Graveyard Shift

“You get used to it” is the worst advice I’ve ever gotten about working the graveyard shift. I know that I’m only a couple of days in, but sleeping during the day is just unnatural. So is having my “evening” in the morning. The best thing about my day is that Dana doesn’t currently have a job and can spend time with me when I can spend time with her. I purposefully asked if she could hold off on getting a job until I was settled, because I knew I would never see her if I didn’t. I can go without seeing her for a few weeks, but a few months is absolutely the worst form of torture. We have too much fun together to give it up.

I am not one of those partners that wants to make Dana stay home and manage the house. I want Dana to do whatever it is that she wants to do, and I encourage her to that end. At the same time, it will be different for my whole family when she decides that she’s had enough. None of us want to deprive her of anything she wants, and at the same time, it is so nice having “that person.” She is the go-to person when someone needs a ride, someone needs a babysitter, someone needs a storage locker cleaned out while I’m sleeping… Dana is my hero, because she comes through when no one else can. Additionally, she cooks and cleans so that our house is always beautiful. So beautiful, in fact, that I never want to give it up. If Dana decides she’s done, we’ll get a maid with the extra income. It’s totally worth it. Then Dana will have someone to clean *her* house, too.

In other news, my evening makes me feel weird for other reasons. Is it acceptable to have a beer at 8:00 in the morning if you work overnight? Somehow, I don’t think so. So, my cold beer after work has turned into a cold glass of punch… which is refreshing, but not refreshing enough to replace what, in my mind, is the best part of my day. It’s not the alcohol itself. It’s the relaxation with Dana in the backyard with a fire going. I am sure that other people would disagree and say, “of course it’s acceptable to drink in the morning! You work graveyard!” But drinking in the morning is such a taboo that I’m just not down. Plus, drinking at home is fine, but there aren’t many bars open at 8:00 AM to get the kind of camaraderie that comes at 4:00 PM. There’s also no happy hour food.

What a bummer.

Our case load is very light at night. In fact, tonight, there is no backlog at all. At night, we are mostly paid to be on call in case something blows up. That’s the thing with network security. It’s much like being a futbol goalie. Just be there to CATCH. I write. One of my co-workers talks on the phone. The other one is reading. We’re all, in a sense, waiting. Not that we want anything bad to happen, mind you. It’s that we’re on the sidelines waiting for someone to put us in.

I’m also glad that overnight is mostly e-mail. I found that out the hard way, when I thought I was going to leave a message on someone’s voice mail at work and it forwarded to his home phone and I woke him up at 3:45 AM. Because of this, we decided to switch our policies. Hey, you know. Anything I can do to help change things up. 🙂 Although, this is only something that would happen to me. I make mistakes so you don’t have to. You’re welcome.

I forgot my headphones, which is the worst form or torture in this place. I keep myself awake by listening to two things- the Raw Comedy station on Pandora, and anything by Combichrist on Spotify. Drum and bass are spirit-lifters, as are dirty jokes. Especially dirty jokes. My favorite comic is John Mulaney, who isn’t really dirty, but he makes me laugh more than the other comics *combined.” My favorite bit is when he’s talking about how some drag queens have this sense of entitlement: “Don’t you know who I AM? I’m STRAWBERRY ALARM CLOCK!” “Oh, I’m sorry… it’s just that I don’t go to that ONE BAR WHERE YOU GET FREE DRINKS.” John is also part of the genius that is Stefon on Saturday Night Live… and for that, I will always be grateful.

Shit. It is only one friggin’ thirty.