The Principal Principle

“If I have it and you need it, it’s yours.”

Words from my father when I was little that still resonate. I am often guilty of giving away too much under this principle, but I have never regretted bestowing a kindness on someone else. I have received more kindness than I can ever repay, so I hope that the next phase of my life comes with more giving.

I have turned inward over the last few years, joking that I’ve become feral. I’m trying to right that wrong by getting out and about in the world- much easier once I have a car, and it is supposed to arrive today. I’m excited to be able to go to Clark Burger for dinner, but I might change my mind because my father reminded me that the only problem with the restaurant is the parking situation.

Clearly, I have not thought this whole driving thing through. 😉

My dad got me a gift certificate to Clark Burger for Christmas at least two years ago and I’ve never used it because getting across town was such an ordeal.

Yes, it was a Christmas gift that time, but my dad does these little sweet things for me all the time, and it has set a great example for me in terms of how to remember people in ways that they’ll like.

For instance, sometimes I’d just send Aada a Starbucks gift card and say, “let me pick up your afternoon coffee.” Just for no reason at all. I didn’t expect anything in return, it was just to be sweet to her.

But over time, she started doing the same thing for me.

And in fact I have a cup I bought with one of her gift certificates so I have a tangible reminder of our relationship that doesn’t have to do with a computer. But I did that for Aada, too, by sending her Christmas and birthday gifts. So I don’t think that either of us is in a position to forget each other. Those are the kinds of things that make me smile in remembrance, and little surprises are definitely something I want to take into my next relationship.

Yes, it’s weird that I thought of her as so primary in my life, but oh my God is that a long story. You can read it here if you’re willing to go back a hundred years.

Even I don’t have that kind of patience.

The thing is that I rose above “if I have it, and you need it, it’s yours” to “take a look around and see what needs doing.” I’m trying to be more other aware. This type of looking around is not for sending sweet surprises to people who already have lots of money.

It’s noticing when people are hurting. Stopping to talk to homeless people and giving them coffee money instead. I’ve prayed with the unhoused in front of Safeway just because they asked me to (I do not remember the context).

Now, there’s nothing wrong with having lots of money. I just mean that people who already have lots of money are probably buying their own coffee.

I just want to be of service, instead of waiting for everything to happen to me. I don’t want to be so “go with the flow,” because those people get trampled. But I also don’t want to be a control freak, because I have learned that there’s so little in life that can be controlled in the first place. The secret to winning is giving up.