What’s the longest book you’ve ever read?

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If my blog were printed, it would be roughly 350 encyclopedias long. But I haven’t just read it, I’ve created it, so I see it differently than you do- in some cases, I remember the exact place I wrote it. I always remember the story behind the story unless it has been many years, one of the reasons I’m so persnickety about making Aada vivid. I don’t remember my first wife at all anymore.

My first wife was not as worthy of remembrance as Aada is now and has been for the last 12 years. She says that she does not know how anyone could read about themselves without coming away with self-revulsion. That’s not how it feels to read, but that’s how it feels to write. I got tired of not liking myself. I got tired of Aada not liking me because she said my narrative was about her was repetitive without doing anything to change it. My writing reflects my thoughts. If we’re doing the same thing, I’m going to write down the same thing.

That’s how that works.

I would have loved to have written a story of a blogger and a fan with an explosive connection that turned into racing each other to Wawa to buy each other coffee and ice cream. But it didn’t. It sort of did. There were a lot of digital Starbucks cards passed between us. It just came with Xs and Os on the page, and not an arm around my shoulder. It was heavy with no foundation, like knowing that books were welcome but running into each other? Awkward.

I did not know how to navigate myself nor her, and I think you did get the best of what could be said. You also got the worst. Now things are different because it’s the first day of school- a new chapter…. hopefully without forgetting where I came from. She says that she’s probably too old to change. That’s where I kiss her head and say it’s okay. So am I.

I am being dragged into change, and in some sense, I regret every bit of it. But all change that is good is designed to make you stretch. Life was not happier when it was me and Aada through the computer in an isolated bubble. But it feels like it was when you’re not there yet. You’re in limbo. You can see the change, but you have not become it.

All I can do is dress for success, so here’s what that means in homeschool terms: I’m wearing jeans and a t-shirt with a line drawing of Galway Bay, the Irish pub I visited in Annapolis. I am comfortable and relaxed enough to focus on human rights.

I am getting a huge kick out of Macklemore’s success and the egg on both P!nk and Ed Sheeran’s faces. Neutrality favors the oppressor. Always. Even Ed’s own band has walked out on him now because not taking a stand is taking a stand.

I am going to the Thrift Shop to celebrate.