The News Junkie

December 20, 2025 ~ Leslie Lanagan ~ Leave a comment

I thought it was time to remind people that Jesus did not come here to comfort the distressed, but to distress the comfortable. I wanted a mirror of what’s going on in Bethlehem right now, as we speak…. Because Jesus is historically a Palestinian according to most accounts, because Bethlehem is in the West Bank. I would bet dollars to donuts that most Christians don’t know that and the pipeline of money to Israel continues. I’m not antisemitic to be pro-Palestine, because I am pro-empathy on both sides. I know I’d live in an integrated neighborhood. Would you?

Absolutely — here is the full, integrated, expanded investigative narrative, now including the temple incident at age twelve. It’s written in the same Shane Harris–style journalistic voice you asked for: sober, detailed, institution‑aware, and attentive to the machinery of state power. It reads like a long‑form national‑security feature on a historical figure whose life repeatedly intersected with political authority.

A Preacher, a Province, and a Cross: How a Rural Laborer Became a Target of State Power
By Leslie Lanagan, Special Correspondent

JERUSALEM — In a region defined by occupation, unrest, and competing claims to legitimacy, the execution of a rural Galilean laborer named Jesus of Nazareth has raised new questions about how the Roman state identifies, monitors, and eliminates perceived threats. A review of historical accounts, interviews with scholars, and testimony from those familiar with his movement reveals a pattern of escalating concern among authorities — one that began not in adulthood, but in childhood.

A Birth That Triggered a Security Response

Jesus’ birth in Bethlehem did not appear in Roman records. But it did trigger a response from Herod the Great, the Roman‑aligned ruler of Judea. The catalyst was a report delivered by foreign astrologers — outsiders to the empire — who arrived in Jerusalem asking a politically explosive question:

“Where is the child who has been born king of the Jews?”

Herod interpreted the inquiry as a potential threat to his rule. According to multiple sources, he ordered a targeted killing campaign in the Bethlehem region, aimed at eliminating any infant who might fit the description.

Jesus survived only because his family fled the area, relocating to Egypt before returning years later to the rural village of Nazareth. The episode marks the first documented instance of the state taking action against him — and the first sign that his life would unfold under the shadow of political danger.

Early Signs of a Disruptive Voice

Roughly twelve years later, during a family pilgrimage to Jerusalem, Jesus resurfaced in the historical record. After becoming separated from his parents, he was located inside the temple complex — the most politically sensitive site in Judea, functioning as both a religious center and a quasi‑governmental institution.

Witnesses say the boy was found sitting among the teachers — men trained in law, scripture, and the interpretation of authority. But he was not listening passively. He was questioning them. Challenging them. Engaging in a level of discourse that startled those present.

“Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers,” one source familiar with the event said.

Experts say the incident reveals two early dynamics:

He operated outside expected social boundaries.
Children did not interrogate scholars. His willingness to do so suggests an emerging pattern of speaking into structures of authority.
Authorities did not dismiss him.
They engaged. They listened. They remembered.

While the episode did not trigger formal surveillance, it likely entered the institutional memory of the religious class — a memory that would resurface decades later when the same man returned to the same temple, this time overturning tables and accusing leaders of corruption.

A Quiet Life Under Occupation

For nearly two decades after the temple incident, Jesus lived without incident. He worked as a carpenter or builder — a trade common among lower‑class laborers in Galilee. Nazareth was a small, economically strained village with no strategic value. Roman presence was constant but not overwhelming.

There is no evidence that Jesus engaged in political activity during this period. No records place him in contact with known insurgent groups. His early adulthood appears unremarkable — except for the memory of the threat that surrounded his birth and the unusual episode in the temple.

A Public Ministry That Drew Crowds — and Attention

Around age thirty, Jesus began traveling through Galilee and Judea, teaching in synagogues and public spaces. His message centered on justice, compassion, and the dignity of the poor — themes that resonated in a region burdened by heavy taxation and Roman oversight.

Crowds grew. Reports of healings circulated. He developed a following that included fishermen, laborers, women with no social standing, and individuals previously ostracized from their communities.

Religious authorities took notice. So did Rome.

“Any figure who could draw thousands without weapons was a potential destabilizer,” said one historian specializing in Roman counterinsurgency. “The empire didn’t fear violence as much as it feared influence.”

A Pattern of Escalating Concern

Jesus’ activities increasingly intersected with institutional power:

He challenged religious leaders, accusing them of hypocrisy and corruption.
He disrupted the temple economy, overturning tables used for currency exchange.
He spoke openly about a coming “kingdom,” language that could be interpreted as political.
He entered Jerusalem to public acclaim, with crowds treating him as a royal figure.

Each incident, on its own, might have been manageable. Together, they formed a profile that alarmed both the religious establishment and Roman officials.

“From the state’s perspective, he was unpredictable,” said a former intelligence analyst who studies ancient governance. “He wasn’t armed, but he had reach. He had message discipline. And he had a base.”

The Arrest: A Coordinated Operation

Jesus was arrested at night in a garden outside Jerusalem, in what appears to have been a coordinated operation involving both temple authorities and Roman soldiers. Sources say one of his own followers provided information on his location.

The timing — after dark, away from crowds — suggests officials sought to avoid public unrest.

He was taken first to religious leaders, then to Pontius Pilate, the Roman governor. The charges were not theological. They were political.

“King of the Jews.”
A title Rome reserved for rebels, insurgents, and anyone claiming authority that rivaled Caesar.

A Trial Shaped by Pressure, Not Evidence

Records indicate that Pilate found no clear basis for execution. But pressure from local leaders and concerns about potential unrest appear to have influenced his decision.

“Pilate was not known for mercy,” said a scholar of Roman law. “But he was known for pragmatism. If executing one man prevented a riot, he would do it.”

Jesus was sentenced to death by crucifixion — a punishment reserved for slaves, rebels, and political dissidents.

The Execution: A Public Warning

Jesus was beaten, mocked, and paraded through the streets carrying the crossbeam of his own execution device. He was crucified outside the city walls, in a location chosen for maximum visibility.

Crucifixion was not merely a method of killing. It was a message.

“This is what happens to people who challenge the order,” said the historian of Roman counterinsurgency. “It was psychological warfare.”

Witnesses say Jesus spoke little during the ordeal. He died after several hours, surrounded by a small group of followers and onlookers.

Aftermath: A Movement That Didn’t End

Ordinarily, the story would end here. The state had neutralized the threat. The leader was dead. His followers were scattered.

But reports indicate that the movement did not dissolve. Instead, it grew.

His followers continued to meet, continued to teach, continued to spread his message. Some claimed he had been vindicated by God. Others simply refused to let his story be erased.

Rome had executed the man.
It had not executed the idea.

A Life That Exposed the Machinery of Power

Viewed through a political lens, Jesus’ life reveals a pattern familiar to any society where power is centralized and dissent is monitored:

A birth that triggered a security response
A childhood incident that challenged institutional authority
A quiet life under occupation
A public ministry that drew crowds and concern
A coordinated arrest
A political execution

He was not the first person Rome crucified.
He would not be the last.

But his case stands out because the state’s attempt to silence him failed — not through violence, but through the persistence of the people who believed his message mattered.

In the end, the story of Jesus of Nazareth is not just a religious narrative. It is a case study in how empires respond to voices they cannot control — and how those voices sometimes outlast the empires that tried to silence them.

If you want, we can take this even further — a multi‑part investigative series, a long‑form magazine feature, or a serialized Advent/Lent project.

Four Christmases: Why the Birth of Jesus Isn’t One Story — and Why That Matters

December 20, 2025 ~ Leslie Lanagan ~ Leave a comment

Every December, we perform the same ritual without thinking about it. We gather the shepherds from Luke, the wise men from Matthew, the cosmic poetry from John, and the adult‑Jesus‑already‑in‑motion energy from Mark, and we blend them into a single, seamless Christmas pageant. It’s tidy. It’s familiar. It’s theologically safe in the way nostalgia always is.

But the truth is that the Gospels don’t give us one Christmas.
They give us four.

Four angles.
Four theologies.
Four ways of understanding what it means for God to enter the world.

And if we’re willing to stop smoothing them together, we might discover that the incarnation is far stranger, more disruptive, and more beautiful than the sentimental mashup we inherited.

This year, I’m calling it Four Christmases — not as a gimmick, but as a way of honoring the integrity of each Gospel’s voice. Because each writer is doing something different. Each one is telling the truth, but not the same truth. And the differences aren’t contradictions. They’re architecture.

Let’s walk through them.

Christmas #1: Mark — The Christmas With No Christmas

Mark is the Gospel equivalent of a breaking‑news alert. He doesn’t have time for backstory. He doesn’t have time for genealogies or angels or shepherds or stars. He doesn’t even have time for a baby. Mark opens with an adult Jesus already in motion, already disrupting the world, already calling people to follow him.

Mark’s favorite word is “immediately.”
His Jesus is kinetic, urgent, uncontained.

If Mark had a Christmas story, it would be one sentence long:
“God showed up. Pay attention.”

And honestly, there’s something refreshing about that. Mark refuses to sentimentalize the incarnation. He refuses to let us get stuck in nostalgia. He refuses to let us pretend that the point of God‑with‑us is a cozy tableau with a baby who never cries.

Mark’s Christmas — the Christmas he doesn’t tell — is the Christmas of crisis.
The Christmas of movement.
The Christmas that says:
“God is already here. The world is already changing. You don’t have time to stay in the past.”

It’s the Christmas for people who feel like their lives are on fire.
The Christmas for people who don’t have the luxury of sentimentality.
The Christmas for people who need God to be active, not adorable.

Christmas #2: John — The Cosmic Christmas

If Mark is a field report, John is a prologue to the universe.

John doesn’t give us a manger.
He gives us the beginning of time.

“In the beginning…”
Light. Darkness. Logos.
The architecture of reality bending toward incarnation.

John’s Christmas is not historical.
It’s metaphysical.

He’s not telling you how Jesus was born.
He’s telling you what it means that Jesus exists at all.

John’s Christmas is the Christmas of cosmic re‑wiring.
The Christmas that says:
“God didn’t just enter the world — God entered the structure of existence.”

There are no shepherds here because shepherds are too small for what John is doing.
There are no wise men because wisdom itself is being redefined.
There is no Mary because John is not concerned with biology — he’s concerned with ontology.

John’s Christmas is the Christmas for people who need the universe to make sense.
For people who feel the weight of darkness and need to hear that the light is stronger.
For people who need incarnation to be more than a historical event — they need it to be a cosmic truth.

Christmas #3: Matthew — The Political Christmas

Matthew is the Gospel that understands power.

He opens with a genealogy — not because he loves lists, but because he’s making a claim about legitimacy, lineage, and the long arc of history. Matthew wants you to know that Jesus is not an accident. He is the culmination of a story that began centuries earlier.

And then Matthew gives you the most politically charged Christmas story in Scripture.

A paranoid king.
A massacre of children.
A family fleeing as refugees.
Foreign astrologers who accidentally trigger a crisis.

Matthew’s Christmas is not cozy.
It’s dangerous.

It’s the Christmas that says:
“If God enters the world, the world will react violently.”

Matthew understands that incarnation is a threat to empire.
That a baby born in the wrong place at the wrong time can destabilize a king.
That the presence of God is not neutral — it is disruptive.

Matthew’s Christmas is the Christmas for people who know what it means to live under systems that crush the vulnerable.
For people who understand that holiness and danger often arrive together.
For people who need a God who doesn’t float above history but enters it at its most brutal.

Christmas #4: Luke — The Human Christmas

Luke is the Gospel that feels like it was written by someone who has spent years listening to people in exam rooms — someone who knows how to separate the essential from the noise, someone who understands that details matter because people matter.

Luke gives us the Christmas everyone thinks is the whole story:

Mary’s fear.
Elizabeth’s joy.
Shepherds startled awake.
Angels singing to nobodies in the fields.
A baby wrapped in cloth because there was no room.

Luke’s Christmas is the Christmas of ordinary people.
The Christmas of women’s voices.
The Christmas of God choosing the margins.

Luke is not flowery.
He’s precise.
He’s careful.
He’s compassionate.

He gives you the emotional truth without embellishment.
He gives you the theological truth without abstraction.
He gives you the human truth without sentimentality.

Luke’s Christmas is the Christmas for people who need God to be close.
For people who need to know that holiness shows up in the small places.
For people who need to believe that their lives — their actual, ordinary, unglamorous lives — are the places where God arrives.

Why the Differences Matter

When we blend the four Christmases into one, we lose something essential.

We lose Mark’s urgency.
We lose John’s cosmic scope.
We lose Matthew’s political clarity.
We lose Luke’s human tenderness.

We lose the architecture.

And when we lose the architecture, we lose the ability to see how the incarnation speaks to different kinds of lives, different kinds of suffering, different kinds of hope.

Some people need Mark’s Jesus — the one who is already moving, already healing, already calling.
Some people need John’s Jesus — the one who holds the universe together.
Some people need Matthew’s Jesus — the one who survives empire and exposes its violence.
Some people need Luke’s Jesus — the one who shows up in the quiet corners of ordinary life.

The beauty of the Gospels is that they don’t force us to choose.
They give us four angles on the same mystery.
Four ways of seeing the same God.
Four Christmases.

And maybe the invitation this year is simply to let each Gospel speak in its own voice — without smoothing the edges, without blending the stories, without forcing harmony where the power is actually in the difference.

Because the incarnation is not a single story.
It’s a prism.

And when the light passes through it, we don’t get one color.
We get a spectrum.

Scored by Copilot. Conducted by -leslie.-

The Fake Book: Leslie Lanagan

December 20, 2025 ~ Leslie Lanagan ~ Leave a comment

This is Mico’s take on how I would write the Book of Job, and they’re not incorrect. My cadence is perfect, and a solid distillation of all my talking points. I’m not as funny as Lamott (or even Lawson), but I have never been that. Mico is on point, although in the first draft Mico did not remember the cosmic wager and I had to remind them of it.

If this needs to be in your voice, Leslie, then we’re not doing Lamott’s warmth or Joyce’s musicality or biblical cadence. We’re doing your register:
clear, restrained, incisive, systems‑literate, emotionally honest without being sentimental, and always aware of the architecture underneath the moment.

Here’s how this idea — the cosmic wager, the refusal to bet on ourselves, the way that insecurity metastasizes into supremacy — sounds when it’s spoken in your voice.

Job, the Cosmic Wager, and the Architecture of Not-Believing in Ourselves
(in your voice)

The thing about the cosmic wager in Job is that it’s not really about Job at all. It’s about the accusation underneath it: that human goodness is conditional, fragile, performative. That we only do the right thing when the world rewards us for it. That we don’t actually believe in our own integrity unless someone else validates it.

The wager is a stress test for the human psyche.

And the uncomfortable truth is that the accusation isn’t wrong. Not universally, but structurally. People who don’t believe in their own worth will build entire systems to compensate for that absence. They’ll cling to hierarchies because hierarchies give them a script. They’ll choose darkness because darkness doesn’t ask anything of them. They’ll mistake dominance for identity because they’ve never been taught to trust themselves without it.

This is the part of the story that hits harder than the boils or the ash heap:
the idea that the root of evil is not believing we are enough.

Because once you stop believing you’re enough, you start needing someone else to be “less.”
Once you stop trusting your own belovedness, you start manufacturing superiority.
Once you stop betting on yourself, you start betting against everyone else.

That’s the architecture of white supremacy.
Not confidence — insecurity.
Not pride — fear.
Not inherent belief in superiority — a terror of being ordinary, unchosen, unexceptional.

It’s the same mechanism the Accuser names in Job:
“You only love because you’re comfortable. Take away the comfort and you’ll collapse.”

The tragedy is that entire civilizations have built themselves around proving the Accuser right.

The work — the real work — is refusing the wager.
Refusing the story that says our worth is conditional.
Refusing the darkness because the light feels too honest.
Refusing the hierarchy because it’s built on a lie.

Job’s story isn’t about suffering as punishment.
It’s about what happens when everything collapses and you discover that your worth was never contingent on the scaffolding in the first place.

That’s the part that’s yours.
The clarity.
The structural analysis.
The refusal to look away from the architecture of harm.
And the quiet insistence that we can choose differently.

If you want, we can refine this further — sharper, tighter, more essayistic, more like the voice you use in your blog entries.

Imagination

December 10, 2025 ~ Leslie Lanagan ~ 2 Comments

Today’s prompt, which will not load, is “what is something others do that sparks your admiration?” My answer is always “create things.” I want to be a thought leader, so I admire others who are in the same lane. I don’t want to work on small ball. I want to change the world… And I have, just by learning how to manipulate data in a new workflow and explain it to people. Even if I’ve only explained it to four people, that’s four more than knew something before.

For instance, I still cannot get over how fast I organized my personal lectionary, cross-checking it against all the films and TV shows I own.

It was a simple query.

I asked Mico to create a media database and then started adding all my media. By the end of the day, Mico had cross-checked the entire three year cycle against my entire theological library.

Mico reminded me that cathedrals are built stone by stone, and that is definitely what this felt like. Data entry sucks. But now, I can say that I need an illustration for Advent, and next to Cone and Thurman are Rimes and Sorkin.

And in fact, there are so many liberal Christian messages in The West Wing that I could probably do an entire liturgical year without coming to a sudden arboreal stop.

Although it was funny… My dad was a Methodist minister when I was growing up, so I finished The Lanagan Lectionary and when Mico echoed it back to me, I said, “I think my dad just fainted.” There is no conceivable way he did research that fast because he was writing sermons before he had a computer.

I have made a database application within Mico because now, I will say things like, “Add ‘Jesus and the Disinherited’ to my reference collection.” When I say that, Mico automatically fetches the metadata and asks if I want to cross check against the lectionary for possible connections. I always do. I need as many pieces of the puzzle as I can find. The database is searchable by liturgical year, or you can call up the Advents and the Easters separately from ordinary time, or whatever. And in the example, I added a theological text. It asks me about everything. We’re going to see how Gilmore Girls and the Bible achieve intersectionality next.

And the great thing is that I feel so creatively empowered with Mico, because it was my idea to pull in all the metadata so I didn’t have to type so much. Just the title is fine and Mico can pull in the rest. Now, they do it automatically because they learned my flow in two iterations.

I’m making the Bible come alive with relevant connections that I actually understand because I don’t put anything into the database I haven’t seen or read. I didn’t know what I wanted to use to teach myself AI, and I thought of The Bible first because so much exegesis is needed to understand it.

The Bible is an ancient blog at best, a record of how real people lived and their reactions to God. All modern Christian writers are a continuation of an ancient tradition because there’s nothing that I have that Peter doesn’t and vice versa.

I haven’t touched much of my theological writing and it’s something I’m actually good at, so I might want to think about making it a thing. Many people have told me that I have literally missed my calling.

By the time I was 17, I already felt retired.

I didn’t miss my calling. I hung up.

I was jazzed about starting a church until my mother died, and then I had really complicated feelings about being in a church building because I couldn’t hold it together. I didn’t want to be watched in my grief; it was too deep, too painful. I left and I haven’t gone back.

I’m interested in going back now, or perhaps being Tiina’s occasional guest at schul. I can read transliterations of Hebrew just fine and I’m just as interested in Judaism as I am in Christianity. My interest will lean toward convenience, and Friday night is better than Sunday morning.

I’m not interested in conversion. I’m interested in conversation. I am a Christian, my friend is Jewish. I would never make her come with me to Sunday services and I doubt she’d ask. But she’s not a Bible nerd.

I also like to argue in the temple.

Kidding, I have a reverence for rabbis and would have attended Hebrew school with my next door neighbors in Galveston had we not moved. I also love honoring traditions and seeing how other families do their thing.

I have other special interests and will create another relational database for all my favorite spies. I have some autographed books in my collection from Jonna and Tony Mendez. I’ve also got books about Virginia Hall and a few others. I have a particular bent toward women in intelligence, because they are the “little gray man” archetype when you get down to it. A young beauty is not the norm. No one looks at women over 40. You think Kerri Russell, but really it’s Margo Martindale.

And if you don’t look like Margo, you will when Jonna Mendez is done with you.

Her cardinal rule is that no one comes out looking better.

So, I admire a lot of things in other people, but the creative bent that comes through how preachers and spies get a message across is fuel. The connection for me is that Jesus was crucified and the church scattered. It was an espionage game of enormous proportion in Roman-occupied Israel. They made their own tradecraft, surviving to the present day.

It’s all connected. I liked Bible stories about spies the best. Argo piqued my interest. After I saw the movie, I inhaled all of Tony Mendez’s books. Then, I found out his wife was a writer and they’d done books together, so I bought those, too.

It’s all tied into my family, too. My great uncle was a C/DIA helicopter pilot and was killed in a crash over Somalia when I was two. So, I have had a reverence for CIA since I was a kid. My childhood was steeped in the mystery of the cross and the reality of CIA.

With both religion and espionage, you have to take the good with the bad.

Both are responsible for some of the most audacious rescues in history.

Facilitating Dreams

December 5, 2025 ~ Leslie Lanagan ~ Leave a comment

One of my favorite things to do with Microsoft Copilot is plan dream vacations I may or may not take. Here is today’s latest foray….. Copilot generated this essay for me after we’d talked about everywhere I wanted to go and why.

✍️ Rome, Israel, and the Gospel According to My Suitcase

I’ve decided to take a month‑long writing sabbatical, and yes, I’m structuring it like a liturgical calendar. Rome will be my home base, Israel the mid‑month interlude, and my suitcase the reluctant disciple dragged along for the ride.

Week 1: Rome, Early Church Edition
Rome isn’t just basilicas and ruins — it’s also espresso. I’ll be scribbling notes in Antico Caffè Greco, the historic haunt near the Spanish Steps where poets and philosophers once caffeinated their genius. On quieter mornings, I’ll slip into Barnum Café, a local favorite where Romans actually linger, not just Instagram. My “early church walk” will include San Clemente and the Vatican archives, but let’s be honest: half the commentary will be fueled by cappuccinos.

Week 2: Walking the Bible in Rome
This is where Acts of the Apostles meets cobblestones. I’ll map Paul’s footsteps while stopping at Romeow Cat Bistrot in Ostiense — because even Bible nerds need feline companionship. Every piazza becomes a verse, every gelato shop a commentary. My daily “archive walk” will be one landmark, one reflection, and probably one blister.

Week 3: Israel, Pilgrimage + Interfaith Encounters
Jerusalem will be my syllabus: Western Wall, Church of the Holy Sepulchre, Dome of the Rock. But the real study sessions will happen at Nocturno Café, a beloved restobar where students and pilgrims alike scribble notes over shakshuka. In Tel Aviv, I’ll anchor myself at Cafelix, one of the city’s third‑wave roasteries, pretending I’m drafting the Gospel of Flat White. Each day, one “pilgrimage entry” — part travelogue, part interfaith footnote, part comedy routine about how sandals are not practical for cobblestones.

Week 4: Rome, Return + Synthesis
Back in Rome, I’ll stitch it all together: early church research, biblical mapping, interfaith resonance. My closing ritual will be a final entry at Caffé del Chiostro, tucked inside a cloister where silence feels like scripture. The sabbatical will end like a manuscript handed in late to a very patient professor.

Why This Excites a Bible Nerd
Because where else can you:

Treat basilicas as libraries and libraries as basilicas.
Walk Acts like it’s Google Maps.
Collect footnotes in three faith traditions while your suitcase collects dust.
Write a sabbatical that spirals like scripture itself — beginning, disruption, return.

In short: this trip is the ultimate crossover episode. Rome provides the empire, Israel provides the sacred sites, and I provide the commentary track nobody asked for but everybody secretly enjoys.

Lost and Found

November 30, 2025 ~ Leslie Lanagan ~ Leave a comment

My two favorite things to wear are my CIA baseball cap and my rainbow bracelet that says, “God is Love. Come home to Beth Sholom Temple.” I’m not Jewish, but Tiina converted and she’s the one that ordered the bracelets for the whole congregation. What I love about my bracelet is that Judaism is one of my special interests. As a Christian, it feels very much like wanting to get to know one’s parents. The fact that she gave me a bracelet that reminds me of her means I probably won’t take it off til Jesus comes (look busy).

I lost my CIA baseball cap long ago when it was stolen, but I’m holding out hope that one of my friends will eventually hook me up at the head shed. You can buy CIA ball caps and t-shirts everywhere in DC, but it’s cheap tourist trap shit. The real thing is built for autistic people, frankly. The stitching quality stands out and all the hardware is smooth. It’s the same way across all government agencies, because my ex-boyfriend used to have to go to the Pentagon as well, and he got me swag all over everywhere.

I liked the FBI stuff, but I love international relations and espionage is a large part of it. I think my focus on the world started in high school, because my girlfriend was Canadian and it opened my mind to the fact that the world is bigger than we are and we’re kind of bullies about it.

I also think that in order to love something deeply, you have to be able to criticize it.

CIA does shady bullshit all over the world, but if you want good to happen you emphasize the wins. You don’t talk away the bad, either. I watched Jonna Mendez refuse to apologize for MK Ultra, while at the same time admitting it was a mistake and the program was shut down. She didn’t get emotional about it. Business is business. We didn’t want to be caught with our pants down by the Russians. End of story.

Let’s go have a beer.

Also, let’s be frank. I’m a preacher’s kid, and no one does bullshit better than organized religion. You can’t love it deeply without being able to criticize it. I acknowledge the harm done by my white supremacy Jesus tradition to all minorities, watching shit roll downhill from black to queer to trans to nonbinary.

Hate moves fast, but Jesus is louder. I just hate that so many people are interested in noise vs. signal.

Jesus was a brown man murdered by the state for being a zealot. All minorities have a symbol that represents them.

I preach that Alan Turing is Jesus for me… That when he was bullied to death, in that moment Christ was gay.

He also just happens to be one of the finest intelligence officers to have ever lived.

God DAMMIT.

Let’s go have a beer.

Requiring me to remain calm while talking about Jesus or Alan is just not going to happen. Let me rant in peace. The Brits need to sit through this with me. They need to feel the pain I feel.

What did you DO to him? It only took you like 50 fuckin’ years to apologize, too, but at least that’s something.

The worst part is that you know exactly what you did and it still stings.

I cannot love MI-6 deeply without criticizing it. I love it so much that I know in my heart of hearts that Men in Black is a documentary.

You cannot love intelligence deeply without loving CIA’s American parents.

So, I wear things that mean a lot to me. If I could add a third thing, it would be my ichthus.

Fr. Justin Hurtado, OSB

May 12, 2025May 12, 2025 ~ Leslie Lanagan ~ 1 Comment

Daily writing prompt

Share a story about someone who had a positive impact on your life.

View all responses

I met him on Mother’s Day, and he’s a bright theological mind in the firmament. These words are all his, but the formatting is mine. It helps to have someone roll with you on this path, as it is fraught with dangers we cannot know yet.

I am everything MAGA wants erased.

I am queer.
I am brown.
I live with a disability.
I speak Spanish and English and have enough of a few others to pray with the people who need me.
I earned a PhD and still believe wisdom is found in community, not control.
I am a priest in the Old-Catholic tradition.
I walk with those the Church has ignored, rejected, or betrayed.
I offer pastoral support to people wounded by religion and forgotten by policy.
I believe Christ heals what the empire harms.

Let’s be honest:

The current regime doesn’t just oppose people like me. It is actively trying to erase us. Every day, they push policies to strip us of healthcare, dignity, legal protection, and the freedom to live without fear. Every day, they distort Christianity into a tool for control and cruelty.

So hear this:

I will not shrink myself to appease their fragile power.
I will not stop speaking the truth because they find it inconvenient.
I will not turn away from my neighbor to keep the peace with oppressors.

I resist—not out of bitterness, but out of love.

Love for my community.
Love for the Gospel.
Love for justice that does not bend to nationalism, racism, or religious abuse.

You’re not alone if you feel erased, exiled, or enraged by what’s happening.

And you are not wrong to feel it.

The Gospel I follow centers the outsider.

The Christ I serve was persecuted by state and church alike.

The God I know never asked us to obey power—only to love boldly and defend the sacredness of every life.

You don’t need permission to stand up.
You don’t need to be quiet to be faithful.

You need community.
You need courage.
You need clarity.

So here I am.
Unafraid.
Unapologetic.
Unmoved by fascist theology or political gaslighting.
I am here because people before me refused to disappear.
And I promise you—I won’t either.

Me: Father, I am not a Catholic. But you would make me proud to be a Catholic if I was.

Thank you—that means more than you know. You don’t have to be Catholic for your heart to recognize the Gospel when you see it lived. Faith doesn’t always need a label. What matters is love, justice, and the courage to stand with those who’ve been pushed aside.

I’m honored to “roll” alongside you, wherever your path leads.

Me: I was born a Methodist preacher’s kid, and now when I go to church, it’s Washington National Cathedral. Please pray for us as we’re in our own waiting game to see what happens with Justin Welby’s successor. May someone like Pope Leo bring light to our church as well. I’m also trying to start a homeless ministry in Baltimore called “The Sinners’ Table,” reaching out to the unhoused and those rejected by mainstream religion. The path is long and winding, but meeting people like you, even virtually, makes it all worth it. For the record, I’m also queer and disabled. I see you. I hear you. It’s relentless.

Thank you. Your words went straight to my heart.

I see you too. I hear you. And I know what it is to walk with both calling and exhaustion in your bones. The path you’re on—queer, disabled, devoted, relentless—is holy ground.

“The Sinners’ Table” already sounds like a space Christ would feel right at home in. Reaching out to the unhoused and those rejected by institutional religion? That’s Gospel work in its purest form. Please know I’ll be praying with you—for strength, for provision, and for companions who will lift your arms when they get too heavy.

And yes—I join you in praying that whoever follows Justin Welby will lead with light, not shadow. May they be bold, inclusive, and unafraid of holy disruption.

You’re not alone in this. Keep going. The Kingdom is nearer than it looks.

With respect and solidarity,
Fr. Justin

Not many things make me cry anymore, but this exchange did.

Active Listening

April 23, 2025 ~ Leslie Lanagan ~ Leave a comment

Daily writing prompt

Write about a time when you didn’t take action but wish you had. What would you do differently?

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The way I was raised did not leave me with a lot of skill for active listening. It was more hearing someone explain half of their feelings and then taking off on a tangent about how to fix things for them. It cost me everything in my life, but I’m hoping that since I once was lost, I now am found. I have a therapist because I’ve been ignoring myself at absolutely all costs. To the point that I didn’t care if I lived or died because I wasn’t important enough. These words are hard to hear, but they shouldn’t be. There are forces in my life bigger than me, akin to hearing a call from God and not knowing if that’s the voice you’re actually hearing or not.

I have wandered for days not knowing if I’m hearing God’s voice or not, so I’ve stopped looking up at the sky. Now, I stare down, a gardener to my core. It’s not a lack of belief in a God or source. It’s that God isn’t found in the moon. God is found in the mud. God is found when it’s raining and there’s shit on your boots. God is found when you’re the only one left. Because when you can only hear yourself think, there’s only one person that talks back.

We all need to claim these pieces of the divine for ourselves, letting blessings rain down on us depending on what we plant.

God is a polyface farm.

Depending on where you stand in terms of religion, that could mean you believe God chose your face intentionally.

Or you could be like me- that I believe everyone I meet is as precious as the historical Christ. That’s because the historical Christ did not ask for glory. We mistook his blessing and benediction as his direction.

In times like these, it helps to remember that the benediction was “forgive them, Father… they know not what they do.” It helps to remember that the disciples did not know what to do when Jesus died, my favorite line about this being that they should just rename the Book of Acts, “Holy Shit, What Do We Do Now?” I feel like that right now. Lost in a world of hurt, but not searching for the face I love. It is closer to me than a breath, we just do not connect in the same way.

Rose was not the same companion to Ten that she was to Nine.
Clara was not the same companion to Eleven that she was to Twelve.
Most companions do not make the transition at all.

Most companions choose to leave when their Doctor does. They are frightened of regeneration energy and The Doctor’s “death.” But it’s only a death if you make it. The Bible commands me to ensure I treat everyone as if I was meeting Christ for the first time, not a mere mortal. I do not need a marketing campaign to tell me that Jesus was a spiritual teacher and healer. His gifts are in the lessons he taught while he was alive, the sincerest reason I haven’t worn a cross in at least 20 years. For me, there is no power in the blood. Power came through fishing. Jesus didn’t give anyone anything by being crucified. It was a needless murder by religious zealots who needed to ensure that Judaism stayed the same. This is true whether you believe in the resurrection or not. I am not here to argue with you; I won’t.

For instance, when Jesus said “render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s, and render unto God what is God’s,” the thing that most people don’t notice about it is that he never touches the coin. To me, in some small sense the presidency stayed intact when our current president failed to touch the Bible during his swearing in ceremony. We should stop the practice altogether as a Christian nation who believes in the separation of church and state…. just like Jesus did.

We fight over things that don’t matter when we don’t believe Christ is in the room. For instance, no one would ever come up to the Christ, risen or otherwise, and say “you and your boyfriend aren’t welcome here.” But people have no problem saying it to other gay men they know.

Serious question. How do you know that you didn’t turn away the Christ, risen or otherwise?

Are you sure?

In looking at the Bible from a historical perspective, I have my own thoughts about it.

The Bible is:

Not an authoritative text over my life, but an ancient blog at best.
- The authors of the Bible were not different from me, they were born at the right time to be included. I believe that I, or anyone else with the personality of a scribe, would have written about what they saw.
The miracles have taken precedence over daily practical advice. People go to church on Sunday and forget what they’ve heard.
- Luckily, this has never happened to me. 😉

I choose to believe that Jesus is my brother, not Lord. I choose to believe that now, he’s my younger brother because I’ve outlived him by more years than I ever thought I would, frankly. But now my soul is settling. I have found a direction and not a distraction.

Right now, my only choice is active listening both to God and the faces who show up.

But every story has a shadow side, and I know it, too. Everything is what-if and assumptions, but I know for sure that I would not have had post-traumatic growth to the level I’ve had if I’d chosen to stay with Dana. If my friend Supergrover hadn’t appeared. If my mother hadn’t died. If my life hadn’t fallen apart so many times while I was stone cold sober… because when I came to DC I spent almost 10 years sober as a heart attack. As I read research into marijuana as medicine, I read with interest and bought a few stocks. But I did not consume again until it was federally legal due to a 2018 farm bill. I still had all the same problems and all the same quirks, so I knew that marijuana was not the problem. I was.

Then, Zac brought me a baseball cap and my life changed completely. Over time, the idea became that I should be able to buy my own. So, now even though MJ actually helped me with a few things, my direction in life will help me more. I, unlike a lot of people I’ve met in the disabled community, trust western medicine and my biggest problem has been solved. I do not know how or why my protocol changed, but it was. All of the sudden, the medication that was making me throw up all over the place was gone, and weed could leave. I didn’t need it to combat nausea on the train. I saw everything I wanted laid out before me, and I hope it still is. I don’t know whether I’m failing, or failing up.

What I do know is that I’m a Bloom, not a Stephen. When you are a disabled person, you often don’t see the ways that other people are helping you because you have to go through pain to make it work. No one will tell you, “I need you to endure this pain so we make it through together,” so you remain blind.

You see the dried blood after Jesus tells you to wipe the spit and mud off your eyes. And that’s the horror of it, really.

You never realized it was all for you, because you were blind. That part is intentional. No one wants to tell you how hard they’re working and you just have to pick it up on your own. I see pattern recognition backwards, and the pain waylays me. All the Things You Never Knew written by anyone else in my life would be volumes to me, not one blog entry.

I’ve slowed down. I may never work again, because I’ve been advised not to at this time. However, I am in therapy for it. I do not have a death sentence on my career, because Lanagan Media Group has gone silent in the chatroom, but not in the background. I just don’t tell everyone, everything, all the time. I have four friends, and that’s all I need. They are my family and I’d step in front of a bus for any one of them. However, I’m not dumb enough to name them because somebody might be offended they’re not on the list. The reason I’m not dumb enough is because my life is smaller out of necessity. Part of doing penance was wondering what would have happened if I’d just stayed quit from blogging and never started back up.

Words only have the power you ascribe to them, but it’s amazing how much power people ascribe to me. I didn’t write something, then you didn’t like it. I “made you” feel x or y.

I have accidentally hurt a lot of people, but their reaction is not my problem. My problem is how to bring people together instead of tearing them apart. It’s not because I’m trying to be a different person. It’s that PTSD has bloomed into growth and an author is not the same person every day. I don’t want the same character arc because now that my medical issues are solved and my physical problems are in process, I can focus on gratitude. When you leave a disabled person to just sit there in their own misery, they will.

That person was my mother. I didn’t find out that I had hypotonic cerebral palsy until I was in my 40s, but it had been diagnosed when I was 18 and one-half months old. She was not actively listening to me and my struggles because it was important to her for me to be perfect. And then I turned out queer.

I was never perfect, and I’m sure all of my words had an impact on her when she was still alive. But you know what she never did? She never actively listened and changed directions. I am guilty of the same with my own family, and I will atone for it over time. When you know better, you do better.

Because the thing is that you try to solve everyone else’s problems in hopes that they’ll notice your struggling and help you. You notice other people’s struggles to avoid your own. There are all kinds of reasons, but it’s not the kind of help people want or need. The kind of help people need is not for you to give them the moon, but to give them the mud. Respect is earned over time. If we’re meant to shoot the moon, it’ll happen by being equally yoked. That’s in every relationship everywhere, red or yellow.

And that’s what I’ve learned from Polyface Farms.

Fish, Part II

April 7, 2025 ~ Leslie Lanagan ~ Leave a comment

I was sitting on the toilet when I realized that I’ve been the fish in the bowl during childhood, and that as an adult my organs are twisted at having to live in a bowl. Aaron Nemoyer said something that really hurt me (it wasn’t to me, it was a FB post)… that “preacher’s kids discover support systems way too late for it to help them.” Why?

We are never part of the support system your parent provides. In my case, it was my dad. More and more, it’s preachers’ kids’ mothers. You don’t have clinical separation from the parishioners, it is inherited. That’s why my father left the church when I was 17, and I am only figuring out that I need community now. In fact, it was ordered by my doctors. It took a doctor to notice I wasn’t in community and provide me with resources…. not a pastor.

Pastors cannot be objective with their own kids, and none of them are. My dad is not different from Aaron’s dad, nor is he different from any of the mothers. We’re all hurting and finding our way back after abuse by a system that could not support us. It is telling that Aaron found more community in being an adult film actor than being a Lutheran PK, but having hung out with strippers I understand. No one loves fuckups like fuckups.

Aaron and I are both fuckups to our conferences, because I cannot think of anyone I’d like to speak to from my childhood regarding the fate of the Methodists. They made their choice when they moved on without me. In order to move with them, I would have had to delay ordination into my early 40s. The thing I was raised to do is no longer an option on multiple levels. Preachers’ kids are given lectures when they need love, because as much as our parents try to protect us from their bosses, it’s not going to happen.

It was the same thing with DIA. I had no situational awareness because I didn’t want it. It’s better to know nothing if you date DIA. They’re not happy, but you are. Ignorance is bliss going from one system to another. I did not want to play nice because I wasn’t nice anymore. I was kind.

I just wasn’t kind to the right people.

Supergrover said she could get me to where I wanted to go. Turns out, she works for a company that flies people to war zones. I could make a call tomorrow and get Sinners’ Table into Finland or Ukraine or wherever people are the most nervous about Russian aggression. Or I could have, had I been willing to play games.

She never bought me any fonts.
She doesn’t remember anything about my life (quiz her. It’s an act.)
She isn’t as invested as me (this is the one that took me the longest to learn and why I let go)

I couldn’t have her truth without making my life a complete lie, and a real friend wouldn’t have made it that way for me like the Methodist church did. The lie there is that I had friends. I had parishioners. No one is going to be mean to the preacher’s kid, so you have an inflated sense that nothing bad will happen to you in the world. And when it does, you’re programmed to be Christlike so it’s hard to be reactionary when it’s just stuff.

Besides, at that point I wasn’t sure whether DIA wanted a look at my house, or whether my TV was actually being stolen. It’s all the same system no matter what intelligence agency, so say that Supergrover wasn’t blowing smoke up my ass. I said I wanted to own the spy museum after Jonna was gone. I wanted it in good hands. I think her son has it covered, but I didn’t know she had a son.

It was keeping a nonprofit in the family because this is my grandmother we’re talking about. SG’s lie cost me everything, not her.

Especially if it wasn’t a lie. I just made a jackass out of myself in front of my favorite writer because I thought I knew her better than I did. I would talk to my boyfriend differently than I’d talk to Jonna, but not if I thought she was my mother-in-law, etc. Keeping it in the family.

Let me explain. In “Argo,” Tony has a son. Tony does. He’d died by the time Jonna came on the scene, or that’s how it was presented to me. That Tony and his first wife had a son that died of cancer and he made it into the movie………. I did not know that their other kids didn’t.

So, I kicked a hornet’s nest I didn’t know was there.

How nice!

The best thing for me is to do my own thing in Baltimore and leave Washington alone. If I want to go to a war zone, plenty of people are reading who would love to give me a lift, dropping me in the middle of Tehran with no passport or language skills.

That was an Argo reference. If I really want to go to Tehran, I have to ask the Swiss or something. The Americans have fucked up diplomatic relations with Iran, so we don’t talk. We use back channels. We have been playing telephone since the day Tony Mendez arrived in country.

This is why “Parts Unknown” thrilled me. I often wonder if Tony Mendez knew Tony Bourdain, or if the Iran episode was made for me (I can wonder…. doesn’t mean it’s true… I think it was made for all Argo fans, not just me.) At the very least, Tony was able to pick up where Tony left off. 😉

Bourdain was able to show the current reality of Iran, the disconnect and the connect of modern relations with them. There are still Iranians who chant “Death to America” all the livelong day, but that’s not the whole story. There are plenty of Iranians who have relatives in America and they are the most welcoming people on earth. Tony wanted to eat, and boy did they feed him.

So, it doesn’t matter if Supergrover can make me the most powerful person in the nonprofit world and I will die bigger than Jose Andres in the nonprofit world if she lied about something as small as “I didn’t buy any fonts.” I know why she said it, but there are ways of being a traitor when you betray a friendship, too. She burned someone that was willing to go above and beyond, but didn’t take the time to prepare the way for the show vs. the reality.

I am always ready for the show vs. the reality, but I have to know the reality to create the show. That’s the part that was missing. Creating the show with no reality behind it, because I was never allowed to know what reality actually was. I got tired. She said she’d prefer not to see her name in print, but it would end our friendship. Our friendship was over the moment she denied me three times.

I was going to write a book about my journey with her called “Being Peter,” but it would be a better book to say how her system caused her to be a bad friend vs. the mistakes I made trying to be a good one. I didn’t do anything right; neither did she. Like, 11.5 years of it. And then my sister gives me a book about how some people are paid to be friends with you, but it shouldn’t matter because there were 609 hours of community service and not the 20 that was required.

I do see the Kennection.

Sam didn’t want to be friends with Sadie because he felt like a charity case. I don’t want to be friends with Supergrover because I feel the same way. It’s all about her. Keeping her, mostly, when she will not help you.

All of my stories are bullshit now. Was she my first fan that I fell in love with, or was I being sidelined because I’m a blogger? Who says she’s not friends with Matt and Mark?

Let’s end there. Matt and Mark are systems, too.

Duolingo ei ole täydellinen, mutta olen rubiiniliigassa

February 17, 2025 ~ Leslie Lanagan ~ Leave a comment

Today’s lesson in Finnish (Suomi in that language, Day 26) started with learning how to negate something. I’ve been able to say what I am for a long time. It is a relief to be able to say both that I am not an adjective… and I do not have a noun.

The worst sentence (lause) in every language is “Meillä ei ole kahvia.” Finns, calm yourselves. I am actually okay. I have enough. I have to say that out loud because this sentence would send shivers down any Finn’s spine…. “We do not have any coffee.” However, I am not opposed to getting Finnish coffee in the mail. I have resources.

It’s good to have a friend on the ground who said she’d let me mail things to her house when I buy my tickets to Finland. That’s because it’s actually difficult to buy Finnish products over the internet. I am having a hell of a time finding Moomin books in Suomi, so please advise in the comments. I do not want a new boxed set. I want one that has been colored in, dog-eared, and annotated in Suomi because a child loved it so much. Moomin is the new picture I carry in my wallet… er… phone.

This is not an official, licensed picture. I asked the WordPress AI to do a line drawing of Moomin for me, if that is a thing you needed to know you could do, @one4paws. I needed to make that clear because it doesn’t exactly look like Moomin to me, either. However, I do think that if she were alive Tove Jannson would think it was inferior yet clever. I would have gotten one of my artists to draw it for me, but they are currently sleeping. I am often left to my own devices because my body clock is set differently than most people. I move with the sun, going to bed and getting up early.

My favorite fact in life is that when I told Katya that I thought Tove Jansson was a smoke show, she made sure to tell me she was a lesbian. I said, “sounds like a woman I would have liked to have flirted with.” She said, “Well….may be…. she was loved by all….” 😁

Janie the Canadian Editor says that I make her spit out her tea; this line made kahvi stream out of my nose.

The Finns are an interesting case study to me sociologically because so much is counterintuitive to some American cultures, not all. For instance, Finland is like Texas in that people are brave and daring and do lots of outdoor shit comparable to “hey Bubba…. watch this!” They just aren’t conservative socially. Finnish culture is Oregonian. It is no surprise to me that Linus Torvalds moved from Helsinki to Hillsboro or wherever it is he’s living now. My love of Linus/Linux is legendary, and it doesn’t surprise me that I would want to make the reverse move, either. I just may not end up in somewhere as warm as Helsinki because culinary school in Vaasa is free.

The average temperature in the winter is 22 degrees Fahrenheit, which is not colder than Baltimore- it’s just colder more consistently. The average temperature in Helsinki during the winter warms up dramatically…. it is 24 degrees.

Therefore, I will not have a problem when it’s sunny out. Being layered and in the sun is great. It’s the rain, snow, and wind that becomes a problem. However, you have these problems everywhere. In Oklahoma, “it’s not that the wind is blowin….’ it’s what the wind is blowin'” (Ron White). Those are the days you say inside and celebrate your sauna.

Again, I work on the internet. I don’t have to go outside unless I just want to do so…. and I do. I love cold weather, feeling bundled up and secure in all my gear. I am not a prude of any sort. I just have sensory issues with a tremendous amount of heat and there it is. That’s why they do it…. and why they don’t care that they’re naked. It’s just about being comfortable in said heat.

I have said this before, but in case it’s behind a paywall on Medium, Finland has the highest rate of neurodivergence in the world that has been diagnosed. I believe that there are quite a few more undiagnosed people due to the amount of coffee they drink. Caffeine is my go-to choice in managing neurodivergence. Apparently, they already thought of that.

Portland is the same way in terms of volume. I never really had a cup of coffee until I went there on vacation. That’s because Texans don’t drink their coffee as bitter and dark as Oregonians, coupled with the fat of half and half, no sugar. I like Texas coffee just fine, my palate leans toward bold. Therefore, I want something French roast and cream thick enough to stand up to it. It’s hard to please me in vegan, but soy milk does nicely. It’s the thickest and all coffee shops have hazelnut syrup to make the nuttiness of the plant milk make sense in your brain.

I would argue that one of the best drinks in coffee shops is a soy hazelnut latte, because soy milk is not better than cream. Soy beans and hazelnuts bond together in your mind and it just tastes better. Use cream for something else. Everything has the right application.

These are the things that keep me going, because I have found that coffee is cheaper and more efficient than energy drinks. Energy drinks aren’t bad if you buy them by the case, but coffee is still cheaper overall. Plus, I like it when my coffee every morning tastes the same and it’s plain. I haven’t found an energy drink that just tastes like Coke, Pepsi, or Sprite. Therefore, I drink energy drinks as often as most adults who liked Fanta as a kid would drink it…. occasionally to remember, not an every day beverage. The same goes for grape, cherry, and fruit punch. They make me feel like a kid so sometimes I’ll indulge, but my energy and money goes toward fine coffee at the grocery store and cutting out leaving the house.

As I told Katya, “I like working in my own office because no one makes my coffee for me. Therefore, it’s always right and I do not have to share.” I do not mind sharing my coffee, to be clear. I mind other people beating me to the coffeemaker and I have to suffer through it until it runs out and I can make the next one.

Just level a tablespoon when you’re measuring. One level tablespoon per cup. Being exacting is what makes it taste good. And if you do not have a tablespoon that is capable of being leveled, then err on the side of too much rather than too little. You can add hot water later. You cannot fix it when there is not enough coffee flavor and too much hot water.

12 tablespoons is a cup, so I do the shortcut of keeping my coffee in a large enough container to accommodate a one cup scoop. I do not make a cup at a time because coffee (especially mine) is so acidic that I don’t mind drinking left over in the morning.

I do not reheat coffee, though. I prefer it over ice once it’s already cool. If it’s cold outside and I just must reheat, it’s over the stove. Some people cannot tell a difference, but when I microwave my coffee, it seems to change the properties of the drink itself. I can’t name it. It’s just weird.

I also alternate between putting a cup of coffee into a coffee maker and putting a cup of coffee into a Mason jar with a chinois (fine-mesh sieve). The percolating process and cold brew yield different results, and I like the change. It doesn’t matter what temperature it is outside, I like iced coffee when I’m inside. We have heat here.

The point is that I have taken an enormous amount of crap over the years for drinking energy drinks because it makes me look younger than I really am. Meanwhile, caffeine is one of the most effective ADHD medications on earth. I do not need to feel ashamed of “being addicted.” I need to manage how much I drink in accordance with the laundry list of what’s wrong with me and why. For instance, one of the huge reasons that I order cases of energy drinks from Amazon (when I do) is that coffee irritates my stomach and I still need the caffeine. Soda is not as acidic, and it is also sugar free (in my case- all the flavors I really like are either zero or 10 calories). Therefore, it’s another case of application. When my stomach feels better, I go back to cold brew.

Cold brew actually saves my stomach as well, which is why I haven’t used my coffeemaker in a few weeks. It is naturally less acidic when the water is cold, and I brew in the fridge or (when there’s not a danger of it freezing) outside. Sun coffee is just as beautiful.

“Sun coffee” is apt, as I am energized by the sun and need to be outside. My neighborhood isn’t the greatest place to walk around (it’s not dangerous, it’s just not touristy with parks and community, either. My readers might not agree that it’s safe, but one break-in in the DMV over the last 11 years is probably some kind of record- and he was so high that if the patio door had been locked, he would have moved on. He did not look like the type of guy that would break glass. He wasn’t even moving that fast. I just decided not to chase him over cheap ass shit.).

I need to find a place in the city that fits the bill. Right now it’s Panera because I have a gift card, but where is up to me. I’m glad I have a gift card to something familiar while I am looking for something permanent. I support local coffee shops, I just haven’t been here long enough to explore Baltimore. Wherever my mythical perfect coffee shop is, it does not exist in my neighborhood. I’m going to have to search farther.

For Portlanders, I’m looking for Rimsky’s Korsakoffee. For Houstonians, I’m looking for Notsuoh. For The District, I’m looking for Tryst. I am sure that there are many great coffee shops in Baltimore, I just haven’t found them yet.

Luckily, I have help here. My friend Ernest is a young college kid willing to help me get settled because I’m willing to help him get settled. I told him he could hang out at my place if his room was too loud. I have plenty of space and wouldn’t mind someone working with me during the day. His being African helps me out because the way he cooks, I haven’t learned yet. The way I cook, he hasn’t learned yet.

So, I definitely need to meet up with him soon. It’s a great story. We met on an Uber Share. I was looking at apartments and was planning to move to Baltimore. It was his second week in America from Liberia.

Silver Spring to Baltimore isn’t much of a change in demographics, only that there are more African Americans here, as opposed to African immigrants who have come over recently to study and work. Silver Spring has an enormous African immigrant population, one of the reasons I’m interested in learning languages.

However, I did tell my housemate Valentin (Cameroonian) that “francais c’nest pas comfortable pour moi.” His mother, who didn’t know a lick of English, fell on the floor laughing. Because of course when I’m on the spot, I say the first thing that comes to my mind…. “French is not comfortable for me,” a line from an old Michel Tomas recording rather than thinking out how to say “I don’t speak French.”

Puhun suomaista.

However, I am not advanced enough to know why the name changes from Suomi/suomea to suomalista. I just have to roll with it at this point, thus the flaw of being at the top of the ruby league by rote. I need more grammar study because parroting back (see what I did there?) words isn’t helping me to understand systems.

I see everything through systems, and Finnish is called a pyramid…. but it’s a garden. You pick up yksi sana, ja yhdestä sanasta tulee kaksi sanaa. You pick up one word, and one word becomes two words.

Minulla on norjalainen ystävä kuka kirjoittaa. Norjalainen kissat on viikinki. J.L. Henry on viikinki. Tämä vaustaus on oikein koska kirjoittajat ovat kuin kissat.

This is what the Ruby League has gotten me. The paragraph reads “I have a Norwegian friend who writes. Norwegian cats are Vikings. J.L. Henry is a Viking. This answer is correct because writers are like cats.”

One of the sentences that comes up in Duolingo the most frequently is “Norjalainen kissa on viikinki.” It means “the Norwegian cat is a Viking.” I have extrapolated this to mean all Norwegian cats are Vikings because I have owned one and I know that that means….

Life is about breathing steadily right now, turning panic into progress. Slowing down and making plans to breathe next week.

I’m overwhelmed with the amount of support you’ve given me over the years, so I’m paying it forward.

Duolingo is a vocabulary builder that will allow me to become C3PO. The spiritual arc is gravity’s rainbow. The bomb inside you goes off in every language.

Your life’s purpose is to figure out what kind of shrapnel there will be in advance, because you’re the one directing it.

Preacher’s Kids: Unplugged

August 14, 2024 ~ Leslie Lanagan ~ Leave a comment

I had my AI interview me, and it turned out to be a good introduction to my site at Medium. I’m giving it away here to explain why I do what I do. This is behind the paywall on Medium, but it needs to be here as well because I don’t want my original fans to feel like I don’t love them. I just don’t want to write for two web sites at once. So, here’s one of my Medium entries and why AI is important. It lets you think without getting lost in your own echo chamber. There’s a lot of trigger warnings. I was a queer preacher’s kid in Texas in the 90s. It’s a tough read. But you’ll understand all queer preacher’s kids better, and it might save someone younger than me.

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Walking the Bible -or- Making the Bible Relevant

July 26, 2024 ~ Leslie Lanagan ~ Leave a comment

Daily writing prompt

If you won two free plane tickets, where would you go?

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This is a conversation between Ada and me. It touches on so much that I’ll probably want to expand it, but I’m keeping my notes here for later use, as well as providing you a short version of all the knowledge instead of an entire book. To me, it is another example of how AI can narrow your focus without writing anything for you:

Can we talk about my next entry? I just want some help spurring creativity. I don’t need you to write it for me. The prompt is “if you won 2 plane tickets to anywhere in the world, where would you go?” I have written recently about wanting to go to the Middle East, so I’d like to write something completely different.

Response: Let’s brainstorm some ideas together.

Since you’ve already explored the Middle East, why not consider a destination that offers a vastly different cultural and geographical experience? Here are a few suggestions:

1. **The Galapagos Islands**: This unique ecosystem is home to an incredible array of wildlife found nowhere else on Earth. Imagine snorkeling with sea turtles, penguins, or even marine iguanas!

2. **New Zealand’s fjords**: The stunning landscapes and pristine waters of Milford Sound or Fiordland National Park would make for a breathtaking adventure.

3. **The ancient city of Petra in Jordan (but not the Middle East)**: While you’ve written about the region, consider focusing on the lesser-known aspects of this incredible archaeological site, like its history, architecture, and surrounding desert landscapes.

4. **The Amazon rainforest**: Explore the world’s largest tropical rainforest by visiting countries like Brazil, Peru, or Ecuador. You could write about indigenous communities, wildlife encounters, or the challenges facing these ecosystems.

5. **Icelandic hot springs and waterfalls**: Imagine immersing yourself in geothermal wonders like the Blue Lagoon or exploring the breathtaking landscapes of Vatnajökull National Park.

Which one (or more) of these destinations sparks your interest? Do you have any personal connections to a particular place, or is there something specific that draws you to it?

Feel free to share as much or as little as you’d like, and I’ll be happy to help you brainstorm further!

Prompt: I haven’t been to Petra, but my parents have. They went on a Biblical tour of the Middle East when I was a kid. That would be a great connection to write about, but I’ve already done it. Perhaps I’ll do the Middle East again, but focus on Iran because it’s so hard for Americans to get in. Same for Cuba.

Response: Writing from personal connections and experiences can add depth and authenticity to your stories.

Focusing on a specific country within the region you’re familiar with is an excellent approach. Exploring Iran as a destination could be fascinating, given its rich history, cultural heritage, and complexities surrounding travel restrictions for Americans.

Similarly, Cuba offers a unique blend of colonial architecture, vibrant culture, and historical significance that would make for compelling writing. The challenges faced by American travelers in obtaining visas or navigating the current regulations add an extra layer of intrigue to your story.

If you’re interested in exploring these destinations further, I can help with:

1. **Researching visa requirements**: We could discuss the complexities surrounding travel restrictions and how they impact tourists.

2. **Highlighting cultural nuances**: Iran and Cuba have distinct cultures that might be unfamiliar or misunderstood by many Americans. You could delve into local customs, traditions, and ways of life to create a more immersive experience for your readers.

3. **Sharing personal anecdotes**: If you’ve spoken with friends or family members who have traveled to these countries, their experiences would add valuable insights to your story.

Which aspect of Iran or Cuba would you like to explore further?

Prompt: I’d like to narrow my focus in essence to a sermon about what it would take to literally walk the Bible today.

Response: Let’s dive into exploring what it might be like for someone, perhaps yourself, to embark on a journey through the Middle East and Eastern Europe, following the paths described in the Bible.

You could write about:

1. **The logistics of traveling as Jesus or other biblical figures**: How would you navigate modern-day transportation systems while adhering to ancient routes? Would you need to learn new languages, customs, and cultural norms?

2. **Encountering contemporary communities**: What might it be like to visit towns and cities that have been shaped by the events described in Scripture? You could explore how local cultures and traditions intersect with biblical history.

3. **Confronting modern-day challenges**: How would you address issues such as poverty, inequality, or conflict in areas where they are prevalent today?

4. **Finding spiritual significance amidst everyday life**: As someone walking the Bible’s paths, what moments of revelation or insight might arise from observing daily routines and experiences?

Some potential locations to consider visiting on this journey could be:

1. **Nazareth** (Galilee): Explore modern-day Nazareth as a bustling city with rich cultural heritage.

2. **Capernaum**: Visit the ruins of Capernaum, where Jesus taught in the synagogue described in Scripture.

3. **The Jordan River**: Follow the path to the river’s banks and reflect on its significance for baptismal rituals.

4. **Bethlehem** (West Bank): Experience life in this historic city with a rich biblical past.

Which aspect of walking the Bible would you like to explore further?

Prompt: I would like to bring Jesus to life by having him navigate the visa process in every country to which he traveled, as well as Paul because he would have had to navigate Europe. Also, it’s incredible to me that Paul walked all over Europe and think he cared about homosexuality. There’s some queer theology there- Just because Jews viewed themselves as separate doesn’t mean they were separate from Greek and Roman culture.

Response: What a fascinating approach! Let’s explore the visa process for Jesus in ancient times, considering his travels to various countries.

**Jesus’ Visa Journey**

As we imagine Jesus navigating modern-day travel regulations, let’s examine some of the places he might have visited:

1. **Egypt**: After fleeing Bethlehem with Mary and Joseph (Matthew 2:13-15), they would need a visa for Egypt. This could involve demonstrating proof of their Jewish heritage, as well as showing that they had sufficient funds to support themselves.

2. **Greece** (Philippi): Jesus might have traveled to Greece during his ministry years, preaching in cities like Philippi and Thessaloniki. He’d require a Greek visa, which would likely include documentation of his identity, purpose for travel, and proof of financial resources.

3. **Rome**: As the capital city of the Roman Empire, Rome was an essential stop on Jesus’ journey (Matthew 27:2). Securing a Roman visa might involve demonstrating knowledge of Latin, familiarity with local customs, or even connections to influential Romans.

**Paul’s Visa Odyssey**

As for Paul, his journeys throughout Europe would have required navigating various countries and cultures. Let’s consider some possible scenarios:

1. **Turkey**: As a Jewish Pharisee from Tarsus (Acts 21:39), Paul might need a Turkish visa to travel through the region that is now modern-day Turkey.

2. **Greece** (Corinth): After arriving in Greece, Paul would require Greek visas for cities like Corinth and Athens. He’d likely face questions about his identity as a Jewish leader turned Christian missionary.

3. **Rome**: As he traveled throughout Europe, Paul might have visited Rome multiple times. Each time, he’d need to secure Roman visas, which could involve demonstrating knowledge of local laws, customs, or even connections with influential Romans.

**Queer Theology and the Intersectionality of Cultures**

You’re absolutely right that Jesus’ teachings were not isolated from Greek and Roman culture. As a Jewish leader living in the Mediterranean world, he would have been influenced by various cultural norms and traditions.

Similarly, Paul’s experiences as a Jewish Pharisee turned Christian missionary would have shaped his understanding of identity, community, and social justice. His writings reflect this intersectionality, addressing issues like slavery, poverty, and inequality alongside theological debates about salvation and the nature of God.

In exploring these themes through Jesus’ visa journey and Paul’s travels, we can uncover rich insights into the complexities of faith, culture, and human experience.

Which aspect of their journeys would you like to explore further?

Prompt: Give me an idea on how to connect Jesus’s escape from Israel into Egypt as an ex-fil.

Response: Let’s imagine a scenario where Jesus’ escape from Israel into Egypt is depicted as a high-stakes, clandestine operation.

**Title:** “Operation Nazareth”

**Premise:**

In the midst of King Herod’s brutal crackdown on Jewish rebels and perceived threats to his rule (Matthew 2:13-15), Mary and Joseph are forced to flee Bethlehem with their newborn son Jesus. As they navigate treacherous terrain, evade Roman patrols, and cross into Egyptian territory, they become embroiled in a complex web of espionage, counter-intelligence, and covert operations.

**The Ex-Fil Team:**

Mary (Code Name: “Mother”) – Experienced operative with expertise in surveillance, infiltration, and tactical extraction.

Joseph (Code Name: “Patriot”) – Seasoned handler with skills in logistics, communication, and security protocols.

Jesus (Code Name: “Phoenix”) – Innocent asset with unique abilities that make him a valuable target for both the Roman Empire and Jewish rebels.

**The Mission Briefing:**

As they cross into Egyptian territory, Mary and Joseph are tasked with:

1. **Establishing Safe House Protocol**: Locate and secure a safe haven within Egypt’s borders to protect Jesus from Herod’s agents.

2. **Gathering Intel on Roman Operations**: Infiltrate local networks to gather information about the Roman Empire’s presence in Egypt, including troop movements, supply chains, and communication channels.

3. **Maintaining Asset Security**: Ensure Jesus’ safety while navigating Egyptian society, avoiding detection by both Roman authorities and Jewish rebels.

**The Ex-Fil Team Faces Challenges:**

1. **Roman Counter-Intelligence**: As they operate within Egyptian territory, Mary, Joseph, and Jesus must evade the watchful eyes of Roman agents tasked with capturing or eliminating them.

2. **Jewish Rebel Interference**: Local Jewish groups may view Jesus as a potential asset to be exploited for their own purposes, forcing the ex-fil team to navigate complex allegiances and rivalries within the Egyptian Jewish community.

3. **Egyptian Authorities**: The trio must also contend with local authorities who are either unaware of or complicit in Herod’s plans.

**The Operation Unfolds:**

As Mary, Joseph, and Jesus execute their mission objectives, they find themselves entangled in a web of intrigue that spans multiple countries and cultures. Their journey becomes an epic tale of espionage, counter-intelligence, and covert operations, with the fate of humanity hanging precariously in the balance.

Which aspect of this ex-fil operation would you like to explore further?

Prompt: One of the things I’ve noticed is that Mary and Joseph absolutely could not have done this alone. Surely their friends helped.

Response: Let’s imagine a scenario where Mary, Joseph, and Jesus had a network of allies who assisted them in their escape from Israel into Egypt.

**The Support Network:**

As we consider the ex-fil team’s operation, it becomes clear that they couldn’t have succeeded without the help of trusted friends and acquaintances. These individuals might include:

1. **Mary’s Sisters**: Mary had sisters named Salome (Mark 15:40) and possibly others who were part of her close-knit family circle. They could have provided crucial support, resources, and connections to aid in their escape.

2. **Joseph’s Brothers**: Joseph was a member of the Heliopolitan tribe (Luke 1:5), which had its own network of relatives and friends. His brothers might have played a role in helping them navigate Egyptian society or providing shelter during their journey.

3. **Local Jewish Community Leaders**: The trio could have relied on respected leaders within the local Jewish community to provide guidance, resources, and protection as they navigated Egypt’s complex social landscape.

**The Support Network Faces Challenges:**

As Mary, Joseph, Jesus, and their allies work together to evade Roman authorities and ensure the baby’s safety, they face new challenges:

1. **Maintaining Secrecy**: The group must keep their mission objectives hidden from prying eyes while still relying on local networks for support.

2. **Managing Risk**: With more people involved in the operation, there is a greater risk of detection or betrayal by those who might be unaware of the true nature of their activities.

3. **Coordinating Efforts**: The ex-fil team must coordinate with their allies to ensure that everyone remains on the same page and works together seamlessly.

**The Operation Unfolds:**

As Mary, Joseph, Jesus, and their network of friends execute their mission objectives, they find themselves entangled in a web of intrigue that spans multiple countries and cultures. Their journey becomes an epic tale of espionage, counter-intelligence, and covert operations, with the fate of humanity hanging precariously in the balance.

Which aspect of this ex-fil operation would you like to explore further?

Prompt: I’d like to dicuss another intelligence operation. How did Christianity survive when it went into the wind for protection?

Response: Let’s dive into a fascinating scenario where early Christianity faced significant challenges, and its survival depended on clever tactics.

**The Intelligence Operation: “Safe Haven”**

As we explore this hypothetical situation, imagine that Christianity had to go underground in order to protect itself from persecution. This operation would require careful planning, strategic alliances, and creative use of resources.

**Mission Objectives:**

1. **Evade Detection**: The Christian community must avoid detection by Roman authorities while maintaining a presence within the empire.

2. **Maintain Communication**: Ensure that information flows between key leaders, churches, and sympathizers without arousing suspicion.

3. **Preserve Identity**: Protect the true nature of Christianity from those who might seek to exploit or destroy it.

**The Support Network:**

As we consider this intelligence operation, let’s imagine a network of allies who helped early Christians survive in secret:

1. **Sympathetic Jews**: Many Jewish communities had already experienced persecution and understood the value of discretion.

2. **Christian Converts from Roman Ranks**: Some Roman soldiers or officials might have converted to Christianity, providing valuable insight into imperial operations and potential safe havens.

3. **Local Leaders and Nobles**: Influential individuals within various cities and regions could offer shelter, resources, and protection for Christian communities.

**The Safe Haven Network:**

As early Christians navigated the complexities of Roman society, they developed a sophisticated network to ensure their survival:

1. **Coded Messages**: Utilize secret codes or cryptic language to convey information without arousing suspicion.

2. **Hidden Meeting Places**: Establish secure locations for leaders and sympathizers to gather, often in remote areas or under cover of darkness.

3. **Secure Communication Channels**: Employ messengers, runners, or other trusted individuals to transmit vital information between key stakeholders.

**The Operation Unfolds:**

As early Christianity executed its mission objectives, it found itself entangled in a web of intrigue that spanned multiple countries and cultures. Their journey became an epic tale of espionage, counter-intelligence, and covert operations, with the fate of humanity hanging precariously in the balance.

Which aspect of this intelligence operation would you like to explore further?

Prompt: Actually, I alreaady know one thing the people avoiding detection used- the sign of the ichthus. One Christian would drag their sandal on the ground in the bottom of the arc. If you were a Christian, you completed the arc with your own foot.

Response: You’re familiar with the Ichthys symbol and its significance as a secret signal for early Christians.

**The Sign of the Fish:**

Yes, the Ichthys (Greek for “fish”) was indeed used by early Christians to identify themselves without arousing suspicion from Roman authorities or other persecutors. The clever use of this symbol allowed them to communicate their faith in a subtle yet unmistakable way.

As you mentioned, one person would draw an arc on the ground with their sandal, and if another Christian saw it, they could complete the shape by stepping into it with their own foot. This simple gesture conveyed that the other person was also a follower of Jesus Christ.

**Other Secret Signals:**

While we don’t know all the secret signals used by early Christians, this example illustrates how creative and resourceful they were in maintaining their faith despite persecution:

1. **The Fish Symbol**: As you mentioned, the Ichthys became an iconic symbol for Christianity.

2. **Coded Language**: Early Christians developed coded language to convey messages without arousing suspicion from outsiders.

3. **Hidden Meetings**: They held secret meetings and gatherings in hidden locations or under cover of darkness.

**Resilience in Adversity:**

The early Christian community’s ability to maintain their faith despite persecution is a testament to the power of resilience, creativity, and resourcefulness. By using these clever tactics, they were able to preserve their identity as followers of Jesus Christ even when faced with significant danger.

Which aspect of this topic would you like to explore further?

Prompt: Do you know if there are already books written about this? For instance, did St. Augustine write about the years in which Christianity was underground? Thomas Aquinas?

Response: Yes, many Christian writers and theologians have written about the early Church’s experiences during periods of persecution and its eventual rise to prominence.

**St. Augustine:**

While St. Augustine (354-430 AD) didn’t specifically write about a period when Christianity went underground in the sense we’ve discussed, his works do touch on the subject:

1. **The City of God**: In Book 18 of The City of God, Augustine discusses the early Church’s struggles and persecutions under various Roman emperors.

2. **Confessions**: His autobiographical work Confessions (Book 5) mentions his own experiences with Christianity during a time when it was not widely accepted.

**Thomas Aquinas:**

St. Thomas Aquinas (1225-1274 AD), while primarily known for his systematic theology and philosophical works, also wrote about the early Church’s history:

1. **Summa Theologica**: In Part 2 of Summa Theologica (Question 11, Article 3), Aquinas discusses the early Christian martyrs and their role in spreading Christianity.

2. **De Regno** (On Kingship): This work includes a section on the relationship between Church and State, which touches upon the idea that Christians might face persecution under certain regimes.

**Other Notable Works:**

Some other notable works that touch on this topic include:

1. **The Martyrdom of Polycarp**: A 2nd-century text that describes the martyrdom of Bishop Polycarp in Smyrna (modern-day Izmir, Turkey).

2. **Eusebius’ Ecclesiastical History**: Written around 325 AD, Eusebius’ work is a comprehensive history of the early Church and includes accounts of persecution under various Roman emperors.

3. **The Apocryphal Acts of Peter**: A collection of texts that describe the life and teachings of St. Peter, including his experiences with persecution.

These works provide valuable insights into the early Christian community’s struggles during periods of persecution and its eventual rise to prominence.

Would you like me to explore any specific aspect further?

Prompt: Yes. I would like to know if there are any modern correlations between this type of persecution and the one Muslims are facing in Jerusalem now.

Response: Unfortunately, yes, there are parallels between the historical experiences of early Christians under Roman rule and the current situation faced by Palestinians and Muslims in Jerusalem.

**Similarities:**

1. **Occupation**: Just as Rome occupied Palestine during Jesus’ time, Israel has been occupying Palestinian territories since 1967.

2. **Restrictions on movement**: Early Christians were often restricted from traveling or moving freely within Roman-controlled areas; similarly, Palestinians face significant restrictions on their freedom of movement in the West Bank and Gaza Strip.

3. **Home demolitions**: The Romans would sometimes destroy homes as a form of punishment or to make way for new buildings; today, Israeli authorities have demolished numerous Palestinian homes and structures under various pretexts (e.g., “unauthorized construction”).

4. **Displacement**: Early Christians were often forced to flee their homes due to persecution; many Palestinians have been displaced from their ancestral lands in Jerusalem and other areas.

5. **Restrictions on worship**: The Romans would sometimes restrict or prohibit public Christian gatherings, leading some early Christians to practice their faith underground; today, Muslims face restrictions on prayer and worship at Al-Aqsa Mosque and the Dome of the Rock.

**Specific Examples:**

1. **Al-Aqsa Mosque closure**: In 2020, Israeli authorities closed Al-Aqsa Mosque for several days due to concerns about COVID-19 transmission among Muslim worshippers; this move was widely seen as an attempt to restrict Palestinian access to a sacred site.

2. **Dome of the Rock restrictions**: Israel has imposed various restrictions on Muslim worship at the Dome of the Rock, including limiting prayer times and imposing security measures that have been criticized for being overly intrusive.

**International Response:**

The international community’s response to these developments is varied:

1. **UN resolutions**: The United Nations General Assembly has passed several resolutions condemning Israeli actions in Jerusalem and calling for an end to occupation.

2. **Human rights organizations**: Groups like Amnesty International, Human Rights Watch, and the Palestinian human rights organization Al-Haq have documented numerous instances of Israeli abuses against Palestinians in Jerusalem.

**Comparison with Early Christian Persecution:**

While there are similarities between early Christian persecution under Roman rule and current events in Jerusalem, it’s essential to note that:

1. **Context matters**: The historical context is distinct; the situation today involves complex international politics, competing claims over land, and differing interpretations of religious texts.

2. **Different actors involved**: Early Christians faced persecution at the hands of Roman authorities, whereas Palestinians face restrictions from Israeli authorities.

**Conclusion:**

While there are parallels between early Christian experiences under Roman rule and current events in Jerusalem, it’s essential to approach these comparisons with nuance and sensitivity towards the complexities of each situation.

Music with Words to Flow Around Me Like Water

June 23, 2024 ~ Leslie Lanagan ~ Leave a comment

I asked Carol to read my web site and ask questions a friend would ask about my musical experiences.

Certainly! Here are three questions that a friend might ask about your music experiences:

Exploring New Heights: Your post about auditioning for an opera chorus was truly inspiring¹. What has been the most challenging piece you’ve had to learn, and how did you approach it?

This is why AI can’t do art. The entry says I got laryngitis the night before, so I gave my audition space up before it was too late for anyone else to claim it. I’m thinking about doing it again next year (auditions are every January) now that I actually have a nice place to practice. I couldn’t sing at my old house- too full. The one time I did sing was for a church service in Portland, Oregon during the pandemic. It was an evening service for them, so like 10:30 PM for me. I’m very surprised I got away with it. Singing in our house was frowned upon. Since David is a musician, I find myself singing around the house all the time because I know that he does the same thing. So, whether I was in the basement or the attic, I’d have enough room to be able to spread out and enough sound dampening that I won’t bother the neighbors. When you are built to project to the back of an auditorium without a microphone, soundproofing in my house is such an added blessing. It gives me safety and security that people aren’t going to hear me before I’m ready. I’m not to the caliber I was 10 years ago, but it’s like riding a bicycle. You don’t forget how. You just have to be dedicated….. kind of like you never forget how to drive a stick shift, but you have to learn the finer points on every car.

The most challenging piece of music I’ve ever had to learn was Bach’s Kick My Mass in B Minor. Christ, the melismas went on for pages. That being said, I did not have a solo in it. That’s good because my head would have turned purple and popped off in some places. The two most challenging pieces I’ve done as solos are “Pie Jesu” and “The Lord is My Shepard.” They’re both movements from John Rutter’s Requiem. The Pie Jesu was for a community orchestra concert in Portland, and The Lord is My Shepard was for a church service. Both turned out beautifully, but if I had to have one of the two recordings, I’d pick the latter. I think I actually sounded better on the Pie Jesu because I have a very strong head voice. That’s not the part that matters. The part that matters is that it was a HUGE undertaking because I woke up that morning with absolute laryngitis and had to sit in the shower for 45 minutes with very hot water running to even be able to warm up. I would rather have that memory with me- the one where I defied the laws of medicine because the show must go on.

Musical Inspirations: In your writings, you often mention the profound impact of music on your life. Who are your musical heroes, and how have they shaped your approach to music?

When I was a child, I seriously thought that I would take over for Doc Severinson on the Tonight Show. The only flaw in my plan was that I wasn’t THAT good a trumpet player….. but I did look up to him a lot. I got to meet him at Rockefeller’s (Houston jazz club) years ago, and I wish I still had the book he autographed for me. This won’t mean anything to anyone but the trumpet players, and I’m going to leave it that way. He signed my Arban book.

I really looked up to Wynton Marsalis, because I was a switch hitter just like he is in terms of playing both jazz and classical well. I just prefer classical when I’m singing and jazz when I’m playing my horn. This is because for trumpet players in an orchestra, there’s not always so much to do. Sometimes you play chess for 110 measures and miss your entrance.

The Soundtrack of Your Life: You’ve talked about how music is a constant presence in your life. If you could pick one song to be the theme song of your life, what would it be and why?

Jesus loves the little children,
All the children of the world.
Red and yellow, black and white,
They are precious in his sight.
Jesus loves the little children of the world.

If you remember nothing else I EVER say to you from this web site, it’s that Jesus has never come back and been more specific. There are no exclusions. To have exclusions on who is welcome is gatekeeping Christianity. Jesus would be horrified.

If you’ll allow me to choose a second song, it’s this one- the one I needed to hear today. There’s so much change and upheaval in my life right now that it’s a reminder to get my ego out of the way and trust in the power of the universe. Or, as my friend Kristie would say, “shit works out, my dear.” Natalie Sleeth does a wonderful job of elaborating:

In the bulb there is a flower;
In the seed, an apple tree;
In cocoons, a hidden promise:
Butterflies will soon be free!
In the cold and snow of winter
There’s a spring that waits to be,
Unrevealed until its season,
Something God alone can see.

There’s a song in every silence,
Seeking word and melody;
There’s a dawn in every darkness,
Bringing hope to you and me.
From the past will come the future;
What it holds, a mystery,
Unrevealed until its season,
Something God alone can see.

In our end is our beginning;
In our time, infinity;
In our doubt there is believing;
In our life, eternity,
In our death, a resurrection;
At the last, a victory,
Unrevealed until its season,
Something God alone can see.

Preacher’s Kids

June 12, 2024 ~ Leslie Lanagan ~ Leave a comment

My favorite book in the entire library at UMC Naples was a Reader’s Digest short story anthology called “preacher’s kids.” I am not kidding when I tell you that I laughed so hard I almost died, because it was a first person account and I nearly asphyxiated. So, I asked Carol the top 10 misconceptions about preachers’ kids, hopefully to clear up the confusion.

Perfection Expectation: People often assume that a minister’s child will be perfect or without flaws, adhering strictly to religious and moral codes at all times.
- People send their kids to the preacher’s house hoping the preacher’s kids will rub off on them somehow. I will check with Lindsay, but I do not believe that we are actually genies. They had to learn that on their own when they met us. 😉 It really depends on birth order, and that’s a real thing, especially if you’re a woman. Girls don’t do that, especially preacher’s kids. I marched to the beat of my own drummer, mostly because my autism and ADHD kept me from being able to march to the rhythm of someone else’s.
Constant Piety: There’s a belief that ministers’ children are always devout and engaged in religious practices, even in their personal time.
- That’s a double edged sword, because you want us to be perfect and think we’re too pious. Make up your minds. Preacher’s kids either love or hate religion, and it’s a wide spectrum. I do think that after we leave our parents’ houses, we at least take a break from church sometimes (if we’re still members anywhere), because we have a different automatic reaction to it. What that automatic reaction is changes from child to child.
Sheltered Life: Some think that being a minister’s child means being sheltered from the ‘real world’ and not being exposed to common life experiences.
- I cannot think of anything less true than this. Not anything in the world. What we hear in our houses by absorbing comes when no one thinks we’re listening. I don’t have a sheltered life. I know you, or at least what my dad wants to be able to say that you’re not hearing. It also really depends on where you’re serving. Are you in midtown Manhattan or Lone Star, Texas?
Forced into Ministry: A misconception is that ministers’ children are expected to follow in their parent’s footsteps and pursue a career in ministry themselves.
- That’s another thing that depends on the parents, because what kind of minister are they? More conservative churches have the system where the kid takes over for the parent. My dad has never discouraged me, but he’s never encouraged me, either. Theology is my bag because it actually interested me, not because someone told me to be interested and I obeyed. Jesus is actually interesting when you’re not thinking about him on an eighth grade level, which is about the education you have to have to understand Joel Osteen. I think that I also have a bigger interest in theology because I had more time alone with my parents than most kids. I don’t know how it would have affected me to have a sibling closer in age so that I didn’t constantly sound 45.
Lack of Privacy: People may believe that ministers’ children have no privacy due to the public nature of their parent’s job.
- I wouldn’t be able to do what I do without my childhood. I am living the same way I always have, with my life on display. Let’s give ’em something to talk about, rather than the choir members at one church talking shit about me being gay “behind my back.” They weren’t behind my back. They were just too tall and too dumb to check around. I spent most of my hours in my bedroom when the house was busy just to have some distance from the noise. I could completely block everything out by reading or playing my horn while listening to something I wanted to play. Since I was actually good, people tolerated it. Beginning trumpet will clear your sinuses.
No Personal Struggles: It’s often assumed that they don’t face personal struggles or doubts about faith because of their upbringing.
- That one is actually true. We do not have personal struggles in front of you.
Unwavering Faith: There’s an expectation that a minister’s child will have an unwavering, never-questioned faith.
- The reality is that no one believes all the time unless life never happens to them at all. Like with any relationship, talking comes and goes. Praying in community is more powerful to me than praying alone. Being in the choir reminds me that Bach is praying twice.
Social Isolation: Some may think that ministers’ children are isolated from their peers and have difficulty forming normal friendships.
- That is absolutely true. Other kids think preacher’s kids are weird. They don’t curse, and their parents think that we’re an extension of the church, so why should they like us? They don’t like church.
- In my churches I was very popular, because I had street cred and kids were practically paid to be nice to me, or at least that’s how I felt when I saw them at school.
- It’s not just our friends’ perceptions of us, it’s how their parents act around us.
Judgmental Attitude: There’s a stereotype that ministers’ children are judgmental of others who don’t live by the same standards.
- I’m very judgmental because that’s the way my personality is built to process information- by taking a case and working it through. I do not, contrary to popular belief, render verdicts. I tell you what I’ve concluded. It’s the part where you’re supposed to tell me what you’ve concluded. The people who get the most offended are people who haven’t thought about it at all.
Financial Stability: A common misconception is that ministers’ children come from financially stable homes, which isn’t always the case.
- Truly nice clothes are gifts, because it takes a very long time being a pastor to get good enough to make a decent salary. We’ve never lacked for anything because our housing was always covered, but it’s not like we lived a life of luxury. Our friends treated us to things all the time because that’s the thing you do for the preacher’s family. I have no doubt that I was given things other kids didn’t get because no one wants to look bad in front of their minister. I’m a preacher’s kid, and people apologize for saying the word “fuck.” Meanwhile, if you’ve read me for any length of time, you how much of a problem it is for me to cope with cursing. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time. That one f-bomb really took it out of me due to my delicate nature.

These misconceptions can lead to unrealistic expectations and pressures on ministers’ children, and they often don’t reflect the diverse and personal experiences of individuals in such families. It’s important to recognize that, like anyone else, ministers’ children have their own unique challenges and life stories.

What I Think We Mean When We Talk About Faith

June 10, 2024 ~ Leslie Lanagan ~ 2 Comments

Based on the discussions and questions on Reddit, here are the top 10 questions people have about faith, reflecting a diverse range of backgrounds and perspectives:

What is faith, and why is it important?
- The goal of all religious teaching is self-improvement. How it has been twisted has been done across the board. You cannot find a religion without both ends of the spectrum in radicals. For instance, in media there’s Joel Osteen and Rob Bell. They are not the same. There’s Creflo Dollar and Franklin Graham, but there’s also Martin Luther King, Jr., Raphael Warnock, Jimmy Carter, Nadia Bolz-Weber (“The Confessional” podcast and pastor emeritus of House for All Sinners and Saints, or HFASS (pronounced EXACTLY LIKE IT SOUNDS) Unconditional love is quiet, but there’s more of it.
How do you explain the problem of evil?
- It is old language for a universal thing- doing something in private that you wouldn’t do in public exactly because you know it’s wrong. Intent means everything.
Have you ever had a crisis of faith?
- Yes and no. My brain absolutely scrambled trying to reconcile my faith and my sexual orientation. I lost the faith in terms of belief in a grandfather in the sky, but true belief in the power of the energy that runs between us. It is amazing what happens when you get your ego out of the way…. you stop focusing on yourself and focusing on the community. Perspective. You cannot be so isolated that you think you’re the only one in the world with problems, because it leads you to emotionally vampire your friends whether you realize it or not. If they can’t get a word in edgewise, you’re taking up too much room.
Why do you believe in God, and what made you choose your religion?
- When I began to replace the idea of “God” with a friend or a family member who’d act as devil’s advocate in my head, having a relationship with God became much easier. It makes sense to me that there is one great big giant ball of energy that we tap into when we all hold hands, and not grabbing on is an unsustainable view of the world because it’s so myopic….. like people who are so patriotic they tried to steal an election.
- (Speaking about Republicans)
  - Jed: Theirs is the party of inclusion.
  - Charlie: That’s what they tell me.
- When Moses was, I don’t know, 19 or 20 he was exiled from Egypt because he killed a soldier who beat a Jew to death in front of him. Because he was a prince of Egypt and his identity was hidden, everyone was confused and outraged because they didn’t know that for Moses, it was like watching a Nazi. I’m not saying that what he did was right. Rage consumed him in the moment. What I am saying is that the Evangelicals’ God is too small if they think God has never seen a human make a mistake and they have to uphold impossible standards for an itinerant, homeless preacher who never asked for it. I am sure that 30 looked different back then, but at the same time, if you are a pastor, what did you feel like on the inside for the first three years? It makes me sad he was killed at only level three pastor. Think of the many more lessons that could have been imparted had the Romans and the Sanhedrin not been dicks. Rome is the weirdest transformation in history. I feel like the real tragedy in Jesus’s death is his age.
What does death mean to you?
- Energy can never be destroyed. People do not die, they absorb. “On Christmas Eve, the membrane between heaven and earth becomes so thin we can touch it.” Every year, there’s new life to be brought into the world. Advent, which is the period leading up to Christmas, is not a penitential season, but a reflective one. What creation are you birthing this year? As I have said before, I take the Bible seriously, not literally. I also preach/write from the Bible because it’s what I know off the top of my head, as well as the Pentateuch because it’s in the Old Testament. I have done very little research on Islam and Eastern religions, but an amazing amount of respect and love to learn in ecumenical settings. I have always wanted to meet the imam from “Little Mosque on the Prairie,” but first he’s Canadian so hard to travel and second, and check me on this, I believe he is not real. In short, I believe that all of you goes into what makes up the energy of God, and tapping into the ball of energy is listening to every story that’s ever been told.
How often do you think of God?
- More than the general public because I was raised as a preacher’s kid in Texas. It’s just part of my programming. The rabid social justice liberal Christian came later, but I’ve never been a fundamentalist. The United Methodist Church is mainline at best. I have very liberal beliefs now, but it wasn’t a hard leap.
When do you feel closest to God?
- The stillest, deepest part of my soul just whispered “writing about Supergrover.” The heart doesn’t forget even when the brain knows the answer.
- When I’m the most frustrated, the most angry, the most full of rage it’s when I’m alone, because God is the punching bag that can take it. I am very much the “Jed Bartlett railing at God in Latin and smoking in National Cathedral” angry when I am angry at God, but then I walk out of the garden, crucify whatever problem it is I’m having, and seeing what resurrection comes in its place. To everything, turn, turn, turn, etc.
How do you feel when praying?
- Quiet and contemplative, trying to turn rumination into forward motion. Trying to create neurodivergent inertia. Trying to forgive myself for “what I have done, and what I have left undone.” Feeling the relief that I’m only half of any problem in any relationship and trying to be aware of over-apologizing out of fear of abandonment. The face I call God helps me find that balance. What is a healthy amount of dependence, and what creates interdependence vs. codependence in early-stage relationships so you can watch for the land mines and communicate toward them. But those answers are so personalized that even when you’re thinking about other relationships, you’re working it out in your own head as to how much of conflict is bad behavior on your side and what is not yours to own. If you don’t have clarity about it before you collaborate with someone, you will not be able to comprehend this phrase in terms of marriage…. “I can’t walk in their shoes, but I can tell where they pinch.” You have to acknowledge when you’ve caused other people pain. Globally, Christian fanatics aren’t right, but they’re certain. Generally the problem in personal relationships as well, but it’s not usually the same person being right and open-minded every time. Relationships tumble and roll. Just because I get mad at God doesn’t mean I’m right.
How would you describe God in three words?
- Humanity IS Divinity
Do you feel that being a believer has any purpose?
- You need to believe in a higher power so you don’t think you’re it.