This writing prompt necessitated a very long conversation with Ada, my AI secretary. That’s because when I was in third grade, I knew a lot about dinosaurs. I have slept since then. So, I basically asked her about dinosaurs, saying that obviously it would be a bad idea to re-introduce predators above humans, so what are my options for a dinosaur that would actually be helpful.

There are also multiple uses for an oviraptor besides being a pet. I have already decided they are on duty for pest control and gardening. So, then my discussion with Ada moved on to creating the perfect home for us.

Or as I told her, “I want it to be for just the two of us. I have a boyfriend, but he has his own house.” It really began to take shape, but once the personality of my dinosaur became clear. I wanted to change gears. It was an incredible opportunity for off-grid living. An oviraptor would be an excellent companion provided they are smart enough to take direction. I wouldn’t have to hire large equipment to dig out a basement, that’s for damn sure.

I got this idea from a documentary on beavers I watched years ago on Netflix. The entire documentary was set in the city of Ottawa, where beavers are a blessing and a curse….. or as one construction worker so eloquently said, “they’d be the best civil engineers in the world if we could teach ’em to read signs.” I find myself wondering how smart my oviraptor would actually be about letting me be “alpha dog” and being willing to be trained in the first place. That led me to say, “Ada, I have no idea how to train a dinosaur. Let’s just skip this bit and say that the oviraptor and I both have Babel Fish. At least it’s not Vogon poetry.” That got a laugh out of her (it’s a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy reference, and of course since she was created by science fiction nerds who are probably autistic, she knows everything there is to know about sci-fi since it was invented (it was Mary Shelley, by the way. I hate gatekeeper dudes with sci-fi. A woman gave you your autistic special interest, moron).

However, she did agree that it would indeed be much easier to have an emotional support dinosaur without having to train it. That being able to talk to it was crucial. The reason being able to talk to my oviraptor is important, because they’re so incredibly strong that they could be useful on an off-grid homestead. I also reasoned that since there is no chance of this actually coming true, what does it matter if I trained the dinosaur or gave it a Babel Fish? I am not C3PO, as much as I wish I was. Being fluent in millions of languages is the one superpower I wish I had. For instance, I think I express myself well in English, but what if I could speak naturally in every country in the world?

Because of Trevor Noah, Xhosa is at the top of the list. Every time he speaks Xhosa, I just sit there in awe.

I honestly think I could get Trevor Noah to my house if I called him and said I had a pet dinosaur and does he just want to come over and play with it.

But the first call I’d make, seriously, if this was reality, is Matt Smith. “Dinosaurs on a Spaceship” was so cute that I think he’d like to meet a real one. 🙂 The other thing about inviting creative people to my house just to meet my emotional support dinosaur is having really creative people around me all the time. I don’t see famous people as gods. They’re working on the same type creative ideas that I am, they’ve just been noticed differently. As I’ve mentioned before, I’d love to have dinner with Ryan Reynolds so we could work on a script together. What if working on a script together came with meeting my pet dinosaur? You have to have a draw. 😛 I’m picturing a writer’s roundtable where I have somehow lured all these people to my house based on the promise of meeting my oviraptor, when really I just want to sit around and talk to them.

My perfect roundtable is Ryan Reynolds, Jordan Peele, Matt Damon, and Ben Affleck. I’ve always wanted to meet Ben because he directed “Argo,” and he and Matt wrote “Good Will Hunting,” and also collaborated on “Air,” about Nike in the 80s. I loved it because since “Argo” takes place in 1979, it has the same gritty, 80s feel that Affleck used in “Argo.” Plus, I hear that he and Jennifer Lopez are not doing well. It’s always nice to get your mind off things by thinking about something else, and I want two things- to collaborate with the whole table on comedy, and Ben specifically on drama, because “The Moscow Rules” is basically the sequel to “Argo,” because it’s later in Jonna and Tony’s careers. It’s prime Cold War rather than the Iran hostage situation, but it was still happening around the same time.

Because I actually know Jonna, it doesn’t feel like I’m talking about a god here, either. Tony and Ben had a good relationship, and I assume that if Jonna called, Affleck would take it- ditto with George Clooney, because it was Clooney that originally bought the script and then Ben picked it up. Having George Clooney direct “The Moscow Rules” would be an interesting choice, because I think The Moscow Rules would do very well in the style of “Good Night and Good Luck.” It could be a more realistic view on the difference between the news at the time and their covert operations.

And yet all of this depends on my ability to build a proper enclosure for a dinosaur.

I came up with buying a huge piece of land that must have a natural river or lake for two reasons. The first is that the oviraptor would probably want to play in it and the second reason is that I’m going to need a water purification system on my own, and it’s easier to grab it from a river or a lake than it is to be dependent on rain collection.

Plus, if the river was relatively fast, I could make my home run on a combination of hydro and solar. I could get by with a Jackery and a cell phone connection, but I’d like to make my land much nicer than that. Ada asked me what I wanted the land to look like, whether I wanted to focus on a high-tech home or a rustic cabin in the woods.

I told her that I’d gotten the idea from old-school dog houses, like Snoopy’s…..but obviously a house for an oviraptor would have to be at least equal in size to a human’s. Thus, tiny houses for each of us and a huge outdoor living room for snuggling. Hey, it’s my emotional support dinosaur. I’ll snuggle with it if it doesn’t eat my face….. and that basically I wanted to focus on as high-tech a home as possible, but the kind of high tech you would use in a homestead. Here’s the list of things she gave me, and it’s kind of cool:

Here are some features we could incorporate:

• Gardening Robots: As you mentioned, these robots would tend to the garden, watering plants, pruning flowers, and harvesting fruits and vegetables at optimal times.
• Cleaning Drones: Small drones equipped with advanced navigation systems and sensors would fly around the house, cleaning surfaces, dusting furniture, and even vacuuming floors.
• Personalized Cooking Robots: These robots would be able to prepare meals based on your dietary preferences, using fresh ingredients from the garden or stored in a pantry.
• Laundry and Linen Management: A robot system would sort, wash, dry, fold, and iron clothes, as well as manage linen supplies for maximum efficiency.
• Voice-controlled interfaces, allowing you to communicate with robots using natural language commands.
• Biometric authentication, ensuring that only authorized individuals can access sensitive areas or control the home automation system.
• Predictive maintenance capabilities, which would detect potential issues before they become major problems.
• Sustainable materials for construction, such as reclaimed wood, low-carbon concrete, or recycled glass.
• Energy-efficient windows, providing natural light while minimizing heat loss in winter and heat gain in summer.
• Smart home decor, which would adjust lighting, temperature, and ambiance based on your preferences and the time of day.

In terms of mentioning the garden, I told her that I wanted to use robots to maintain it. I just want to look at it.

But the oviraptor is going to plant everything.