Get to Know Me!

Electronic is playing in the background as I write this. It is a passion of mine, because drum and bass helps me think- really. I like everything I do set to a soundtrack of consistently mind-blowing mathematics. In short, it’s like looking at my music while I’m writing and scoffing, “keep up.”

Wow, that was arrogant. I like it.

Every day I have these confident-to-the-point-of-arrogance moments that make me see the person I’m becoming. I hope that means strong enough to be a leader and vulnerable enough to stay empathetic. That is just one of the amazing positives my abuser instilled in me. Even when you’re the leader, you get down in the dirt. Literally. She helped the groundskeepers install in the mulch in front of her office. Do you install mulch? I don’t know. I’m not really Oregonian.

I still get a little dreamy-eyed at that memory because I knew it was a life lesson as it was happening, like the wisdom that comes from throwing  a ball around with your dad, because I was there too- shoveling with everyone else. If you know anything about her, I want you to take away that she is literally the most powerful person I know, and she does crap like that all the time.*

Actually, she’s not the *most* powerful person I know, and when I say that, I mean it professionally. However, to tell you the most powerful person I know is just bragging. I can’t tell you the most powerful, but I can tell you the most famous. Donald Faison (Turk from “Scrubs” and “Murray” in Clueless) is married to one of my cousins. How close we are, I’m not sure. I don’t care about the math. I just work here.

Also, I have a cousin who appeared on American Idol. He used to be a funeral director and Simon Whatshisface (not Cowell, the producer) asked him to sing “You Raise Me Up.” Oh that’s so funny! I’ll bet he’s never heard a joke like that before! However, it was his brother that stole the show with the funny. In the package, he said, “Jason’s a horrible funeral director. Why do people go to him?” Then, later, “I hope this doesn’t go to his head, ’cause he’s got a really tiny head.”

Jonathan’s delivery was so spot-on that I would have given him a sitcom immediately. Of course, that’s not the only time he’s brought the funny. One year he came to Christmas wearing a yarmulke and called himself “Rabbi Claus.” Jonathan is a vanilla white Southern Baptist male. To think of him as a Jew *is* the joke. He was also not unaware of the physical comedy of a large man in a small hat.

All right. I think that’s enough for today. I have to go to work. What are you up to?




*That’s the thing about lesbians. We don’t hire contractors so much as we learn to be them.


What were we talking about? The music just changed and I lost my tricycle of thought.

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