Darth Vader, etc.

I love my coconut tea so much…. although today I might have overdone it. Three teabags for a 20-oz and my heart is beating fast. I think I created a hot Monster 2x, which was perfect for me in the kitchen, but sitting at a desk is extraordinarily hard. At least my typing is faster. 🙂 I can tell you about a lot more things in a very little amount of time, like how the traffic was a clusterfuck this morning because of an accident and the Metro overhaul that’s causing so many more people to buy cars and/or take Uber. I believe that I got a car at just the right time, because the overhaul is going to take a year, and the red line is the most affected, as is the orange line, the two lines I need to take to get to work in the morning. Not being able to predict when I got to work would kill me, because I make it my mission in life to be early. Today I was right on time- 5 after- so the building was actually open when I got here. No having to go anywhere to kill time.

I notice that my queries are taking a long time to complete this morning, so I decided to break for lunch while they were running since I slept late this morning. I usually get up at 0600, but I just wasn’t feeling it today. For some reason, my medication had more trouble wearing off than it normally does, so I slept as late as I could until my Waze notification went off and said that traffic on 50 was going to add 15 minutes to my commute. I skipped having a shower because it was going to take more than 20 minutes to get here, but I don’t regret it. I had a shower yesterday, and especially in the summer, I don’t shower as often because it really, really dries out my skin. The only thing I didn’t do that I wish I had was wash my face and rinse my hair. No spikes this morning, just my Rice baseball cap… it’s really washing my face that matters, because I try to use salicylic acid twice a day to keep my acne/rosacea at bay. I also forgot to put benzoyl peroxide all over my face and bangs (free highlights), but no matter. I can do that when I get home, and put on a white t-shirt to do it.

I had to buy some new t-shirts yesterday because of this very problem. I forget that I’ve just “fixed my face,” put my t-shirt over my head, and voila! The color is now faded and my cool t-shirts turn into boot-polishing rags (speaking of which, that needs to get done PRONTO.) All of my heroes since 2001 have been military, and it was DrReval (he’s actually a major, but who can pass up THAT nickname) and Volfe have impressed the importance of boot shining on me so that it’s now a thing. I haven’t even worn my Docs in three weeks because I won’t wear them unpolished. I also need to take my brown Chucks to a shoe hospital because the stitching has come loose and I am not ready to get rid of them. This is because they are the only brown leather shoes that I own… throwbacks to the original Chucks that look AMAZING with either saddle soap or brown polish. The best analogy I can give as to what they look like is that they are made from the same type leather as the helmets in “Leatherheads.”

I also bought some black Chucks on Amazon where even the rubber is black, but they are cloth. I also put some heel cups in them when I read an article that said Chucks were as supportive as “glorified socks.” Next time I order Chucks, I’ll have to get them at least one size larger so that I can put sports supports in them…. which I meant to do this time and totally forgot…. but they go nicely with my TARDIS/Dalek suspenders, so I can’t complain too much…. and if you have to ask why they coordinate, you need to get on Amazon and watch Doctor Who. It will dawn on you in the second season. I won’t even wear my Doctor Who t-shirts without my Chucks, even though Matt Smith is my Doctor…. I doubt I would look good in a bow tie and fez.

Clara: One of these days, you’re just going to be able to walk past a fez.
The Doctor: Never gonna happen.

David Tennent fans seem to get very upset when I say that Matt is my Doctor. Let’s clear that up right now. Shut it.

I loved Matt from the beginning because he was such an underdog. When he was cast, no one said he could do it, and he’s made some of the most brilliant episodes in the entire cannon. If you can make it through “Vincent and The Doctor” without squalling your eyeballs out, you are officially a sociopath. My other favorite Matt episode is called “Nightmare in Silver,” because the Cybermen have found a way to implant small extensions into The Doctor’s face, and his real personality is fighting it out with his Cyberman personality in a good versus evil monologue that deserved an Emmy. Matt acting against himself was so amazing that I watched that one scene three times in a row.

And adding Alex Kingston to the cast was briliant because I’ve been in love with her since ER. Pretty sure anyone my age feels the same way.

Now that I’m done with my Doctor Who tangent, I have to tell you the funniest t-shirt I bought. It’s Darth Vader walking AT-ATs on a leash like dogs. Since I work in IT, I’m wearing it today and it is *very* popular. I got some other cool ones, but they aren’t characters. The second best one is in the style of Ocean Pacific and has a bear surfing at day’s end. The last two are both striped- one is highlighter yellow with grey stripes across the middle of the chest, and the other is navy with green pinstripes… all cheap because I shop in the little boys’ department, where t-shirts are usually between 5-8 bucks. I am not stupid. I am not paying $25 for one t-shirt, no matter how soft it is…. unless I am given a gift certificate. 🙂

Today the gift was being reminded of the “L___nator,” a Facebook memory where she helped me fix my car. God I miss her- my little ray of Internet sunshine.

it’s good to have memories like this every day. It reminds me that grief isn’t all bad, that sometimes there are lots of smiles held within. It gutted me like a fish when she said she was pulling chalks, but at the same time, I’m a handful. I don’t expect people to stay my friends if they don’t wanna. I’m not going to chase her down- the people that have stuck by me over the years mean so much more…. and that is the beauty of life… letting go of the people who don’t want to walk with you on your journey to make room for those who do.

But sometimes, just sometimes, when the question is asked, silence will fall… and what is the question? What do you do when you’re still sad that people have walked away even though the people who want you in their lives will make a point of reaching out? I suppose silence is the best answer of all, because eventually, if you walk in the dark long enough, you realize that it is a passage into light and darkness is not a permanent destination…. even when it really, really feels like it.


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