Get to Know Me

1. What time did you get up this morning? Around 7… now puttering about and typing on my phone…. inconvenient.

2. Diamonds or pearls? Why choose? They’re both colorless enough to match anything.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? The Imitation Game- it was FANTASTIC!

4. What’s your favorite TV show? Scandal. If you know anything about my story, I am choosing Olivia while Jake and Fitz fend for themselves.

5. What did you have for breakfast this morning? I didn’t. It’s early yet.

6. What’s your favorite cuisine? I reach out for Italian in all things except restaurants. The markup on pasta is ridiculous and no one makes better pasta than me, anyway.

7. What foods do you dislike? hot dogs, pico de gallo (hard to avoid in TX)

8. What is your favorite chip flavor? I like the chili limon Fritos that you can only get in Mexican neighborhoods. It is not white people food.

9. What’s your favorite CD at the moment? Dear Ella by Dee Dee Bridgewater- she is sunlight in the middle of the mess with her little yellow basket.

10. What kind of car do you drive? A “customized” Toyota Corolla. It needs new everything. Donate, bitch.

11. Favorite sandwich? Turkey and Branston’s Pickle or peanut butter and Sriracha

12. What characteristics do you despise? Self-absorption, negativity, any of the faults I find in myself that I don’t want other people to have, either……..

13. What is your favorite type of clothing? Oxford shirts, Dockers, and anything else that looks comfortable and yuppie at the same time.

14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation? The Columbia River Gorge, with just my backpack and my journal.

15. What color is your bathroom? Well, what color does hairspray stuck on linoleum make?

16. Favorite brand of clothing? It used to be Old Navy, but now I buy almost exclusively Ralph Lauren at Macy’s boys’ department. I’m a hundred and like, 20 pounds. I’m going to go with getting a discount as long as possible by buying boys’ clothes instead of mens’. It’s the same fabric, the same weight, and the shoulders fit. What’s not to love? Who gets to buy a blazer for under a benjamin? Seriously.

17. Where would you retire to? Ensenada, with all the other poor gringos who can’t afford to live in the states anymore.

18. Favorite time of the day? The first moment I wake up and thank God I did.

19. What was your most memorable birthday? My wife took me to a tapas restaurant in Old Town Alexandria and we got a little tipsy on red wine. So tipsy, in fact, that my head was killing me and I stayed in bed the next morning and heard a plane crash into the Pentagon.

20. Where were you born? Tyler, Texas… at the hospital with the statue of Jesus directing traffic.

21. Favorite sport to watch? Astros baseball, although I am also partial to the Nationals. The Yankees are evil and this is not negotiable. It has been this way since I was in my late teens. I may have been influenced by the ENORMITY of Giants fans that have taken over my life since. I am also partial to the Red Sox because one of my friends went to Harvard Divinity school and she would buy tickets in the cheap seats most afternoons to do her homework.

24. What fabric detergent do you use? I don’t know, and I am about to find out. Dana does all the laundry, and we’re getting a divorce. I think I need something in a lavender that has actual chemicals in it. If you go to Whole Foods and get their lavender laundry soap, if you look closely it says DOES NOT WORK right on the label.

25. Were you named after anyone? My mother went to a church service and when she got the bulletin, the organist was listed as Leslie Diane. She thought it sounded pretty, so here I am.

26. Do you wish on stars? Yes. And I am the moon to someone else.

27. When did you last cry? Watching my friend Casey preach. I have known him since he was 15, and he is just amazing.

28. Do you like your handwriting? I used to, before I got carpal tunnel syndrome from typing. Now I get tired just signing my name.

29. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? I think so. I’m really funny in a crowd, but I’m also intense and moody. It depends on what day I met myself.

30. Are you a daredevil? Yes. If ONLY someone would come up to me and say, “Leslie, I DARE you to finish your goddamn degree and get ordained.”

31. Do looks matter? Yes. If you cannot imagine kissing them, swipe left.

32. How do you release anger? You’re supposed to release it?

34. What were your favorite toys as a child? The same ones I have now… my computer, my cat, and everyone knows that a few Pop Rocks never hurt anybody.

35. What class in High School was totally useless? Health. But the teacher was hot, so I had that goin’ for me.

37 Favorite movies? Good Night and Good Luck, Steel Magnolias, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, and countless, countless others

38. What are your nicknames? Leslian (even, ironically, when I was dating Matthew)

39. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? No, I kick them off and bend the heels.

40. Do you think that you are strong? Thanks to Argo and Dana, I am six feet tall and bulletproof. You only feel that way when everything has been ripped away and you look at yourself and say, “CAN I LOVE YOU?”

41. What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? Ben and Jerry’s Pistachio, Pistachio or Cool Britania

42. What are your favorite colors? I tell everyone it’s red, but my entire wardrobe is blue.

43. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? I’m nice, I want to please people, and when they do something to hurt me, I am consistently, doggedly passive aggressive.

44. Who do you miss the most? The people that my father, my sister, and I used to be before my parents’ divorce. I wrote this line in 2002 and it is still true. I do not wish for my parents to get back together. I wish for them to be well, and well in us, their children.

46 What color pants are you wearing? black

47. Last thing you ate? A slice of cake I made last night- confetti with lemon pudding powder and strawberry syrup. Therefore it is light, lemony, and pink! I love pink so much, but I pair it differently than most women. I like brown, maroon, and teal with it. One day I will have Sarah Silverman’s bedroom all to myself.

49. If you were a CRAYON what color would you be? Cornflower

50. Last person you talked to on the phone? Dana

51. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Facial hair- I love guys who haven’t shaved in a couple days. They also must be dressed to the nines if they’re going to go out with scruff. It has to say, “Honey badger don’t care,” not “I used to be homeless.”

52. Favorite drink? Dana’s hot toddies, Dr. Pepper, any kind of beer with more hops than malt.

53. Do you wear contacts? No.

54. Favorite day of the year? My birthday, because then it’s all about me and it’s supposed to be. I don’t have to ask.

55. Endings happy or sad? Endings to what? I like dark endings, like The Empire Strikes Back.

56. Winter/summer? Winter, which in Houston, is about half of February.

57. Hugs OR Kisses? Kisses, because if you don’t like person you can kiss the air next to them instead.

58 What is Your Favorite Dessert? Banana key lime pie from Tony Mandola’s

59. What Book(s) are you reading? Tragedy to Truth by Casey Cease, Outlander by Diana Gabaldon, Better by Atul Gawande (for the third time) and Mallory’s Oracle by Caroll O’Connell

60. What is on your mouse pad? I have a gaming mouse. I haven’t needed a mouse pad in like, ten years.

61. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? I fell asleep to James Franco, and that’s all anyone ever needs in life.

62. Favorite Smells? Coffee, Clove cigarette smoke, Obsession perfume, George Trumper’s Essence of Limes cologne

63. Stones or Beatles? Beatles, but only for the benefit of Mr. Kite.

64. What’s the furthest you’ve been from home? London- and I can’t wait to get back. Also, any time I say, “I’m feeling great. I think I’ll go off meds.”

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