The series finale of “Homeland” was like watching a car wreck in slow motion. I kept waiting for Carrie to pull it out of the fire because she always comes through…… until she didn’t.

I tried to tell her in every way possible that Things Fall Apart

The reason I think that “Homeland” had the perfect series finale is because I’m still mad about it:

• It honored the show’s internal logic instead of the audience’s comfort.
• It delivered the only ending that made sense for Carrie Mathison’s character arc.
• It severed the relationship that mattered most- Carrie and Saul- in a way that was morally correct and emotionally devastating.
• It forced you to sit with the cost of loyalty, intelligence work, and genius.
• It refused to give you catharsis because Homeland has never been about catharsis.

It resonates with my real life in lots of ways, but not because of the intelligence work. Carrie’s bipolar disorder is exhausting in ways that are too true to be comfortable. Carrie’s betrayal also comes through a series of poorly thought-out decisions in which she has no options left. That is exactly how people with mental health issues self-destruct.

So, I want it to be as clear as possible that I am mailing my own books back home.

In Herndon, I didn’t make that clear. I am not running from anyone or anything. I am trying to take back my power, and to tell my friends in Northern Virginia that I am not opposed to them reading, I just clock it. I am also open to real life friendship with any of these people, but it has to come from a place of alignment. I will never people please ever again, because it’s not actually pleasing people. It’s letting other people decide the direction my life takes.

I have to believe that Carrie Mathison tried to do the right thing until the very last moment, when the right thing and the wrong thing subverted.

Carrie’s experience of Northern Virginia is more like mine than any other character on television, mental illness included…… so, two things:

• If you want to read me without revealing your location, stay on your cell phone. US carriers don’t reveal location.
• I would be happier inviting you to sit in my living room than with being consumed as a product.

I am not allergic to Washington. I am allergic to power and the use of it. Anyone who connects with me will show up in flip flops and a baseball cap.