Kicking Myself

I am in a bit of a funk because I had one of those ideas that only I could have and it has vanished because I didn’t fucking record it. I am going to have to learn to organize my “brilliance….” In quotes because I have lost the battle to the universe and submitted gracefully. I know my enormity of talent in fucking everything up. Come on. I have to be number one in something. I am full of hope, peace, and love for the future in every way that I was angry and brooding over the past. It wouldn’t let up, and I didn’t know why. I mean, I did, but Argo articulated it in a manner where I could listen. It wasn’t that I didn’t know it was FUBAR, it was that my feelings had never before been validated. When she spoke, my heart flipped in a way that it had for no other, because she became my dragon slayer. Every bit the fairy tale I’d always wanted. So we didn’t mutually fall in love. Bummer. But what I know for sure is that she changed the way I see myself. I am older and wiser than I thought I was, and I realized why. When the light bulb came on, I saw myself at 14, whimpering inside all the time. And then Argo walked into my life, and when she took my hand, I couldn’t look backward anymore.

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