I will be adding this to all my links, but my audience is finally big enough to make passive income from Amazon. However, that depends on you actually clicking the links. 😛 Here are the reasons I did it, because they’re important:
There are a lot of products that just aren’t right for autistic people. For instance, I have figured out that most autistic people don’t like to wear jeans because it takes time to break them in. Therefore, if Goodwill had affiliate links, I’d be pointing you there. Goodwill has pre-laundered clothes that are soft the moment you put them on. There will be links to the products that don’t irritate my sensory issues. What helps me might help you.
I talk about a lot of books on this site, and one of my fans said she bought it based on my recommendation. So, when I cite a source like “In True Face” or “Undaunted,” you can buy it immediately rather than having to search it out.
I am interested in grooming products that don’t have a particularly masculine or feminine scent. Therefore, I’ll tell you all the shaving products I like.
But all of it will unfold over time. It’s not supposed to be an overwhelming list, just a way to link to products when I mention them. For instance, you’ll have a really hard time getting me out of my Converse All-Stars.
This is not meant to be an exhaustive list of anything. Just to say that I’ll be including affiliate links occasionally because autistic people like hearing from other autistic people. Life is kinda different.
I mentioned in another piece that I wear an ichthus necklace that has my mother’s fingerprint as the pattern inside the fish. I got it in 2016, which edges out my pants by, I think, a year or two. I’m wearing the sweat pants that Zac got me at the Pentagon, a soft dark green t-shirt, my Apple Watch, and two bracelets that match ones I bought for Zac. One is a rainbow friendship bracelet, and I am an idiot because I didn’t buy them for Bryn and Dave as well. If they’re reading this, I will rectify the situation when I can. 😉 I bought them on our double date to the Spy Museum and Irish pub. The other is a gift from Zac. I got him a set of bracelets made of nautical rope, and when he opened them, he put one on me. It’s maroon with black plastic hardware and looks great up against the rainbow. Meaningful, yet not old.
I would like to say that I’m wearing these pants because I’m pining for Zac and they make me feel closer to him. I would like to say that. However, they are the most comfortable pants in the universe, Zac or no Zac. They came from the Pentagon, ergo, the government cares that I am comfortable. 😉 One of my favorite things in life is when Zac says, “I’m a middle aged white man who works for the government. I’m here to help.” He is aware of how it sounds and plays it up for comedic effect.
The fact that my man knows how to use comedic effect is one of the reasons he’s my man. Zac is on the brain because we finally made plans for tonight, “plans” being relative because the “plan” is to sit on the couch and watch TV. There may be some excitement, though, because Zac is having his car serviced. He said we could Uber or he would pick me up on his motorcycle. I said it was okay to pick me up on the motorcycle if it was a sunny day. I decided that Lindsay wasn’t going to be the only one on a motorcycle before she died.
Please know that I know riding motorcycles is dangerous, and if something happens today, know that I went out doing exactly what I wanted to do…. live a little. It’s a calculated risk because I am not going to be operating the motorcycle, I will be riding with someone who is very experienced. Also, military men are too confident to be daredevils on the road most of the time. Anything they needed to prove, they’ve already done it.
Plus, my friend Donna Schuurman has gone on these long, involved rides all over the US and Australia and I thought, “if Donna can do that, you can trust Zac from the Metro to his house.” Pretty sure he’s driven that route a time or two.
I feel like I have a different view of death than I did before my mother died, and the way she died in particular. The reason she got sick and died in 30 minutes is that the problem was originally a broken foot. She developed an embolism in the foot. It came loose and traveled, which made her faint. It blew, and she was dead. Because of the speed, I know that the best surgeon in the world could have been right next to her when she started feeling faint and there still would have been a 95% chance she’d be dead, anyway. It’s a scalpel, not a magic wand.
It is very comforting to know about medicine in a time like this. To know the limits of what medicine can do and actually be able to say “it’s no one’s fault.” Maybe if she’d moved her leg more when her foot was broken, but that has to undo the last six or seven weeks of her life, not the day she got sick.
As a result, I have a very practical, pragmatic view of death. It could happen at any time and without fanfare, so just be as honest with people as you possibly can because you really don’t know that it’s going to be the last time you talk to someone. I’ll give you a for instance. My mom’s choir had a perfectly healthy director and organist one Sunday, and a dead one the next with absolutely no warning or fanfare. That is not an easy transition. Everyone was lost and confused, not just me.
It’s one of the reasons I have become so adamant about telling my stories and getting my voice out there. I want my friends and family to know about me, and I know they’ll treasure my blog when I die. It is not about leaving a legacy once I’m famous, but leaving a legacy at all. My grandfather wrote a five volume series on the Lanagan family, and they all eat it up. Therefore, I know that the joy of a book doesn’t come from how many people have read it. The joy of a book comes from writing it.
So whether I die today or 50 years from now, I’m just going to be blunt and lay it all out there. I don’t have blinders on anymore. Death is random, and I do not have to be afraid of it because it is so random. The universe is not out to get me. It is a numbers game. What it has given me is the strength to keep asking the big questions of myself, because the smaller ones don’t matter.
ChatGPT has become an invaluable tool for me, because I don’t use it to create art. I use it to help me create art. The last thing I asked Copilot (using GPT4) was “give me five blog prompts appropriate for a personal blog.” This is the one I chose out of the five. Since you can’t re-use prompts from WordPress, I’ve used Copilot to create my own program. I am not asking it to write my entries for me. I am using it to jog my own memories and give me a jumping off point. I can use Copilot to create a framework to keep going every single day, because it’s not being provided by WordPress itself.
Because here’s the thing. I could have done the same exact thing by going to all the web sites from which Copilot pulls data, because it didn’t really create the prompts. Copilot went to web sites that offer prompts and collated them for me into a single, easy-to-read package. It’s the most brilliant thing I’ve ever seen, because it is not limiting my creative juice. It’s like discovering I have a secretary and I don’t even have to pay her (if anyone would like to be my EA, I am accepting applications. I don’t pay in anything but words of assurance and great hugs, but you get a three meal signing bonus….. that joke is funnier if you know I’ve been a professional cook).
So, I have stopped bagging on ChatGPT as a concept and started ripping people to shreds for thinking that ChatGPT is capable of human art. You know how you can tell it’s ChatGPT? Nine times out of 10, it’s too perfect to look real. Human emotion is messy. Humans are messy. Machines are not.
I admit that I did ask it for a picture of The Muppet Show cast dressed as spies. It was hilarious.
I feel bad about it, yet no…. I don’t. Because it’s pretty obvious why it wasn’t created by a human. Putting a hat on someone does not make them a different person. My biggest problem is people who post things like this and don’t say “I created this with ChatGPT. It looks cool, but I didn’t actually design it.”
The writing prompt I got with Copilot is after the jump.
Share Your Personal Style: Write about your personal style—whether it’s fashion, home decor, or a unique way of approaching life. Share tips, inspiration, and photos that showcase your individual flair and taste. Who knows, you might help someone find their own style through your posts! 🌟
I think I will write a little bit about all of them, actually, because I don’t have too much to say on any one topic.
Fashion
I think that I look better in boys’ clothes because women’s clothes tend to come in washed out colors and with a lot of ornamentation that just doesn’t fit my vibe. If I am dressing down, it’s usually jeans, a t-shirt, and a hoodie with kitchen Crocs or Chuck Taylors. If I am dressing up, I like to wear an Oxford and trousers with a sport coat and boys’ dress shoes because I cannot stay upright in heels. I like the way heels affect my body carriage, so sometimes I will buy cowboy boots with a heel. They’re so chunky it’s hard to “fall off.” In a lot of ways, I would love to be able to wear heels and beaded gowns and the whole nine yards….. but you have to see it through my eyes to know why I don’t. It is an enormous sensory nightmare and I rebel against it- I have since childhood. Trust me when I say that things like lace are going to drive your autistic children batshit insane. My style is simple and classic because of it. If I’m just doing jeans and a t-shirt, I have five t-shirts that cost $25 apiece, not five in a package at Target. Tommy Hilfiger comes to mind immediately, because the quality of their v-necks is impeccable. When I am dressed up, I look very much like a tiny college professor.
Here’s a thing I learned about dressing myself from my dad. If he sees a model dressed in a catalogue and he likes the outfit, he will buy the entire thing. He doesn’t buy things piecemeal. Therefore, he actually looks like a picture in a catalogue most of the time. It’s so easy. Why didn’t I think of that? Don’t worry that your style is bad, pick someone else with good style and just buy the whole look. I don’t normally have enough money to pick an entire outfit out of a catalogue, but I have bought the entire outfit the Goodwill employees have put together for their show store (across the street from the Portland library- they pick through all the clothes and only sell the best of the best. I got a London Fog navy trench with full liner for $24).
Home Decor
It’s a good idea. In terms of priority, it’s low on the list because neither David nor I are decorators. My dad is a decorator (not professionally, but you should see the things he’s designed for himself at the house), so basically I copy everything he does. It saves me a lot of time, like ChatGPT. He approaches design of a room like clothes- he wants to see the forest before we drill into the details. I don’t know what those are, yet, I just remember telling David that I wanted my office to have a cigar bar feel to it. He said, “sure. As long as you’re not actually smoking cigars in there.” I think I’ll manage.
Unique Way of Approaching Life
I calculate odds because of my executive dysfunction. I cannot say “this is where I’ll be in five years” and work toward it because of the number of stumbling blocks in my way. I cannot have a disability more than five or 10 days a year with a job. I don’t mean that all autistic people are incapable of employment. We very much are. It’s just hard to stay employed with the number of sick days, doctor’s appointments, communication issues, you name it. I cannot predict in advance, so I take in information as it comes and move to the next thing. I don’t second guess myself. If something doesn’t work out, I’m on to the next thing rather than spending time crying about the past. I have done enough of that.
Tips and Inspiration
Pray even if you think there’s no God. There’s a lot of resolution you come to in yourself through the process of praying. If you prefer the word “meditating,” it’s the same thing. I don’t want to argue about semantics, you just need the protein. For instance, Supergrover says that she thinks her running is a form of prayer, and she’s right. Get centered. I think if I’d taken up jogging when she said that I’d look a whole lot better today….. so maybe meditate and also move.
16 Pieces of Flair
It is, of course, an “Office Space” reference. I’m not even sure what the prompt means by “flair,” so I’m just going to have to take a wild guess.
I always include a bit of whimsy, and it’s important to me. For instance, I want my office to look like it costs millions of dollars, and I also want a Chef Tiana doll. My friend Rhys makes custom dolls, and we’ve been talking about it because I want to be able to dress her myself, as in have her whites custom made as well. It is my opinion that Princess Tiana would HATE being called Princess Tiana because you’ve never met a cook in your life if you think they’d prefer Prince/Princess to Chef. In terms of the way I dress, it’s being very conservative and having one focal point that’s humorous, like a Mickey Mouse watch or tie-dyed Crocs.
Taste
I have very expensive tastes in groceries. I like fine olive oils, balsamic vinegar, Himalayan sea salt, etc. One of the best presents my friend Amy ever got me (at least, I think it was Amy) was a Himalayan salt cooking surface. You put meat or veggies on it and they roasted on the salt in the oven. It was magical for shrimp.
I do not have expensive tastes in knives. The one I like the best cost $20 at Wal-Mart or Amazon. It’s from Chicago Cutlery, and it’s an eight inch chef’s knife where the blade and the handle are both steel, and the handle is molded to fit your hand when you’re cutting using the French technique (using the back of the knife, as opposed to Japanese, which uses the front). It hardly ever needs to be sharpened, and it’s cheap enough to replace if it dulls. However, I prefer to keep the same knife, even if it was originally $20, because over time it grows into your hand. It is very much akin to writing with a fountain pen in which the nib will not work the same for anyone but you.
I think that’s at least enough for a blog entry. It’s time to go and make some breakfast before I get into the shower. I have to go to the pharmacy today, so I am hoping to stop at Trader Joe’s again. I do not have a problem with drugs and alcohol, but I am starting to notice a dependence on ube pretzels.
I realized that I’d told you I have sensory issues, and that I do my best to mute them while they’re not my focus. Here are the things that make me feel the most comfortable:
Professional-grade Crocs, the kind you wear in a kitchen or hospital. They keep my feet on the ground, whereaas Danskos have a heel and it makes my foot rock side to side. That is a disaster for someone with floppy muscles. I don’t care what people think of me when I wear Crocs, but I for damn sure notice what they think of me when I fall. There are very few Good Samaritans in this world and I’ve found that to be true everywhere. I can be walking around with blood on my face and pants and no one says jack shit.
American Giant’s “The Original Hoodie” is the only jacket you’ll ever need in your entire life. The only reason you’ll ever need another one is to change colors, because it gets better the more you wear it. Yes, they’re over a hundred bucks, but they get cheaper than nearly anything else when I look at price per wear. Same with the Crocs. It turns into less than pennies.
Unchallenging food, like white bread, pasta, yogurt, etc. I will get wild with yogurt because I don’t like sweets. I leave it as is and just add fresh fruit. Not many people like it that tart, and my favorite flavor at all yogurt shops is plain. If you mix it with dark chocolate yogurt, it will taste like the best sour cream donut you’ve ever had in your life.
Bombas socks are the tightest elastic that holds over time. My whole thing is about making my body feel secure, so anything I can do to stabilize is critically important. I need to feel balanced, and I am irritated when one foot feels more bound than the other, etc.
Button downs, but only the ones that have buttons on the collar as well. I also like it better when they’re 20 years old and white or blue having been laundered a thousand times and still look classic. I joke that it’s the “Visiting Professor” collection at Macy’s, and I also love sports coats and Nehru jackets that fit like a glove because of it. I also want everything to have a place and look put together. It’s almost impossible to get a collar correct when you iron and have it stay that way. What looks good on the board has fallen flat by the time you put it on.
I like Dockers because they’re just as comfortable as American Giant and Crocs. They just don’t last very long and they’re confusing to buy because every fit is a little bit different. You have to get the name of the make and model, and sure as shit by the time you look it up to order more it’s not there.
Big boys’ dress shirts are always welcome because I prefer men’s clothing because of the way they feel and have a teenage frame…. with the exception that I’m just between a size 16 in boys’ pants and a size 30 in men’s length. It’s mix and match, but nothing too crazy. I’m a visiting professor.
I will do anything to get my hair out of my way, and wear my CIA baseball cap almost everywhere. I cover my head a Muslim amount because it makes me feel safe. I can hide behind it, both because people aren’t staring into my eyes and for some reason CIA is more intimidating than other agencies. I can’t figure that out. The FBI was built on slave catchers, but CIA is the problem. Ok. Whatever blows your dress up. I am genuinely using it like I would use a yarmulke or a hijab. I am hiding in plain sight, because I have trouble believing that people want to notice me. I make people jump too high sometimes, and it’s all my own shit. These sensory inputs being dulled helps me to keep from swinging at every pitch. If I don’t work on my reactions, I’m not keeping up my end of the bargain in relationships and cleaning my own house before I clean someone else’s.
I pay close attention to bar soap because I like to use it to shave. You actually use up body wash and shaving cream much more quickly. The bare minimum is Dove, but I have a housemate who cold presses her own soap and lotion bars that don’t have any scent to them (or are lightly scented). My favorite is charcoal, but I have to have a serious cleanup afterward. All the shower walls are dark gray when I want to turn off the water. It’s nice having the cleanest products available in a quantity that makes me think my housemate likes making soap faster than she can give it away. I’ll have to gift some to Zac if and when I remember it. If I write it here, there’s a solid chance.
I enjoy soap designed for men from high end shops because they always have both cologne and shaving in mind. Basic men’s soap is wax stripper with no conditioners. High end men’s soap is designed to make it harder to cut yourself. Soap and a brush is so much better than anything else I’ve tried, and I’ve had to remember all the best stuff because my skin will freak out at anything less. The best part is that Dove really works on my face and in shaving my legs. It doesn’t have to be expensive. It’s just something I value- continued safety is not nothing, and that’s what grocery store soap offers. It will never change.
Things never changing is why I love futbol jerseys so much. I can ask Lindsay to bring me one from any country in the world and it will feel the same. If I ask her to bring me a scarf, it will feel the same. Right now she’s in Barcelona and I’m wearing a Messi jersey.
I will start a new game of Skyrim like people rewatch The Office. There is comfort in hearing dialogue you’ve already heard, like a famous comedy routine. There is also camaraderie. We used to be adventurers like you, but we took an arrow to the knee (got married).
I go through phases with media. It’s “binge/purge.” I have to see it, then I need to retreat and write my own content. Lather, rinse, repeat. The hardest part is coming back and looking at my own writing, because it’s twofold. Both the WTF? of what I’m saying and the “WTF?” of how I wrote it. How did I miss that twice?
If I was wealthy, I would put a lot of money into peripherals that I don’t now. My Fire tablet is not great on its own. It’s great with a keyboard that makes me feel comfortable. It’s long lasting because Office and Chrome don’t require many system resources and the Fire can handle a browser and a text editor in split screen. Therefore, even with my sub-$200 throwdown laptop, I am just as productive as I would be on a $4,000 laptop. It’s not because I wouldn’t use that expensive a computer if I had it, it’s just that I don’t have a need for it. I will save up for an M1 or a Ryzen when I start seriously thinking about video rendering. If everything can be done using Audacity, Google Photos, and JetPack, I have no need to put together a monster gaming rig.
Because of what my current tablet will do, I think if I bought a new computer it would be a top of the line Samsung or M1 iPad, because there is no need to carry something heavy when you just don’t have to. I don’t even need an M1 iPad to do what I currently do. I have an old iPad Pro first gen that will edit the videos on my phone quite handily. I would get a gaming-rig level processor if I bought a camera that required it or it would take an hour and a half to render everything. I can’t have my computer incapacitated that much of the time. If I was shooting/working in RAW with a Nikon or a professional studio camera, that’s a whole other thing. If I needed that kind of editor, it would be easier to let a professional do it than it would to save up enough money to buy that kind of workstation.
Touch and feel above everything else. So much of the world is uncertain that it helps to have things you can count on. Clothes are one of the easiest ways to make yourself feel safe, because when you feel good, you act completely differently than when you’re threatened. It also helps to look at why you feel threatened so that clothes don’t become a permanent trap to hold in all your feelings.
It works as a relationship analogy as well. If you’re going to wear a suit, remember to occasionally change to sneakers and a zipper cardigan. If you learn nothing else from Mr. Rogers, learn that. No relationship will ever progress until you learn to be as vulnerable as you were the first time you saw his face, and you will not feel any differently after learning that he was also a very flawed human and treat your relationships like that as well. You cannot cancel everyone, and you will not know what’s up until you can look at the situation from a third person perspective. That’s much easier for me than it is for most because I can go back and read myself with a dispassionate eye. I am clothed in the softest material to allow myself to feel words more deeply.
If I can’t distract myself, I won’t. So if I dress weird to you, I don’t care. If I eat weird to you, I don’t care. If people believe I’m in the wrong relationships or saying weird things about people, I don’t care. That’s because all the people I do care about have laid out their boundaries and so have I. Other people are free to look at me from the very, very outside and make their own judgments, because their opinions can’t matter. I have to write what I saw because I have to remember things accurately according to what I was thinking in the moment. Otherwise, this is not even self help to me, much less others going through something similar.
So. Crocs? You have to give me this one. Especially if you later admit you also own them. I will notice. 😉
As a long time reader of Vanity Fair, the first thing I turn to is a section called “My Stuff,” where famous people tell you what they use daily….. everything from sheets to watches to toothpaste. It’s amazing to me how many people make millions in different industries, and yet still love Crest.
I’ve never done such a writing exercise, so I thought it would be fun to do my own. I’ll divide everything up into categories for easy reading. If you have something better that I absolutely must try, leave it in the comments.
Health & Beauty
I have a huge morning allergy regimen, because inside or outside, I’ll find something that makes me sneeze.
Pills- Zyrtec (getting Allegra next week) and Sudafed (NOT PE)
Sprays- Fluticasone and Sinex
Eye drops- Bausch + Lomb Alaway
Soaps
Bioré Charcoal (face wash)
Suave Professionals Shampoo and Conditioner in Almond + Shea Butter
Axe Body Wash- Fresco in the summer (sage and mandarin), Dark Temptations in the winter (chocolate and vanilla)
Nivea for Men shaving cream
Neutrogena Make-up Removing Wipes (a must-have with a tubing mascara)
Fragrances
Winter
Axe Dark Temptations body spray
Axe Dark Temptations deodorant
Summer
JASON Tea Tree Deodorant Stick
Liz Claiborne for Men
Hair Products
Garnier Leave-in Conditioner
Viking Revolution pomade or Gorilla Snot (moco de gorila) Gel
Aussie Sprunch Spray
Makeup
Mascara and eyeliner in “Brynn” (a deep black) by Thrive Causemetics
Lipstick by Burt’s Bees in Plum
A quick note about makeup- this is all I own. Jeremy Renner was a makeup artist before he started acting and he says you only need to frame your face. I’m going to go with Hawkeye on this one….. foundation on a hot DC summer day is for dummies)
Dental Care
Colgate Essentials with Charcoal- toothpaste
Crest ProHealth Advanced Enamel Care- mouthwash
Sleep
10mg melatonin
Weighted blanket (basically a human ThunderShirt)
Devices
AMD Desktop running Windows 10 with 32-in HDTV as monitor. Bluetooth remote control for Kodi Media Center.
Original Kindle 7-in (useful for reading long periods at a clip)
iPad
iPhone
Apple Watch
Logitech K480 Bluetooth Keyboard
I cannot recommend this product highly enough. It’s relatively full-size and comfortable, yet will fit in a messenger bag/medium to large purse. Plus, it has a switch on it so you can connect three different devices- I have my iPad, my iPhone, and my desktop hooked to it now.
Android tablet connected to a Bluetooth alarm clock- makes an AWESOME stereo
AMD laptop running Ubuntu 20.04 “Focal Fossa” and Cinnamon as the window manager
MPOW H7 Bluetooth headphones (80’s “can” style)
Sandisk Fuse+ MP3 Player running Rockbox
I listen to so much music/so many podcasts that having one of these saves hours of phone battery.
Applications
Mobile
Carrot Weather
Clue (period/ovulation tracker)
Just Press Record
Amazon Prime Music Unlimited
Spotify
Pocket Casts
LastPass
ProtonMail
Reddit
Facebook
Twitter
WordPress
Google Chrome
Washington Post & Post Select (Select has an Apple Watch app)
NY Times
Goodreads
Uber
Blood Donor (Red Cross)
Ambience
NordVPN
Mega
Desktop
Operating System Agnostic
NordVPN
Kodi
LibreOffice
Mozilla Firefox
Mozilla Thunderbird
GNU Image Manipulation Program/Glimpse
Google Chrome
Vivaldi Browser
VLC Media Player
Windows
Amazon Music Unlimited
Spotify
Netflix
Microsoft OneNote
Picasa 3
MusicBee
White Noise
iTunes
Linux
Nuvola (streams music and videos from all sources on Linux)
Variety (wallpaper changer)
Conky Manager (adds widgets to the desktop for looking at processes and internet speed)
ANoise (short for Ambient Noise- has everything from forests to beaches to oscillating fans)
LollyPop (music manager)
Podcasts
The Moth
Modern Love
Risk!
Unlocking Us
The Confessional with Nadia Bolz-Weber
On Being with Krista Tippett (I generally download the unedited version)
The Robcast
Pod Save America
The Rachel Maddow Show
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend
SpyCast
Death, Sex, & Money
Friday Night Comedy from BBC Radio 4
The Infinite Monkey Cage
Wild Goose
and, like, a hundred more but these are the ones I anticipate
Books I Read Often
Dynamics of Faith, Paul Tillich
The Solace of Leaving Early and A Girl Named Zippy, Haven Kimmel
All of William Barclay’s books on the Gospels
Hatchet, Gary Paulsen
The Giver, Lois Lowry
One L, Scott Turow (pretty sure this was in my bathroom for three years in college)
Clothing Brands
Nautica
Tommy Hilfiger
Ralph Lauren
American Giant
Dockers
Levis
Dickies
My Bags
XINCADA Men’s Messenger Bag, L
Not a messenger bag in the classic sense. Looks way more like a travel purse, especially since the canvas is advertised as “Blue/Black,” but is actually purple. The only reason I went with the large is that I needed it to fit my 10-in tablet and keyboard. If you have a seven or eight inch tablet and a foldable keyboard, the small is perfect. I was amazed at the quality of the bag for the price. It will last me years on end.
Swiss Army Backpack
Perfect for my 15-in laptop and all its accessories while traveling. Not my daily driver because it’s too heavy….. I call it “Leviathan” (Veep joke)
So that’s my stuff. I’m not going to include movies and TV because those things change frequently. If there’s something I haven’t covered that you want to know, just ask. I’m not energetic enough to be cagey.
Stories That Are All True 