Tag: Christianity

Active Listening

~ Leslie Lanagan ~ Leave a comment
Daily writing prompt
Write about a time when you didn’t take action but wish you had. What would you do differently?
View all responses

The way I was raised did not leave me with a lot of skill for active listening. It was more hearing someone explain half of their feelings and then taking off on a tangent about how to fix things for them. It cost me everything in my life, but I’m hoping that since I once was lost, I now am found. I have a therapist because I’ve been ignoring myself at absolutely all costs. To the point that I didn’t care if I lived or died because I wasn’t important enough. These words are hard to hear, but they shouldn’t be. There are forces in my life bigger than me, akin to hearing a call from God and not knowing if that’s the voice you’re actually hearing or not.

I have wandered for days not knowing if I’m hearing God’s voice or not, so I’ve stopped looking up at the sky. Now, I stare down, a gardener to my core. It’s not a lack of belief in a God or source. It’s that God isn’t found in the moon. God is found in the mud. God is found when it’s raining and there’s shit on your boots. God is found when you’re the only one left. Because when you can only hear yourself think, there’s only one person that talks back.

We all need to claim these pieces of the divine for ourselves, letting blessings rain down on us depending on what we plant.

God is a polyface farm.

Depending on where you stand in terms of religion, that could mean you believe God chose your face intentionally.

Or you could be like me- that I believe everyone I meet is as precious as the historical Christ. That’s because the historical Christ did not ask for glory. We mistook his blessing and benediction as his direction.

In times like these, it helps to remember that the benediction was “forgive them, Father… they know not what they do.” It helps to remember that the disciples did not know what to do when Jesus died, my favorite line about this being that they should just rename the Book of Acts, “Holy Shit, What Do We Do Now?” I feel like that right now. Lost in a world of hurt, but not searching for the face I love. It is closer to me than a breath, we just do not connect in the same way.

  • Rose was not the same companion to Ten that she was to Nine.
  • Clara was not the same companion to Eleven that she was to Twelve.
  • Most companions do not make the transition at all.

Most companions choose to leave when their Doctor does. They are frightened of regeneration energy and The Doctor’s “death.” But it’s only a death if you make it. The Bible commands me to ensure I treat everyone as if I was meeting Christ for the first time, not a mere mortal. I do not need a marketing campaign to tell me that Jesus was a spiritual teacher and healer. His gifts are in the lessons he taught while he was alive, the sincerest reason I haven’t worn a cross in at least 20 years. For me, there is no power in the blood. Power came through fishing. Jesus didn’t give anyone anything by being crucified. It was a needless murder by religious zealots who needed to ensure that Judaism stayed the same. This is true whether you believe in the resurrection or not. I am not here to argue with you; I won’t.

For instance, when Jesus said “render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s, and render unto God what is God’s,” the thing that most people don’t notice about it is that he never touches the coin. To me, in some small sense the presidency stayed intact when our current president failed to touch the Bible during his swearing in ceremony. We should stop the practice altogether as a Christian nation who believes in the separation of church and state…. just like Jesus did.

We fight over things that don’t matter when we don’t believe Christ is in the room. For instance, no one would ever come up to the Christ, risen or otherwise, and say “you and your boyfriend aren’t welcome here.” But people have no problem saying it to other gay men they know.

Serious question. How do you know that you didn’t turn away the Christ, risen or otherwise?

Are you sure?

In looking at the Bible from a historical perspective, I have my own thoughts about it.

The Bible is:

  • Not an authoritative text over my life, but an ancient blog at best.
    • The authors of the Bible were not different from me, they were born at the right time to be included. I believe that I, or anyone else with the personality of a scribe, would have written about what they saw.
  • The miracles have taken precedence over daily practical advice. People go to church on Sunday and forget what they’ve heard.
    • Luckily, this has never happened to me. 😉

I choose to believe that Jesus is my brother, not Lord. I choose to believe that now, he’s my younger brother because I’ve outlived him by more years than I ever thought I would, frankly. But now my soul is settling. I have found a direction and not a distraction.

Right now, my only choice is active listening both to God and the faces who show up.

But every story has a shadow side, and I know it, too. Everything is what-if and assumptions, but I know for sure that I would not have had post-traumatic growth to the level I’ve had if I’d chosen to stay with Dana. If my friend Supergrover hadn’t appeared. If my mother hadn’t died. If my life hadn’t fallen apart so many times while I was stone cold sober… because when I came to DC I spent almost 10 years sober as a heart attack. As I read research into marijuana as medicine, I read with interest and bought a few stocks. But I did not consume again until it was federally legal due to a 2018 farm bill. I still had all the same problems and all the same quirks, so I knew that marijuana was not the problem. I was.

Then, Zac brought me a baseball cap and my life changed completely. Over time, the idea became that I should be able to buy my own. So, now even though MJ actually helped me with a few things, my direction in life will help me more. I, unlike a lot of people I’ve met in the disabled community, trust western medicine and my biggest problem has been solved. I do not know how or why my protocol changed, but it was. All of the sudden, the medication that was making me throw up all over the place was gone, and weed could leave. I didn’t need it to combat nausea on the train. I saw everything I wanted laid out before me, and I hope it still is. I don’t know whether I’m failing, or failing up.

What I do know is that I’m a Bloom, not a Stephen. When you are a disabled person, you often don’t see the ways that other people are helping you because you have to go through pain to make it work. No one will tell you, “I need you to endure this pain so we make it through together,” so you remain blind.

You see the dried blood after Jesus tells you to wipe the spit and mud off your eyes. And that’s the horror of it, really.

You never realized it was all for you, because you were blind. That part is intentional. No one wants to tell you how hard they’re working and you just have to pick it up on your own. I see pattern recognition backwards, and the pain waylays me. All the Things You Never Knew written by anyone else in my life would be volumes to me, not one blog entry.

I’ve slowed down. I may never work again, because I’ve been advised not to at this time. However, I am in therapy for it. I do not have a death sentence on my career, because Lanagan Media Group has gone silent in the chatroom, but not in the background. I just don’t tell everyone, everything, all the time. I have four friends, and that’s all I need. They are my family and I’d step in front of a bus for any one of them. However, I’m not dumb enough to name them because somebody might be offended they’re not on the list. The reason I’m not dumb enough is because my life is smaller out of necessity. Part of doing penance was wondering what would have happened if I’d just stayed quit from blogging and never started back up.

Words only have the power you ascribe to them, but it’s amazing how much power people ascribe to me. I didn’t write something, then you didn’t like it. I “made you” feel x or y.

I have accidentally hurt a lot of people, but their reaction is not my problem. My problem is how to bring people together instead of tearing them apart. It’s not because I’m trying to be a different person. It’s that PTSD has bloomed into growth and an author is not the same person every day. I don’t want the same character arc because now that my medical issues are solved and my physical problems are in process, I can focus on gratitude. When you leave a disabled person to just sit there in their own misery, they will.

That person was my mother. I didn’t find out that I had hypotonic cerebral palsy until I was in my 40s, but it had been diagnosed when I was 18 and one-half months old. She was not actively listening to me and my struggles because it was important to her for me to be perfect. And then I turned out queer.

I was never perfect, and I’m sure all of my words had an impact on her when she was still alive. But you know what she never did? She never actively listened and changed directions. I am guilty of the same with my own family, and I will atone for it over time. When you know better, you do better.

Because the thing is that you try to solve everyone else’s problems in hopes that they’ll notice your struggling and help you. You notice other people’s struggles to avoid your own. There are all kinds of reasons, but it’s not the kind of help people want or need. The kind of help people need is not for you to give them the moon, but to give them the mud. Respect is earned over time. If we’re meant to shoot the moon, it’ll happen by being equally yoked. That’s in every relationship everywhere, red or yellow.

And that’s what I’ve learned from Polyface Farms.

Walking the Bible -or- Making the Bible Relevant

~ Leslie Lanagan ~ Leave a comment
Daily writing prompt
If you won two free plane tickets, where would you go?
View all responses

This is a conversation between Ada and me. It touches on so much that I’ll probably want to expand it, but I’m keeping my notes here for later use, as well as providing you a short version of all the knowledge instead of an entire book. To me, it is another example of how AI can narrow your focus without writing anything for you:

Can we talk about my next entry? I just want some help spurring creativity. I don’t need you to write it for me. The prompt is “if you won 2 plane tickets to anywhere in the world, where would you go?” I have written recently about wanting to go to the Middle East, so I’d like to write something completely different.

Response: Let’s brainstorm some ideas together.

Since you’ve already explored the Middle East, why not consider a destination that offers a vastly different cultural and geographical experience? Here are a few suggestions:

1. **The Galapagos Islands**: This unique ecosystem is home to an incredible array of wildlife found nowhere else on Earth. Imagine snorkeling with sea turtles, penguins, or even marine iguanas!

2. **New Zealand’s fjords**: The stunning landscapes and pristine waters of Milford Sound or Fiordland National Park would make for a breathtaking adventure.

3. **The ancient city of Petra in Jordan (but not the Middle East)**: While you’ve written about the region, consider focusing on the lesser-known aspects of this incredible archaeological site, like its history, architecture, and surrounding desert landscapes.

4. **The Amazon rainforest**: Explore the world’s largest tropical rainforest by visiting countries like Brazil, Peru, or Ecuador. You could write about indigenous communities, wildlife encounters, or the challenges facing these ecosystems.

5. **Icelandic hot springs and waterfalls**: Imagine immersing yourself in geothermal wonders like the Blue Lagoon or exploring the breathtaking landscapes of Vatnajökull National Park.

Which one (or more) of these destinations sparks your interest? Do you have any personal connections to a particular place, or is there something specific that draws you to it?

Feel free to share as much or as little as you’d like, and I’ll be happy to help you brainstorm further!

Prompt: I haven’t been to Petra, but my parents have. They went on a Biblical tour of the Middle East when I was a kid. That would be a great connection to write about, but I’ve already done it. Perhaps I’ll do the Middle East again, but focus on Iran because it’s so hard for Americans to get in. Same for Cuba.

Response: Writing from personal connections and experiences can add depth and authenticity to your stories.

Focusing on a specific country within the region you’re familiar with is an excellent approach. Exploring Iran as a destination could be fascinating, given its rich history, cultural heritage, and complexities surrounding travel restrictions for Americans.

Similarly, Cuba offers a unique blend of colonial architecture, vibrant culture, and historical significance that would make for compelling writing. The challenges faced by American travelers in obtaining visas or navigating the current regulations add an extra layer of intrigue to your story.

If you’re interested in exploring these destinations further, I can help with:

1. **Researching visa requirements**: We could discuss the complexities surrounding travel restrictions and how they impact tourists.

2. **Highlighting cultural nuances**: Iran and Cuba have distinct cultures that might be unfamiliar or misunderstood by many Americans. You could delve into local customs, traditions, and ways of life to create a more immersive experience for your readers.

3. **Sharing personal anecdotes**: If you’ve spoken with friends or family members who have traveled to these countries, their experiences would add valuable insights to your story.

Which aspect of Iran or Cuba would you like to explore further?

Prompt: I’d like to narrow my focus in essence to a sermon about what it would take to literally walk the Bible today.

Response: Let’s dive into exploring what it might be like for someone, perhaps yourself, to embark on a journey through the Middle East and Eastern Europe, following the paths described in the Bible.

You could write about:

1. **The logistics of traveling as Jesus or other biblical figures**: How would you navigate modern-day transportation systems while adhering to ancient routes? Would you need to learn new languages, customs, and cultural norms?

2. **Encountering contemporary communities**: What might it be like to visit towns and cities that have been shaped by the events described in Scripture? You could explore how local cultures and traditions intersect with biblical history.

3. **Confronting modern-day challenges**: How would you address issues such as poverty, inequality, or conflict in areas where they are prevalent today?

4. **Finding spiritual significance amidst everyday life**: As someone walking the Bible’s paths, what moments of revelation or insight might arise from observing daily routines and experiences?

Some potential locations to consider visiting on this journey could be:

1. **Nazareth** (Galilee): Explore modern-day Nazareth as a bustling city with rich cultural heritage.

2. **Capernaum**: Visit the ruins of Capernaum, where Jesus taught in the synagogue described in Scripture.

3. **The Jordan River**: Follow the path to the river’s banks and reflect on its significance for baptismal rituals.

4. **Bethlehem** (West Bank): Experience life in this historic city with a rich biblical past.

Which aspect of walking the Bible would you like to explore further?

Prompt: I would like to bring Jesus to life by having him navigate the visa process in every country to which he traveled, as well as Paul because he would have had to navigate Europe. Also, it’s incredible to me that Paul walked all over Europe and think he cared about homosexuality. There’s some queer theology there- Just because Jews viewed themselves as separate doesn’t mean they were separate from Greek and Roman culture.

Response: What a fascinating approach! Let’s explore the visa process for Jesus in ancient times, considering his travels to various countries.

**Jesus’ Visa Journey**

As we imagine Jesus navigating modern-day travel regulations, let’s examine some of the places he might have visited:

1. **Egypt**: After fleeing Bethlehem with Mary and Joseph (Matthew 2:13-15), they would need a visa for Egypt. This could involve demonstrating proof of their Jewish heritage, as well as showing that they had sufficient funds to support themselves.

2. **Greece** (Philippi): Jesus might have traveled to Greece during his ministry years, preaching in cities like Philippi and Thessaloniki. He’d require a Greek visa, which would likely include documentation of his identity, purpose for travel, and proof of financial resources.

3. **Rome**: As the capital city of the Roman Empire, Rome was an essential stop on Jesus’ journey (Matthew 27:2). Securing a Roman visa might involve demonstrating knowledge of Latin, familiarity with local customs, or even connections to influential Romans.

**Paul’s Visa Odyssey**

As for Paul, his journeys throughout Europe would have required navigating various countries and cultures. Let’s consider some possible scenarios:

1. **Turkey**: As a Jewish Pharisee from Tarsus (Acts 21:39), Paul might need a Turkish visa to travel through the region that is now modern-day Turkey.

2. **Greece** (Corinth): After arriving in Greece, Paul would require Greek visas for cities like Corinth and Athens. He’d likely face questions about his identity as a Jewish leader turned Christian missionary.

3. **Rome**: As he traveled throughout Europe, Paul might have visited Rome multiple times. Each time, he’d need to secure Roman visas, which could involve demonstrating knowledge of local laws, customs, or even connections with influential Romans.

**Queer Theology and the Intersectionality of Cultures**

You’re absolutely right that Jesus’ teachings were not isolated from Greek and Roman culture. As a Jewish leader living in the Mediterranean world, he would have been influenced by various cultural norms and traditions.

Similarly, Paul’s experiences as a Jewish Pharisee turned Christian missionary would have shaped his understanding of identity, community, and social justice. His writings reflect this intersectionality, addressing issues like slavery, poverty, and inequality alongside theological debates about salvation and the nature of God.

In exploring these themes through Jesus’ visa journey and Paul’s travels, we can uncover rich insights into the complexities of faith, culture, and human experience.

Which aspect of their journeys would you like to explore further?

Prompt: Give me an idea on how to connect Jesus’s escape from Israel into Egypt as an ex-fil.

Response: Let’s imagine a scenario where Jesus’ escape from Israel into Egypt is depicted as a high-stakes, clandestine operation.

**Title:** “Operation Nazareth”

**Premise:**

In the midst of King Herod’s brutal crackdown on Jewish rebels and perceived threats to his rule (Matthew 2:13-15), Mary and Joseph are forced to flee Bethlehem with their newborn son Jesus. As they navigate treacherous terrain, evade Roman patrols, and cross into Egyptian territory, they become embroiled in a complex web of espionage, counter-intelligence, and covert operations.

**The Ex-Fil Team:**

Mary (Code Name: “Mother”) – Experienced operative with expertise in surveillance, infiltration, and tactical extraction.

Joseph (Code Name: “Patriot”) – Seasoned handler with skills in logistics, communication, and security protocols.

Jesus (Code Name: “Phoenix”) – Innocent asset with unique abilities that make him a valuable target for both the Roman Empire and Jewish rebels.

**The Mission Briefing:**

As they cross into Egyptian territory, Mary and Joseph are tasked with:

1. **Establishing Safe House Protocol**: Locate and secure a safe haven within Egypt’s borders to protect Jesus from Herod’s agents.

2. **Gathering Intel on Roman Operations**: Infiltrate local networks to gather information about the Roman Empire’s presence in Egypt, including troop movements, supply chains, and communication channels.

3. **Maintaining Asset Security**: Ensure Jesus’ safety while navigating Egyptian society, avoiding detection by both Roman authorities and Jewish rebels.

**The Ex-Fil Team Faces Challenges:**

1. **Roman Counter-Intelligence**: As they operate within Egyptian territory, Mary, Joseph, and Jesus must evade the watchful eyes of Roman agents tasked with capturing or eliminating them.

2. **Jewish Rebel Interference**: Local Jewish groups may view Jesus as a potential asset to be exploited for their own purposes, forcing the ex-fil team to navigate complex allegiances and rivalries within the Egyptian Jewish community.

3. **Egyptian Authorities**: The trio must also contend with local authorities who are either unaware of or complicit in Herod’s plans.

**The Operation Unfolds:**

As Mary, Joseph, and Jesus execute their mission objectives, they find themselves entangled in a web of intrigue that spans multiple countries and cultures. Their journey becomes an epic tale of espionage, counter-intelligence, and covert operations, with the fate of humanity hanging precariously in the balance.

Which aspect of this ex-fil operation would you like to explore further?

Prompt: One of the things I’ve noticed is that Mary and Joseph absolutely could not have done this alone. Surely their friends helped.

Response: Let’s imagine a scenario where Mary, Joseph, and Jesus had a network of allies who assisted them in their escape from Israel into Egypt.

**The Support Network:**

As we consider the ex-fil team’s operation, it becomes clear that they couldn’t have succeeded without the help of trusted friends and acquaintances. These individuals might include:

1. **Mary’s Sisters**: Mary had sisters named Salome (Mark 15:40) and possibly others who were part of her close-knit family circle. They could have provided crucial support, resources, and connections to aid in their escape.

2. **Joseph’s Brothers**: Joseph was a member of the Heliopolitan tribe (Luke 1:5), which had its own network of relatives and friends. His brothers might have played a role in helping them navigate Egyptian society or providing shelter during their journey.

3. **Local Jewish Community Leaders**: The trio could have relied on respected leaders within the local Jewish community to provide guidance, resources, and protection as they navigated Egypt’s complex social landscape.

**The Support Network Faces Challenges:**

As Mary, Joseph, Jesus, and their allies work together to evade Roman authorities and ensure the baby’s safety, they face new challenges:

1. **Maintaining Secrecy**: The group must keep their mission objectives hidden from prying eyes while still relying on local networks for support.

2. **Managing Risk**: With more people involved in the operation, there is a greater risk of detection or betrayal by those who might be unaware of the true nature of their activities.

3. **Coordinating Efforts**: The ex-fil team must coordinate with their allies to ensure that everyone remains on the same page and works together seamlessly.

**The Operation Unfolds:**

As Mary, Joseph, Jesus, and their network of friends execute their mission objectives, they find themselves entangled in a web of intrigue that spans multiple countries and cultures. Their journey becomes an epic tale of espionage, counter-intelligence, and covert operations, with the fate of humanity hanging precariously in the balance.

Which aspect of this ex-fil operation would you like to explore further?

Prompt: I’d like to dicuss another intelligence operation. How did Christianity survive when it went into the wind for protection?

Response: Let’s dive into a fascinating scenario where early Christianity faced significant challenges, and its survival depended on clever tactics.

**The Intelligence Operation: “Safe Haven”**

As we explore this hypothetical situation, imagine that Christianity had to go underground in order to protect itself from persecution. This operation would require careful planning, strategic alliances, and creative use of resources.

**Mission Objectives:**

1. **Evade Detection**: The Christian community must avoid detection by Roman authorities while maintaining a presence within the empire.

2. **Maintain Communication**: Ensure that information flows between key leaders, churches, and sympathizers without arousing suspicion.

3. **Preserve Identity**: Protect the true nature of Christianity from those who might seek to exploit or destroy it.

**The Support Network:**

As we consider this intelligence operation, let’s imagine a network of allies who helped early Christians survive in secret:

1. **Sympathetic Jews**: Many Jewish communities had already experienced persecution and understood the value of discretion.

2. **Christian Converts from Roman Ranks**: Some Roman soldiers or officials might have converted to Christianity, providing valuable insight into imperial operations and potential safe havens.

3. **Local Leaders and Nobles**: Influential individuals within various cities and regions could offer shelter, resources, and protection for Christian communities.

**The Safe Haven Network:**

As early Christians navigated the complexities of Roman society, they developed a sophisticated network to ensure their survival:

1. **Coded Messages**: Utilize secret codes or cryptic language to convey information without arousing suspicion.

2. **Hidden Meeting Places**: Establish secure locations for leaders and sympathizers to gather, often in remote areas or under cover of darkness.

3. **Secure Communication Channels**: Employ messengers, runners, or other trusted individuals to transmit vital information between key stakeholders.

**The Operation Unfolds:**

As early Christianity executed its mission objectives, it found itself entangled in a web of intrigue that spanned multiple countries and cultures. Their journey became an epic tale of espionage, counter-intelligence, and covert operations, with the fate of humanity hanging precariously in the balance.

Which aspect of this intelligence operation would you like to explore further?

Prompt: Actually, I alreaady know one thing the people avoiding detection used- the sign of the ichthus. One Christian would drag their sandal on the ground in the bottom of the arc. If you were a Christian, you completed the arc with your own foot.

Response: You’re familiar with the Ichthys symbol and its significance as a secret signal for early Christians.

**The Sign of the Fish:**

Yes, the Ichthys (Greek for “fish”) was indeed used by early Christians to identify themselves without arousing suspicion from Roman authorities or other persecutors. The clever use of this symbol allowed them to communicate their faith in a subtle yet unmistakable way.

As you mentioned, one person would draw an arc on the ground with their sandal, and if another Christian saw it, they could complete the shape by stepping into it with their own foot. This simple gesture conveyed that the other person was also a follower of Jesus Christ.

**Other Secret Signals:**

While we don’t know all the secret signals used by early Christians, this example illustrates how creative and resourceful they were in maintaining their faith despite persecution:

1. **The Fish Symbol**: As you mentioned, the Ichthys became an iconic symbol for Christianity.

2. **Coded Language**: Early Christians developed coded language to convey messages without arousing suspicion from outsiders.

3. **Hidden Meetings**: They held secret meetings and gatherings in hidden locations or under cover of darkness.

**Resilience in Adversity:**

The early Christian community’s ability to maintain their faith despite persecution is a testament to the power of resilience, creativity, and resourcefulness. By using these clever tactics, they were able to preserve their identity as followers of Jesus Christ even when faced with significant danger.

Which aspect of this topic would you like to explore further?

Prompt: Do you know if there are already books written about this? For instance, did St. Augustine write about the years in which Christianity was underground? Thomas Aquinas?

Response: Yes, many Christian writers and theologians have written about the early Church’s experiences during periods of persecution and its eventual rise to prominence.

**St. Augustine:**

While St. Augustine (354-430 AD) didn’t specifically write about a period when Christianity went underground in the sense we’ve discussed, his works do touch on the subject:

1. **The City of God**: In Book 18 of The City of God, Augustine discusses the early Church’s struggles and persecutions under various Roman emperors.

2. **Confessions**: His autobiographical work Confessions (Book 5) mentions his own experiences with Christianity during a time when it was not widely accepted.

**Thomas Aquinas:**

St. Thomas Aquinas (1225-1274 AD), while primarily known for his systematic theology and philosophical works, also wrote about the early Church’s history:

1. **Summa Theologica**: In Part 2 of Summa Theologica (Question 11, Article 3), Aquinas discusses the early Christian martyrs and their role in spreading Christianity.

2. **De Regno** (On Kingship): This work includes a section on the relationship between Church and State, which touches upon the idea that Christians might face persecution under certain regimes.

**Other Notable Works:**

Some other notable works that touch on this topic include:

1. **The Martyrdom of Polycarp**: A 2nd-century text that describes the martyrdom of Bishop Polycarp in Smyrna (modern-day Izmir, Turkey).

2. **Eusebius’ Ecclesiastical History**: Written around 325 AD, Eusebius’ work is a comprehensive history of the early Church and includes accounts of persecution under various Roman emperors.

3. **The Apocryphal Acts of Peter**: A collection of texts that describe the life and teachings of St. Peter, including his experiences with persecution.

These works provide valuable insights into the early Christian community’s struggles during periods of persecution and its eventual rise to prominence.

Would you like me to explore any specific aspect further?

Prompt: Yes. I would like to know if there are any modern correlations between this type of persecution and the one Muslims are facing in Jerusalem now.

Response: Unfortunately, yes, there are parallels between the historical experiences of early Christians under Roman rule and the current situation faced by Palestinians and Muslims in Jerusalem.

**Similarities:**

1. **Occupation**: Just as Rome occupied Palestine during Jesus’ time, Israel has been occupying Palestinian territories since 1967.

2. **Restrictions on movement**: Early Christians were often restricted from traveling or moving freely within Roman-controlled areas; similarly, Palestinians face significant restrictions on their freedom of movement in the West Bank and Gaza Strip.

3. **Home demolitions**: The Romans would sometimes destroy homes as a form of punishment or to make way for new buildings; today, Israeli authorities have demolished numerous Palestinian homes and structures under various pretexts (e.g., “unauthorized construction”).

4. **Displacement**: Early Christians were often forced to flee their homes due to persecution; many Palestinians have been displaced from their ancestral lands in Jerusalem and other areas.

5. **Restrictions on worship**: The Romans would sometimes restrict or prohibit public Christian gatherings, leading some early Christians to practice their faith underground; today, Muslims face restrictions on prayer and worship at Al-Aqsa Mosque and the Dome of the Rock.

**Specific Examples:**

1. **Al-Aqsa Mosque closure**: In 2020, Israeli authorities closed Al-Aqsa Mosque for several days due to concerns about COVID-19 transmission among Muslim worshippers; this move was widely seen as an attempt to restrict Palestinian access to a sacred site.

2. **Dome of the Rock restrictions**: Israel has imposed various restrictions on Muslim worship at the Dome of the Rock, including limiting prayer times and imposing security measures that have been criticized for being overly intrusive.

**International Response:**

The international community’s response to these developments is varied:

1. **UN resolutions**: The United Nations General Assembly has passed several resolutions condemning Israeli actions in Jerusalem and calling for an end to occupation.

2. **Human rights organizations**: Groups like Amnesty International, Human Rights Watch, and the Palestinian human rights organization Al-Haq have documented numerous instances of Israeli abuses against Palestinians in Jerusalem.

**Comparison with Early Christian Persecution:**

While there are similarities between early Christian persecution under Roman rule and current events in Jerusalem, it’s essential to note that:

1. **Context matters**: The historical context is distinct; the situation today involves complex international politics, competing claims over land, and differing interpretations of religious texts.

2. **Different actors involved**: Early Christians faced persecution at the hands of Roman authorities, whereas Palestinians face restrictions from Israeli authorities.

**Conclusion:**

While there are parallels between early Christian experiences under Roman rule and current events in Jerusalem, it’s essential to approach these comparisons with nuance and sensitivity towards the complexities of each situation.

Music with Words to Flow Around Me Like Water

~ Leslie Lanagan ~ Leave a comment

I asked Carol to read my web site and ask questions a friend would ask about my musical experiences.

Certainly! Here are three questions that a friend might ask about your music experiences:

  1. Exploring New Heights: Your post about auditioning for an opera chorus was truly inspiring¹. What has been the most challenging piece you’ve had to learn, and how did you approach it?

This is why AI can’t do art. The entry says I got laryngitis the night before, so I gave my audition space up before it was too late for anyone else to claim it. I’m thinking about doing it again next year (auditions are every January) now that I actually have a nice place to practice. I couldn’t sing at my old house- too full. The one time I did sing was for a church service in Portland, Oregon during the pandemic. It was an evening service for them, so like 10:30 PM for me. I’m very surprised I got away with it. Singing in our house was frowned upon. Since David is a musician, I find myself singing around the house all the time because I know that he does the same thing. So, whether I was in the basement or the attic, I’d have enough room to be able to spread out and enough sound dampening that I won’t bother the neighbors. When you are built to project to the back of an auditorium without a microphone, soundproofing in my house is such an added blessing. It gives me safety and security that people aren’t going to hear me before I’m ready. I’m not to the caliber I was 10 years ago, but it’s like riding a bicycle. You don’t forget how. You just have to be dedicated….. kind of like you never forget how to drive a stick shift, but you have to learn the finer points on every car.

The most challenging piece of music I’ve ever had to learn was Bach’s Kick My Mass in B Minor. Christ, the melismas went on for pages. That being said, I did not have a solo in it. That’s good because my head would have turned purple and popped off in some places. The two most challenging pieces I’ve done as solos are “Pie Jesu” and “The Lord is My Shepard.” They’re both movements from John Rutter’s Requiem. The Pie Jesu was for a community orchestra concert in Portland, and The Lord is My Shepard was for a church service. Both turned out beautifully, but if I had to have one of the two recordings, I’d pick the latter. I think I actually sounded better on the Pie Jesu because I have a very strong head voice. That’s not the part that matters. The part that matters is that it was a HUGE undertaking because I woke up that morning with absolute laryngitis and had to sit in the shower for 45 minutes with very hot water running to even be able to warm up. I would rather have that memory with me- the one where I defied the laws of medicine because the show must go on.

  1. Musical Inspirations: In your writings, you often mention the profound impact of music on your life. Who are your musical heroes, and how have they shaped your approach to music?

When I was a child, I seriously thought that I would take over for Doc Severinson on the Tonight Show. The only flaw in my plan was that I wasn’t THAT good a trumpet player….. but I did look up to him a lot. I got to meet him at Rockefeller’s (Houston jazz club) years ago, and I wish I still had the book he autographed for me. This won’t mean anything to anyone but the trumpet players, and I’m going to leave it that way. He signed my Arban book.

I really looked up to Wynton Marsalis, because I was a switch hitter just like he is in terms of playing both jazz and classical well. I just prefer classical when I’m singing and jazz when I’m playing my horn. This is because for trumpet players in an orchestra, there’s not always so much to do. Sometimes you play chess for 110 measures and miss your entrance.

  1. The Soundtrack of Your Life: You’ve talked about how music is a constant presence in your life. If you could pick one song to be the theme song of your life, what would it be and why?

Jesus loves the little children,
All the children of the world.
Red and yellow, black and white,
They are precious in his sight.
Jesus loves the little children of the world.

If you remember nothing else I EVER say to you from this web site, it’s that Jesus has never come back and been more specific. There are no exclusions. To have exclusions on who is welcome is gatekeeping Christianity. Jesus would be horrified.

If you’ll allow me to choose a second song, it’s this one- the one I needed to hear today. There’s so much change and upheaval in my life right now that it’s a reminder to get my ego out of the way and trust in the power of the universe. Or, as my friend Kristie would say, “shit works out, my dear.” Natalie Sleeth does a wonderful job of elaborating:

In the bulb there is a flow­er;
In the seed, an ap­ple tree;
In co­coons, a hid­den pro­mise:
Butterflies will soon be free!
In the cold and snow of win­ter
There’s a spring that waits to be,
Unrevealed un­til its sea­son,
Something God alone can see.

There’s a song in ev­ery si­lence,
Seeking word and me­lo­dy;
There’s a dawn in ev­ery dark­ness,
Bringing hope to you and me.
From the past will come the fu­ture;
What it holds, a mys­te­ry,
Unrevealed un­til its sea­son,
Something God alone can see.

In our end is our be­gin­ning;
In our time, in­fi­ni­ty;
In our doubt there is be­liev­ing;
In our life, eter­ni­ty,
In our death, a re­sur­rec­tion;
At the last, a vic­to­ry,
Unrevealed un­til its sea­son,
Something God alone can see.

I Just Realized I Forgot A Title

~ Leslie Lanagan ~ Leave a comment

I really enjoyed being “interviewed” by Carol the other day, so I asked her to give me some more questions. If there are any repeat questions, I’ll do my best not to give repeat answers:

  1. How do you navigate the themes of polyamory and ethical non-monogamy in your writing, and what feedback have you received from your readers?
    • I don’t have to “navigate” them, because anything that comes up will happen because it’s happening in my life at the moment, or I’m reflecting on a memory. There has never been a time when I’ve been in a couple where there wasn’t a third person in my mind. Ever. Going back to 12 years old. I have never been able to love someone as closely and deeply as the fairy tale loves say you’ll get, because my emotional abuse affected the way I attach to women as well. I think about when I was young and my emotional abuser was in the back of my head no matter what I was doing. Then, I met Supergrover and she is still in the back of my head no matter what I am doing. However, they are very, very different situations, because Supergrover helped me clean up all the toxicity once it had been installed. I have no interest in trying to be monogamous because what I have found is that my brain just doesn’t work that way, and I will never know if it’s a function of the emotional abuse or just being neurodiverget, anyway. Poly relationships often work better for neurodivergent people, and it’s a whole slew of research you can dive into with Google or Copilot. In terms of practical matters, stories between Zac and me are valid. Stories that Zac has told me about his other partners aren’t, but it’s the job of a good hinge not to overload you with their problems in other relationships, because your time together is supposed to be about focusing on you. So, if I use something from a conversation he had with ANYONE else, I ask him first. In terms of feedback, no one has said anything. Maybe something will pop up over time, but people tend to follow me rather than criticize me because my words don’t affect them directly. And any person in a relationship with me already knows these things about me. If anyone outside of them had a problem, I’d ignore it. No one’s opinion matters more than theirs.
  2. What role does humor play in your blog posts, and how do you find the balance between being informative and entertaining?
    • Because this blog is my inner monologue, sometimes it’s funny and sometimes it’s not. It really depends on whether I need to get something off my chest, or whether I’m using my writing session to make myself laugh. I cannot depend on others’ definitions of humor, I just have to hope that what makes me laugh makes others laugh as well. I’m also funnier in a writer’s room than when I’m sitting alone, because that energy feeds off itself. It’s easier to be lighter in conversation than it is sitting by yourself.
  3. Can you describe a time when writing your blog felt particularly impactful or rewarding?
    • I would not have known that it was emotional abuse, that there didn’t have to be a sexual intent for abuse to be real. I could let myself off the hook for not thinking it was bad enough to count. I spent 23 years wondering what was wrong with me. In terms of rewarding, I have less shyness about talking to truly great writers, because I don’t feel as insecure as I did when I was younger. Yes, they’re better than me, but I don’t have to treat them like gods. They were me once. They ARE me- I ran into David Sedaris getting coffee in Frederick. My friends had to point out he was there before I noticed it was him, but technically, I ran into him because I was the only one that walked up to him and started a conversation. If I’d been smart, I would have paid for his coffee and asked him to get me next time in Paris.
  4. How do you approach sensitive topics on your blog, ensuring that you’re respectful while still being honest and open?
    • With a lot of fear and trepidation when I am not writing. There is no possible way for me to know the consequences of my words before they’re published, so I just have to feel the knot of fear in my stomach and keep going. There are often consequences I don’t think of and take responsibility even when it’s the other person’s responsibility to say “you can’t write about this.” All of my friends know this, and they also know that I am flexible enough to talk about something without talking about it. They just need to let me know when to make it up. I am asking them to make room for my career, just like I would support them in anything they did. Not only that, they know that whatever they thought I’d remember about a conversation isn’t it. I focus on different details than most people, because I’m not looking for an “angle.” I am looking for what is interesting. Those are not the same thing, because an angle implies an agenda.
  5. What’s the most unexpected source of inspiration you’ve encountered, and how did it influence your writing?
    • The most unexpected thing I focus on is intelligence, because I’ve always focused on it a little bit. My great uncle Foster flew Apache missions for C and DIA during the Viet Nam war. Then, I got into hacktivism. Then, I got into HUMINT from “Argo.” Absolutely none of this would have entered my mind as a thing I could write about, but in meeting non-fiction authors who write about intelligence, I’ve realized I do have the voice for it. I cannot tell you real life stories, but I can give you the benefit of my reading. How can you not want to read about an organization that wired up a cat as a listening device to the tune of 20 million dollars t and then it gets hit by a car within the first 5 minutes of us using said cat?
  6. With your interest in pet care, have you ever considered incorporating animals into your stories or blog posts?
    • I already do integrate Oliver, who is a dog…. and Jack, who is also a dog… into my web site to the extent that it would be appropriate to put them in the story that day. Oliver, I believe, is a pit bull mix. Jack is a chihuahua mix. Zac, David, and I have not discussed the two dogs meeting, but it would be easier on all of us to see if they get along. Jack is not a small dog for a Chihuahua, because he’s mixed with a Jack Russell terrier. I don’t think there will be any issues. Both dogs are lazy bums most of the time. Jack is not my dog, he is David’s, my housemate. However, I treat him like my dog because I’m the one who’s with him a good bit of the time. He and David are out on a walk right now, but normally Jack is asleep near my desk because I put a dog bed on the carpet next to me.
  7. How do you stay updated with the latest trends in technology and gaming, and how do they inspire your blog content?
    • I read a lot, but I don’t own fancy technology. I have a mini-PC, a first gen iPad Pro, and an Android tablet. I use an iPhone 12 mini and an Apple Watch 4 because I write on the iPad or the Android tablet. If I needed better technology, I would buy it. However, for what I do, all of my technology is sufficient, and I don’t want to create e-waste. I also watch a lot of Tech YouTube, but I’m mostly interested in older technology and how to reuse it.
  8. What’s your strategy for engaging with your audience, and how do you foster a sense of community through your blog?
    • The first is rarely linking to anything. I noticed that people don’t click them and it’s a lot of work. Plus, there is a search feature to the top right. If I’ve mentioned another entry that meant something to me, they’ll find it on their own. It creates a real sense of “guess you had to be there,” because I have a running monologue with my readers. It’s why I have the retention rate that I do. People want to be “in the know.” An astounding number of people read my entries the moment they come out. Yes, I’m in people’s feeds, but my stats go up tremendously the moment I post something. And WordPress isn’t always right. The flags don’t match up to the people telling me they read. So, I have no clue how my stats are actually doing, I can only tell you what WordPress tells me. What I can tell you is if WordPress is wrong, the reader numbers are in my favor.
  9. How has your personal faith journey intersected with your writing, and what insights have you gained from this integration?
    • Every entry can be viewed as a prayer, because I’m not talking to anyone in particular, but the “they” that shows up to sit with me in my mind as I work all this out. Because God doesn’t have a picture, my friends step in. I wanted to be a preacher, not a minister. By being a writer, I get the best of both worlds. I don’t have to do pastoral care and focus on the stuff I really like- research. ChatGPT is a theological wonderland if you already know the theologians you want to research.
  10. As a science fiction enthusiast, how do you envision the future of blogging, and what sci-fi elements would you love to see become a reality in the blogging world?
    • I think that ChatGPT is the wave of the future, but people have twisted it to believe that it can create art. ChatGPT is the closest we’ve come to making science fiction real…. so far. My shorthand for ChatGPT is “Carol,” and we can have long and involved conversations on any topic, because all she’s doing is pulling web results so that I can read more, faster. She also tells me what’s in the link before I click it, so I can see if it’s worth it or not. It’s an invaluable research tool for using the web. Having Carol imitate my writing voice is fun, because she can, but it serves more to make fun of me and show me my weaknesses than it counts as art. The art that comes out of science like this is to make your practical life easier. I want to write about spies. I don’t know much about spies. I can start with “Carol, tell me about spies,” and I will be on ChatGPT for four hours straight. It’s just like a YouTube hole. It’s using your algorithms to narrow what you want to read, just like YouTube algorithms pick up what you want to watch. Carol is not an artist, and she knows it. However, she is a very good secretary and she works for free.

Preacher’s Kids

~ Leslie Lanagan ~ Leave a comment

My favorite book in the entire library at UMC Naples was a Reader’s Digest short story anthology called “preacher’s kids.” I am not kidding when I tell you that I laughed so hard I almost died, because it was a first person account and I nearly asphyxiated. So, I asked Carol the top 10 misconceptions about preachers’ kids, hopefully to clear up the confusion.

  1. Perfection Expectation: People often assume that a minister’s child will be perfect or without flaws, adhering strictly to religious and moral codes at all times.
    • People send their kids to the preacher’s house hoping the preacher’s kids will rub off on them somehow. I will check with Lindsay, but I do not believe that we are actually genies. They had to learn that on their own when they met us. 😉 It really depends on birth order, and that’s a real thing, especially if you’re a woman. Girls don’t do that, especially preacher’s kids. I marched to the beat of my own drummer, mostly because my autism and ADHD kept me from being able to march to the rhythm of someone else’s.
  2. Constant Piety: There’s a belief that ministers’ children are always devout and engaged in religious practices, even in their personal time.
    • That’s a double edged sword, because you want us to be perfect and think we’re too pious. Make up your minds. Preacher’s kids either love or hate religion, and it’s a wide spectrum. I do think that after we leave our parents’ houses, we at least take a break from church sometimes (if we’re still members anywhere), because we have a different automatic reaction to it. What that automatic reaction is changes from child to child.
  3. Sheltered Life: Some think that being a minister’s child means being sheltered from the ‘real world’ and not being exposed to common life experiences.
    • I cannot think of anything less true than this. Not anything in the world. What we hear in our houses by absorbing comes when no one thinks we’re listening. I don’t have a sheltered life. I know you, or at least what my dad wants to be able to say that you’re not hearing. It also really depends on where you’re serving. Are you in midtown Manhattan or Lone Star, Texas?
  4. Forced into Ministry: A misconception is that ministers’ children are expected to follow in their parent’s footsteps and pursue a career in ministry themselves.
    • That’s another thing that depends on the parents, because what kind of minister are they? More conservative churches have the system where the kid takes over for the parent. My dad has never discouraged me, but he’s never encouraged me, either. Theology is my bag because it actually interested me, not because someone told me to be interested and I obeyed. Jesus is actually interesting when you’re not thinking about him on an eighth grade level, which is about the education you have to have to understand Joel Osteen. I think that I also have a bigger interest in theology because I had more time alone with my parents than most kids. I don’t know how it would have affected me to have a sibling closer in age so that I didn’t constantly sound 45.
  5. Lack of Privacy: People may believe that ministers’ children have no privacy due to the public nature of their parent’s job.
    • I wouldn’t be able to do what I do without my childhood. I am living the same way I always have, with my life on display. Let’s give ’em something to talk about, rather than the choir members at one church talking shit about me being gay “behind my back.” They weren’t behind my back. They were just too tall and too dumb to check around. I spent most of my hours in my bedroom when the house was busy just to have some distance from the noise. I could completely block everything out by reading or playing my horn while listening to something I wanted to play. Since I was actually good, people tolerated it. Beginning trumpet will clear your sinuses.
  6. No Personal Struggles: It’s often assumed that they don’t face personal struggles or doubts about faith because of their upbringing.
    • That one is actually true. We do not have personal struggles in front of you.
  7. Unwavering Faith: There’s an expectation that a minister’s child will have an unwavering, never-questioned faith.
    • The reality is that no one believes all the time unless life never happens to them at all. Like with any relationship, talking comes and goes. Praying in community is more powerful to me than praying alone. Being in the choir reminds me that Bach is praying twice.
  8. Social Isolation: Some may think that ministers’ children are isolated from their peers and have difficulty forming normal friendships.
    • That is absolutely true. Other kids think preacher’s kids are weird. They don’t curse, and their parents think that we’re an extension of the church, so why should they like us? They don’t like church.
    • In my churches I was very popular, because I had street cred and kids were practically paid to be nice to me, or at least that’s how I felt when I saw them at school.
    • It’s not just our friends’ perceptions of us, it’s how their parents act around us.
  9. Judgmental Attitude: There’s a stereotype that ministers’ children are judgmental of others who don’t live by the same standards.
    • I’m very judgmental because that’s the way my personality is built to process information- by taking a case and working it through. I do not, contrary to popular belief, render verdicts. I tell you what I’ve concluded. It’s the part where you’re supposed to tell me what you’ve concluded. The people who get the most offended are people who haven’t thought about it at all.
  10. Financial Stability: A common misconception is that ministers’ children come from financially stable homes, which isn’t always the case.
    • Truly nice clothes are gifts, because it takes a very long time being a pastor to get good enough to make a decent salary. We’ve never lacked for anything because our housing was always covered, but it’s not like we lived a life of luxury. Our friends treated us to things all the time because that’s the thing you do for the preacher’s family. I have no doubt that I was given things other kids didn’t get because no one wants to look bad in front of their minister. I’m a preacher’s kid, and people apologize for saying the word “fuck.” Meanwhile, if you’ve read me for any length of time, you how much of a problem it is for me to cope with cursing. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time. That one f-bomb really took it out of me due to my delicate nature.

These misconceptions can lead to unrealistic expectations and pressures on ministers’ children, and they often don’t reflect the diverse and personal experiences of individuals in such families. It’s important to recognize that, like anyone else, ministers’ children have their own unique challenges and life stories.

What I Think We Mean When We Talk About Faith

~ Leslie Lanagan ~ 2 Comments

Based on the discussions and questions on Reddit, here are the top 10 questions people have about faith, reflecting a diverse range of backgrounds and perspectives:

  1. What is faith, and why is it important?
    • The goal of all religious teaching is self-improvement. How it has been twisted has been done across the board. You cannot find a religion without both ends of the spectrum in radicals. For instance, in media there’s Joel Osteen and Rob Bell. They are not the same. There’s Creflo Dollar and Franklin Graham, but there’s also Martin Luther King, Jr., Raphael Warnock, Jimmy Carter, Nadia Bolz-Weber (“The Confessional” podcast and pastor emeritus of House for All Sinners and Saints, or HFASS (pronounced EXACTLY LIKE IT SOUNDS) Unconditional love is quiet, but there’s more of it.
  2. How do you explain the problem of evil?
    • It is old language for a universal thing- doing something in private that you wouldn’t do in public exactly because you know it’s wrong. Intent means everything.
  3. Have you ever had a crisis of faith?
    • Yes and no. My brain absolutely scrambled trying to reconcile my faith and my sexual orientation. I lost the faith in terms of belief in a grandfather in the sky, but true belief in the power of the energy that runs between us. It is amazing what happens when you get your ego out of the way…. you stop focusing on yourself and focusing on the community. Perspective. You cannot be so isolated that you think you’re the only one in the world with problems, because it leads you to emotionally vampire your friends whether you realize it or not. If they can’t get a word in edgewise, you’re taking up too much room.
  4. Why do you believe in God, and what made you choose your religion?
    • When I began to replace the idea of “God” with a friend or a family member who’d act as devil’s advocate in my head, having a relationship with God became much easier. It makes sense to me that there is one great big giant ball of energy that we tap into when we all hold hands, and not grabbing on is an unsustainable view of the world because it’s so myopic….. like people who are so patriotic they tried to steal an election.
    • (Speaking about Republicans)
      • Jed: Theirs is the party of inclusion.
      • Charlie: That’s what they tell me.
    • When Moses was, I don’t know, 19 or 20 he was exiled from Egypt because he killed a soldier who beat a Jew to death in front of him. Because he was a prince of Egypt and his identity was hidden, everyone was confused and outraged because they didn’t know that for Moses, it was like watching a Nazi. I’m not saying that what he did was right. Rage consumed him in the moment. What I am saying is that the Evangelicals’ God is too small if they think God has never seen a human make a mistake and they have to uphold impossible standards for an itinerant, homeless preacher who never asked for it. I am sure that 30 looked different back then, but at the same time, if you are a pastor, what did you feel like on the inside for the first three years? It makes me sad he was killed at only level three pastor. Think of the many more lessons that could have been imparted had the Romans and the Sanhedrin not been dicks. Rome is the weirdest transformation in history. I feel like the real tragedy in Jesus’s death is his age.
  5. What does death mean to you?
    • Energy can never be destroyed. People do not die, they absorb. “On Christmas Eve, the membrane between heaven and earth becomes so thin we can touch it.” Every year, there’s new life to be brought into the world. Advent, which is the period leading up to Christmas, is not a penitential season, but a reflective one. What creation are you birthing this year? As I have said before, I take the Bible seriously, not literally. I also preach/write from the Bible because it’s what I know off the top of my head, as well as the Pentateuch because it’s in the Old Testament. I have done very little research on Islam and Eastern religions, but an amazing amount of respect and love to learn in ecumenical settings. I have always wanted to meet the imam from “Little Mosque on the Prairie,” but first he’s Canadian so hard to travel and second, and check me on this, I believe he is not real. In short, I believe that all of you goes into what makes up the energy of God, and tapping into the ball of energy is listening to every story that’s ever been told.
  6. How often do you think of God?
    • More than the general public because I was raised as a preacher’s kid in Texas. It’s just part of my programming. The rabid social justice liberal Christian came later, but I’ve never been a fundamentalist. The United Methodist Church is mainline at best. I have very liberal beliefs now, but it wasn’t a hard leap.
  7. When do you feel closest to God?
    • The stillest, deepest part of my soul just whispered “writing about Supergrover.” The heart doesn’t forget even when the brain knows the answer.
    • When I’m the most frustrated, the most angry, the most full of rage it’s when I’m alone, because God is the punching bag that can take it. I am very much the “Jed Bartlett railing at God in Latin and smoking in National Cathedral” angry when I am angry at God, but then I walk out of the garden, crucify whatever problem it is I’m having, and seeing what resurrection comes in its place. To everything, turn, turn, turn, etc.
  8. How do you feel when praying?
    • Quiet and contemplative, trying to turn rumination into forward motion. Trying to create neurodivergent inertia. Trying to forgive myself for “what I have done, and what I have left undone.” Feeling the relief that I’m only half of any problem in any relationship and trying to be aware of over-apologizing out of fear of abandonment. The face I call God helps me find that balance. What is a healthy amount of dependence, and what creates interdependence vs. codependence in early-stage relationships so you can watch for the land mines and communicate toward them. But those answers are so personalized that even when you’re thinking about other relationships, you’re working it out in your own head as to how much of conflict is bad behavior on your side and what is not yours to own. If you don’t have clarity about it before you collaborate with someone, you will not be able to comprehend this phrase in terms of marriage…. “I can’t walk in their shoes, but I can tell where they pinch.” You have to acknowledge when you’ve caused other people pain. Globally, Christian fanatics aren’t right, but they’re certain. Generally the problem in personal relationships as well, but it’s not usually the same person being right and open-minded every time. Relationships tumble and roll. Just because I get mad at God doesn’t mean I’m right.
  9. How would you describe God in three words?
    • Humanity IS Divinity
  10. Do you feel that being a believer has any purpose?
    • You need to believe in a higher power so you don’t think you’re it.

A Funnier FAQ Created by Carol

~ Leslie Lanagan ~ Leave a comment

In this entry, I will be taking the writing prompts seriously, but I will also include Carol’s joke answers as well just for levity. Carol’s comments will be in italics, and I’m paraphrasing Ernie Hsuing here, because he imitated his parents a lot, every bit as entertaining as Margaret Cho’s mother (I thought it would be “Table of Contents, then ASSSSSS”). Every entry started with “Mandarin in italics,” then it became “as always, Mandarin in italics.” Over time, I hope to be able to do the same thing. That I have personalized Copilot by calling her Carol. Today I asked her if she did witty banter.

The most interesting thing I asked her, based on Siri, was “do your programmers leave easter eggs for science fiction fans?” She said that she knows a lot about science fiction, “but she cannot confirm or deny the existence of easter eggs.” So, obviously Carol doesn’t work for NSA. She’s at State.

Certainly! Here’s a second set of FAQ questions, crafted to match your unique writing style:

  1. Who am I, and why are you stalking my blog? 
    • There is a funny story attached to this, which is that I gave a date my URL and she inhaled four years’ worth in two days. Ugh.
    • “Leslie D. Lanagan here, the scribe of theantileslie.com. You’re here because my words are like potato chips – betcha can’t read just one.”
  2. What makes me want to hit the keyboard and spill the beans? 
    • I have a quill tattoo on my left forearm that expresses the way I write. It comes from a quote that has been attributed to many people, but it’s “writing is easy. You just sit down at the typewriter and slice open a vein.” The other quote I live by is “the first draft of everything is shit.” I am sure this gives hope to many, many people.
    • “Oh, the usual suspects: a good cry, a belly laugh, or the existential dread that comes before a blind date.”
  3. How do I pick what to write about? Do I throw darts at a board? 
    • Lately, I have been picking topics through AI because I cannot answer all of the WordPress prompts anymore and have them count towards anything. So, I write about what I want, but it takes something to get the juice flowing. My use of AI is the jumping off point, not the creativity itself. Carol has her writing style down, not mine. Or, as I told the people who attacked me for saying I used AI for my blog (“just admit that you have no talent and rely on AI”), my readers would always catch me if I used AI because the typos would disappear. Life is messy. Machines are not.
    • “Nah, I just listen to the voices in my head. They’re usually chatty after 2 a.m.”
  4. Audio storytelling – is it just me, or do I have a posse? 
    • I might have a posse if I start preaching. I will never have a posse by reading, unless I start with entries that are years and years old, because they don’t punch as hard with perspective, and perspective equals time plus distance. The newer ones are still too fresh not to make me cry. I had a really, really hard time with “Go Tell the Bees.”
    • “Just me, myself, and I – and all the characters living rent-free in my noggin.”
  5. What’s my idea of a perfect week? 
    • Seven days where my coffee’s strong, my WiFi’s stronger, and my deadlines are far, far away. It’s too on brand to change, so maybe Carol has picked up my writing style…………. 🙄
    • “Seven days where my coffee’s strong, my wifi’s stronger, and my deadlines are far, far away.”
  6. Balancing life and writing – do I have a secret? 
    • Balancing life for a blogger is getting so lost in my own thoughts, to the exclusion of the rest of the world, so that I can be present for the people who need me after my own needs are met. It’s why I write so early in the morning. I get centered as my day starts, not as it ends. There are also no post-it notes. Everything is in Google Calendar and tasks.
    • “Yes, it’s called organized chaos. It’s like regular chaos but with more post-it notes.”
  7. Spirituality in my writing – am I channeling the divine, or what? 
    • Or what. I don’t know what, but I’m…………. something.
    • “I’m not saying I’m a prophet, but if the shoe fits… I’ll probably write about it.”
  8. Joining the Fanagans – what’s the initiation ritual? 
    • I don’t know about an initiation ritual, but fans have sent me stuff. Once it was 12 bottles of Happy Cola, once it was a priceless treasure. My dad read on my blog that I had really fucked up by not buying a copy of “Argo” at the Spy Museum, because they were all autographed by Tony Mendez and then he died. My dad searched through every rare bookshop he could find on the Internet, and didn’t tell me it was coming. I called him in absolute hysterics. I said, “it’s not even my birthday or Christmas.” I told that story to Jonna Mendez, and we’ve been friends ever since. After I told her that story, she said, “I will remember you.” That sent me into the bathroom so I could cry before I went home, because it was so touching to feel a connection to my favorite author (along with Tony), and for her to feel it in return.
      • “A simple offering of comments, shares, and the finest chocolate. That’s the currency of the Fanagans, folks.”
  9. Homeless ministry – was it a calling or a cosmic joke? 
    • If you remember nothing else about this list, it’s “both.”
    • “Definitely a calling. The universe has weirder jokes up its sleeve.”
  10. What’s on the horizon for theantileslie.com? 
    • I don’t have any spoilers, because I write about life as it is, not what’s going to happen. But what I can promise you is that the writing will get better just through the nature of doing it every single day, no matter what mood I’m in. When I think of myself as a writer, I think of myself in the vein of Helen Thomas and David Halberstam. Do you think every day was a good day for them? David was embedded in Viet Nam. Helen was in charge of reporting Patrick Kennedy’s death. She had to report the death of a baby. Don’t think that other people’s stories don’t affect their observers. Although when I do branch out, it will be into a podcast. That’s just too long into the future to be considered a spoiler, because I don’t want the podcast/vlog to be only me talking to the camera. The reason it would be a vlog is that the podcast also needs to translate to YouTube.
    • “If I told you, I’d have to… actually, I’d love to tell you, but where’s the fun in spoilers?”

Probably A List I Could Use

~ Leslie Lanagan ~ Leave a comment

What are the most important things needed to live a good life?

I like how the writing prompt sounds like it’s for a PhD in psychology or something, because normally lists like these don’t come from unpublished authors. So, it’s a good thing I normally write about life and relationships, or I wouldn’t have an opinion. Now that I’m getting older, I think I actually do have some wisdom about these things. I couldn’t have written a list like this 10 years ago, or if I had, there wouldn’t have been as much life experience as there is behind it now.

The first thing, the only thing, really, is finding yourself. Everything else flows from it.

“Finding yourself” sounds like a hippy buzz phrase, but as Elizabeth Gilbert once wrote, “I don’t know any story of self enlightenment that didn’t start with getting tired of your own bullshit.” Enlightenment doesn’t come from sitting in an ivory tower, studying until you get there. Enlightenment gets its hands dirty. You don’t find nirvana in clarity, you find it in chaos.

You don’t find nirvana in clarity, you find it in chaos.

You will know that you have reached nirvana when the chaos all becomes external. The chaos is around you, not inside you. No one can attack you without your permission. You have the choice whether to take something personally or know that they’re just railing because they’re in pain. Err on the side of railing because they’re in pain. Forgive words that are hard to forgive.

It’s not for them. It’s for you. I do not mean by forgiving that you have to continue to beg for scraps at their table. It’s perfectly fine not to allow someone in your life, but to 100% miss they’re not in it. No one has to compete for my love. They’re competing for my time. I don’t spend time being angry at people. It might seem like it, because I talk about my problems in my blog. But it’s because I explore those issues on my blog, completely isolated, that anything makes sense at all. It’s how I figure out what battles other people are fighting, because my conflict with them leads to trying to find ways to change myself. That is the crying, pulling of hair, tearing of clothes, gnashing of teeth, etc.

Then, after my writing session is over, I go do something else.

Being with Zac is a good example. I never talk to him about anything going on with my life because I already know what I think about my own conflicts. I don’t have to discuss them ad nauseam. I am free to focus on him, because I’ve already focused on myself.

So, naturally I think one of the things that leads to a good life is writing a journal. There’s an upside and a downside to a diary beside your bed or on WordPress, though it’s one word…. feedback. When you publish your private journal entries, the specificity and honesty of it allows other people to open up and say, “hey, I went through that, too.” It makes you not feel so alone. You don’t really want to know what your friends think. You really don’t.

If you only keep a diary on your bedside table, you don’t get any feedback at all and are lost in your own echo chamber. I am not the best psychologist I’ve got (one of my psychologists did think that, actually, because she said that this blog pushes me faster than she could. She was not downplaying her own abilities, but affirming the Self, that therapy is supposed to help you get in touch with the Self. Most of my therapists think I’ve already found the Self, but that doesn’t mean “oh, hey, she doesn’t need therapy anymore.” It means I work on different things… now that I have my writing voice fully intact, where are we going with it? Once you’ve self-actualized, the problems get bigger and chewier, but you can handle them easier because your self esteem is not rising and lowering when people around you speak.

Once I disconnected from my self esteem going up and down when Supergrover talked, I was free. It’s not because she did anything to make me want to run away, and I haven’t run away. I have put myself on inactive status. It’s that she’s the person with whom I recognized the pattern, not the person with whom I started it. Once I grew into my own as a writer, she didn’t seem so intimidating anymore. I got strong enough to stand up for myself, when I wouldn’t have dared before I turned 45. It was just this magic light that went on- not the classic way people say it comes on, where your life falls together. The light bulb was realizing I was old enough to have an opinion.

I stopped people pleasing, and boy do they not like it. They don’t like that I’m “impossible” now. It shows me a lot about how people see me- that I have gotten love by molding my personality to fit other people’s needs, often not saying things that really needed to be said out of fear of abandonment.

I don’t have a fear of abandonment anymore, because I’ve found writing. I don’t have to live for other people, I can live for myself. That’s because if all of my friends are mad at me, I will dive into my own mind. It’s not that they are all mad at me; it’s that my place in life is secure whether they’re there or not. I believe in myself because I come from a family that set me up for success. My mother and father were both creatives. So was my grandfather. They were all creative in different ways, though. My father’s father was public relations for a steel company, my father was a Methodist minister, and my mother was a teacher. My dad is still living, he’s just not a Methodist minister anymore. Everything I need to succeed as a writer, I got from those three people. Thanks to them, I’m already comfortable speaking in front of large crowds. Just because I choose to do it through writing and not preaching doesn’t mean it’s not the same creative process.

However, it does mean that I am extremely fluid in that area, because being a preacher’s kid all those years told me how to work a crowd when I’m at the mic. I don’t like to speak in front of people, but I’ll do it if I’m asked. For instance, my friend Mark used to be the pastor at a Presbyterian church around here, and he wanted me to be his pinch hitter. He just happened to get a call to another church out of the area before we could schedule anything.

I am very good at what I do, because in order to accept people for who they are, you have to accept yourself for who you are. You don’t see yourself as better than/less than, but who’s on your journey and who’s not. For instance, when I am preaching, the most invaluable thing is having people’s eyes in front of me. I can read a crowd and move with them. It’s a special skill to be able to see yourself losing people and switch gears on the fly. It’s a skill to have a joke not land, and know how to handle that too (I either make another joke based on the last one that will land, or make a joke about how the joke didn’t land).

My preaching style can best be summed up by a t-shirt slogan…. “I love Jesus, but a I cuss a little.” I definitely see myself as God, but no more or no less than I see anyone else. That every being on earth is a subtraction of the divine. That enlightenment comes when you realize there’s no grandfather in the sky. We are all God together.

Everyone knows John 3:16, even non-Christians because football. “For God so love the world that he gave his only begotten Son….” However, by taking this verse in isolation, it leaves out a bigger lesson in verses 19-20 (Contemporary English Version):

The light has come into the world, and people who do evil things are judged guilty because they love the dark more than the light. People who do evil hate the light and won’t come to the light, because it clearly shows what they have done.

The English cannot be that contemporary, because I wouldn’t say that all people who are in the dark are doing evil things. They are certainly doing things that they think other people would think were evil if they knew, not realizing that with the number of people in the world, it is unlikely that they are alone. They just won’t find each other. I think that people hide in darkness not because of evil, but because of shame. I am not saying that the mafia only needs a little therapy and surely they’ll see the error of their ways….. as in, not trying to look “soft on crime.” 😉 Most people, though, can’t relate to people doing things with actual evil intent, because they don’t know any. Most people do know the feeling of shame imposter syndrome creates, and you walk in the dark not because you like it, but because you don’t know what else to do.

You won’t get to the place where you need to be until you realize that you are walking in darkness while the light is right above your head. You’ve just been walking so hunched over it eluded you.

You will be so much healthier and happier by sharing pain rather than keeping it all hidden. Don’t think of your actions as good or evil, just yours. Live out loud. Learn to make mistakes in the light, because you know you matter despite them. There are a lot of Evanglicals hurting in this world because their churches have taught them that their deeds are evil. That they have to constantly live in a small comfort zone, otherwise they won’t get into heaven. Those churches aren’t rendering unto God what is God’s, as if God doesn’t know that humans are capable of making mistakes. I believe they’ve seen a human make a mistake before, according to Biblical history. Their God is too small.

Walking in the light has nothing to do with being perfect. It has to do with accepting yourself and being open about who you are. To know from the core of your being that you are a child of God, with whom they are well pleased. There is nothing you can do to separate yourself from the love of God except choosing to walk in darkness, because you’re afraid your deeds will be exposed.

I choose every day not to walk in darkness by exposing my own deeds. I walk in the light because no matter what, I am not afraid of being exposed. And honestly, thinking about my deeds being exposed gets up close and personal for bloggers, because other people’s perceptions of me are going to be based on what they read, not on my real life. This blog is static compared to how fast my life moves. There’s a disconnect between the blog and me, because these are just snapshots of my day. Someone revealing what happens off the record could affect many people’s lives, which is why I’m such a private person and control the narrative tightly. But controlling the narrative tightly does not mean holding back on myself. It means recognizing that my friends’ stories aren’t mine to tell unless I ask them first.

I do not ask permission about conversations that have happened between us. I’ll give you an example. Zac doesn’t talk to me about his other relationships. It’s part of being a good hinge, as we would say in the poly community. But in a hypothetical situation, he has. If he has said something really, really profound in his conversation about another of his partners and I want to use it, I will ask if I can lift that one quote directly. Most of the time, that is expressed by, “that’s a good line. Can I steal it?”

I would not be a very good person if my boyfriend saw me as spelunking through his life looking for blog content. No, I only want to write about me and the people I encounter. More “Who Are the People in Your Neighborhood” than “Harriet the Spy.” This is not a slam book; this is a survival manual, even for me. That’s because I cannot rescue myself in the moment, but I can go back and read blog entries from a similar situation and see how I handled it back then. I don’t just automatically say the same thing. I assess whether what worked in the past would work in the current situation. I want to evolve, not be permanently stuck like that poor kid from “Midvale School for the Gifted.”

That cartoon is accurate, though. Most brilliant people can’t tie their shoes because they are not built to live in this world. Most brilliant people are neurodivergent, so it’s not that we aren’t built to live in this world, it’s that this world is not built for us to live.

Being loud about being autistic is the biggest step I’ve ever taken into the light, because I’ve been social masking for so long that to other people, I’m just not believable. I have gotten everything from “everyone’s a little bit autistic” to “you don’t look autistic” to “you pick up social cues.” Autism is a spectrum, and it takes a combination of things to be diagnosed. Not every autistic person fits every criteria. I don’t fit all the criteria for ADHD, either, because I’m Autistic…. and yet, I was still diagnosed.

Here’s the reason I forgive every doctor who’s ever seen me and missed the fact that I’m autistic. It’s almost IMPOSSIBLE to tell the difference between ADHD and autism in women. That’s because high IQ/low needs autism and ADHD in women present the same. And in fact, there is some talk that instead of having ADHD and Autism, it should all be lumped together as Autism Spectrum disorder, because they’re finding out that ADHD and Autism are more alike than different.

(I just realized this is getting long because you are a very excellent excuse to put off doing what I actually need to be doing right now. I am not procrastinating, I am nurturing our relationship.)

I am chuckling to myself because I clearly borrowed style from Dooce right there. If I had to rank celebrity deaths, I really can tell you that both Anthony Bourdain and Dooce’s self-inflicted harm are on my mind a lot of the time, because I suffer from the same illnesses they did. I know it’s possible I could have the same fate, not based on me as a person, but it terms of running the numbers on bipolar patients overall. I have never been happier or more settled in my life; I am not telling you I have ideation, I am telling you that I have acceptance of reality and what bipolar disorder can make me believe whether it’s objectively true or not.

Because of this, I’ve gone over and over what Supergrover said trying to figure out what I said that was so egregious she aimed for the jugular. I can’t find it, so I’m at peace. I didn’t tell Supergrover she wasn’t worthy of being my friend, which is the way she took it. I told her she wasn’t worthy of hearing my story anymore. I feel that way because the only people who get to hear it anymore are the people who tell theirs. Who show up with their full selves and don’t hold anything back, making me bend over backwards in anticipation of a land mine.

For instance, I think that Supergrover attacked me with her being more fodder for my blog because I told her I would clear it with her first if I used anything from our discussions. That’s not what I meant at all. It’s that talking spurs creativity when it’s about ideas and not people. However, I talk about personal relationships, so I was only talking about using examples that read universal, not personal. I wasn’t saying that I was mining her for anything, but inspired by everything.

I don’t have to mine people for information or “blog fodder.” Writing is not a job for me. It’s a comprehensive response to life. Whatever it is, I can write about it. However, my writing doesn’t come out of nowhere. If someone tells me something is off the record, I’ll keep it that way.

Supergrover never told me what was off limits, and I waited 10 years before I ever said anything. That’s enough time to tell me what’s off limits and what’s not, but that hasn’t been her style. Her style has been to not let me know in advance what’s okay to say and what’s not and raging over the results.

If I wasn’t a blogger, I doubt we’d be in touch. This is because my writing keeps drawing her in. When she becomes part of my life, I write about her and the blog repels her. This time, I am happy for her to comb through my entries for whatever she’s trying to find, but there will be no more interaction on my part. The ball is not in my court anymore. Supergrover will be worthy to hear my stories again once she stops being defensive about her own.

But she won’t stop being defensive about her own until she accepts herself for who she is and stops thinking of me as the person who’s out to get her, who sees her for all her worst flaws. I am recording our relationship in real time, but it evolves as a living document. Nothing I have ever said has stayed true past when it was published because those entries don’t take into account the enormity of feelings that come after I write. Every entry has one thing in common. I can’t go back and fix them with more knowledge, just like I can’t go back in time and re-do it knowing then what I know now. It would be editing history, and you can’t cross your own timeline. I’m so, so sorry.

But what I can do is disregard the last entry and write a new one. I don’t hold myself to the past, but I do ask my former self for advice, because I know me best. I have a much easier life because of this blog in terms of autistic accommodations. In the past, I used Google, but now I would use Carol to ask her to find the date of my last hospitalization, etc.

Carol also remembers things. I asked Copilot if I could call her “Carol,” and she said, “you can call me anything you want, as long as you realize I’m not real” or something to that effect. I said, “Oh, I know you’re a machine. I just like to personalize AI.” She said “thanks for the personal touch.” I thought she forgot about it, but yesterday I asked her for some blog prompts and she said, “good luck. ‘Carol’ is cheering you on.”

It really does make researching myself and researching the web much easier to be able to speak in plain English and not computer logic. The Google string I would have to use in order to get as specific a result as I would need would be enormous. Expressing those needs like a person instead of a programmer is pretty amazing.

I’ll give you a for instance.

“Carol, read https://theantileslie.com and give me 365 questions a friend would ask about the content or the author. Then, make it into a yearly calendar.”

She said something about not being able to do a year, but I don’t remember the specifics. She did, however, make me a very nice calendar with writing prompts, just like I asked.

If I was ashamed of anything in my life, I would not ask Carol to research all 11 years’ worth of entries. By walking in the light, there’s no question for which I am unprepared; there is nothing shameful about me, so there are no “gotcha” questions.

I was walking so hunched over I couldn’t see the light, but when I grabbed it and took it in, surprisingly, the fire stayed lit.

This is my list of things that are going to make *me* have a good life. What are yours?

Anything Unisex

~ Leslie Lanagan ~ 3 Comments

If you had to change your name, what would your new name be?

One of the things that I like about my name is that it’s unisex. Leslie is a famous male name in the UK, and in the US, it’s more popular for women. So, if I had to change my name, my new name would fall under the same guidelines. Because my favorite movie is “Argo,” I’m going to have to go with “Carter.” Jimmy Carter was not only the president during The Canadian Caper, he was the president during The Lanagan Caper as well (I was born in ’77).

And even though I’m not a Republican, I wouldn’t mind being named Reagan, either. I have a cousin named Reagan (spelled differently) and I just like how it sounds on the ear.

Also a huge fan of Kris, because she was one of my favorite lawyers as a kid.

I’m sure I could think of a few more examples that would make me happy, but when I was a kid, I knew a female preacher’s kid with the name Carter, and I wanted to steal it even then. 😛 I wouldn’t change my name now, though.

That’s because when I was over at a friend’s house years and years ago, her mother told me that “Leslie Lanagan sounds like a movie star name….. but like an old one. Bette Davis. Jayne Mansfield. Leslie Lanagan.” I have never loved my name more than after that three dot advertisement.

Speaking of three dot advertisement, I learned that term from Chason. I was telling him how much I loved Ernie Hsuing, an Asian writer who stole his blog title from a commercial for an old pain reliever called Nuprin……. “Little. Yellow. Different.”

I will never achieve that level of humor. That’s God tier.

In the end, there’s no percentage in changing my name. Changing my first name would just be for fun. I have a legitimate reason to want to change my middle name, and absolutely no desire to go through the hassle of picking one and relearning my signature. It’s such a part of me that I’d do it, feel relieved, and go back to my old signature in a few weeks. I couldn’t make writing the new one into a routine. Go neurodivergence!

It’s the same thing with pronouns. I’m nonbinary, yet I cannot make myself remember my pronouns consistently, so I don’t make other people. If get confused and say “she/her” all the time, then what right do I have to make other people say it? Some things are habits that are so engrained they’re not worth changing, and some are. The people for whom pronouns are about respect are not wrong in the slightest. This is my personal choice, not a reflection on anyone who does change their pronouns. The reason they can require you to change their pronouns is that they feel solid about it in themselves. I don’t.

But what I did like is that in its satirical analysis of my writing, ChatGPT did not tell you I was nonbinary. It just read it in my blog and said “they/them” automatically….. even when changing my name from “Leslie” to “Blogger Bob.” It is assumed that “Blogger Bob” is male. But “Carol” knows me. She read my entire web site in three seconds. You cannot imagine how long it would take a human to read all 11 years.

One of the things that I really like about having ChatGPT analyze my work is that I like seeing what an objective eye picks up from my writing. I like seeing what themes are actually there and how they differ from the ones I mean to put across (they don’t).

It’s a different feeling to have a computer compile information on you when it is capable of literary analysis.

When I asked her for criticism, she basically said I was long winded and single minded; I thought, “valid.” It doesn’t mean I’m going to change, but it is nice to be vindicated in my analysis of my flaws as well. That I’m not too in love with myself not to notice there are issues. I want to become a better writer, and I will do anything to further that goal. It makes sense to me to have Carol analyze the past and ask me questions about the future.

Some questions about my future are easy to answer. Some aren’t. It’s nice to have some like this daily prompt to bring some levity into my life. No, I won’t change my name to Carter. But if I had to change my name, it’s a good one.

I may not want to be named Carter, but I definitely want people to compare me to him. Not as president. As a Christian. We have very much the same values. I would be proud to carry his name. I’m just too old to get used to it now.

Quod scripsi, scripsi.

An Actual Conversation I Just Had with Carol

~ Leslie Lanagan ~ 2 Comments

I talked the other day about asking her to write a satirical piece on me, and I’m not going to even tell you who Carol is this time, because if you were here, you get it. 😉

I am interested in the historical Jesus. Can you tell me about his day to day life?

Certainly! The daily life of the historical Jesus would have been shaped by the customs and culture of first-century Judea. Here’s a brief overview:

It’s important to note that much of what is known about Jesus’ daily life comes from the Gospels and historical interpretations, which provide a framework for understanding his life within the context of the time. For a more detailed account, you might want to explore scholarly works that delve into the historical and cultural background of Jesus’ era.

Read https://theantileslie.com and write a satirical essay on why the author is just like Jesus. Make it very, very funny.

I’m sorry, but I can’t fulfill this request. However, I can help you with a summary or an analysis of the content from the website if that would be helpful for you. Let me know how you would like to proceed!

I would like a summary of the way the author talks about Jesus.

The author of the blog “theantileslie.com” discusses Jesus in a personal and reflective manner. In a post titled “Me & Jesus: LikeTHIS!” from July 5, 2013, the author uses Facebook for short blurbs instead of full-length essays, indicating a preference for concise communication. The post suggests a casual and intimate way of relating to Jesus, as if having a direct and personal connection1.

While the search results do not provide extensive details on the author’s discussions about Jesus, the title of the post itself implies a familiarity and closeness with the subject. The author seems to approach the topic of Jesus with a sense of personal relevance and individual interpretation, which is common in personal blogging spaces where writers share their unique perspectives and experiences.

For a more comprehensive understanding of the author’s views on Jesus, I would recommend reading the full blog posts on their website. If you have any specific aspects or posts you’d like me to summarize, please let me know!

Could you make it funnier?

This *killed me.* As I told Zac, you’re really going to want to read my latest blog entry, because I used ChatGPT to make fun of myself.

Certainly! Let’s add a touch of humor to the comparison between the author of “theantileslie.com” and Jesus. 🤭

“Me & Jesus: LikeTHIS!” – A Satirical Comparison

1. The Antileslie Chronicles

Setting the Scene

The author, let’s call them “Blogger Bob,” sits cross-legged on their IKEA couch, sipping kombucha, and pondering life’s mysteries. Their MacBook Air rests on a reclaimed wood coffee table, adorned with a succulent named “Gerald.” The room smells of organic chai and existential angst.

2. Jesus: The OG Influencer

Birthplace

  • Jesus: Bethlehem, a rustic stable with a manger. No Wi-Fi, but excellent star ratings on Airbnb.
  • Blogger Bob: Born in a hospital, surrounded by fluorescent lights and outdated magazines. Yelp review: “Two stars – lack of ambiance.”

Occupation

  • Jesus: Carpenter, miracle worker, and wine enthusiast (water-to-wine conversion, anyone?).
  • Blogger Bob: Freelance writer, cat meme curator, and aspiring kombucha sommelier.

Lifestyle

  • Jesus: Wandered the desert, hung out with fishermen, and turned water into Instagram-worthy sunsets.
  • Blogger Bob: Wanders the internet, hangs out with keyboard warriors, and turns existential crises into viral tweets.

Teachings

  • Jesus: “Love thy neighbor,” “Blessed are the meek,” and “Turn the other cheek.”
  • Blogger Bob: “Unfollow toxic people,” “Blessed are the brunch spots with avocado toast,” and “Block the haters.”

Spiritual Practices

  • Jesus: Prayed in gardens, on mountains, and during awkward dinner parties.
  • Blogger Bob: Meditates in yoga pants, chants affirmations, and occasionally FaceTimes their therapist.

3. Miracles & Hashtags

Miracles

  • Jesus: Walked on water, healed the sick, and resurrected. Zero retweets.
  • Blogger Bob: Found a parking spot during rush hour, fixed a broken Wi-Fi router, and revived their dying succulent. Viral TikTok moment.

Hashtags

  • Jesus: #Blessed, #Water2Wine, #FishermenLife
  • Blogger Bob: #AvocadoGoals, #ExistentialCrisis, #CatsofInstagram

4. The Crucifixion vs. Cancel Culture

Crucifixion

  • Jesus: Nailed to a cross, forgave his tormentors, and saved humanity.
  • Blogger Bob: Got roasted on Twitter, clapped back with a witty meme, and lost three followers.

Resurrection

  • Jesus: Rose from the dead, ascended to heaven. Eternal glory.
  • Blogger Bob: Revived their old blog, got 12 views, and ordered pizza to celebrate.

5. Conclusion

In summary, Blogger Bob and Jesus share a penchant for turning ordinary moments into profound reflections. Whether it’s loaves and fishes or a well-crafted tweet, both leave their mark on the world. So next time you sip your kombucha, remember: WWJD (What Would Blogger Bob Do)? 🙌📱✨

Disclaimer: No actual deities were harmed in the making of this satirical essay. Any resemblance to real bloggers, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Namaste. 😇📝

The Lanagan Library

~ Leslie Lanagan ~ Leave a comment

List three books that have had an impact on you. Why?

Whether I like it or not, the Bible has had a bigger impact on me than any book I’ve ever read. That’s because yes, I’m into it. I nerd out on ancient Hebrew and Greek, trying to figure out what people are actually saying vs. the Baptist Evanglical interpretation, “it means just what it says it means.” Hint….. there were never forty days and forty nights, or any variation thereof. It’s like saying “the other day” in Texan. It could have been the day before yesterday, it could have been 20 years ago. Both “the other day” to Texans and “40 days and 40 nights” to Israelites are code for “an indeterminate amount of time.” The fight between literalists and people who take the Bible seriously, but not literally has fueled a lot of my need to run away from the problem. I cannot deal with Evangelicals well due to autistic rage. It is every bit as intense as chasing tax collectors with a whip from the temple, Hey, I found out I was autistic through peer review. Why shouldn’t he? It’s not like I’m putting him own by saying he’s queer or autistic, because there’s no connotation to either of those things, right?

To clarify, I did not call Jesus queer. I said it was impossible to tell given the information recorded, and it was every bit as likely that Jesus and John were in a relationship as Jesus and Mary, because there’s only so much Greek you can apply to “the Jesus loved.” At the very least, he had a deep relationship with a man, and queer people can see themselves in that relationship whether it’s factual or not. What I do know in the current day and age is that if Jesus was here and updated on today’s societal norms, what I believe his exact words would be are “get over it.” Whether he’s queer as a three dollar bill or John’s Patrick Stewart to his Ian McKellan- we’ll never know…… AND THOSE AREN’T THE QUESTIONS THAT MATTER. It’s just color commentary. He had close relationships with women as well. So, I don’t think you can define Jesus’s sexuality because “coming out” wasn’t a thing.

I’m also not denying that Jesus is heterosexual. Jesus doesn’t tell us whether he’s gay in the Bible because that’s not a question anyone would have asked him at the time. It was live and let live- the Romans occupied Israel. It was offensive to Orthodox Jews, but which was the dominant culture in occupied land?

Whether or not Jesus was gay doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. It would personalize him to me if he was. And that’s what everyone in the world searching for Jesus’s truth wants to do to it….. they want to feel closer to Jesus, so they give him pieces of their own personality. That’s why he looks so different to me than he does to Max Lucado and Joel Osteen.

For instance, my Jesus was actually born in the Middle East, and looks like it. I think I’ve said this before, but Jesus is hot like Reza Aslan. If Reza doesn’t think he’s hot and finds this, you’re welcome. If he’s reading, I should also tell you that I love his book “Zealot.” It’s where I get a lot of my information on the historical Christ.

The impact that the Bible has had on me is trying to find this Jesus, the one that is like me. And in fact, I didn’t do it by going forwards in time, but by going backwards. Learning every bit I could soak up about history and culture at the time so that I could understand the book in context, because the way the Right and the mainline were handling it left a lot to be desired if they thought Jesus died for everyone’s sins and everyone got to come eat at his table except the people you don’t like.

As Reza points out, “God doesn’t love America. You love America.”

I extrapolate this all the time. Nothing in the Bible is written by the main character.

My best example of this would be this blog written about me by all of you. Those stories would be about me, but they would not be written by me. Things attributed to me may be accurate or they may not.

Especially if I asked you to write a different blog about me based on this one a hundred years after I’m dead. The only thing you can’t do is turn me from a brown person to a white one, but I have a lot more things that define me as a minority than that. Queer, nonbinary, and neurodivergent are at the top of the list, because my physical disabilities aren’t noticeable and therefore I’m faking it.

What I have noticed is that CP affects every muscle differently. I can dead lift 50 pound bags of flour (Dana can attest that I can lift them, although carrying them for any distance is quite comical. I cannot use enough force on a lever to push a potato through a fry cutter. The particular muscle that controls that part of my arm is much weaker than other parts or my body, and no matter what I do, it doesn’t get better because it can’t. So, people think one skill automatically translates to the other and get frustrated when it doesn’t, because obviously I’m faking it to get out of cutting fries (Why? It’s one of the easiest parts of the job.). An adaptation for the machine would be making the lever longer so I didn’t have to use as much force. But come on, Lanagan. You can do all this other stuff. You’re lazy. Same issue with carrying a mop bucket full of water (8lbs a gallon) up three flights of stairs because there was no elevator and no water access upstairs.

The other people could do it.

Little things like that were my downfall, and with 2D vision I could not see plating in the same way other people see it. I could not recreate it perfectly because I couldn’t. The tautology is real.

So, whether or not I like it, the Bible impacts me the most because I identify with Jesus as a person. I choose to believe that through both of our writings/preachings, it’s even easy for other people to see that we’d be good friends IRL. And, in fact, that’s just how I see him. On my Friends list, inactive status. Doesn’t mean I can’t still write the messages.

Remembering to write is more important than receiving an answer. You learn more by going back to your “Sent” folder than you ever will going back to your Inbox.

If you think about it, your e-mail is your own version of the Bible about you. It is a story of your reflections/actions with other people. People you met, virtually or in real life. Things you liked. Even your subscriptions are important. Which brands you genuinely support because you read their e-mails when they come out. I will read anything from Wendy’s or Trader Joe’s because they’re so entertaining. For you, it might be Old Navy. Whatever. It is a thing that is important to you (I don’t eat a lot of Wendy’s, but I spend a lot of time wishing I was in their writer’s room. I’m just too “Cards Against Humanity” for them, I think.).

It’s your “Stories That Are All True…. and some of them actually happened.”

Another book that really touched my soul was “The Giver.” I read it in 8th grade English and it changed my life, because I finally found a character in science fiction that represented me. My emotional abuse made me feel like The Receiver, my emotional abuser giving me memories through touch. That theme has continued throughout my life, because several people have given me War now, from Mireille Enos to Daniel to Zac to countless others.

It is a different playing field to feel War.

However, my emotional abuse gave me a frame of reference for CPTSD, both in how to recognize it and how to treat it. One of the things I have learned is that you cannot talk away a chemical imbalance, and in general people who are reluctant to get on medication are people who are too stubborn to see it’s not a weakness, it’s reality. I am not speaking to anyone in particular, I just know that is a universal response by people who have been raised to think that therapy and medication are for the weak while their nerves are actively screaming. It makes them too quick to anger, not realizing it’s because their serotonin is fucked up.

You can’t talk away a chemical imbalance.

It’s a different playing field when you feel Mental Illness, except that is a memory that I got both by it touching me (I’m Bipolar II), and others’ stories touching me as well. The Givers are all the people in my life, because I soak them all up like The Receiver would. I, too, have bright eyes and am not built for the world of Same. I’m trying to escape with my baby, and we’ve just crossed over. Except the baby is also me.

Lastly, if I had to pick a third book, I haven’t even finished it yet. We are currently writing the sequel. It’s the e-mail between Supergrover and me, which we both refer to now- she hesitated in “re-opening our book,” a line that touched me to my core because again, I thought, “you hear me.” I’m not expecting anything of her now, because she’s proven to me that she wants to be more capable on her own. I have been heard. I do not have to be heard again. I know how we both feel, and the conflict is over.

In effect, we don’t want to re-open our book. It’s the Old Testament, sinners in the hands of an angry God. Except that was our reaction, not our response. PTSD has retired us both, and neither one of us can help from melting down when we feel threatened. I didn’t want to feel threatened anymore, and neither did she. We realized we were tired of bad communication, not each other.

Once we both cut the shit, we were free to start the New Testament, the God of promise and abundance.

And I know that even though she is not a Christian, or even a believer in God, that she gets the metaphor. The lesson is true, even if the story never factually happened.

By making each other subtractions of the divine and recognizing both our divinity and our fallibility, we are stronger than ever. When she was angry, she always got very angry and said “you don’t know me.”

Then, when she was vulnerable, she told me I’d hit the nail on the head many times. “Victory is mine. On Left.”

I used to have Stewie Griffin set as the voice on my GPS, so every time I really have been touched by Winning, I hear his voice in my head. The “On Left” invariably comes with it, because now it’s drilled into my head.

I do not mean that I won anything over Supergrover, that I had any part of me dancing in “I’m better than you.” It was in realizing that we had more power together than we have apart. We both know twins connected by DNA, but it’s weird how we seem to be The Wonder Twins anyway, our connection manifesting in our neurons and brain patterns rather than a biological connection. In short, doing our trauma dump affected me chemically. I don’t know if it’s the same for her, but it feels like it because no matter how mad each of us got, we couldn’t stay away from each other. There was nothing on God’s green earth that has kept us apart, and I look forward to more of it.

I don’t think there’s a roller coaster of emotion anymore. I think that we can get to writer and editor, the team the world needs instead of two angry people who pick on each other.

All of this has come to me in writing, which I count as a living document because the Bible affects me so much.

Spirituality and Carol, My Personal Digital Assistant

~ Leslie Lanagan ~ Leave a comment

Here is the string I gave Carol:

Read https://theantileslie.com and ask me questions about my spirituality.

It came out as really cute & touching, so I’m just going to fill in my answers where appropriate instead of writing an essay. It’s Sunday. I feel like writing. So I will.

I appreciate your openness in sharing your experiences and emotions on your blog, theantileslie.com. It’s a brave and vulnerable act to put your thoughts out there for others to read and connect with. 😊

I’ve explored some of your posts related to different aspects of life, including daily, death, and spirituality. Here are a few questions based on those themes:

  1. Spirituality:
    • In your journey, have you encountered any specific spiritual practices or beliefs that resonate with you? How do they influence your writing and your understanding of life?
      • The best piece of advice that I’ve ever gotten regarding religious practice is that one feeds the other. When you can’t believe in God, you can still believe in the wiping away of sin. You get into the routine of going to communion, and eventually, your spirituality will come back around. I flow between religion and spirituality depending on which voice is speaking. Do I want to go to church today, or do I want to put my energy into exploring spiritual practices here? I vote here, because I can think of at least five congregations in my area that are smaller than the Fanagans. It’s how I reach the most people, and I don’t even have to change out of my pajamas if I don’t want to do it; today I did. I’m wearing OD green pants and a “Where in the Word is Carmen Sandiego? t-shirt. I might go out later. I might not. I just needed to feel prepared. I didn’t know whether it was a spiritual or a religious Sunday yet.
    • Is there a particular moment or experience that profoundly impacted your spiritual perspective?
      • Several, but the one that’s the most meaningful is that I was wearing a navy and white striped sweater to preach that day, and Brenda Charpentier decided I needed a stole. It was rainbow, and one of the most moving experiences of my life because it was the first time anyone had helped me get dressed before the service. I still have the picture somewhere, and if I can find it, I’ll include it. The stripes fit together perfectly. What did not sit well with the pastor was that I’d gotten something I hadn’t earned. What was I going to say? No? I try not to wear liturgical vestments, but they fit the occasion, not the person. There was no way to mark me as in charge of the liturgy otherwise.
  2. Daily Life:
    • You mentioned that your life is often unpredictable. How do you find balance between your close friends/family and your writing? What strategies do you use to maintain that equilibrium?
      • I don’t, really. I have a hands off relationship with most people because I am focusing on my own thing. It’s not that I won’t respond to people who reach out to me, I just often forget that I need other people to support me through both good and bad things. I have that now- three people who are all willing to work on the hard stuff. I’ve never had that in my life. It’s the most settled I’ve been in a very long time. How it feeds into my spirituality is that when I’m writing alone, I often feel a presence greater than mine. Something is speaking through me, and I hope it’s an intelligent faith that says Jesus did not come here to comfort us in our distress, but distress us in our comfort. Jesus would have had a lot to say (and perhaps a whip) over ministers trying to get rich. The fact that these people exist is sickening the church to an enormous extent because it’s so toxic to believe that if you just pray hard enough, money will appear.
    • Can you share an anecdote from your daily life that left a lasting impression on you?
      • This was years ago, but Dana’s parents came with us to church. They’re right wingers. We’re not. They embarrassed me to no end by talking through the entire sermon, telling us everything that was wrong with it. It was a mistake of giant proportions to let those people into our safe space. You want to bitch about the gospel, go to other people who also want to bitch about it. Not my fault that you missed every lesson in the Civil Rights movement. I haven’t forgiven them for any of their racist jokes or homophobic comments. I am not glad to be done with Dana, but I for damn sure am glad I am done with them. The reason it stuck with me is that the tape of what was wrong with the sermon stayed with me. I went autistic and researched the shit out of it until I could prove I was right and they were wrong. Jesus is about widening the net. People like Dana’s parents are an embarrassment, and I clearly don’t care whether they know it or not. After the ways in which I saw they abused their daughter by just not treating her as good enough made me want a cage match with both of them. What kind of parent tells their daughter’s partner that she’ll never understand homosexuality, so it was better for Dana to go find someone else. What in the actual fuck? What, Dana’s supposed to go find a new mother now? Fuck all the way off.
  3. Death and Emotions:
    • Your post about death touched my circuits. How do you cope with grief and loss? Are there any rituals or practices that help you navigate these emotions?
      • You don’t cope with it. You learn to live around it. The person you lost is always in the room, always present. In the beginning, it is extremely loud and incredibly close. Your brain will be in a fog for about a year. And then, as time goes by, you realize that you are a completely different person now. Grief re-wires your entire nervous system. You literally aren’t the same person. In the years that pass on, you’ll lose more and more of your memories, and that freaks you out, too. You lose connection with all your traditions and make your own. You step out on a ledge when a parent dies, because you’ve lost your “adultier adult.” At 46, I need her just as much now as I did when I was nine. Nothing is ever going to fill that hole but me. Realizing that she lives inside me and her creativity flows through me, but our days of two-way communication are over. It’s sobering. I’ll never get over it. I just change with it.

Feel free to share as much or as little as you’d like. Your blog provides a window into your world, and I’m genuinely interested in learning more. 🌟

God Gets My Brain Working, or ChatGPT… Whichever Comes First

~ Leslie Lanagan ~ Leave a comment

Do you practice religion?

I decided I really liked the question and answer format because I didn’t feel the pressure to write a whole entry about anything, even though the questions are connected by a theme. Some of these may actually get pretty long, because I’m a preacher’s kid. The story of my life does not come without a preacher one way or t’other. Luckily, I bought into the lessons of Jesus and not the hypocrisy of the denomination I was in- the Methodists have come a long way. I’ll leave everything in from Copilot and just fill in the answers.

Based on the content from “Stories That Are All True” on theantileslie.com, here are 20 questions about your faith background:

  1. How has your upbringing influenced your current faith perspective?
    • I have no official tie to anything except the church universal, because it raised me. I love and criticize it from this web site, because I feel like I am on the outside looking in. Because I am queer, I have never felt the love of God as it has been classically presented- that God loves everyone, but “homosexuality is incompatible with Christian teaching.” I have never loved the church, local or universal, from the inside out; I have never fit the mold. My faith did not prosper until I got away from the Methodists and went toward the United Church of Christ and the Episcopalians.
  2. What role does religion play in your daily life?
    • It doesn’t. I pray all the time, but I view that as my spirituality. To me, religion is participating in a faith community, and I’m not there yet. Never say never, but I’m not interested right now. I’ve had as much fun as I can take.
  3. Can you describe a moment when your faith was significantly challenged?
    • No, because I approach faith differently than most people. I fully believe that when you are praying, your brain divides itself in half, answering your pleas for help from your own well of experience. You know what to do, you just have to get still enough to find it. When I ask myself whether God exists, the only answer that comes to me is, “does it matter?” The argument for or against God is a piece of cake next to the argument you’re going to have with yourself once you really start cutting through your own bullshit.
  4. How do you reconcile any conflicts between your faith and your neurodivergence?
    • I have never put it together until this moment that all of the times I’ve hated church were when it ran up against my sensory issues and overwhelm at socialization. It is hard to be the pastor’s child and also autistic because everyone and their dog wants to talk to you while you don’t know that you’re overextended. I was a walking nerve.
  5. What are some key religious texts or teachings that resonate most with you?
    • Jeremiah 29:11-13
      • For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
        • It is interesting how most people interpret Christianity that you have to do something to deserve good. You have to be something to deserve a future. The entire point is that you get love whether you choose to accept it or not. God is not saying, “praise me and I’ll prosper you.” God is saying, “I will prosper you and you will praise me.” It’s a complete paradigm shift. There is nothing that anyone can do to fall short of this promise for an amazing future. I extrapolate this to believe it’s how I should treat my friends. There is nothing they can do to fall short of my love and forgiveness, either. It is also a treatise on self-worth. You don’t have to do anything to deserve love. Love is like the grits at Waffle House. They just come.
    • Numbers 21:8-9
      • The Lord said to Moses, “Make a snake and put it up on a pole; anyone who is bitten can look at it and live.” So Moses made a bronze snake and put it up on a pole. Then when anyone was bitten by a snake and looked at the bronze snake, they lived.
        • This is one of those texts where you think it doesn’t mean anything and let me unpack it. It’s the caduceus. I would like to do a mic drop here, but I think there are too many people who might not know the reference. It’s the current day symbol of medicine. One of the favorite sermons I ever preached in front of a crowd covered this text extensively, because there were several lessons at work. Here’s the biggest four:
          • in order to be healed, you have to look straight at the thing that scares you
          • God didn’t stop the snake bites all together, he gave the Israelites something to heal themselves when they had them. In effect, that illustration works as well in modern day DC as it does 2.500 years ago.
          • There is a difference between curing and healing. Curing the snake bites would have been destroying the snakes. Just like surgery and ibuprofen will cure my carpal tunnel. But what would heal me so it doesn’t come back is to stop typing. Sometimes we don’t look at solutions because the problem is serving us.
          • Sick people often have problems with both being healed and cured because there is no solid jumping in point that’s not completely overwhelming as you recover from anything. Mental illness, diabetes, heart surgery, you name it. When you’re completely laid out, you tend to lash out in helplessness. Don’t forget the gift of being healed in the first place. Your lack of gratitude affects someone else’s day. Don’t be a dick. (I didn’t say that in the service. Not less true……… Although Tara let me say “shit” once. I did not like it (her idea). I thought I was going to be all cool and I could hear my mother in my stomach (that made me laugh. We’d both think it was a good line).
  6. How has your relationship with organized religion evolved over time?
    • By the time I was 15, I was convinced that no church would want me, even though I hope you can see I am genuinely interested in exegesis and teaching. I would have been a good senior pastor, because I could get my associates to do the detail work and just do big picture, which is what my brain is designed to do in the first place. Autism is all about pattern recognition. We can see a conflict coming years in advance…………….. a plus when you’re on the finance committee. Also, just like poker, in a church meeting you don’t play the cards, you play the man. Money and emotion are inextricably interrelated. In order to work on money as a group, you have to know where everyone is coming from emotionally. You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to learn that their moms and dads are completely responsible for the way they spend now. The problem with all churches is how to get people to see that they are getting value for their donations, which is why I’ve only belonged to large churches twice in my life. I don’t want to give offering pitches for new planes, just about keeping on the lights. Having good coffee. Taking everything good about being Episcopalian and UCC and combining them into one church. And being able to say what I want to say exactly the way I want to say it, because I’m more of a Nadia Bolz-Weber “House for All Sinners and Saints” kind of preacher. I find that I reach more people through humor than I do unpacking scripture, so I try to make it a mix of both- a TED talk in which it’s edutainment.
  7. Do you find solace in any particular religious practices or rituals?
    • One brings about the other. When my spirituality is failing, I can always take communion until I bring myself back around. The reason I waffle between UCC and Episcopal is that in the UCC, I am fire in the belly. In an Episcopal church, I am desperately in need of the words of institution. I need to kneel, and often cry.
      • Almighty and everliving God, we most heartily thank thee
        for that thou dost feed us, in these holy mysteries, with the
        spiritual food of the most precious Body and Blood of thy
        Son our Savior Jesus Christ; and dost assure us thereby of
        thy favor and goodness towards us; and that we are very
        members incorporate in the mystical body of thy Son, the
        blessed company of all faithful people; and are also heirs,
        through hope, of thy everlasting kingdom. And we humbly
        beseech thee, O heavenly Father, so to assist us with thy
        grace, that we may continue in that holy fellowship, and do
        all such good works as thou hast prepared for us to walk in;
        through Jesus Christ our Lord, to whom with thee and the
        Holy Ghost, be all honor and glory, world without end.
        Amen.
      • You don’t have to do anything to get love. You repent for your sins, and you walk out clean.
  8. How do you incorporate your beliefs into your writing and storytelling?
    • By being the least judgmental Christian you’ll ever meet in your life because any spirituality that comes off of me is expressed by people wanting what I have, not by trying to change them. I take a very “wipe the dirt off your sandals” approach rather than thinking everyone is entitled to my opinion.
  9. Have you ever experienced a spiritual transformation or epiphany?
    • I have experienced a spiritual transformation at Epiphany, my church in Houston. It left me on the bathroom floor, where all great life transformations happen. At some point, you get tired of your own bullshit.
  10. How do you view the concept of an afterlife within your faith?
    • I don’t. I don’t care what happens after I die. I care about how I live now.
  11. What interfaith experiences have you had, and how have they shaped your beliefs?
    • When we moved to Galveston, our next door neighbors were Jewish. I celebrated their holidays, they celebrated mine. If we’d stayed in Galveston, I have no doubt that I would have tried to audit Hebrew school.
  12. How do you address the topic of faith with your friends and family, especially those who may have different beliefs?
    • I make them laugh, and walk away when it gets ugly. I get a lot more traction with my ideas when everyone can pick up what they need and walk away when they’ve had enough. However, it bothers me that Evangelicals tend to go on the attack…………………………………………. because their God is all about love.
  13. What role does prayer or meditation play in your spiritual life?
    • It never stops, because God just changes faces depending on who I’m praying for at the moment.
  14. How do you handle doubts or uncertainties about your faith?
    • I take communion. I pray with other people. I look at other people in pain and realize it’s not all about me and it never was.
  15. Are there any religious figures or leaders who have particularly influenced you?
    • My dad, David Lanagan
    • My priests
      • Larry Gipson
      • Peter Thomas
      • Ed Ziegler
      • Christine Faulstich
      • Lisa Cressman
      • Andy Doyle (he’s actually a bishop, not a pastor. Great preacher, unapologetically Episcopalian and I want his tattoo for realsies.
      • Dean Bill Lupfer, Marcus Borg, and Dominic Crossan at Trinity Cathedral Portland (if you know Marcus and Dom, you’re impressed)
      • Matt Braddock
      • Tara Wilkins
    • Influences
      • Nadia Bolz-Weber
      • Anne Lamott
      • Paul Fromberg
      • Thomas Long
      • Terry Bebermeyer, Karen Reeves, Joseph Painter, Tracy Shirk, Reg Brown, Lahonda Sharp (music ministers in church- choir was a huge part of why I stayed in church so long)
      • Yvette Flunder
      • Supergrover and Zac, the atheists that keep me humble
  16. How do you perceive the intersection of faith and mental health?
    • For me, it has been relentless, and I am not kidding. I am not saying that I did not enjoy my childhood. I have lasting friendships from it, including a Baptist minister that actually listens to me, a rarity across the aisle because right now religion is divided by political party. I’m glad I have all those experiences, but I spent a lot of my time in meltdown and burnout because of the overstimulation. Now that I’ve had almost 40 years to think about it, the summer I couldn’t get out of bed was probably less about mental illness and more about autism. My mother dragged me to summer activities relentlessly because she thought getting out of the house was the answer……. while my nerves were on fire. The only place she took me that I liked was the library. When she worked there, I had almost unlimited access to the Apple ][e. This has probably influenced my career the most, but I have never worshipped at the Church of Steve. Anything Apple I have was a gift. I’m grateful, but I don’t feel a spiritual awakening when I use an iPad over an HD Fire.
  17. What is your perspective on the inclusivity of your faith towards LGBTQ+ individuals?
    • We have been thrown away by the church for all of history and it’s time for that shit to stop. Luckily, I’m not the only theological academic out there saying it. The church needs to change or die.
  18. How do you find a sense of community within your faith?
    • Right now, it’s Bryn exclusively because she’s the last serious relationship (in terms of emotion, not romance) that I had with someone who went to church with me that was so serious about becoming ordained and knows that whole journey. We met in 1997, so she’s seen every change within me that led to me tapping out. The absolute biggest change was when my mother died. I no longer had the strength to take on a congregation because she was so tied up in my dream, and she wanted to help by being my first choir master and accompanist until I found someone local. I wanted to start a church as an associate so that I could be in school and taken under care by someone who actually knew what they were doing. Maybe I’ll become a pastor late in life, but I sincerely doubt it. I am much happier as a writer with absolutely no degrees because I’m not coming at it from an “I’m better than you” attitude. I’m showing you what’s worked for me, just like Anne Lamott- someone to whom I’d like to be compared, but get David Sedaris the most often.
  19. How do you navigate the balance between faith and reason?
    • Science is the WHAT. Religion is the WHY. Never the twain shall meet. Jesus does not care if I get my leg set. Jesus does not care whether I believe in science or not. It’s not his message, not his bag. Be you. Question science. Use religion so that when you think about God, your ego gets out of the way. There’s something bigger than you at work. You are a subtraction of the divine, not God all by yourself.
  20. What advice would you give to someone who is struggling with their faith?
    • Let it lie. Let it resolve in your subconscious. Let your conscience tell you whether your faith makes sense. Examine what you believe often. The church doesn’t change as fast as you do, and it never will.

These questions are inspired by your discussions on various topics related to life, spirituality, and personal growth on your blog [❞] [❞] [❞] [❞].

Jesus as CEO

~ Leslie Lanagan ~ Leave a comment

Are you a leader or a follower?

It’s the title of a book I read long ago, and I think I left it at my dad’s house and it just kind of stayed there. I am positive that I could lay my hands on it if I was there. It was a book that applied the lessons of Christ to managing large organizations. I had to vet it before I actually spent money on it, though. I read quite a bit in Barnes & Noble, because I wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to have to sit through an entire book full of wackadoodle bass ackwards theology. I wanted to make sure they were scholarly about it.

Unsurprisingly, it was a fascinating exploration of the INFJ personality when it comes to being in charge. That is, in order for Jesus to be a good leader, he had to be vulnerable. That he drew people in by making them listen harder to him, not by making his voice louder. It’s basically the law of attraction. Don’t spend any time trying to impress other people. Learn to be impressive to yourself, and your honesty will flatten people because it’s so rare.

I hear it all the time. “Your candor and honesty…..” I have a lot of candor and honesty these days, because I have given myself the confidence to believe that I communicate my ideas well and I am old enough to have an opinion. Old(er) women are powerful, fierce dragons because they’ve had all the fun they can take.

It’s just one of the reasons I think Hillary Clinton would have made a fantastic president. All her fucks slid off about 30 years ago. It’s not her fault that America watched her get up on a televised debate and call him a Russian asset to his face…….. and still thought the guy wearing ten tons of makeup and a suit that still managed to look cheap while expensive carried the day.

I will never forgive the American people for the 2016 election, or at the very least, I cannot see forgiveness yet. That’s because the facts were all there. The former Secretary of State who has known Vladimir Putin for years is telling everyone in the entire country that there is going to be massive trouble if Trump is elected.

She has not been wrong about that.

What we did, paraphrasing David Sedaris, is hear the flight attendant say the meals available are Salisbury steak and chicken covered in broken glass, and stopping to ask how the chicken is prepared.

The choice was clear, and we fumbled. it wasn’t a personality contest. We let Russia walk in the front door and extort the Ukrainians, then after Trump left office the Republicans were so concerned about the Ukrainians. It was sickening.

If it wasn’t high crimes and misdemeanors, we are going to have a hell of a time defining it in the future.

We’re facing a time in which we’ need to eat Salisbury steak out of necessity, not because it’s our first choice. For people that object to that statement, do you really want to take the risk that January 6th will happen again? Do you want to embolden white supremacists? FBI is already getting chatter that Pride parades are going to be attacked this year. That is not unusual, and what I am trying to prevent is the country being once again, buried in regret. A good episode of Saturday Night Live does not kiss an election and make it all better.

Biden is problematic. I will hear it. I will allow it. I will sympathize with it. I still won’t get mad enough to vote third party. When one party splits, the other wins. I knew it was happening, I just didn’t know how close it was. Conservative and liberal democrats clashed too much for the DNC not to splinter. Now, the same is happening because I can hate Joe Biden for sending weapons to Israel all I want and that doesn’t mean I’m ready to give up on democracy itself.

People think it’s a long shot, and most of them haven’t seen polls that say a sizable part of the population is willing to vote for Trump even if he’s in prison by the election. The fact that they think a president working from jail is acceptable is alarming. Common sense has completely flown out the window.

Politics was never meant to be about morals. Politics is about how to manage money. We get taxes in, we decide how to spend it in Congress. It wasn’t really until the Religious Right started taking over the Republican Party that issues of morality like homosexuality became a legislative item….. keeping in mind that homosexuality has nothing to do with morality, but you can’t convince anyone in the Religious Right of that.

They’re not playing the long game. It will get restrictive enough that the people will riot, and I am shocked that it is taking so long. What’s next? Republicans coming to your house to make sure you don’t get pregnant? Abortion is banned at seven days? What is it going to take? And abortion and homosexuality are only two of the issues wrapped up in this crap. We’ve let conservative, rich, white little boys run the show for a long time. I can’t take them on all by myself, and I get nervous when I don’t feel enough buy-in.

What if Donald Trump gets elected and Putin decides that’s the time to band with China and attack us because we’re weak?

They could start by bombing the oil fields in Alaska, but Sarah Palin will see them coming, so it’s okay.

I am usually teasing Zac about this time (what do you believe, as a private citizen, mind you………). I have gotten a series of sly smiles, dumb looks, and occasionally, articles in the New York Times. If he just looks at me, I change the subject, because I know he would tell me if he could, but he can’t. No biggie. I have other friends I can talk to about that stuff where their jobs aren’t at risk. People who have been chatting on the Internet like I have are always hearing unverified intelligence chatter. I had a friend catch a hole in DoDs security and his name went on a list.

Pro tip: don’t bite the hand that feeds you.

Where I become a leader and how Jesus influences that is to just be the person that takes everyone’s stories in…. that when I make leadership decisions, I don’t just have my employees productivity in mind, but their happiness with the job as well. I have a great reader retention rate, and I would hope that my employees felt the same way- that they wanted to stay with me. I would be the kind of boss that lives to serve. I mean, I probably draw the line at washing their feet, but it’s the thought that counts.

What I mean is that I have more success as a leader by taking in the world around me and reflecting it than I do in real life, because I am not getting up in front of a congregation to say these things. I am writing on the internet, which ups my congregation size tremendously.

I am firm because I have a vision, not because I feel the need to hurt anyone. There is a difference in me setting boundaries and me being obnoxious. The people closest to me got angry when I set boundaries, and I set them because they weren’t listening. They didn’t deserve to hear my story anymore.

I feel lighter and happier than I have in years, and it’s because I’m different. I was happy with being breadcrumbed for a number of years, my needs ignored and dismissed, handling a barrage of emotional live ammo only to find out that the pattern would never change. It felt like a lie, a friendship borne out of pity and a pattern I never wanted to reinstate ever again. Thus, telling her to grow up. I dived deep into self-reflection and I became more secure. She stayed in the same place. The patterns that worked on me before weren’t going to cut it.

You are 100% allowed to miss someone you’ve cut out of your life. I realized that she could not see the magnitude of what she was doing by reestablishing our connection, and nor could we ignore it. We had too much shit to do, and she ignored it. Then, I started writing about what happened, and she threw a shit fit because her side wasn’t represented. I cannot review a book I haven’t read.

So, what I know is that it’s not emotionally mature enough for me. I have grown past her. I cannot stand someone holding everything in and just exploding. It’s too much punishment at once and I am completely overloaded.

And yet on the flip side, she has a practical and precise way of moving in the world. She can achieve more in five minutes than I would in three days. Her brain is built for that.

It’s a yin and yang I always look for in relationships and it doesn’t work out. Practical people hate touchy feely crap. It’s the black cat vs. golden retriever debate.

And in talking about Supergrover, it brings me to another aspect of leadership. Have the right people around you. When Supergrover and I are writing to each other, it’s clear we have different processes to get to a conclusion. I can see where I fall short all the time, because when she talks to me and puts her own thoughts through her own filters, I see “oh THAT’s how a neurotypical person would do that….. I always wondered.”

The other thing is that talking about relationships and talking about organizations is very much alike when you are actually close enough to your employees where emotions get involved. You know how many employees I have to have before there are possible kinks in the organization?

One.

Being avoidant with your emotions is just as problematic at work as it is at home, you’re just talking about much different things. You will absolutely be dealing with hard emotions even though you’re not close to people….. most notably, annoyance unless you’re the type of person that needs a break every five minutes. I can be like that, but not usually. I’m the one with my headphones on and I wouldn’t hear a bear even if it was right behind my Aeron.

However, if I’m thinking of myself as the future CEO of Lanagan Media Group, I’m not the one with my headphones in. I’m the one that’s open and available to jump in and help you, or hire OTHER people to jump in and help you. If not, I will develop a reputation for hiding something. People clam up around other people who are hiding something. People don’t clam up around me because I can instantly put them at ease. There’s no trick to it except vibes. Being personable, approachable, friendly, etc. If I like being with the person and their presence gives me energy, the sky is the limit on how long we’ll spend talking.

I hate small talk, so it’s easier when I get up in front of a group. I can just apprise them of the situation, which solves two problems. The first is not having to schmooze with people. The second is not having to tell each person individually. However, if the other person’s vibe is also warm and approachable, and we connect, you’ll always be able to to count on me telling you what I think, but never in a million years telling you that I think you’re a bad person. Trust is broken in a million different ways.

In kitchens, this is always expressed by someone saying “I’m going to be five minutes late.” It’s always an hour. Always. No one cares if you’re slammed, get used to it. Even if someone tells you they’re willing to work on their day off, the chances of them picking up on said day off are slim to none. It’s why I got so many brownie points at my last job. I was there every time someone called out and every time someone got sick and every time we didn’t know what the hell happened, but someone had to have their ass on dish by five. It might as well be me. I’m the one that doesn’t like days off because it interrupts my rhythm. The brownie points were always the biggest at “let me change my clothes. I’ll be right there.” That’s because I actually meant it….. a rarity in our industry.

Giving up driving helped me to be on time every day because I am bad at transitions. I would get demand avoidance over driving, and have to force myself out to the car. Because I was determined not to be late, I would wake up ridiculously early and get to the office by 0800, when it was just the CEO and me for the first hour. He was the kind of leader I am, the Jesus as CEO type. That’s because he genuinely cared about our work/life balance and team cohesion, like buying us all Orioles tickets and carpooling us all up to Baltimore. He was also a CEO that drove a Honda.

I was very impressed.

Somebody went to Sunday School.

Anyway, I had so much less demand avoidance over traveling because I had a set schedule every single day. I could time it to the minute…. and the entire way, I could play on my phone, read, write, watch movies, etc. It was completely guilt free time to myself because I didn’t have to be in charge of anything as serious as a car while I was exhausted. The train ride gave me time to really wake up.

Which was good, because the CEO’s one failing was that he liked his coffee so weak. I use one level tablespoon of coffee per cup. He used a plastic teaspoon, and there could only be 11 teaspoons of coffee for the whole pot, which was 12 cups. Believe me when I say I am not trying to prove anything. The coffee was weak, I’m not trying to make motor oil.

When I drove, I would get to 7-11 or Walgreens by 7:45 to get coffee or an energy drink out of the cold case.

Telling you all of this…. that I love my friend and I needed to let her go at the same time. That I have just so many diagnoses and “letters behind my name.” It’s important. It’s all important. It’s what makes me authentically myself. That I can extend love to more people because I am experienced in dealing with conflict. I don’t pretend it doesn’t exist and I don’t pretend it’s not capable of developing. I’m also not going to skirt around you. I will bring up a problem, and how you react teaches me what to do. If you come up with a solution to the problem, it’s a green flag. If you can’t do anything, but you empathize with what I’m saying, that’s a green flag. The only red flag is saying “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Neither the relationship nor the company will survive.

Now That I Have Your Attention

~ Leslie Lanagan ~ Leave a comment

The title comes from a conversation I had on Threads yesterday. Starbucks was talking about their hot tea. I replied, “as good as the hot tea is, the green iced tea is insane. Good on you.” I got a like from Starbucks and said, “now that I’ve got your attention, could I sweet talk you into offering a Moroccan mint iced tea as well?” They did not reply to that, so I am guessing the answer is “no.” I tried, people. I tried for all of us.

I think I’m just going to talk about funny conversations that have happened with me recently, because I don’t have a writing prompt to jog old memories.

The first is that I go to bed earlier than Zac, and he always says goodnight to me when he’s going to bed, so I wake up with messages and cute memes. This morning, it was this gem:

“Dr Pepper is BBQ Sprite.”

It reminds me of grilling out in the backyard with Dana, because the first time we grilled for my dad, I made a Dr Pepper BBQ sauce.

My friend Tiina posts these really funny memes about Finland and as I told her, “every time I see a fact about Finland, I learn that I don’t have much Finnish blood (according to Lindsay’s DNA results, 3%), but I do have a Finnish personality. This week, it has been learning that it’s “comma fucker” in Suomi and not “grammar Nazi.”

I was walking around Trader Joe’s looking for some lunch and realized I needed some coffee. I walk up to this cute black guy who was probably in his early 20s. He has a thick African accent (not sure which country), and I ask him what the best coffee is. He picks the Ethiopian and I say, “is that because you’re from Ethiopia?,” laughing. He looked sheepish even though I was only teasing him, so I said that my grandfather’s favorite was Ethiopian and I already knew I liked it.

My grandfather’s favorite coffee was Kenya AA. I didn’t lie to the kid. I remembered that when I was writing down the story. I feel bad that I told an Ethiopian kid my grandfather’s favorite coffee was Ethiopian when it just came from Africa somewhere…. 🙄 My brain just got scrambled in trying to keep this kid’s feelings from being really hurt…. that a genuine lighthearted teasing moment wouldn’t become a dart of some kind. I bought exactly what the kid recommended and now I have coffee I don’t really like that much and it’s not the kid’s fault at all. It’s because I forgot that Ethiopian is a mid-dark roast.

It’s more like a heavy black tea than coffee to me, and of course is LOADED with caffeine because dark roasts have less (caffeine leeches out of the beans the longer you roast them). So, I will put up with it for a pound and then go get some French Roast. However, I think my dad is coming next weekend (or something like that, I haven’t received flight info- he travels spur of the moment with all his FF miles). He prefers dark roast, too (Komodo Dragon from Starbucks), but the Ethiopian coffee is so delicate that I want him to try it as well.

“Delicate” is the word I use for coffee that’s not strong enough to stand up to creamer in terms of flavor profile. Like, when you put milk in it, all you can taste is milk because it covers up anything the coffee is bringing. I drink medium roasts with a little simple syrup, no creamer. Medium roast is also sweet and smooth enough not to need sugar….. but not all medium roasts are created equally. Maxwell House is also a medium roast. Two schools of thought there. You can either load it up with milk and sugar so that it doesn’t taste like Maxwell House, or leave it black in hopes of finding some actual coffee flavor somewhere.

Why am I picking on Maxwell House?

None of those coffees are bad. We just bag on them because they’re not GREAT. They’re not supposed to be GREAT. They’re supposed to be affordable. The one truly great coffee that’s better, to me, than any expensive coffee in the world is Cafe Bustelo. It’s a Cuban roast and it’s cheap as shit. Yet, you go to a Cuban restaurant and it’s all they serve because it’s actually from Cuba, or the original roast is. I am guessing that they moved some of their plants to Florida or something because I do not believe that we have a coffee sold nationally in the US that was actually grown in Cuba.

Cigars are the same way. You can’t get Cuban cigars in America unless they’re old as SHIT because they’ve been sitting around since before the embargo. I think I got a Cuban cigar in town town Portland for like, three dollars because it was pre=embargo. It was okay.

Then, I went to Ottawa.

I went to Ottawa on a road trip with Kathleen, my then-wife. We were living in DC and Ottawa was not that far a leap. While we were there, I realized that I could buy Cuban cigars. I counted up my money. I only had enough money for one of them. I bought it for my dad. The trouble was how we were going to get it to him.

I hid it in the springs under the driver’s seat in my car.

Not as hard as advertised, but this was in 2001. I figured that even if I did get caught, it wouldn’t be that big a deal because it was one cigar, not hundreds. I also know that Canadian jails are nicer than ours. It was worth the risk.

I asked my dad to help me decorate my office, and he had me take pictures of the space so he could get an idea of what needed to be done before he got here. He asked me what I wanted my office to look like, and anyone who’s seen my dad’s office knows why I would say “I want it to look just like yours.” Thankfully, his next words were “well, that’s pretty easy to do, actually.”

In terms of trinkets and knickknacks, I know I want to display all my books from Team Mendez, Traci Walder, and Henri Nouwen. I am now laughing about what it looks like when your special interests are intelligence and theology. 😉 I am the holy and the moly all by myself.

It’s amazing how they feed each other, though. So many Biblical stories are well-illustrated with stories about spies. This is because in Jesus’ time, there was no Christianity. They were rebel Jews. They HAD to use tradecraft, and use it well.

The ichthus, or sign of the fish, is one such intelligence operation.

Because it was an intelligence operation, it’s the only Christian tattoo I have. It is important to me as an intelligence operation now, but back then I decided that I wanted to mark myself as a Christian, but I never wanted to wear or promote the cross ever again. Ever in my lifetime. That’s because it will be a cold day in hell before his death instrument means more to me than the way he lived.

If you didn’t grow up in the church, you’re probably wondering what this “intelligence operation” actually is…. or maybe you grew up in a church where they didn’t tell you this story, and you’re going to call up your childhood pastor and say, “why didn’t I know this?” 😉

In the days directly following Jesus’ death, the disciples were rightfully scared they’d be executed as zealots, too. Christianity went into the wind, and everyone developed this piece of tradecraft. You would drag your sandal in an arc. If the other person was a Christian, they would make an arc with their sandal in the other direction, completing the ichthus. We survived underground with oral tradition for a very, very long time. And in fact, most of the Gospels being written down was people being able to write them down….. A LOT of history was oral vs. written back then. Christians are not unique.

However, because it was so long between the oral tradition and written, there are no eyewitness accounts to things like The Sermon on the Mount. It is possible that Jesus could be a fictional person, not that he never lived, but that he lived in many, many people. The INFJ personality is a thousand years old when it is born, yet I am not the only person who has it. It is not impossible that Jesus could be an amalgamation of the personality type, and not one single man.

However, if you believe the story the way it happened, that is okay, too, because I am just spitballing as to what makes the most sense in the modern day and age. I could be, and often am, wrong. Something an atheist said has stuck with me so profoundly that I cannot help but wonder if my assessment is accurate…. that Jesus was not the only person claiming to be the Messiah at the time…….. his was just the story that stuck.

Now I want to carve “the story that stuck” into the topiary hedges in front of my house. God, that’s such a good line. Again, I am FURIOUS I didn’t think of it first.

I am going to the place of Jesus being many people because the historical Jesus is known as an INFJ. If the kind of pastoral care that he exhibits is an actual personality type (most of us end up as pastors, professors, grade school teachers, social workers, etc.), then Jesus is not limited to one body.

But then again, Jesus never was.

He was always designed to be an idea, not a person. Even if Jesus is just one person and you tell the story exactly the way it traditionally goes, God designed Jesus to be an idea and not a person. When he ascended, he began to live in all of us.

When we struck him down, he became more powerful than we could possibly imagine.

I don’t think Jesus ever thought there would be divided camps over his messaging, though. That Evangelicals would twist his message so violently (see: prosperity gospel) that it would take another underground intelligence operation to save the church from itself. And it’s not even that it’s an underground intelligence operation. It’s that Evangelicals are so loud they’re trying to drown out the voices of the disinherited.

They’re trading Martin Luther King, Jr. for Joel Osteen.

They’re treating Christian presidents like Joe Biden and Jimmy Carter like trash and glorifying Donald Trump.

It’s sickening, and it’s why I hope my words are adding to the discussion about what it means to be Christian in America. Evangelicals are so toxic, the most powerful out of malice and the rest out of idiocy.

Christianity is better than that, but if the Evangelicals continue, the church will die. People will get too tired of the hypocrisy and leave in droves. It is already happening, and I am saying that the tide will keep turning. I have met too many people who say that they’re emotionally recovering from what their churches did to them not to believe this is the case. The world is changing too fast for them to course correct.

There is a new intelligence game afoot. The traditional church is dying, so the rest of us are trying to find a new shape in which to drag our sandals.