Apheresis Pieces

I’m at SBUX this morning because I have an appointment to give platelets at 1:30, and I could use a boost. Not too much- just a tall Sumatra. If I need more, I can get a refill, but I don’t want to get too dehydrated beforehand. It goes faster if you drink water and/or Gatorade beforehand. I’m just going to go with water. If you go to McDonald’s for dinner, no matter what you order, you’ve probably had enough salt. Although I didn’t do as much damage as I could’ve… I got a cheeseburger, a small fry, and a Southwest Salad with low calorie dressing. I feel both good and bad that I didn’t eat until I hated myself… because that means at least one dessert.

People ask me all the time how I eat like this and stay so slim. That’s really, really easy. I save up my calories for hours, sometimes days. When I’m really anxious, I stop eating and switch to smoothies. So, when my appetite comes back, it’s on like Donkey Kong because I don’t know when I’ll actually be hungry again. Believe me when I say I am not bragging in the slightest. Depression and anxiety are a horrible nutrition plan. The hardest part is constantly being applauded for truly negative behavior… because if I’m skinny, I’m obviously doing something right. Also, people who are heavier than me that seem to have some sort of misplaced anger and aggression at it, as if I don’t have my own body issues just like everyone else. I’ve lost muscle mass due to my “diet,” and can’t run up one flight of stairs without getting winded. Now that it’s cooler outside, it’s time to start walking again. It’s two miles to the Metro, and that seems to be about right. If I am feeling industrious that day, I will also walk the two miles back. Other days, I take the bus.

Why yes, I could walk one mile in one direction and one mile back, but what is the point of that? One mile is the middle of nowhere. Two miles is downtown… you know, where, like, the fun is? In a short period of time (not exactly sure of the day) Silver Spring’s “outdoor living room” will be flooded with water and frozen so that there’s ice skating until New Year’s. I’m excited because I’m not really good at any sports except ice skating and skiing… and in fact, the way I picked up skiing so quickly was my foundation in ice skating. Keeping your ankles together so you don’t have to wedge all the way down the mountain is strikingly similar.

My favorite song just started playing overhead… the one about the only one that could ever reach me was the son of a preacher man…. Great brass hits, and I know for a fact that it’s amazing because it’s true. I may be female, but EXTRAPOLATE! EXTRAPOLATE!

If you don’t get that reference, we probably aren’t very good friends. Although I do have a few friends that are so busy they rarely turn on the television, so I’ll explain it just for them. There are villains on Doctor Who called “The Daleks,” an alien race bent on world domination by killing all other life forms. The Doctor has been battling them since 1963. You can actually watch the original ’60s movie on YouTube. Their main dialogue is EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!, so there are many, many variations out there. Coffee shops have gotten a lot of mileage out of “CAFFEINATE!” There’s a somewhat famous desktop wallpaper of a Dalek in the shower that says “EXFOLIATE!” Why a Dalek would be in the shower is beyond me. They’re metal, and as Craig Ferguson has said, look a bit like a cappucino machine in a dress. But the wallpaper is funny nonetheless… suspension of disbelief and all that.

I am absolutely on pins & needles waiting for Christmas, my favorite day of the year because there is always a Doctor Who special, and this year The Doctor (Peter Capaldi) will regenerate into a female (Jodie Whitaker) for the first time. Some people are upset that she’s white, because there’s never been a minority doctor, either. Perhaps it would have been best to save Pearl Mackie for later….

However, I have watched ALL of Broadchurch, and Whitaker will totally be believable as a relatively young person with roughly 1200-year-old eyes. In Broadchurch, she played a mother who lost a son. If any role would prepare her for The Doctor’s immeasurable inner turmoil, that would be it.

My ADD is kicking in… now I’m wondering if I’ll be warm enough for apheresis. It is generally cold AF when you’re hooked up to the machine, because the fact that you’re freezing isn’t dependent on the temperature of the room, but your body’s reaction to the procedure itself. You just have to keep piling on blankets because you can’t easily wear a coat…. there’s a needle in your arm. I’ve also had several vaso vagel reactions and I’ve fainted, but have come back quickly and it wasn’t enough to make me stop. Fainting happens. There’s hurricanes out there. Blood and platelet banks are low, so I have no choice in the matter. I mean, I do, but I’ve been donating platelets since 2009. It’s kind of my thing. Dana and I used to go to the Red Cross in Portland, where the cute nurses would fawn over us because we were so adorable. I can only hope I’m that adorable on my own, because part of the reason everyone loved us was our tennis match stories.

And, of course I’m that funny and cute. It’s just not the same, and it never will be. But that doesn’t mean it’s not ok. Perhaps I’ll meet a hot nurse… not that I’m really looking. I look at the menu, but I don’t order. Ever since Dana and I broke up, I’ve taken working on myself seriously, because I never want so perfect a relationship to go so wrong again. I don’t have it in me. I’d rather be single and celibate the rest of my life than take the chance of hurting someone the way I hurt her, which was mostly because I was having my own emotional problems and in total survival mode, unable to be a partner… more like a hurt kid. This is not to say it was all my fault that things ended. No relationship’s end is one person’s fault. But I take a lot of responsibility… in my therapist’s opinion, a lot of the time too damn much. But there’s not a lot she can say to change my opinion about that, because I literally can’t lay down The River. It’s not that I won’t. I’ve made promises.

However, The Flop and The Turn are basically every session ever. We are just now getting to a second hand. The first isn’t over. I have one pair. I’m never going to win with that, because it’s not pocket aces or anything.

At least I haven’t lost my law school tuition to Teddy KGB… and eventually I will make him lose his Oreos and go on bustin’ him up all night.

Oooooh, now I know what movie I’m going to watch while I’m laid out, covered in blankets so I don’t lose my shit in front of a hot nurse. #eyecandy #thanksbetoGod


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