It’s still Diane’s birthday, and I’m getting ready to go to sleep. Emotionally, I’m fairly exhausted, because as I told Dana, “just because it’s emotional work doesn’t mean it’s easier… it’s still work. In fact, sometimes I think it’s harder.” I’ve had a lot on my plate emotionally, and tonight I just want to relax in the comfort of my own bed, because then while I’m dreaming, the pain will float away. To that end, I am publishing my favorite Diane Syrcle quotes of all time:
“AIDS will kill you, but herpes is for life.”
“I like your lady. I like you WITH your lady. She is a good lady.” Dana and I are going to have to record this at some point. It loses something without Southern inflection.
“You are free therapy for someone older and often not wiser.”
“You can’t make love to someone else if you don’t know how to make love to yourself.”
Diane used to wear contacts all the time, and once at church when I was 13 she ditched them and wore glasses. I said, “Oh, Diane! You look so smart in your glasses!” She pushed them up on her nose and said, with dripping sarcasm, “as opposed to WHAT?”
“Bless it and release it.” (more important with age…..)
I don’t want to lose her. I try like hell not to. People around me, especially my wife, say that I am too kind. I tell Dana that I don’t love Diane because it changes her. I love Diane because it changes me. I cannot live in that much anger, fear, and shame. Loving her despite her flaws allows me to walk in light even when the darkness consumes what I really hold dear… which is the ability to funnel light to others.
If people say that makes me too kind, then let them say it. It’s how I’d rather be remembered, anyway. Do I really want to be known as “that bitch that came after Diane on her web site,” or do I want a story of redemption?
Well, I believe in the risen Christ. It seems only fitting that I allow the risen Christ to work through me. This is not a resurrection between us. The resurrection is for me. What she does with it is her choice.
I’ve already made mine.