If you started a sports team, what would the colors and mascot be?

Let me start off by saying that I am not a sports person. I love stories about athletes, and feel it is akin to watching superhero origin stories that are within the realm of possibility. For instance, I could imitate Abby Wambach’s career, even though I’m not athletic, better than I could imitate Wonder Woman’s….. unless I turned out to be the guy who gives polygraphs at CIA. The man who created Wonder Woman also created the precursor to the polygraphs used today. That being said, if I had any kind of team sport, the colors would be red, navy, and white. That’s because I like National Team jerseys best. 😉

I would say “let’s make American football a national sport,” except that few countries have adopted it enough that we could make a decent number of teams in a world cup or Olympics. So that’s probably out. I would say “quadball,” but I don’t know how many teams outside of colleges exist (JK Rowling has burned down her career so bad that even “quidditch” is a dead name). I will say that a national quadball team would look smart, even if they cannot actually fly.

In fact, let’s go with that. Quadball isn’t a real sport outside of colleges, but I like the idea of a national team, anyway. I don’t know how the game is played on land in terms of that whole “not flying on a broomstick” thing, but I think that the teams should have cloaks, anyway. They’re reversible, navy and red. Depending on whether we’re home or away, the uniforms are either white with red and blue accents, or blue with white and red accents.

If, for some reason, we do get the ability to fly during quadball games, I’d also figure out a way to rig up the brooms with LEDs or something to make them show up better at night games.

But again, I’m not a sports person. I know how to make it sound like I know something about sports by nodding and sounding empathetic. I don’t know the rules of anything, really. Even the sports I’m most rabid about (futbol/baseball), I cannot tell you the finer points. But I can tell you all about Beckham and Messi and Chastain and Hamm. That’s a t-shirt.

Again, superhero origin stories. People think they’re on Disney+, but I’ve found them on ESPN. Not only do I feel like I can obtain life lessons, you cannot convince me that Abby Wambach and I would not be best friends from day one. We wouldn’t be able to shut up. First of all, because I’ve been around soccer players my whole adult life, I can’t tell you every fact about the game, but I can definitely empathize with life on and off the pitch. The second is that as an INFJ, I’m very much like her wife, Glennon Doyle. So, she’d remind me of my first girlfriend, I’d remind her of her current wife…. hilarity ensues.

The best thing about ESPN origin stories is that athletes are so…. well…. human.

I’d like my own team of ’em, in smart red and navy reversible cloaks.