I wrote this last night to somebody, but then I thought it needed to be here for everybody.
I wish I could tell you why yesterday was the day. Why something broke inside me that will never go back together. Every single person that has ever met me since I was 12 has felt her affects, more so when we were in each other’s lives making it worse all the time. I know that posting her name may have negative consequences for both of us, but I have a very small blog and this was 25 years ago. I don’t think I would have ever named her if the abuse was still ongoing, because it would be too fresh to process. The thing that struck me is that I’ve been hiding her, protecting her for so long that I lost myself and couldn’t find her. All the lies had swallowed the truth completely.
Telling my web site family was in effect telling everyone who has ever met me, “no, you’re not crazy. I did have an inappropriate relationship with her, and you tried to help me and I WOULDN’T LISTEN because she’s a saint.
People have been praying about this situation for so long and so hard that i would come out of my denial. I’m not mad. I love Diane to the ends of the earth. But I’m not going to protect her anymore. I’m done.
I wish that I could have done it a different way, but the parishioners that were there while it was going on are scattered to the four corners. A web site was the easiest way to tell everyone what happened the fastest. I am sure that there are consequences I haven’t thought of, yet, but my goal ceased to be reconciliation after I finally admitted to myself that she might be human and fallible and I might not be insane after all.