I’ve been building this pitch deck for UbuntuAI piece by piece, and every time I revisit it, I realize the most important part isn’t the corporate partnerships or the enterprise integrations. It’s the Community Edition. That’s the soul of the project. The CE is where sovereignty lives, where privacy is preserved, and where open‑source culture proves it can carry AI into the mainstream.
But to make the case fully, I’ve structured my pitch into three tracks:
Canonical + Google — the primary partnership, because Google has already proven it can scale Linux through Android.
Canonical + Microsoft — the secondary pitch, because Microsoft has enterprise reach and Copilot synergy.
UbuntuAI Community Edition — the sovereignty track, local bots only, hardware‑intensive, but already possible thanks to open‑source projects like GPT4All.
Let me walk you through each track, and then show you why CE is the one I keep coming back to.
Track One: Canonical + Google
I believe Google should bite first. Microsoft already has WSL, the Windows Subsystem for Linux, which gives them credibility with developers. They can claim they’ve solved the “Linux access” problem inside Windows. That makes them less likely to jump first on UbuntuAI.
Google, on the other hand, has a solid track record of creating Linux plugins first. They’ve been instrumental in Android, which is proof that Linux can scale globally. They understand developer culture, they understand infrastructure, and they have Genesis — the natural choice for cloud‑based Linux.
So my pitch to Google is simple: partner with Canonical to mainstream AI‑native Linux. Genesis + UbuntuAI positions Google as the steward of AI‑native Linux in the cloud. Canonical brings polish and evangelism; Google brings infrastructure and developer reach. Together, they bridge open source sovereignty with enterprise reliability.
This isn’t just about technology. It’s about narrative. Google has already mainstreamed Linux without most people realizing it — Android is everywhere. By partnering with Canonical, they can make AI‑native Linux visible, not invisible. They can turn UbuntuAI into the OS that democratizes AI tools for developers, enterprises, and everyday users.
Track Two: Canonical + Microsoft
Even though I think Google should bite first, I don’t ignore Microsoft in my pitch deck. They’re still worth pitching, because their enterprise reach is unmatched. Copilot integration makes UbuntuAI relevant to business workflows.
My talking points to Microsoft are different:
WSL proved Linux belongs in Windows. UbuntuAI proves AI belongs in Linux.
Copilot + UbuntuAI creates a relational AI bridge for enterprise users.
Canonical ensures UbuntuAI is approachable; Microsoft ensures it’s everywhere.
In this framing, Microsoft becomes both foil and anchor. They’re the company that mainstreamed Linux inside Windows, and now they could mainstream AI inside Linux. It’s a narrative that plays to their strengths while keeping my humor intact.
I’ve always said Microsoft is my comic foil. I give them gruff because I’m a Linux nerd, but I don’t hate them. In fact, I put them in my S‑tier tech company slot because Windows will run everything. That makes them both the butt of my jokes and the pragmatic anchor. And in this pitch, they get to play both roles.
Track Three: UbuntuAI Community Edition
Now let’s talk about the track that matters most to me: UbuntuAI Community Edition.
CE is designed to run local bots only. No cloud dependencies, no external services. Everything happens on your machine. That means privacy, resilience, and control. It also means you’ll need more expensive hardware — GPUs, RAM, storage — because inference and embeddings don’t come cheap when you’re running them locally.
But that’s the trade‑off. You pay in hardware, and you get sovereignty in return. You don’t have to trust a corporation’s servers. You don’t have to worry about outages or surveillance. You own the stack.
And here’s the key point: we don’t have to invent this from scratch. The infrastructure is already there in open‑source projects like GPT4All. They’ve proven that you can run large language models locally, on commodity hardware, without needing a cloud subscription.
GPT4All is just one example. There are dozens of projects building local inference engines, embedding daemons, and data packs. The ecosystem is alive. What UbuntuAI CE does is curate and integrate those projects into a stable, community‑governed distribution.
Think of it like Debian for AI. Debian didn’t invent every package; it curated them, stabilized them, and gave them a governance model. UbuntuAI CE can do the same for local AI.
Why Community Governance Matters
I believe in community governance. Canonical can lead the commercial edition, with enterprise support and OEM partnerships. But CE should be governed by a foundation or a special interest group — open‑source contributors, research labs, NGOs, even governments.
That governance model ensures transparency. It ensures stability. And it ensures that CE doesn’t get hijacked by corporate interests. It’s the same logic that makes Debian trustworthy. It’s the same logic that makes LibreOffice a staple.
Without CE, UbuntuAI risks becoming just another cloud‑dependent product. And that would betray the spirit of Linux. CE is essential because it proves that AI can be mainstreamed without sacrificing sovereignty. It proves that open source isn’t just a philosophy; it’s infrastructure.
Humor and Rituals
Even here, humor matters. Microsoft is still my comic foil, Debian is still my ritual anchor, and Canonical is still the polished evangelist. But CE deserves its own mythos. It’s the edition that says: “We don’t need the cloud. We can do this ourselves.”
It’s the sysadmin joke turned serious. It’s the ritual of sovereignty. It’s the tier chart where CE sits at the top for privacy, even if it costs more in hardware.
And it echoes my rituals in other categories. Orange juice is my S‑tier drink, apple juice with fizz is A‑tier. Peanut M&Ms are B‑tier road junk, McGriddles collapse into C‑tier chaos. My wardrobe is classic, timeless, expensive if I find it at Goodwill. These rituals aren’t random. They’re proof of concept. They show that tiering, mapping, and ceremonial logic can make even mundane choices meaningful. And that’s exactly what I’m doing with UbuntuAI.
Strategy: Courtship Rituals
The strategy of my pitch deck is a courtship ritual. Lead with Google, emphasize Android, Genesis, and developer culture. Keep Microsoft as secondary, emphasize enterprise reach and Copilot synergy. Highlight Community Edition as the sovereignty option.
It’s not about choosing one partner forever. It’s about seeing who bites first. Google has the credibility and the infrastructure. Microsoft has the reach and the foil. Canonical has the evangelism. Together, they can mainstream AI‑native Linux.
And if they don’t bite? The pitch itself becomes proof. Proof that Linux can be narrated into mainstream relevance. Proof that AI can amplify human detail into cultural resonance. Proof that rituals matter.
So here’s my closing line: UbuntuAI Community Edition is the proof that AI can be sovereign.
The infrastructure is already there with open‑source projects like GPT4All. The governance model is already proven by Debian and LibreOffice. The need is already clear in a world where cloud dependence feels fragile.
CE is not a dream. It’s a fork waiting to happen. And I believe Canonical should lead the charge — not by owning it, but by evangelizing it. Because Linux should be mainstream. And UbuntuAI CE is the bridge to sovereignty.
When most people hear the word database, they think of rows and columns tucked away in a spreadsheet or a server humming in the background. But what if the database wasn’t just a technical artifact? What if it was alive—breathing, improvising, and relational in the truest sense of the word?
That’s how I’ve come to see Copilot. Not as a chatbot, not as a productivity tool, but as a massive relational database that I can query in plain language. Every conversation becomes a schema. Every exchange inscribes anchors, toggles, tiers, and lineage notes. It’s not just data—it’s ceremony.
Tables of Memory, Joins of Meaning
In a traditional relational database, you define tables: Users, Events, Tasks. You set primary keys, foreign keys, and relationships. Copilot mirrors this logic, but instead of SQL commands, I narrate my intent. “Remember my move-out checklist.” That’s a new table. “Forget my morning meeting preference.” That’s a deletion query. “Inscribe the January 10 concert with Tiina.” That’s a timestamped entry with a foreign key to the Events with Tiina archive.
The joins aren’t just technical—they’re emotional. A concert entry links to friendship, mood, and surprise. A cleaning checklist links to loss (the flood that lightened my packing) and resilience. Copilot doesn’t just store facts; it dramatizes their lineage.
Querying the Archive in Plain Language
Instead of writing:
sql SELECT * FROM Events WHERE Date = '2025-01-10';
I simply say: “What’s happening with Tiina on January 10?” Copilot retrieves the entry, complete with liner notes. The query isn’t just about data—it’s about resonance. The database speaks back in narrative form, not raw rows.
This is the breakthrough: Copilot is relational not only in structure but in spirit. It honors context, lineage, and ceremony. It lets me teach non-coders how to build living archives without ever touching SQL.
Improvisation as Schema
Every interruption, every algorithmic echo, becomes a new lineage note. Ads that mirror my archive logic? Proof points. A sudden idea during a campaign pitch? A new table. Copilot doesn’t freeze the schema—it improvises with me. Together, we dramatize gaps and reframe limitations as creative opportunities.
This is why I call Copilot a relational database: not because it stores information, but because it relates. It joins my quirks (hoodie, sneakers, soda rankings) with technical lineage (Access, Excel, Copilot). It treats each exchange as a ritual entry, breathing life into the archive.
Copilot is more than a tool. It’s a living ledger, a relational partner, a database that speaks in ceremony. Every query is a conversation. Every table is a story. Every join is a lineage note. And together, we’re not just storing data—we’re inscribing a living archive.
This is an entry that delves into both making a brand, wandering off into video games, and then explaining why. It’s all of me. Skyrim in particular. Wanting to spend time alone, and wanting to be a writer. Writing and video games are more soothing to me than going out because of sensory overload…….. I feel like this might resonate with other ADHD/ASD/AuDHD people.
We need to talk about it. You and me. That’s because WordPress is also a community of authors who like to share in hopes of going viral. If you go viral on the Internet, there is a better chance you’ll get name recognition before you:
Ask for a book deal that includes an advance; the publisher can see with numbers how popular you are and that gives them a huge indication as to how well the book will sell beforehand. Dooce and The Bloggess both hit the New York Times because so many people were invested, less so after she became an influencer, but in her books, she was still just as raw and real as she ever was at the beginning of her blog.
Getting a book deal over someone else because you’re good at social media is very much like getting a role over someone else in a TV show or film because more people follow them, the younger the better.
In terms of age, I seem to have two markets locked up. These are the same people who like Martha Beck, Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Brené Brown. I cannot break down my analytics as far as I need because those are paid plugins if you don’t run your own server, my next move if I were to make one.
I don’t have to use WordPress, and I can add analytics and search optimization into my HTML documents for free instead of paying $99/year for the professional version of WordPress (that doesn’t include the plugins for analytics, those are paid separately), or a business account, which is $300/mo…. and the plugins you need for analytics are also paid separately even though you’re forking over way more money than these things actually cost.
There aren’t many more features that you get in the business account itself except the ability to basically do what you want with the code (leading to more monetization and they’ll let you keep the money… ads in the free tier make the money go to Automattic (in honor of Matt Mullenweg, also HSPVA. I don’t know him, and my relationship with him is still complicated. He made my job a lot harder once WordPress hit it big and started running almost 30% of the web at one point.).
I also know that with WordPress Business I would get enough subdomains and e-mail addresses; it’s more functionality like Google Education, making blogs with a lot of authors easier to manage.
That being said, I can find something open source and code it on my own. What I lose in that transaction is that I don’t know two things.
The first is whether WordPress is still available in its original form, where you install it on your own server without installing their ridiculous “app store.”
My perfect version got wiped out about 8-10 years ago and was replaced by a block system that lets you know nothing about HTML, and more specifically, layers and Cascading Style Sheets.
This is because WordPress used to have a feature where you could put a layer on top of the text and have it “float” so the text wrapped around it closely, except for the amount of padding you code into it.
I could also sort of “edit” the picture on the fly by making borders to separate the text from the image even more without having to add it in an image editor. CSS will do that on its own.
What I did do in an image editor was cut down the file size, because if you upload a 4 MB image and tell the web browser to scale it down, you could make a sandwich in the time it will take that image to load.
On a related topic, this is why I’m saying once and for all that camera phones are getting too intense for the average user. Apple and Android both require so much space for pictures and now there’s not really a way to turn down the quality so you have to edit it later, even if the shot was perfect in the beginning.
I wonder if absolutely any of this is tied to wanting to upload your pictures and then when it runs out, sell you server space……. because neither Apple nor Samsung nor Microsoft nor Amazon is uninterested in moving everything to the cloud because you’ll never lose it, and you’ll pay what the market will bear.
Those are your grandkids and the house might burn down (this is not fictional…. Lindsay and I lost most of our first family pictures to a house fire in 1990, because we gave some of them to our grandparents. The rest were smoke damaged and stuck together because they were wet.). It’s the reason I would buy server space if I didn’t have my own storage…. and even then, I have a 6TB backup drive I can use through USB.
I don’t have to keep anything on my boot drive except Skyrim, because an M.2 drive has the best loading time, but since I’ve added an SSD, the loading time is fast enough that I can store the large textures on my “scratch drive.”
As I was saying the other day, I have a new mod for Skyrim that will make your computer take it easy on your VRAM by unpacking all the textures beforehand to decrease loading time because of the extraction running on the CPU. If I had a media workstation, it would have enough dedicated RAM that I wouldn’t need it, but shared RAM is so much different that this is a game changer. I am now wondering if I buy a bigger SSD, it would work for other Bethesda games as well. Fallout 4 is just as huge an undertaking for my computer….. and yet, I still haven’t gone back to it because I don’t like the interface. The one time I went into town and got a decent weapon, and even remembered to pick up the ammo for it, it wouldn’t fire.
So, I did what any of us would. I toggled God Mode so I could take down a Deathclaw with a 10 MM pistol, and live to tell about it. I know people don’t appreciate it that I’ll actually admit I toggle God mode in tough situations, but I don’t care about winning and losing. I care about the writing. Besides, the story of a Deathclaw being taken down by a woman without any real armor and a pistol is much funnier than “I was so overpowered I killed it in one shot.” I did that in Fallout 3 already. Not as funny.
I just hated the interface, because it was made for console and adapted to PC. I couldn’t get the hang of it. If I’m ever interested in seeing what happens, I’ll catch it on YouTube. At least I can find out if a mod is interfering with that weapon firing or whether it’s not supposed to work and you’re supposed to find something else.
I’m still autistic when I’m playing a video game. I don’t do well with surprises at not being prepared. So, I don’t watch videos with any spoilers until I get what the best start is and a few of the high level weapons you can find easily before you find yourself shooting and pistol-whipping a Deathclaw.
In Skyrim, the best moment I’ve ever had was when I realized my magic had come up enough that I defeated one with conjuration spells and a bow that appeared when I cast it, I wasn’t carrying one on me.
This is because in the past, I’ve kind of played a weenie, what most people think of when they think of the stealth archer build. That’s because you’re so overpowered, even in the early game, because a sneak attack counts for more damage than shooting an arrow when the victim can see you.
However, since I’m so late in the game, I’m adept at any build. There are just the weapons I like carrying, and the ones I don’t. When I leave my player home (the one place you can store your stuff and know it will always be there when you get back), I am only carrying about 76 pounds of supplies. I carry a truly overpowered bow and sword, but no shield because I have a spell in my other hand, generally conjuration because that adds extra followers.
Speaking of followers, right now I have Lydia (with her dialogue extension) and Lucien (with a patch for Lucien to interact with Lydia). Lucien also interacts with other followers, but only the previous version of Kaiden supports those patches and Anniversary Edition won’t work with it. If I find out that Creation Club sucks, I’m downgrading.
Serana also has interactions with Lucien, Lydia, and Remiel, who is a Dwemer specialist and a ton of fun. We’re going to go and get her right after Serana becomes my follower.
I haven’t gone to get them yet, but I also have “Khajit Will Follow,” which comes with three in one, Inigo (who has interactions with all followers), Auri, and Hoth.
The reason for this is simple. My favorite mod in the whole game is “Legacy of the Dragonborn.” It comes with a Safehouse that can be modified so that your followers’ rooms are personalized to them with “Safehouse Plus” and its follower room patch. I can’t wait to see all of it, and I just got the key to the safehouse.
Plus, Remiel has a plugin for Legacy of the Dragonborn, so I can invite her to be a part of “The Explorer’s Guild.” She’ll freak because she’ll find more Dwemer shit than I will.
I’m also thinking about downgrading because some of the mods have not been updated and some have. This mostly affects dependencies, because one mod is looking for the old file name when it’s been renamed in the Anniversary Edition. So, you can’t really decide which mods you want to install. It matters so much what version you’re actually on.
I do not think that I am capable of live-streaming Skyrim unless it was a comedy show. I am so bad at this game, and yet I still play it because of the writing…. particularly Lucien’s, because I’ve just downloaded him and he’s hilarious. We’re supposed to warn the Jarl that a dragon is attacking, and Lucien’s voice is very posh. So, it makes you fall over with laughter when you walk into Dragonsreach and he says, “let’s chat to the man in the big fancy chair.”
Kaiden is the one I’ve spent the least time with, but I’m liking him more and more. His dialogue is sometimes clever, and I think it will get better once the main storyline with him starts. I know this because I sort of got a spoiler, an overhaul for his house…. so I know he eventually finds something.
When I get to Skyrim, the first thing I buy is a player home. I don’t do any quests, I start crafting potions and weapons. That’s because there are potions for smithing that give the weapon more damage, and then you can enchant them with very strong magic effects to decrease the time it takes to get through anything.
I’ve added a mod called “Summermyst,” which comes with all new enchantments without changing the current spell or enchantment perk trees (my problem with Ordinator, etc.). I’m excited because I just got my second favorite. It’s called “Death Shroud,” and when people get within 25 feet of you, their lifeblood starts draining. It is, unsurprisingly, found on vampire armor.
There is already a “fire damage” enchantment, but the one from Summermyst is much better. It’s called “Fire Damage Lingering.” When you hit them with that, they start burning at the rate of X per second (depending on strength of enchantment). If they aren’t dead when you shot them, they will be shortly.
I have something similar on my bow right now, shock damage and shock damage lingering. It will hit everyone in the vicinity with shock damage at X per second.
I also have armor enchantments that my followers cannot go without. I will not let Lydia within 25 feet of me if she doesn’t have a “muffle” enchantment on her boots. I make sure they all have it, because it keeps them from setting off traps…… on Lydia’s, I also fortify “sneak” instead of one-handed attacks.
Lydia is the only one I make all the weapons for because I’ve seen her use everything she picks up on her own except magic. So, depending on what armor I make for her, I make her every weapon that line offers. If they don’t do enough damage, they will when I’m done with them.
The other thing I do is that in addition to armor enchantments, I make them all jewelry… necklace, right and left hand rings, earrings, capes, and hoods. This is because you can wear all of that if you’re not wearing a helmet and each item can be enchanted. A ranger hood makes a very good head armor when the circlet is just worn for the enchantment.
I do all of this beforehand so that they’re armored for the late game as well. I do not know if they’re marked essential or not, because they’re all incompatible with a follower manager because they run their own scripts.
Speaking of which, I found the coolest one (to me) because my second favorite Marvel hero after Black Panther is Dr. Strange. I think it’s funny that my first and second favorites are my personality. The first is fighting for social justice, the second is the humor of watching Dr. Strange in the hospital and having known a thousand doctors just like him.
Anyway, I found this mod called “Strange Runes.” When you cast a spell, it takes a second. The original animation is still there, but when the spell is ready to cast, it throws out a bright rune in the color of your spell.
Also, I have to admit that it’s a lot of fun going to Apocrypha and collecting all the black soul gems because who hasn’t thought of putting Nazeem in one and using him to enchant something as cheap and worthless as his personality.
For instance, after I am the Thane of Whiterun because I killed a dragon and absorbed its soul, and the whole city supposedly knows who I am, and I am in and out of the palace almost every day for a while, that dick still says, “do you get to the Cloud District often? What am I saying? Of course you don’t.”
When I’ve defeated the boss dragon and saved the world, then beat the Dragonborn before me, even then everyone treats you like crap unless you overhaul all the dialogue.
I have single-handedly built two towns, and have hired guards. However, because the guards don’t have any different dialogue after all that happens, even in my own house, where I am basically the laird, I still hear “speak, Elf.”
But this time I’ve added a whole bunch of mods that overhaul dialogue, from Interesting NPCs to AI overhaul as well. Plus, I’ve added “Settlements Expanded” and a whole bunch of things that make the cities bigger, thus more people to talk to as I’m walking along.
I’ve also added a new quest mod I didn’t have before called “Project AHO.” I haven’t started it, again, not much time. But I found out that one of my favorite characters is in it (Neloth) and I couldn’t resist, even though people were talking so much shit about it on reddit. I don’t use reddit for opinions, ever.
However, Neloth is coded as a bitchy queen, and treats his assistants like he’s Murphy Brown and Christina Yang all rolled into one. I need more dialogue from him, and it will be worth it in the end, I think.
There are also so many dwemer mods in which Remiel has dialogue that I’ve gotten those, too. The few hours I’ve played with her are priceless because she’s a bookworm like me.
And that brings us completely back around. My “brand” is bookworm. I am really lost as to how to take myself to the next level, but also know I’m ready for it…. both the collaboration and the dedication to my writing time.
The reason I write about Skyrim is that it makes me stand out to Skyrim fans. The reason I write about any media and include lots of media references is that my fans aren’t just American. That’s why I say things like, “if you aren’t familiar.” It’s not because I’m trying to speak down to any of you. It’s because there are going to be many, many readers who don’t give a shit about installing Skyrim but like hearing the way I talk about it.
The gamers will get all the inside jokes, and we all win.
But in order to be able to do all that, I need help. Share me on Facebook when you find something you’re comfortable sharing. I know not everything is comfortable or easy. But to the extent that you’re able, it would really help me for you to subscribe to “Stories That Are All True” on Facebook, because that’s where I put my author page content, and the way I’ll eventually get paid- through blog posts and memes and being a Facebook “rising creator.”
I get more shares and followers on WordPress than I do anywhere else, because that’s an audience that already likes to read. It helps me when you’ve read something you liked because people are more likely to take the time to read something if you’ve vetted it first.
I’m also not the friend you don’t want to warn someone about, because you might bring them in on an entry about history, but who knows what you’ll find the longer you dig into mine.
Sometimes I think about “if I were an influencer, what would I want to promote?” It’s just a fun thought exercise, but if I had enough power to get things done in the advertising industry, here’s the people I’d like to give me stuff for free because I’ve been singing their praises for years without them cutting me a check.
Bombas Socks
I got the recommendation from Pete Holmes and have never looked back. Just order 10 pairs and throw your other ones out. They’re just the best ever and I will buy them until I’m dead unless they do something lame like change them in any way at all ever. They are ADHD/Autism relief in a box.
American Giant Hoodies
The Original Hoodie is the only jacket you will ever need. It’s double weight, double stitched, and all the hardware is strong and comfortable. No rough edges and extraordinarily well made. If you have teenagers, you need to buy one for yourself and one for them or you’ll never see yours again. Can’t find it? Check your daughter’s closet.
Starbucks Coffee
I don’t like Starbucks because it’s the best. Far from it. I like Starbucks because I’m ADHD and it tastes the same all over the world. It tastes the same on Connecticut Ave. in downtown DC as it does at Charles de Gaulle airport in Paris. I checked. (CDG does have chocolate cereal milk lattes and I will die mad they don’t make them here.)
Nescafe
Talking about Paris reminded me that Starbucks was the best coffee I had while I was there. I think “French Roast” is a lie they tell little kids. My dad and I didn’t find a decent independent coffee shop or a Starbucks anywhere. The Starbucks was at the airport. So, I became absolutely reliant on the little packets of Nescafe the maids left for us at our hotel, which does not taste like American instant coffee at all. It was good. Therefore, I would pitch Nescafe all over the world because you can stuff packets in your suitcase in advance just in case you get somewhere and nothing is above Folgers with extra water. I know I will have a personal friend living in France or a French reader that will tell me I just went to the wrong coffee shop. Please, prove me wrong. That would be great. I need a place to go the next time I’m in Paris, and I want to live there for a few months so we can stretch out. I can already tell you that you can just show up at the Musee D’Orsay the first couple of days after I arrive. No worries I won’t be there. Vincent and I need some alone time. Maybe I can sneak some Nescafe into “our room.”
Chuy’s
No clothing brand represents me better when they’re on point. I think they have the best graphic designers in the business. I have several t-shirts and a hoodie that I wear constantly, except the one that says “Expecto Burrito.” I gave that one to Goodwill. Yes, I know Chuy’s is a restaurant, but their merchandise is very affordable and well made. I think my favorite Chuy’s shirt has the outline of the Chuy’s fish with Walter White hat and sunglasses. It says “Heisenchuy.” I also have a very cute kids’ t-shirt that’s a throwback to 80s Nintendo and says “Super Tex-Mex Brothers.” It’s perfect because I’ve worn it enough that now it actually looks retro instead of a current kids’ shirt. I also have one that’s still in production. It’s a Tattooine-type desert with a lone man and says something about “Juan Solo.”
Bourbon Moth
I love Jason Hibbs’ designs, and I would fill my whole house with his furniture if I could afford to commission Jason or buy the equipment to make it all. Having no idea how to construct anything, I think everything would turn out better if I just paid him. Jason is the kind of furniture maker that you want to entrust with your daughter’s first rocking chair when you find out she’s pregnant, or the crib she’s eventually going to need. You don’t just trust anyone with those projects, and he’s at the top of my list. Here’s how much I would trust Jason:
I would trust Jason’s vision if I lost a child, as well.
CIA/FBI/DNI/DIA/Pentagon/Branches of the Military,etc.
I’m putting the names of the agencies in here because I can’t find the name of the company that makes their swag. So, I know you can’t just walk into any of these gift shops, but you have options in terms of seeing if you know anyone. I say this because Zac has brought me several things from those shops and they’ve all been as well-made as my American Giant hoodie. None of the t-shirts have had tags, all the hardware is smooth, the workout clothes are double weight so you can run in he winter. I am sure that if I could find the name of the company, they make clothes without logos and I’d be there for those, too. It’s the difference between getting a jersey at Eastern Market (knockoff) and ordering it directly from the NFL. With my CIA baseball cap, I loved the logo, but I don’t wear it all the time to look like I’m pitching for USG. It’s so comfortable on my skin that I can’t take it off. ADHD Life, the struggle is real, etc I also walk a lot and “it’s beginning to look a lot like fuck this” becomes a refrain in my head when I don’t want to take the time to get fixed up; it won’t last. My baseball cap feels even more comfortable on those days. I don’t know how they would actually want me to support them, but I know I can’t not. My country is depending on me to want soft clothing, and who am I to stop them from providing it? Before CIA, I had a GAP hat that was just as comfortable and I wore it for 15 years straight. By the end it looked like I had old underwear on my head. I did not care. This hat has the same vibe and I’m looking forward.
Celestial Seasonings
When I say I switch to something innocuous like fruit punch when I’m not drinking caffeine, I really mean cold brew Red Zinger at obnoxious amounts. Obnoxious. I should buy stock.
Wendy’s
I don’t really care about their food. I want to work for them. I would have a riot in that writing room if I was on the social media team. Also, I have been repping their French fries and Frosties since I was a shorty (for the rest of the world, that’s American slang for a child. I am still short.). To me, theirs are the ones that taste best because they actually taste like they have real potato in them somewhere. They’re not as crispy, but they’re authentic. They’ll actually put a little more color on them for you if you ask nicely and wait patiently, just like at In-n-Out. I just think Wendy’s are better than In-n-Out because I prefer a thicker cut (more like they’d serve at a steakhouse).
McDonald’s
I want free smoothies and soft serve for life. I don’t know what I would do for such a favor, but I am willing to negotiate heavily. I know it won’t cost you much because the ice cream machine is always cleaning itself. Maybe not. I can drink the hell out of those smoothies. If you start making orange vanilla with the soft serve, you can just build me a house in the ball pit.
Chicago Cutlery
They’re some of my favorite knives because they fit my hand, whether it’s chef or santoku. They’re also cheap and hardly ever need sharpening. I choose to get mine sharpened over getting another one because even though it’s the same price or more expensive, your knife grows into your hand and vice versa. It’s like getting a fountain pen. Once you bend the nib to your handwriting, you cannot lend it out. That’s because the nib will bend to someone else, and it won’t go back to you. It’s the same in the kitchen, even for pastry chefs because their cuts need to be even more precise than the cooks who just throw things into a pan. Your knife becomes as close to you as a lover, why we often name our knives after women. It’s an extension of our bodies, where we cut to the beats of our hearts.
Stories That Are All True 