Church was a mixed bag. I wasn’t emotional, mostly because I took a caffeine pill at 0600 to fight institutionalized jet lag. I thought I would be, but it just wasn’t that kind of service. I was so involved in all the music that I really couldn’t think of anything else but remembering to count. This is because in rehearsal, I completely forgot where I was on a piece I knew cold. Everything went perfectly after that, mostly because it was a better wake-up call than the caffeine. Leslie #1 held my hand during the reading of the names, and part of the worship service was telling something funny about one of your saints. Leslie #1 told a story about her grandmother, so I responded in kind.
My grandmother was the most unintentionally funny woman alive. She was famous in my mind for these over-the-top malapropisms, like saying she was going to “lay on the couch with an African.” This from a woman who was extremely prejudiced and clearly meant “afghan.” After I came out, I wasn’t that close to any member of my extended family, although this is changing now that Nate and I are in the same city… but hearing about Leslie #1’s grandmother triggered memories of my mother’s mother in kind.
(I actually did tell my grandmother I was gay, and she didn’t get it. She said that there was a brother and sister in town like that… but she said that they were sleeping together and I thought “this is hopeless” and moved on. It was much akin to the time I valiantly tried to teach her how to double click. I didn’t think there was anyone I couldn’t teach to use a computer until that moment. She was, however, dedicated. She wrote down everything I said on a steno pad even though she didn’t understand it.)
On one of the chimes during the reading of the names, Sam accidentally played a major second on the organ, and it was gorgeous. I wish she’d done them all that way… because I think grief is a major second in and of itself. It is love and pain in one breath.
But then, Matt preached on the election and I completely lost interest. It wasn’t that he was advocating for either party, it was just a 180º from everything else being said and it seemed out of place. Therefore, it took me out of the service as well. My mind started wandering toward shopping and lunch.
In essence, it just wasn’t the sermon I expected or needed to hear.
I left the church and went to Chuy’s for lunch, and then came home fully expecting to preach what I needed to hear, but I didn’t. I got in bed and couldn’t get up, the delayed reaction of adrenaline letdown from singing and just not wanting to deal with All Saints’ Day… too close, too personal, and exhausting.
Today I got an e-mail from my recruiter about a job in McClean (That’s McClain, dear). It’s right up my alley in terms of instructional design, and I know I’ll apply, but I don’t know if I’ll take it. I mean, I probably will if it’s offered, but I’ve got my mind stayed on the idea of going to school and making that my full-time job instead…. taking back the year and a half I lost when I was young. Everything remains to be seen, but I am already enrolled at University of Houston and wouldn’t have to worry about transferring hours. I know I can take classes online because I set up the WebCT server back in the day. It’s called something else now, but the software is similar… updated, but with the same core functionality. I know so much about digital pedagogy from the professor’s perspective, and yet, I’ve never been a student. I’ve designed courses, but never taken one.
The course I’d be designing in NoVA is how to use Salesforce. Don’t laugh. DON’T. Shut it.
I am assuming that all of my students will be able to double click, and that is all I have learned to count on in these matters. At every instructional design job I’ve ever had, the class ranged from “can barely use a mouse” to “knows enough to be extremely dangerous when I’m not looking.” It’s like teaching kindergarten- some of the students are learning the alphabet, and some are already reading and get bored easily. Between the two, I think I’d almost rather teach kindergarten. Adults do not do well with authority, especially when the instructor is thirty years younger. Although now there’s not many people in the workforce that are 30 years older than me anymore….. there’s just asshats who try to tell me how to do my job when I’ve had exactly the same ideas and they’ve been frowned upon by that establishment so I just look like an idiot who doesn’t know what she’s talking about. They’re not asshats because of their ideas… they’re asshats because of their delivery… especially as a woman in technology. If I had a dollar for every time someone said, “honey, you don’t do it that way” I could’ve already retired…. and gone back to school twice with tuition paid in full.
I haven’t given up the idea of going to Howard for my last hours in undergrad as well, but after taking my 50 bucks, they haven’t called since. But if I really wanted to go to an actual classroom, there’s plenty of options- UMD, George Mason, etc. I could also go to Georgetown or American if I got a job there. I doubt I would get in on grades alone. I was a writer all through school, so I tended to look out the window a lot…. working internally, letting the tapes run until they were finished….. most of them sermons I needed to hear.
Stories That Are All True 