Despite everything, the sun still came up this morning. That doesn’t mean that I have any more inspiration, but honestly, that’s great. I have some time to breathe before Zac comes over tomorrow night (drill at Ft. Meade, closer to my house than his). I don’t have to think about Supergrover, but of course I am because she had some lovely parting shots for me. The best one was that I’d just have more fodder for my blog so I could villainize her again. No, she does that to herself. She says that she doesn’t see why only my feelings matter, while insisting that only her feelings matter. For instance, telling me everything she would and would not write about without taking me into consideration at all. She wants to just go with the flow and wing it. The proof is in the pudding. I told her that I didn’t want to try to come up with stuff to talk about, that i was done reaching out. But she could reach out to me when she figured out what she would talk about.
That translated into a wealth of insults, robbing me of any regret at walking away. If she has some, she’ll act on them. But what I won’t do is have her manhandle me into accepting what has happened for another 10 years. I’m not going to wake up next year and be in this same spot, arguing the same points. So far, she’s showed me for 10 years that my feelings don’t matter, and that she’s listening to respond, not listening to understand.
So, I’m not going to vilify her. I’m just going to say that if she’s the friend she said she was going to be, she’ll work harder than this. She told me she would work very hard for me not to feel like she was playing games with me. The latest game has been how to continue our pattern just like it is, without her having to change a thing. I’m still shocked because she talked such a big game, and then treated me exactly the same as she always did…. blamed me for something I didn’t do and tell me to never contact her again.
So, I got exactly what I wanted. She apologized, and the story is now over. In terms of fodder for my blog, she’s just not that interesting. So she’ll fade out, because my desire to write about her is at zero, once this chapter comes to a close. She needs to get herself together so bad, and she doesn’t even see it. The line that got me was “I don’t have to talk about my childhood to heal.” I have never seen anyone be more 100% wrong. It’s the biggest red flag I’ve ever seen for our friendship, because it meant that we were on two separate journeys now. She doesn’t want to join me in mine, she wants to make me smaller. That’s because she doesn’t want to get out of her comfort zone, and that’s okay. She doesn’t have to. I just don’t want friends like that.
As I told her, “I don’t have time for friends who want to be in crisis all the time without looking into why we’re falling into the river.”
Stories That Are All True 