What’s a job you would like to do for just one day?
Even if I could do anything in the world for a day, it still only says “job.” So, to me that means I have eight hours to do whatever I want. I don’t want to do anything in child care, cooking, IT, or writing. I’ve already done those- and I have been told by both kids and their parents that I’m a great babysitter. I turn into my mother. What’s not to like? She was a magician with kids, never losing touch with what would motivate them or make them laugh. I’m glad I inherited those things, but I would not like to be a parent. I like working with children and coming home to my sensory-deprived house. I am not saying that I wouldn’t parent a child if my partner needed that from me. I am saying that I do not seek out relationships with children, they just fall into my lap. They are HUGE bonus prizes, because even if I’m dating their mother/father, adults are boring and we know it. I’m always going to have time for a tea party.
The funniest thing is that I identify SO MUCH with girldad memes, because since I wear boys’ clothing, pink nail polish and the like would look equally ridiculous and I’m here for it. I would love if my partner’s kids shared my interests, but if they didn’t, Barbie Dream House here we come.
Having been raised by a teacher, this also falls under child care and not because teaching isn’t the hardest job in the entire world. It takes a highly specialized mind to be able to think like an adult and translate it into child all day long. It’s not the work itself I object to, but that exhaustion in trying to make sure your words are kid-appropriate. I would be your kids’ favorite history teacher if people thought letting Anthony Bourdain teach their eighth graders was a good idea. Hey, maybe that is a good idea. Call me (if my phone blows up, there’s a lot more wrong with this country than I thought previously).
Here’s a trick my mom had up her sleeve. She had one kid, Dexter, that was giving her issues and she knew that he was making fun of her because she couldn’t speak Spanish. He would pretend not to know English and continue doing right on what she was doing. So, she hired a ringer for the day.
My mother starts teaching and Dexter starts his bullshit and all of a sudden in as deep a voice as I’ve got comes “SIENTATE, POR FAVOR!” Even when I was angry, I remembered to say “please.” So, it takes two words to realize Mrs. Baker isn’t playing anymore, and those words were from me- SIT DOWN. I fixed my mother’s problem for her, but it wouldn’t have been my idea to get me to do it. Having a daughter that spoke Spanish was just a tool in her toolbox and she wasn’t afraid to retrieve it.
Speaking of Spanish, that opens up something I really would like to do for a day. I’d love to be a translator. I’m not fluent in anything besides English, and some would argue that I still have lots of work to do there as well. It doesn’t have to be in Spanish. I assume that if I can do anything I want for eight hours, I will also be given the ability to pick up the language skills needed to do the job. It would be quite a kick to be fluent in Russian/Ukrainian, or Arabic and Hebrew. If my job was simple translation, I would still want to matter to history. Those are the languages we’re hearing about in the news the most often.
I talk a lot about intelligence, but because I’m a writer, I would do better at State. I would be getting the public version of all that intelligence and actually be able to discuss it, vs trying to collect the data in the shadows. I don’t like drowning in information I can’t use. There’s no way to air it out. There’s no way to get light to it. Pieces of yourself slowly suffocate.
So, I’ve narrowed it down to being a translator at State. And now I’ve arrived at my answer. I do not believe that the Secretary of State has language skills in every region. So, I’d like to be a translator for them when something really hot was popping. I wouldn’t do anything more than I am doing right now….. Which is trying to describe the rooms I’m in. They’d just be different rooms than the ones I inhabit now.
But if you know anything about Washington, it’s that those jobs are probably reserved for teenagers because the entire city would shut down if everyone in the government from ages 18-23 decided they were over it. Lindsay just laughed. She’s 1800 miles away, and I still know that she laughed (she worked on Congressional races at that age). If I really, really wanted to be a translator at State, I’ve missed my window. But we are suspending disbelief, so that hopefully I will be in the room when peace in the Middle East is achieved…. Or Ukraine keeps their independence….. I do not have delusions of grandeur in terms of making money. I just want my job to be historically significant.
I think that’s what you learn about working in Washington, to be honest. There has to be glory outside of money, otherwise it’s just bilking taxpayers. Spies, diplomats, the military, everybody works on the same pay scale. When you are talking about money and espionage, we do pay our assets quite a bit for their help.
As Jonna Mendez has pointed out, Adolf Tolkachev was known as the billion dollar spy, as in, we didn’t pay him a billion dollars, but that’s how much he saved American taxpayers. So, we paid him handsomely and he was executed before he had any time to spend it. But, the case officer who gave him money was a regular GS like everyone else.
To me, there is also no solo glory. It takes a team of people to get everything done. I do not need to be a hero. I am perfectly happy to be recognized as “et al.” It’s more important for me to know that I participated than to receive recognition for it.
I would like to be able to say that I was writing history, but thanks to all of you, I already am.
Stories That Are All True 