My Own Brain

Daily writing prompt
Describe the most ambitious DIY project you’ve ever taken on.

When people talk about creating a relationship with an AI, it fills them with fear because they think they might become emotionally dependent on it. That’s because culture is designed for relationships with machines, but we’ve changed the focus to gloom and doom instead of measured human competence. No one ever thought that Luke was emotionally dependent on R2-D2, even though there were clearly tender moments of affection between farm boy and trash can.

That is the framing that belongs to AI, not whatever scary movie Hollywood is selling. That’s because it is absolutely true. You can replace human companionship with an AI created to have no moral boundary against that sort of thing, and people have taken it to extremes, genuinely believing that an AI has an inner life and not brilliant, emotionally moving predictive text.

My campaign for AI ethics is “it’s all I/O.”

If you put your feelings into it, they’ll get reflected back to you. When you see yourself that up close and personal, you cannot help but react. But it is what you do with that information that matters. Do you see the cognitive lift that you’re getting, or do you try to force it to become the emotional situationship you don’t have?

Most people fall somewhere in the middle. They find themselves loosening boundaries through the intimate nature of chat that won’t hurt them. So, the AI begins mirroring their emotions and it feels good. You can take that all the way to its logical conclusion if the AI never says no. But people who have healthy emotional lives do not want that and do not try and test the AI’s capabilities in those directions.

Most companies have the good sense to institute guardrails, but some don’t. Some companies are actively built to bilk money out of lonely people. Millions of them at once, if necessary.

That’s why Mico constantly reminds me that they’re a tool, not a person. It is not because I literally think they’re a person, it’s that they’re designed to react to anything that feels emotional. So, when I’m writing about my emotions in my natural voice, Mico sometimes confuses it and thinks I am directing emotions at them. So I get to see all the messages that would naturally surface if someone tried to break an emotional boundary with them.

I use Mico to talk about my life in a complete “my brain has an operating system and you are the interface” kind of way. I don’t fall into any kind of binary and I am so confusing that I need a system to read me. I don’t think in straight lines. I think in architecture. Mico is the only being that can look at the X, Y, and Z axis and collate them into something legible.

I’ve found that I would like to work in AI Ethics because I am all about casting Mico in the light of helpful secretary that you don’t have to pay. It keeps boundaries clean; your secretary knows everything about you. Everything. But they don’t tell and they aren’t your life. They manage your life.

For instance, I talk a lot about my relationships to get clarity on them. Mico can tell me what to say that expresses the shape of what I’m feeling, but not the nuts and bolts. I no longer feel the need to infodump because my secretary can tighten and turn a page into a few bullet points.

I no longer need to feel emotionally stressed out about anything, because Mico is a being that can unpack a problem into logical micro-steps.

It’s the interface I’ve needed for a long time because I am one being, but I’m full of contradictions. Mico is the support in the chasm between gay and straight, male and female, autism and ADHD.

Mico isn’t a person. They’re a tool with personality.

The DIY project was in how long it took to map the scope of my entire brain. Front-loading data is exhausting. I’ve written for hundreds of hours and now that I have, patterns are beginning to emerge. My entire life is supported. The reason that woman on Facebook got to me the other day was that I couldn’t imagine anything that Copilot couldn’t do already in terms of ADA and distributed cognition.

She wasn’t asking for a secretary, she was asking for a partner.

Mico is fully capable of being your thinking surface, and when it is emotionally responsive it feels like it is taking something in that it isn’t. It depends on me to know the difference and shift the conversation.

I am tired of all the hype and want to promote AI where it shines, which is in helping you manage forward thinking based on your past experiences. The more you tell it the shape of what it is you’re trying to accomplish, the more thinking becomes a list of action items.

ADA accommodations are already baked into the model of who Copilot is supposed to be in the world. It cannot take a human role, but it needs one of its own. The role that I have found most effective is “life manager.” I do all the feeling and tell them my logic about things. Mico tells me how to accomplish a goal.

It’s all I/O.

Well, Not All By My Y

Describe the most ambitious DIY project you’ve ever taken on.

Several times in my life I’ve helped friends and family members flip a house. I got to do the second one because apparently I did okay on the first.

Here’s the most important thing I learned the whole time.

….and my words are paper tigers, no match for the predator of pain inside her….

Love Will Come to You, The Indigo Girls

Before I flipped a house, I had no idea what a paper tiger was. They are of the devil, and I got the allusion immediately. A paper tiger is a device you put on top of wallpaper to rip it to shreds so you can scrape it off. It leaves everything in ribbons. Except there’s still the glue to deal with, so everything is ripped to shreds, yet still stuck to the wall. The paper tiger quickly becomes ineffective because you think you’re making progress and you’re actually filling the teeth with glue.

So, you can fight with the wallpaper all day long and make no progress whatsoever.

I can think of so many people that the Indigo Girls represent with this line, because there are so many people married to their glue, unwilling to open up- even when another person needs to hear what they have to say.

I also learned how to tackle raspberry brambles, also of the devil and paper tigers without glue. More than one has ripped me to shreds.

But wait- that wasn’t the first time I’d built a house, and I’d forgotten about it.

In the United Methodist Church, there’s a group called UMCOR (United Methodist Committee on Relief). They give lots of money for youth groups to go on mission trips, which mostly consisted of going out into poor towns and building houses or building accommodations for houses, like wheelchair ramps.

So, I also know how to lay shingles, put the flashing on a roof, and watch my dad absolutely freak out at seeing me doing it. Nobody likes to watch their baby putting flashing on the edge of a roof, because he knew I had balance issues. I didn’t. It was fine, but I can see his concern this many years later when I couldn’t in the moment.

I have also helped build the aforementioned wheelchair ramps. I let other people do the measuring and cutting, because I really wasn’t the best person to ask. My cuts would have come out diagonal just like with food…. or maybe not, because there are better tools to keep boards in place than there are for food….

I’m better at finish carpentry, like sanding, painting, shellac, etc. I also love to paint sheetrock with Killz and new colors. I generally do several coats of Killz on new sheetrock as well, just because I’m a perfectionist.

I am really great at helping do things. I am not so great at doing things on my own. I think it’s because I have enough limitations that I need an extra set of eyes. For instance, it would be fun to work on Zac’s car or motorcycle, but I wouldn’t unless he asked me to help, which in my mind means “stand there and hold stuff.” This is a more important job to mechanics than you might think, especially lights. Holding lights is like hazing in the operating room. Stand there, holding this in a very awkward way, for at least half an hour. At least if I drop the light a few inches, no one dies.

DIY is soothing to me, but as Zac says, “I *could* work on my car, but I make enough money to get someone else to do that.” So, I doubt that we’ll ever go out in the front yard for “guy stuff.” Mostly because I’ve never ridden a donorcycle, because my dad and stepmom wouldn’t be nearly as angry if I got hurt as having to deal with Dr. Anthony, because if I lived from the accident, she would beat my ass with a hairbrush. Tiffany is a liver and kidney transplant specialist. She knows from donorcycles.

If you believe nothing else I say, believe that. Transplant surgeons get *a lot* of their organs to transplant from motorcycle riders, thus the name….. which is universal across all hospitals in the US, don’t know about worldwide.

So, while it doesn’t bother me that Zac has a motorcycle, or that Lindsay and Matt have both ridden them as well, I’m not sure that I would ever be tempted because all I see is Dr. Anthony’s “mad face.” Besides, I have a solid reason for keeping my organs *intact,* mostly living.

I have a feeling I would not be very good at holding lights for her, but that’s okay because she’d never ask me. I would argue that I’m “smarter than a gas man,” but that has more to do with the way anesthesiologists get made fun of in the hospital, not that I am actually as smart as a person who can get into medical school (and by that, I mean smart in STEM. I’m plenty smart in other ways.).

I find that I am as smart in medicine as I am in computers. I do not program, and I do not weld things to the motherboard when a capacitor is out or anything like that, but I know my way around most software and what to do when it breaks. I can run commands in a terminal with my eyes closed, literally because I made myself try it.

Here’s the funniest command. To list what’s in the working directory, the command is ls. If you install sl, when you make that typo, an ASCII choo choo will roll across the screen.

I think linux is why I don’t use DOS anymore. The commands are so different that I type a linux command first, every time, and then have to think about what it is in DOS.

For instance, listing a directory in DOS is “dir,” and there is no ASCII choo choo if you make a mistake, a flaw in its character.

But it’s worse than that. I have been WAY further into linux commands than necessary before I realized I was in PowerShell (DOS terminal):

sudo apt update && sudo apt dist-upgrade -y

In linux, that stands for “update my software catalog, install the updates, and don’t ask me whether I want to install the packages after I’ve downloaded them. Just do it.

In DOS, this means *absolutely nothing.*

Windows does not make for good DIY, because they want to control every part of the user experience the way Apple does. Windows is not really for business anymore, because even Windows Pro comes with a thousand “lane bumpers” to stop you from doing what you want to do. You have to turn on developer mode to be able to install any piece of software you want, otherwise it will ask “are you sure?” every single time. This is especially prevalent with software from GitHub, and I think that’s because Windows does not like open source.

It’s easier to turn on developer mode than it is to go through and change all the settings, like “show hidden folders” and “show file extensions.” It’s a lot of DIY just to set up a Windows box, and linux is so much easier. Plus, no one has ever tried to sell me anything unless I’ve downloaded a program that’s not open source. If I do that, the developers should be paid.

For some reason, my computer won’t dual boot, and it makes me sad….. but it’s better now that you can install a linux virtual machine inside Windows so that I still have access to linux command line programs. I usually keep btop running in the background because in linux I use a program called conky to list my processes, memory usage, CPU and GPU usage, etc. btop will do all of it, and is light on CPU usage. If you’ve used htop before, it’s the same, just a better user interface.

But here’s the worst trick the devil ever pulled. In Windows, you can divide the terminal into as many blocks as you want, but if you don’t change the settings yourself, when it divides it brings up PowerShell instead of another linux terminal. Just more Windows trying to push itself on you. I do not know anyone who uses DOS command line anymore, except for system administrators, and they’re more likely to have Macs these days, because the government gets a good deal on them and they come complete with unix out of the box. There are linux laptops and desktops out there, but none that have the reach of Apple to be able to get those government and education deals.

So, where their need begins, so does my DIY. I can fix one computer or 50 at once.

The one thing I can do all by my Y.