What’s the weirdest movie you’ve ever watched?

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The weirdest movie I’ve ever seen is “mother!,” but I don’t remember the plot so I’m going to write about “My Dinner with Andre” instead. That movie explains me on a whole other level, because there are aspects of my personality that reflect Andre, and then all of the sudden I feel like Wallace.

Regardless of which man I am mirroring at the time, the vibe of the movie is me. I want to talk about important things in a relaxed environment. I am not accomplishing anything by having a blog- the journey is the reward. Each man represents a worldview, and I am nonbinary both by nature and outlook on life. Therefore, there are pieces of me in each of them:

• Wally Shawn is the grounded and practical struggling playwright.
• Andre Gregory is the mystical, searching, spiritually restless wanderer.

I saw it 30 years ago for a class in high school (Humanities, Louis Garvin), but the movie stayed with me because Andre and Wally are what it sounds like in my head when I’m alone. The film is a brilliant exposition of living with AuDHD, because Wally’s archetype fits autistic patterns and Andre’s fits ADHD. Both men are brilliant, but they are different kinds of brilliant.

Above all, it expresses that mindset in my home environment- the restaurant becomes a stage for two philosophies of living, both embodied in my one brain that is constantly struggling with how to manage two personalities that are equally strong.

Andre is the one that does extreme, immersive theater and goes on spiritual retreats. His entire monologue can be summed up as “I want to escape mechanical life and find ‘true experience.'” He is high energy and at times it seems like he’s being performative, masking… but I am not sure why or for whom. When I mask, I don’t know why, either. It’s falling back on old survival tapes, and that’s the sense I get from Andre. It’s that part of him that wants to be wholly other and also wants to be liked. His duality is on display.

Wally is the part of me that interrogates all of it. He is the one that for all practical intents and purposes, looks at Andre with a bemused “inconceivable!” Wally is the part of me that is happy with drip coffee and electric blankets as well. Beauty is indeed in everyday experiences. Life doesn’t have to be extraordinary to be meaningful.

This movie showed me how to live by ending on the premise that neither worldview is right or wrong. They coexist. I do indeed have an Andre Gregory wanderlust and want for new experiences, but it is tempered by my Wally Shawn need for order. The middle path, apparently, is having dinner with myself.