What’s your favorite cartoon?
Ten years ago, I was working at Alert Logic in Houston, Texas. Because I’d moved back to Houston, I was hanging out with people I’d known most of my life. One of my childhood best friends has the same sense of humor that I do, so I would pick his brain for suggestions on kids’ shows because I am interested in the writing and he has two rugrats. I liked Adventure Time and continue to be a fan of Lumpy Space Princess, but I loved Regular Show.
Regular Show actually taught me how to handle my divorce in a way no other show ever has. I was in the middle of losing my Margaret, but watching Mordecai grieve her and then meet Cloudy Jane was all I needed to know. Margaret and Cloudy Jane would both mean everything to me, and loving a Cloudy Jane later didn’t mean that Margaret wasn’t in my box of memories anymore.
And in fact, Dana and I are an accurate representation of Mordecai and Rigby (or more accurately, Bert and Ernie- we were them for Halloween one year). I am sure that she is now someone else’s Rigby, but when we divorced, I promise it didn’t make me any less Mordecai. It also doesn’t matter that she’s someone else’s Rigby, because I don’t think of her in that way anymore. I think of her as pristine and perfect in my memory, which is different. All of you know that pristine and perfect does not mean that she is not flawed, and neither am I. You don’t love people based on their perfection. You love people because they aren’t perfect.
The smallest example I can think of currently is Supergrover forgetting my birthday year after year. I could choose to be mad about that, or I could choose to accept reality. Birthdays are important to me, they are not important to her. I always made a huge deal out of her birthday because that’s what my family does. She doesn’t make a big deal about mine because that’s what her family does. Because of it, there’s no foul. We were raised differently.
Over time, she picked up that birthdays were important to me, and I picked up that birthdays weren’t important to her. So, even when she can’t make the clock stop, she will say things like “I’m so sorry I missed you yesterday, but I did send a gift.” That’s because I communicated and she changed. She communicated and I changed. It wasn’t a matter of how much we loved each other, because neither of our reactions had to do with our relationship. I got vulnerable once and told her that it hurt when she didn’t remember, and she got vulnerable and said she was sorry, that’s just how she was raised- and yet, it impacted both of us because we both grew toward each other.
It was never about the gifts. It was about being remembered. This is why we were able to grow. I am able to recognize that there are times when the clock just doesn’t stop, and also my way is not more important than hers. It was a tiny conflict that in the end, turned out to be not a conflict at all.
Editor’s Note:
I realized that talking about cartoons was a good reason to make fruit punch. So, now I have an appropriate beverage. It’s Sunkist, but not soda. We are allowed to have bubbles when we finish our blog entries. 😉 I am also an expert. Make a 20oz fruit punch in a bottle, then fill my travel mug with so much ice that only 8oz fits, then keep refilling. I have the kind of travel mug where I can make at least two drink mixes before I need more ice. In fact, this morning I needed a drink of water as soon as I woke up and there was still ice water left over from yesterday afternoon.
But with a friendship like mine and Supergrover’s, we can be ourselves and communicate across all of that. Nothing has to be engineered to my specifications or hers, because we’re a spectrum of belief and action.
All of our experiences combine to make us Muscle Man and Hi-Five Ghost. Because she’s virtual, it would make sense for her to be Fives, but I need her to drive the golf cart.
She is also as sweet as Pops, and has taken me to Really Real Wrestling many times. 🙂
She also pays me in butterscotch lollipops.
Stories That Are All True 