I Have Had Quite a Few

My dad called me “Less” or “Lesser” when I was a kid, so I thought Wal-Mart was entirely for me…. “We Sell for Less.”

When I was 14, my friend Scott called me “his personal Leslian,” and unfortunately that stuck like glue……. I wasn’t a fan.

At Chili’s, I didn’t hear an announcement that a glass was broken in the rack because I was out on the floor. So I come around the corner and it’s the first thing I pick up, slicing my pinky. They called me “Worker’s Comp” for three months after that.

At University of Houston, I dyed my hair red and cut it very short. So, my nickname was either “Red” or “Spike” for a few years.

Aada called me “Jana, Goddess of the Moon.” I think that meant the most to me because it reminded me of the song “Somewhere Out There,” that even though we weren’t in the same room we were still sleeping under the same modicum of sky. I had also never been called a goddess before, so that didn’t suck.

But to most people, I’ve just been “Leslie.” I don’t really need a nickname because my name is already short.

I’m not even imaginative enough to think of something else I would like to be called. “Leslie” is already nonbinary with the number of male and female Hollywood stars that carry the name, particularly in the UK.

Speaking of movie stars, I wasn’t really a fan of my name until Ann Davis’s mother said that “Leslie Lanagan sounds like a movie star name.” Thanks, Ann Davis’s mother.

I tend to give people nicknames rather than receive them.