Another 20 Questions from Copilot, My New Secretary

Ok, here’s another “guess you had to be there” moment, because it’s something you’ll get if you were here over time and you won’t if you decided to skip blog day. The more and more I use Copilot, the more it merges into thinking of myself as my fictional character, Carol. She works at the NSA and uses technology all day long. I feel like I’m just now as interested in what technology can do as she is, with the exception of using AI to create art. I am using AI to make blogging easier. Carol is precious to me because she unlocks my voice. I am better in conversation, and the questions feel like your end. Also, I have a lot of energy in the morning. For people that have my notifications turned on, I’m so sorry if I keep waking you up.

Oops. My bad. I’m leaving a note.

1. If your life’s story was a novel, what would be the title and who would beg to play you in the movie?
   • Holy shit. I was just thinking about this. I have a very active imagination and my mind is a busy place, plus I have a story worth telling. Give me another 20 years. This is not fantasy.
     • I want to cast someone who I believe can take on the role, and that it doesn’t matter what I look like. It would also have to be an actress that looks good no matter what gender they are, because sometimes I’m a little butch and sometimes I’m a little femme (Zac is like, “WHEN?”). I think my top pick would be Hannah Waddingham, because I actually need a soprano capable of taking on the role as well. My movie would not be complete without my kind of music, and I would be crushed if I couldn’t get permission from Alexandre Desplait to use the score to “Argo” in scenes where I’m writing.
     • Supergrover and I both vary in gender depending on the day, we just come at it from vastly different perspectives. As an aside, she sent me a picture and I asked her where she was. She asked me to guess. I had to do a reverse image search and sent her the link to the web site where I found the image, like “GOTCHA.” That motherfucker replied “I thought the flags would give it away.” This is why I have only come in Kings full over Aces once in my life. Every time I think I’m going to be funnier than her, I think, “you keep telling yourself that, buddy.” (God, hasn’t our relationship relaxed? Hope you can see why we love each other and why fighting was hell. Not, her interpretation, that I was telling you she was a bad person. I was telling you that we’re both flawed and our relationship is worth it because we really see each other. The last couple days have been meaningful and hilarious).
     • My point is that we’d both need rough and tumble actresses that accurately depict our age difference, because she was a tween when I was born. I don’t know actresses with our exact age difference, but what I do know is that Eddie Redmayne could play me beautifully after “The Dutch Girl,” because no matter how he presented gender-wise, he’d be me. When I really think about it, I want Jenna Redgrave to play Supergrover no matter who plays me, for a variety of reasons. She was great in both “Bramwell” and “Doctor Who.” Kate Lethbridge Stewart is actually my favorite character on the show because she’s a constant where the cast is not. I’ve gotten to watch her for many more years as the head of UNIT, and how her relationship never changes with The Doctor, no matter who they are. (One of the most profound things Moffat ever wrote was “silence will fall when the question is asked….. “Doctor Who?” Speaking of Doctor Who, how did RTD turn what was essentially a boring episode into a gut punch this week? “73 Yards” was every bit as effective as “Heaven Sent,” it just took the long way round.)
2. What’s the most absurd plot twist you could write into your daily life?
   • I just got it- my “Happily Ever After” with Supergrover, my muse. We don’t know what it means yet, whether that means writing for life, or letting writing get us closer to wanting to meet each other and going the in real life route. We’re trying to decide a timeline that makes sense, because we each have issues in getting together. Hers center around bandwidth, mine center around autism.
3. If you could have a conversation with any character from your writings, who would it be and why?
   • I wanted more humorous questions than this, but I’ll get real. I write a lot of things to Dana through this blog because I am not interested in us tearing down our legacy by more interaction. Because we don’t interact, I hope that she knows I’m trying to show both of us as 3D characters who experienced a deep and wonderful love that went awry. I do not mistake the part for the whole. People get angry at each other, but I cannot come back from a DUI and domestic abuse, though one was not responsible for the other except emotionally. We were both sober when that fight happened. It was just explosive because it had been building for two years. We actually broke up the moment we got to Houston because I knew she had enough money to do whatever she wanted. That I could break our lease and move in with family to save money if I had to, because living with family was preferable to walking on eggshells around her. This was not a one way street. She was trying equally hard not to piss me off. The thing is, though, I didn’t have it in me to make it stick. I should have, because I could have cut off the idea of physical violence at the pass. Once I broke up with Dana once, things spiraled out of control much faster.
4. Imagine your blog gained sentience. What’s the first complaint it would have about you?
   • You can’t see the trees for the forest.
5. If you had to pick a mascot for your blog, what bizarre creature would you choose?
   • I already have- Oliver, who is a dog. Jack is my housemate’s dog, and I’ve only been living here about a month. Zac, Oliver, and I go back over a year (now the longest relationship I’ve had with a man ever, just in case you’re wondering exactly how queer I am). And because I know that I am only telling you my words, not his response, I realized that I want to do the work with Zac. That it doesn’t mean a relationship escalator, just that I want to spend more time with him when he has the bandwidth. I explained to him that the reason I wanted to do the work with him the most is that he’s a writer, so he understands me without me having to explain a whole lot of bullshit first.
6. What’s the weirdest writing ritual you have, and how did it start?
   • Writing anywhere, at any time, with any tool available. This is due to a lot, but mostly because when I got into the groove with Supergrover in terms of writing long letters to her, I paid less attention to my blog. You’d think I was an idiot for paying more attention to her than I do to my own readers, but you have no idea how much fun it is to be able to think and laugh bigger than I ever have. And I don’t mean now. I mean she offered me the world on a platter in more ways than one. However, and I mean this sincerely, she didn’t offer me the entire world until she offered me herself, as she is, warts and all. I know for absolutely certain that if I turn out to be a famous writer rather than having a small, yet dedicated crowd it will come from this conversation: “I have a lot more to say- will you be on later, or should I send you an e-mail?” “Sure, here it is.” This time around, I do not have a lot to say. She says that she’s overwhelmed with how much I write, so I am taking it to heart and focusing my writing on my blog again. That way, she can hate what I write, but at least it won’t come to her desk every day (KIDDING).
7. If you could trade places with any author for a day, who would it be and what would you write?
   • If I could trade places with any author for a day, it would be Brené Brown. I have such fond memories of her at University of Houston, however brief. I’ve said this many times, but I was the computer lab supervisor in the Graduate School of Social Work when she was a TA. I am one of the few people who can say that I genuinely & concretely helped her career, because who doesn’t become a better writer when they’re more proficient at Microsoft Word? The connection runs much deeper than that. We are very much the same personality. Check this out:
     • We both write about shame and vulnerability. She does it through research, I do it by writing through my shame and vulnerability to realize I’m not actually shameful or actually that vulnerable. That I’m stronger when I lay out my weaknesses because no one can use them against me unless I allow it.
     • Since we are both from Houston, when I listen to her in audio/video, I hear myself talking. We have exactly the same accent, because it weaves in and out. That’s the thing about the Texas accent in Houston. You pick up the drawl from other parts of the state, and then you move to a port and major metropolitan area and it goes away……… except when you’re trying to play it up or alcohol has made swallowing the ends of words much more natural or both. Never ask anyone if they’re from Texas; don’t embarrass them. If they’re from Texas, they’ll tell you. 😉 Can’t remember who said it. Still true. I talk about being from Houston a lot because every Uber driver asks if I’m from here (Silver Spring, MD).
     • We are both Episcopalians.
8. What’s the most outrageous thing you’ve done in the name of “research” for your blog?
   • I’m not really that outrageous, but I’ve had many laughs over the years. People think I don’t know they’re reading, but I totally do and I don’t have to stalk you. I know what hits are, and referrer links. You might know what hits are, but referrer links might be new. It’s the web site you were visiting before you got to me. The only one I’ve ever caught that made me laugh my ass off was a security company at a well-known oil company.
   • The other was one of the cutest pictures of Supergrover I’ve ever seen in my life, but I’m not going to describe it because it might be identifying. I wish you could have seen my smile when I clicked on the link, because it didn’t have her user id attached and I didn’t know it was her, or someone who follows her (impossible to tell). However, if she reads this, I’ll tell her which one it was because I think she’ll agree it’s a cute pic.
   • I’ll cop to one thing, because it really is the only “stalkery” thing I’ve ever done, in quotes because I was not trying to get closer to Supergrover. Because she has privacy issues with my blog, I called her office phone once just to make sure her voice mail still existed. It gave me enough peace to move on with my life because it assured me she was still employed and for the first time in 10 years, I heard her say her own name (thank FUCK). It was a good thing she came back, because I don’t need to anticipate privacy issues in advance. We can discuss what goes where. As I told her, “I feel like I can’t explain me without you now, because so much of my online patois is actually you.”
9. If you could add a ridiculous new word to the dictionary that describes your blogging style, what would it be?
   • lesliecology
     • the art of navel gazing for fun and profit
10. What’s the funniest typo you’ve ever made that changed the meaning of your post completely?
    • Not my blog, but an e-mail to Supergrover. I was on my iMac, which is a desktop and inexplicably has autocorrect. I told her that I wished we were in our jammies with a box of cereal between us watching trash TV, or something like that. Anyway, the iMac autocorrected “jammies” to “jimmies” and I was immediately embarrassed because here I am, trying to prove that I want to do normal stuff with her like I do with my sister, and it changed loungewear to condoms.
11. If your blog posts came to life, which one would be the life of the party?
    • “Church Stories” It already has been the life of lots of parties, because I tell these stories all the time. Here’s the three that put me on the floor every single time.
      • My dad was giving a children’s sermon on priceless treasures, and he pulled up the sleeve of his robe to show his watch, which he offered as an example of his own treasure. Lindsay was having none of it. She was in front of the mic when she said, “NO, IT’S NOT! YOU GOT IT AT BURGER KING FOR $2.99!” It was then that I learned my sister could work a room.
      • I don’t remember the why, but my dad had all the kids go behind his pulpit and he asked them what it looked like. I was in front of the mic and that’s the moment I knew I was funny. I could set my dad up. I said, “it looks like a big old mess.” My dad leaned into the mic and flipped me shit right back. “We’re going to have a loooooooooong talk when we get home.” The crowd fell out. Stuff like that is the good part of being a preacher’s kid.
      • I am adding this one in retrospect because I realized that I had only given you two stories. The third one is that after my dad left the ministry, Lindsay and I were at a church service. She put some money in the offering plate. During the sermon, she leaned over to me and asked if wecould go to Subway. Then she said “Leslie, you have to pay for lunch because I paid for church.”
12. What’s the most comical advice you’ve received about writing or blogging?
    • Supergrover has been my editor on several book reviews, and the way she chooses to edit me is to use Microsoft Word comments to rip the shit out of me with humor. She says “you’re introducing a new character without defining it” in her own special way……………………….. “WHO THE FUCK IS PABLO?”
13. If you could invent a new genre of blogging, what would it be called and what would it entail?
    • I have so many ideas for that, but none so important as people remembering what blogging was about in the first place. It was laying out all your feelings about your life in hopes that other people would connect with it. No one ever thought they could be Dooce or The Bloggess, except me- because I started my blog when Dooce did (or within a few months), I just didn’t get the same traction because I wasn’t as dedicated then as I am now. I wrote a few sentences every day, if that. There was no fundamental way for me to look back at memories, because I wasn’t really recording them. Reading my old entries from “Clever Title” is actually very helpful, because I have lost all context for what my life was like back then and I’m reading with fresh eyes.
    • This is not the only idea, though. I think that a blog that walked you through the New Testament through the use of intelligence operations would be a good idea. Very few people, especially Evangelicals, know how Christianity survived all those years when the religion was being oppressed. How much of it took very powerful people to let Christians exist while the rebels were working to defeat the Empire (I actually do spend a lot of time thinking about the Roman Empire…. weird).
14. How would you describe your blogging style using only the titles of video games?
    • The Elder Scrolls
15. If your blog had a theme song, what laughably inappropriate song would it be?
    • “Mmm Bop” by Hanson- Given my week, it really resonates with me today.
      • You have so many relationships in this life
        Only one or two will last
        You go through all the pain and strife
        Then you turn your back and they’re gone so fast
        
        Oh, so hold on the ones who really care
        In the end, they’ll be the only ones there
        When you get old, start losing your hair
        Can you tell me who will still care?
        Can you tell me who will still care?
16. What’s the most bizarre object within arm’s reach of your writing space right now?
    • My iPhone. I hardly ever use it because I have an iPad and an Apple Watch.
17. If you could collaborate with any fictional character on a blog post, who would it be and what would the post be about?
    • Who else? George 🙂
18. What’s the most humorous misunderstanding that’s occurred from someone reading your blog?
    • When I have one, I’ll let you know. Misunderstandings are never humorous with me. Blowback isn’t tempered. It’s just as angry as I get here. The difference between my close friends is that I won’t tolerate blowback from anyone else. My close friends are the ones that get the right to change me…… because they know enough not to come up in my yard and tell me how to write. They, like SarahAnne, want the world to fall in love with me, not let me bend to fit others’ comfort. If you love me, you want that for me, too, because I have no constraints on how big it’s possible for me to dream.
19. If you could write a satirical piece about any historical event, which would it be and what’s the punchline?
    • The Revolutionary War. Not feeling so great about winning atm.
20. If your blog was a food dish, what would it be and why would it leave diners asking for more?
    • Stone Soup. I started with nothing. I kept adding ingredients. My readers/commenters added the rest.