I used to only do recommendations on Wednesdays, but I’ve had some pretty spectacular stuff lately, so I have to share.

Mountain Dew Kickstarter

Only 80 calories for a tallboy, and it’s orange juice mixed with Mountain Dew. You cannot go wrong here. It’s what Mountain Dew LiveWire would be if it were good. Plus, it’s got a little more caffeine than regular soda, so if you are known for mainlining soda to keep awake, this is a good one. Things like this are invaluable for me, because most of the time, I do not slam caffeine. I just keep the bus from going under 50.


It’s a Mexican pastry by a company called Marinela. Think Twinkie dipped in chocolate with both creme and strawberries in the middle. I could seriously say goodbye to every Twinkie on the planet but they would have to pry Gansito from my cold dead hands.

Pepino Limon Gatorade

Even my three-year-old friend likes it. Beat that with a stick. BTW, Pepino is Spanish for cucumber. Just thought I’d warn you up front. I told Josie that it was cucumber, and she said, “but CUCUMBERS ARE SWEET!” I let her taste it, and I was SHOCKED.

St. Arnold’s Root Beer

I haven’t had a St. Arnold’s root beer for like, 20 years, but I was in the store looking for something to share with Aaron and it jumped out at me. My everyday favorite root beer is Diet Barq’s, but there is nothing like hand-crafted, with a foamy head so you get a mustache. I have really bad acid reflux, so I don’t drink alcohol much at all but I still want to feel festive, damnit! This fits the bill better than anything, because even beer lovers will go, “SHIT! You have St. ARNOLD’S???? WHERE?” It’s my neighbor Robert’s favorite treat, too. He buys a six pack and hides them all over the house so he doesn’t drink them all at once. He just finds them. This actually isn’t a bad plan………….

Morning Joe

A few years ago, Starbucks took a page from Ben & Jerry and named a coffee after Joe Scarborough, the morning commentator on MSNBC. I enjoy Joe (as much as I can given our politics, anyway), so I bought a bag. Holy Jebus is it good. They discontinued it and I have been mourning ever since. Cut to Saturday, where I was shopping in Foodarama of all places, and they had it. I only bought one bag, but if money had been no object I would have cleaned them out. It’s the kind of coffee I like- strong so it doesn’t need anything. It is perfect as is.

The Redeye at Starbucks

The redeye is really simple. Just coffee with an extra shot of espresso. I’m putting it here because it’s an off-menu, and all coffee places call it something different. In Portland, it’s a shot in the dark or a wizard jump. I enjoy it so much that I do not get anything else at Starbucks, which works in my favor because I am a very cheap date. In the morning, all I want is coffee. In the afternoon, I do not switch orders. I still just want some coffee, and no, I don’t want any whip on it. Plus, I hate Pike’s Place. I hate it so much. It is McDonald’s level and you’re paying what seems like eight dollars for it. The espresso fixes the taste a little……. Saying this because Howard in all of his infinite wisdom has decided we’re not allowed to have bold pick after noon. Yes, I know you can get a pour-over. I don’t want to wait and it’s not as strong.

Letting Someone Else Drive

Baby, what do you want to listen to? I don’t even care because I am playing Candy Crush Soda Saga….. all the way there.

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