This open letter is in reference to an article I read about Maya Keyes, who told The Advocate that when she came out to her father, Alan Keyes, he told her that she was no longer welcome in his home, as well as providing no financial support for her education at Brown.
Dear Alan,
One of the best phone calls I’ve gotten this year is from my friend Meagan, who excitedly told me that she and her partner are expecting a daughter.
By the time I hung up the phone, I was already off on a maternal tangent- what would it be like to have a child? Would my child look like me? Would she act like me? Would I be able to teach him the fundamental principles of being a Lanagan? Would he or she like being a Lanagan?
What if she didn’t? What if my son or daughter didn’t want to believe the same things I do? What if, God forbid, he wanted to be a Republican? What if I had a son or daughter that proudly wore t-shirts claiming his/her place as a charter member of the vast right-wing conspiracy? What if, all joking aside, my child espoused virtues that I thought of as morally reprehensible? What kind of parent would I be then? Could I, if times got tough, say to my son, “as soon as you are 18, I would like you to pack your bags. You are no longer welcome in my home?” It was then that I verbalized something my parents had taught me all along- there would be no situation on earth capable of limiting the love and support I had to give. The decision to bring a child into the world would be permanent- with no thought, word, or deed that could reverse it.
In other words, I want to love my child the way my father-mother-creator God loves me… the kind of love that the apostle Paul writes about in his letter to the Romans in verses 38-39: “I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus.” These are powerful words that seem too good to be true, especially when it feels like God is distant. But for me, life and breath are given to these words every day when I see the way that my father loves me.
…and I believe that it is the same way you love your own daughter. You just haven’t yet realized that the connection running between you carries more similarity than difference, more agreement than not. I pray that a quick turning point comes for you- perhaps a realization that because of your shared genes and history, that your daughter is indeed created in your image… and that you are both created in God’s.
Sincerely,
Leslie D. Lanagan
Stories That Are All True 