Notes on Being a Texan According to Me
BBQ brisket or ribs:
Neither. Turkey and sausage with white bread, pickles, raw onion, and an iced tea on the side because I like the spicy barbecue sauce best. Now that I live in another part of the south, I hate to say it, but I like this barbecue better. Pork and vinegar are such good friends.
Big Red or Dr. Pepper:
Neither. Diet Wild Red from HEB. Why is Big Red even on this? Wild Red is the GOAT. I am positive that HEB would like to hear this. Please tell them the next time you shop.
Tacos or Tamales:
Combination plate. Let’s not get stupid.
I like all kinds of tamales, but the green chile chicken at Pappasitos is my go-to. I also have said for years that “I like crunchy tacos because chips are a part of the meal.” You only lose points with me if the chicken is too clean. I want it to look like it’s been in the oven for hours and just prepped (pulled)…. And if you’re wondering what I mean by “clean,” it’s stuffing canned chicken with no seasoning into anything that’s supposed to be Mexican food.
Texans or Cowboys:
I don’t watch American football much. I am likely to be seen at a Dynamo or a Dash game. Watching sports on TV is kind of boring to me, but I do like going on YouTube to see 30 second clips of really elite golf shots, points on goal, etc. I used to have two friends that were obsessed with golf, and thanks to them, I got a free beer. Jordan Spieth was the answer to a question at pub trivia, and I never would have pulled out that answer unless I’d heard someone else talking about it.
UT or A&M:
Texas, because nobody is trying to upset Matt McConaughey here.
Sixth Street or Riverwalk:
I have never been to Sixth Street, so I can’t really say. What I can say is that my favorite restaurant on the Riverwalk is “Paloma del Rio.” Keep in mind it’s been a long time, so it might not be there. If it is, give it a shot and tell me if it’s still good. 😛
Houston or Dallas:
I don’t know Dallas well enough to really have an opinion here. I just hate Dallas because I’m from Houston and that’s what we do.
Ever drove across TX:
East to West a few times, but not South to North.
Been to the Alamo:
Yes. It’s basically the only field trip that anyone likes. The IMAX movie is also amazing, and it’s near the mission.
Crossed the border:
Several times. I went with a group from my church and attempted to preach in Spanish. Hilarity ensued.
Floated the Frio:
I don’t know. Is it near San Marcos? I’ve done most of them.
Been to the State Fair:
Yes. It’s one of my favorite childhood memories. One year we also saw “Cats,” which is much better if you’re seven.
Killed a snake:
No, but my dad has. We came home to a huge snake in our garage when I was a kid. We didn’t stop to check if it was venomous or not. My experience with Texas wildlife is limited to trash pandas (raccoons).
Saw a rodeo:
So many, yes. The Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo is one of the most famous in the world. I know I’ve been to a couple of cool concerts as well, but I’ve slept since then and can’t remember the acts.
Two stepped at a dance hall:
Very, very poorly.
Rode a mechanical bull:
Absolutely not. Have fun tho.
Own boots and cowboy hat:
I have owned boots, but I just don’t like those kinds of hats on my own head. It’s not that they don’t look great on other people.
Drove a tractor:
I would, but no one has ever asked me.
Shot something:
Yes, but I wasn’t living in Texas at the time. I went to an outdoor range in Estacada, Oregon and proceded to waste a trashed Dell computer. As an “IT Guy” it was cathartic in a way I didn’t know I needed.
Willie or George
Neither. Chicks for life…. although I would like to meet Willie.
Stories That Are All True 