5″4 and Bulletproof

Editor’s Note: I know that I’m 5’4. That’s just a little Spinal Tap humor for you there…. HAHAHAHA…..

It’s funny.

Yesterday I decided to change my life, hopefully for the better. I went to Trader Joe’s and bought the best fats I could possibly find, and lots and lots of salad. The only thing I didn’t grab was avocados, but I got coconut milk, coconut oil, Kerrygold butter, chia seeds, kale chips, broccoli chips, and dark, dark chocolate (85%). Both the kale and the broccoli chips are excellent, but I’m going to have to learn to make my own. Roasting them in the oven in infinitely preferable to the amount of fat and calories in a processed bag, but I bought them to see if I liked them first. I am trying to eat as few carbs as possible because the sugar spike and crash all day long, plus their lack of nutrients, is not helping me in my goal toward mental and physical health. For breakfast I had sprouted toast with almond butter and a small piece of dark chocolate. For lunch I had two vegan “chicken,” feta and spinach sausages, and then a pudding I made myself out of chia seeds and coconut milk with oatmeal and apples from a mix (trying to use it up- it will be grains next time), and for dinner I had Bulletproof coffee, which I thought was okay because there’s not really enough caffeine in it to keep me up. Bulletproof is a tablespoon of Kerrygold, a tablespoon of coconut oil, and eight ounces of coffee brewed strong. I use a very dark roast, and the longer you roast the beans, the more the caffeine leeches out. And when was the last time I only had eight oz of coffee at a time? I’m thinking a quarter to never o’clock.

You’re supposed to have it early in the morning, but once I got all the stuff to make it, I was too excited not to try it right away.

As I have said before, I am not vegetarian, but I enjoy it most days. Others, I am one of those cheeseburger with bacon-eating vegetarians… although I do care about cows’ rights, in that I do not buy the cheapest meat you can get. I would rather eat from a cow I know was grass-fed and treated well while it was alive. If you’ve seen Food, Inc., you know what I mean. The meat I eat is Temple Grandin approved.

I used to hate grass-fed beef because I thought it tasted funny. I got over it.

I will also never truly adopt vegetarianism because you know what tastes so good it will make you cry on a veggie burger? Bacon. Dana and I used to make them at Biddy’s all the time, because you know what ELSE makes a veggie burger delicious? Dropping it in the deep fryer.

The point is not to lose weight, but to keep my headaches at bay from the way I used to eat, which was making my blood sugar go up and down all day long. If I start to gain weight, I know I’m not exercising enough… which I’ve been worried about ever since I got my car, anyway. In the spring, when it wasn’t hot enough to roast garlic on the sidewalk, I used to walk the two miles to the Metro frequently. I’ll need to find another way to exercise, though, because with the overhaul, the Metro is not reliable enough to get me to work on time every morning. There’s a trail that runs from my house all the way to the White House (parallel to 16th), so perhaps I will take up running. Even if I am moving at a snail’s pace, it’s still better than driving. Plus, while I was so depressed and anxious that I couldn’t move, I isolated so much that I lost muscle mass and Dana started to worry, because she was the only one I let see me with my shirt off. My pecs had wasted away like an anorexic’s… so even if I am heavier on the scale, I know it’s no thing if I’m exercising. It just means that I am burning the fat that needs to go and gaining the muscle that needs to arrive.

Yes, I am small. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to get rid of the fat that consistently hovers around my abdomen, and if I lost weight in my breasts, it would actually make me happy, because then my shirts would fit better and my suspenders would stay in place. I love looking sharp and crispy. I have exactly one pair of “girl jeans” and one shirt in which my current rack makes jaws drop, but it doesn’t always make me happy to wear them. Because I wear sharp and crispy 99% of the time, I tend to feel like I’m in drag, or as the gay boys say, “all nellied out…” But it doesn’t exactly feel like me. It feels more like Leslie Lanagan.™ Because when I wear that shit, I also want to put on the makeup that goes with it, otherwise I really just look like a small boy who wears his mother’s clothes.

Being the genderfluid, female-identified person that I am, I am not without my girly moments. For instance, I’ve started getting my nails done, and today they are dark green with different colors of glitter mixed in. I tell my manicurist to cut my nails really short because “I type all day,” which is code for “lesbian.” I do type all day, but I also commit what is, I believe, a necessary sin of omission. Besides, acryllic makes it where there are no rough edges.

Theoretically, I could have my nails as long as I want, because technically typing is the only thing about which I have to worry… but that’s none of your business…. although it does lead to a very embarrassing story on my part. I was talking to a Marine and she apologized for her bad typing, saying she had fat fingers. I have no idea what the hell I was thinking, but I said, “I’ve always wanted a well-hung soldier.” It just slipped out. I think I had Tourette’s that day. Anywho, she had no idea what I meant, and I said, “good GOD. If I have to explain it to you, I will blush until I die.” This is just one of the many, many times I have been embarrassed by my “think it, say it” plan. Having no filter is going to get my ass kicked one day, and I will probably deserve it.

Back to you, Bob. Let’s go to the phones.

Every time I’ve talked to someone or seen someone on TV that has transitioned away from carbs and onto grains, greens, and healthy fats has had more energy and stayed fuller much longer, therefore no need to snack all day because their blood sugar isn’t crashing every half hour and telling them they need to eat again. It’s the “more energy” that I’m most looking forward to, because I don’t want to be so insular anymore. I want to have energy to get out and explore my city, which is pretty much all walking, all the time. Even if I drive into DC, that doesn’t mean the parking space is going to be within a mile of where I actually want to go. I’d rather keep my car at the house when going into the city, because the Metro is fantastic (when it works). Parking is expensive, and an Uber to the station when I don’t feel like walking or taking the bus is much less, even if I hitch a ride both ways AND pay for the train.

Speaking of going into the city, it wasn’t exactly “the city,” but I did go to Alexandria on Saturday and found that the friends I was meeting live on “Leslie Ave.” I can’t believe I forgot to take a picture of the sign… If Meag had been there, I am sure that we would have stolen one. When we were 18, we stole one of the handicapped signs from one of the Baptist churches in Sugar Land. Don’t ask me why. I think it was for Meag’s bedroom, because she already had a Canadian stop sign that said both “Stop” and “Arret.” Technically, all I did was drive the getaway car, but if we’d been caught, it wouldn’t have been any better for me. The take-home message is that if I ever move to Alexandria, I know where I want to live. 🙂

Speaking of moving to NoVA, I don’t think it will happen. I just don’t. I didn’t like living there 15 years ago because even though NoVA is the most liberal place I’d lived to date, the laws in the STATE of Virginia are controlled by Richmond. Annapolis is much more liberal than Richmond ever will be, because as I’ve said before, there are still state Congressmen who are sad they lost the “War of Northern Aggression.” Maryland is technically under the Mason-Dixon line, but Annapolis and Richmond couldn’t be more different. I think it’s because of the proximity to New York, Pennsylvania, etc. That’s my educated guess, anyway. If you know the real reason, feel free to leave it in the comments. As for living in The District, it’s kind of a no-man’s land. Congressional oversight often means Congressional no-sight. In fact, for years and years, 5:00 PM in DC was known as “white flight.” It is only in the last 10-15 years that DC has truly gentrified and there are more livable residential areas. When I lived here before, there were tourist areas and ghettos, with no middle class… and even now, it is upper middle class because it is hideously expensive. Housing prices are what the market will bear, and DC is only 60 square miles… and nothing can be taller than the Capitol, so there’s no way to build up, either.

That being said, I am very proud of the work that the mayor, Muriel Bowser, is doing… but I miss Anthony Williams and his little bow tie. I didn’t always agree with him politically, but I always agreed with his outfits.

Plus, moving to Virginia feels like giving up on the work that needs to be done in Montgomery County. Jeffrey Thames can’t be the only one fighting the good fight. He’s a Marine that runs toward the danger, no matter what kind. He supports so many people that I want to be one of the ones that supports him (spiritually, ecumenically, grammatically…). So perhaps even a move into Takoma Park is ill-advised. We shall see what we shall see. I am so happy where I am that there’s no reason to think about moving now.

What I need to concentrate on right now is building up enough energy and stamina to be able to keep up a school and work schedule simultaneously. I wish I could start at Howard right now, but as I have said before, they do not have a political science department and my hours would be lost in the shuffle. Not losing that B+ from Wall. I was sad that I didn’t get an A, but a B+ in his Con Law class was an A+ anywhere else in the university. So, I’m staying at UH, taking classes on the system I originally helped set up. It’s amazing how things circle back like that. I don’t think I’ll have any problems.

I mean, I type all the time. 😛


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