In all the excitement of confirmation, I didn’t get to tell you the best part of my weekend. Black Friday slowly became Easter as I got a letter containing the words that I’d longed to hear.
I am sorry.
Those words were all it took, and I got to say the words I’d been longing to say, too.
I forgive you, absolutely and completely.
The hard part that I struggle with is meaning it. I am the type person that forgives completely, but I have to work on the forgetting part. This is because I have a tendency when I fight with people to bring up old issues as a way of showing people, “hey, this is a continuing pattern, here.” I mean it as, “here’s a landmine we need to avoid.” It does not come across that way to other people. Many have called it “throwing things back in my face,” but they have no idea that I mean no judgment by it. It comes across as judgmental, so I have to stop. It’s not helping anyone or anything to be reminded of things they did in the past, no matter how helpful a heuristic it might be for the future.
I recognize patterns in everything, especially behavior, because my calling in life is working on relationships of all types, trying to get personalities to blend that normally wouldn’t. I would probably do well to remember that the heuristic can stay in my head. Not everyone likes to be as analytical about their own behavior as I am…. also, pretty sure that no one has the ability to be as analytical of their own behavior as I can do it for them, and by that I mean that I can be a real asshole sometimes. It’s one of the things about myself I find the most charming (wtf isn’t there a sarcasm font?).
“Never, ever” lasted eight whole days.