternatively, I’m cleaning out my closet.
- Closer, Nine Inch Nails
- It’s not about her. It’s the cry of The Timeless Child. It’s perfect when you see it in the context of abuse.
- Dope Nose, Weezer
- This has no particular meaning, just a good beat to make me feel good….. even if it is a little “Peter Gunn.”
- This Could Be the Start of Something Big, Count Basie
- I can’t not hear brass like that without thinking of her. She’s too quick. I should have put this as the intro track.
- Church, Lyle Lovett
- She should have joined me at National Cathedral if she wanted to see me fly like a lead trumpet. Not getting to see her face while I was riding on a high C makes me sad. She has heard me on a recording and all I have to say is that you didn’t even see the best part yet.
- Til the Sun Comes Up, David and Devine
- The video says more than the song.
- Paper Bag, Fiona Apple
- What it feels like to struggle with ***gestures toward everything***
- Hit Me Baby One More Time, Bowling for Soup
- Chad Michael Murray played me in a movie. It is every bit as embarrassing as it sounds, thank you for noticing.
- This mashup. It’s too cool to describe.
Stories That Are All True 