Yesterday, I finally made the commitment to watch Return of the Jedi. I watched it at my computer with my headphones on Defcon OH MY FUCK to ensure that I wouldn’t fall asleep, and I’m glad I did. When you watch any Star Wars movie with headphones on, you get to hear more of John Williams’ magic than you would otherwise. The score was just magnificent. I think I’m going to rewatch all of the Star Wars movies with my headphones on for that reason alone. There are nuances to the music that just cannot be picked up if you’re sitting several feet away from the speakers.

That being said, I didn’t NOT like the movie, but it wasn’t my favorite. It might as well have been called Episode VI: The Muppets Strike Back. I did like the few human moments with Darth Vader, but on the whole, it was like, “oh look! There’s the Judoons from Doctor Who! Plus, I know that one of every nerdboy’s fantasies in the world is Princess Leia in that gold bikini, but seeing her on a chain with Jabba jerking her neck back was so violent and rape-y that I nearly fast-forwarded through those parts. The Ewoks weren’t any less annoying, but there were a couple of parts that stood out. The first was when the Ewok got all the Stormtroopers to chase him so that there was only one guard left in front of whatever place it was they were trying to sneak into. I don’t know names. I only know that it’s where the controls for the defense shield were being held. I also loved the part where the Ewoks and Chewie stole the big walker thingme. The Stormtroopers never knew what hit them.

And how did people not know that the Sith Lord was Palpatine? Seriously. You could totally tell it was Ian McDiarmid (or someone who looked just like him) under that black robe. Too lazy to look it up. Plus, the voice. Seriously?

It’s going to be interesting in The Force Awakens to learn who the new masters of The Dark Side are. My mom read on my blog about being on the fence about spending the money to see it, and sent me a Regal gift card in the mail. My mother is ON IT, people. ON. IT. Maybe I’ll go tomorrow, because I don’t have to be back home for Christmas dinner until 5:00. It would be fun to open presents and then go see a really great movie. I don’t care if it’s the crappiest Star Wars movie ever made. Seeing Star Wars on Christmas is going to be awesome, no matter what I think of the movie itself. It’s not supposed to be great cinema, anyway. It is gorge yourself with popcorn and strap in for the ride. Besides, I love JJ Abrams. I was not a fan of Star Trek, but I went with Dana to see the movie, anyway, and I LOVED IT…. mostly because John Cho was in it. I kept waiting for someone to slip and call him “Roldy.”

Star Wars is a guilty pleasure for me. I am not a drooling fangirl for it the way I am for The Doctor. However, it is one of my favorite series, and I’ve watched all the movies (even the bad ones). In fact, I could have skipped Episode I entirely and not missed a thing. However, I do believe that Jar-Jar Binks is a Sith Lord, more powerful than even Palpatine. There’s lots of videos proving it, and I can’t link to them all, but it’s true. Jar-Jar uses the force just as well as the Jedi, and he’s always right behind Palpatine, as if he is the puppet master. And why wouldn’t a “muppet” character be the ultimate Sith Lord when Yoda was the ultimate Jedi Master?

I also thought it was interesting, given how close twins are, that Luke never mentions to Leia that they’re twins. And the prequels fucked it up in canon if Leia says she remembers images of her mother. That was just ridiculous. Amidala dies in childbirth, doesn’t she? Maybe force-babies can remember their birth or something. Because that is totally a George Lucas way of explaining things.

I am sure there are a lot more plot holes than just that one, but it seems to be a rather large one. Oh, well. Suspension of disbelief is Star Wars’ stock and trade.

But I just wanted everyone to know that I will no longer be surprised when someone mentions Return of the Jedi It’s about time I re-watched it. Perhaps I just wanted to keep that father/daughter date sacred. For whatever reason, I’m glad I watched it. Seeing Darth Vader actually have feelings for once was awesome.

I’m not sure I’ve told this about myself, but when Dana and I went to see Episode III, during the part where the helmet is being lowered onto Anakin’s head, I clasped my hands together and started whispering “please be James Earl Jones…. Please be James Earl Jones…. Please be James Earl Jones….” and then Dana had to physically restrain me from jumping out of my seat and cheering.

So now I’m ready for The Force Awakens. FINALLY.


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