Things have been so busy around here that I haven’t had much time to think, much less put the words down in logical order. Plus, I didn’t have anything burning I needed to write about, so the blog went to the back burner until I could feel your little eyes baring down on me with disapproval. Leaving this blog with stale content was not what you came here to see, thankyouverymuch, and don’t think I don’t know that. It’s a driving force in my life, because the last thing I would want to do is drive off my readers out of sheer boredom. How do I know this? I leave blogs that have stopped producing content all the time.
Additionally, it’s not just the external pressure of having an audience. It’s internal pressure that I haven’t “gone to therapy in a awhile.” I say this because seeing a doctor is only one hour a week. You want to get better? Then spend more time than that thinking about your role in your own life. You do own it, after all. The doctor is just a coach to get you to do some self-reflection anyway. He/she doesn’t so much make you well as guide you toward yourself and the things that make you feel authentic. Many doctors will agree with me on this. It’s a prescription pad, not a magic wand.
Taking control of your own wellness (especially with mental health) is the only modern option. Gone are the days when you wait for a doctor to fix you. There are pharmaceutical commercials on TV (possibly the worst idea in the history of the world), and frankly, there are days when your doctor just cannot maintain and the schedule is an hour and a half behind and by the time you actually see him/her, there’s no time for long, deep discussions. My psych appointments are rarely more than 15 minutes, unless the doctor does both therapy and prescribing. Sometimes, psychiatrists are good counselors. Sometimes, they’re just, well, doctors.
And how shall I put this?
You go to a doctor when something needs fixing, and there is a black or white answer. I have found very few doctors that are really, really good at being engaged *with* me, instead of *at* me, and I know the difference intimately. Engaged *with* me says that my doctor knows that I am not an expert at psychiatry, but I am an expert at being Leslie, and I probably know better what I need than someone I see once a quarter. I also need a doctor that will engage with me as an equal, because as a doctor’s kid, I’ve been around high-level jargon since I was a teenager and if there’s anything I hate in the world above all else, it is an MD with a patronizing tone. Just as a for-instance, a doctor who takes the time to explain to me what an SSRI does even after I’ve made it clear that Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors have been a part of my Tx (treatment) plan for a very long time. I get that wigged out feeling and just want to tell the doctor that I have pants older than him.