Running the Codes

Yesterday would have been a good day to just breathe and not change my entire fucking life. But it wasn’t. It was the last day I would ever protect her in my entire life. No one has said anything negative. People have disagreed with me, sure, but always very respectfully, because they love me. Life doesn’t get any better than people able to disagree with you and love you all the way through it.

I am willing to entertain that I could have been wrong; I don’t think I was, but at the same time, I am not unfeeling enough not to be able to see the flip side of the coin. People have said that there might be unintended consequences for both of us, and for innocent people.

The “innocent people” line got to me. I gagged on those words, choking over them again and again. Are they innocent people to me when she is the one that deceived them? Is it my responsibility to clean up the mess she made? Are people unforgiving enough that they can’t see I’m writing this as a 36-year-old woman, so therefore the statute of limitations has already run out? That telling the truth after a quarter century is not to damage her, but to lift up all the people that tried to protect me and couldn’t because after I was lured toward her, I couldn’t see them anymore?

I’m reviewing the codes in another M&M, and my gut tells me that I absolutely did the right thing, because I did not set out to hurt her, only to free myself and the people that went through all of it with me, especially the ones I ran away from the hardest, because they loved me the most.

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