As the Clouds Roll By………………. #prayingonthespaces

I’m sitting in the grass outside the Takoma Park Metro, trying to decide if I actually want to go anywhere, or if I just want to get back on the bus and go home. It’s a down day for me. I don’t feel particularly sad about anything, I just don’t have a whole lot of energy, either. It is as if taking the bus to the Metro has already used up my spoons, even though of course I had more plans than this. I wanted to go to a coffee/tea shop and think rather than right here, where I am, because there are bugs on my laptop now. There are also bugs crawling on my leg, but that’s ok. They’re not the sting-y, bite-y kind. They’re just curious.

So am I, really. Just curious about everything. Learned today that POTUS has a Twitter account and asked him if it wouldn’t be easier for us to just meet for lunch, because OH GOD SERIOUSLY? REALLY? You want to be on TWITTER? What the hell FOR? Barack Obama and I both are way too old for Twitter, and yet, there we are. (@ldlanagan and @POTUS, btw) I think the reason I’m too old for Twitter is that I can barely make my point in 800 characters, much less under 200. I’m like an old man trying to navigate my way around teenage bullshit, mostly because I cannot subjugate myself into abbreviating “you.”

I like the Outlander tag because I started reading the first book a year and a half ago, hated it, and have picked it up and put it down ten times since. I do not get the appeal of Outlander. The writing didn’t grab me, and I still have no idea what happened to Frank, or as I call him, “Mr. Exposition.” I mean, seriously. I am sure he will reappear at some point, but that will probably tell you how little I’ve read. I keep battling through because I have friends who like it that insist it will get better. If by better you mean violent and rape-y, well then, I suppose they’re right. I also spent a relatively lot of money for one book, and I feel like I owe it to myself to at least finish it. At some point, I will probably concede defeat. It’s just not my jam. However, now Outlander is a TV series, and I am hoping that it can shed some light on the book so that it will re-spark my interest in finishing the story….. keeping in mind that I do not actually watch the TV series, because I do not actually watch TV. I will occasionally watch Netflix, but I don’t sit down and watch anything at the time it airs. I like the Outlander tag because I can find out what happens in a bite-sized morsel. I love spoilers, because it allows me to see what happens without putting in any actual effort.

It’s the same with all my other TV tags. I haven’t watched Doctor Who in ages (forgive me, I know not what I do). I stopped watching Scandal so that I could save it to watch with Dana, then we broke up and I just didn’t want to go back and watch it on my own…. yet…. and then Jake Ballard died and I cried like I lost a family member. It wasn’t pretty. So I keep up with the characters on Twitter for that show, too.

And this is where my mind goes when I’m looking up at the sky- all the things I do differently now that I have downsized so much. I’m not taking care of anyone or anything, which leaves me a lot of time to focus on myself. One of the ways I am so different is that pulling away from media has left me a lot more room to handle interaction with real people…. up and to a point.

I spent all day Saturday at the wedding, and then there was a feast at our house on Sunday….. which I missed because I went upstairs to take a nap and didn’t come back down until the next morning. Hayat left me food in the refrigerator, which I scarfed up cold for breakfast (ZOMG stuffed grape leaves om nom nom). What I have learned from this experience is that I cannot go to a wedding all day and go to a party the next day. I think the nap was my body’s way of saying “there are going to be a whole bunch of people here you don’t know.” Avoiding social interaction by “accidentally” falling asleep. The reason I think it was subconscious is that I fully intended to go to the party. Fully intended to be an amazing hostess.

That is when my body said, “not so fast, Leslie.”

The clouds are still rolling- I think it’s getting windy and possibly going to rain. I need to make a decision. It’s just the the ellipsis is so large, and so many things could fit in it.


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