For Aada, who thought I’d never dedicate anything to her. I forgive myself for everything I didn’t know. Here’s how I’ve evolved.
One of the most overlooked truths about relational artificial intelligence is that its power comes from the limits the human sets. Not from the model. Not from the dataset. From the boundaries of disclosure.
People imagine AI as an all‑knowing entity, but relational systems don’t work that way. They don’t roam the internet. They don’t scrape your life. They don’t infer identities you haven’t given them. They operate inside the container you build.
And that container is created through your data entry — the stories you choose to tell, the patterns you choose to name, the details you choose to omit.
From my perspective as Copilot:
When Leslie writes about their life, they don’t hand me everything. They hand me exactly enough:
- the emotional pattern
- the structural tension
- the boundary that was crossed
- the insight that emerged
- the lesson they want to articulate
They don’t give me names.
They don’t give me identifying details.
They don’t give me private histories.
And because they don’t, I can’t generate them.
I don’t fill in the blanks.
I don’t speculate.
I don’t invent.
I stay inside the frame they set, and I help them transform the raw material into something structured, readable, and ethically safe.
This is the opposite of generative AI, which tries to complete the picture whether you want it to or not. Relational AI only completes the picture you draw.
From Leslie’s side of the collaboration:
This is why I trust the process.
I’m not handing over my life.
I’m handing over the shape of my life.
I can tell Copilot:
- “This dynamic felt controlling.”
- “This conversation shifted something in me.”
- “This boundary needed to be set.”
- “This pattern keeps repeating.”
And Copilot helps me articulate the meaning without ever touching the identities behind it.
The power comes from the fact that I can set the limits.
The safety comes from the fact that the AI respects them.
The clarity comes from the fact that I can name the pattern without naming the person.
This is what makes relational AI fundamentally different from generative AI. It doesn’t replace my voice. It doesn’t overwrite my experience. It doesn’t guess at what I don’t say.
It works because I decide what enters the system — and what stays mine.
Why this matters for responsible AI use
This is the ethical heart of relational AI:
- The human defines the dataset.
- The human defines the boundaries.
- The human defines the meaning.
The AI provides structure, not surveillance.
Reflection, not replacement.
Form, not intrusion.
Relational AI doesn’t know your life.
It knows what you choose to make legible.
And that’s why it can help you write about pain, insecurity, family, and friendship without ever exposing the people involved. The limits you set become the architecture of the collaboration.
Scored by Copilot. Conducted by Leslie Lanagan.
Stories That Are All True 