I am thinking right now about how happy I am to have found friends, the kind of friends you keep for a lifetime because they know exactly who you are, warts and all, and don’t even blink. The people that can take your dark side because their dark side is either the same shade or similar. The places that we can go in our minds and not be threatened by each others’ thoughts is enormous. With one friend in particular, I have absolutely stood in front of her, or hope I have, and laid myself bare. It has been a hell of a day, and my story is that I slayed another dragon by letting go of the hope that they would change, and at the same time came clean about something I’d been holding in for a while. In both cases, my friend picked me up and hugged me and said it was okay. What is an even bigger miracle is that this happened to me three times today. THREE.
I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Overwhelmed. These past two days have been better than the past two years in terms of the heights and depths I could reach emotionally. I believe that it was my faith that carried me through, because it was faith in the God inside me. I lost my temper, but I did not lose my dignity or humanness. My faith in God allowed my humility to apologize for the things I’d done, and the things I’d left undone. Those words are written on my heart and I say them every week. They are not just words to me, they are a comprehensive response to life.
Grace to the God who strengthens me, because God sure as hell doesn’t need me for strength. I’m 5’4 and 125 lbs. I could bite someone at best.