Originally posted in March of 2004 on Clever Title Goes Here.

For some reason, my father really likes Walgreen’s. I mean, really. So he got all of us started really early on that if we were bored or restless or whatever, we could just go there and shop around. I mean, what else are you going to do? There are only so many places that are open after 10 pm, and Walgreen’s doesn’t even have a dress code.

Tonight, with many thoughts in my head and a heavy heart, I thought about what to do. I could call up some friends and see if they wanted to meet for a beer. I could go to or rent a movie. It came to me in a flash. I could go spend time with my thoughts AND shop for AS SEEN ON TV ™ products AT THE SAME TIME! It turned out to be more than I bargained for.

As I walked in the sliding glass door, a woman wearing a denim pantsuit came running up the makeup aisle. “I want to buy this foundation, she yelled. It’s free by rebate. I figgered I don’t actually need it, but if it’s free by rebate…” I was not feeling well. It was all I could do not to yell, “Lady, what makes you think you don’t need it?” Then I remembered that this trip was supposed to be about SELF reflection and I held my tongue.

I’m trying not to kid myself that I have the right to be bitter because I don’t have a girlfriend any longer… knowing that if anything could ease the pain, it would probably be found in this sublime crapfest of a store.

I shopped for hours. I didn’t find a damn thing.


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