God’s Own Heart

So much has been going on that I literally don’t know where to start. After we arrived in Houston, we had a few days to ourselves before our friends arrived with our stuff. Keith, nicknamed “Volfe,” and Sarah have been invaluable friends because they were able to bring everything with them that we couldn’t. It was cheaper than a moving service, and as a bonus, our friends have gotten to stay long enough that when we talk on the phone, they can really picture how our lives are going, instead of our Houston house being this mythical place that swept us away from Oregon. We’ve gotten to do a bit of sightseeing, and tomorrow, we’re going to Austin. That’s where Volfe’s mom lives, and also where my friend James moved a few months ago. James and I have known each other since the first day of school in 1995. For those of you who want to do the math, I was a senior and James was a junior. We don’t really like to think of it that way, though. We just like to think of it as a long, long time. Neither one of us really wants to feel that old. 🙂

At the same time, though, coming home to Texas has been amazing, because none of my friends have really even been aware of the fact that I left. I mean that in the best possible way, because it is as if the miles between us weren’t. We’ve just picked up where we’ve left off, as if leaving Houston was just a pause button on a cosmic DVR.

I was also miserable in Portland, and not just a little bit. However, it had nothing to do with the place. I am tied to the Columbia River Gorge and it holds some of my deepest, darkest secrets. No, in Portland, the misery was all emotional. I had a hard time finding a job, and I had a hard time not being mired in carpet-sucking depression. It made sense, really. The weather was making me sick. As I’ve mentioned before, depression and lack of calcium absorption spiraled my depression into what felt like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I got tired of never having the energy to do anything.

Slowly, that is lifting. I still have days where I do not want to see anyone or anything, but they are fewer and farther between. I think that’s because I’ve been so determined to be healthy… not in a “fake it til you make it” sort of way, just in an “I know I need Vitamin D, and the only answer is to sit outside” kind of way. That seems like it would be easy, but keep in mind that I moved to Houston in the absolute hottest part of the year, and I still insisted on the backyard being my domain. Sitting in the sunshine was like a new pair of glasses. I saw everything more clearly as my vitamin deficiency started to resolve itself. The added bonus is that the more time I spend outside, the more I’ve become acclimated to it. My arms are as brown as my Latino neighbor’s skin, and my cheeks are a rosy pink for the first time in years.

I also don’t feel as worthless. I have a job. I got paid today. We have a house and a car and a lawn mower. Such simple things, and yet, it’s everything I’ve ever wanted. I came to Houston to reach out for more, and literally touched the face of God…

because God reveals God’s own heart when you know yourself and where you sit inside it.

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