Emotional Weather

I know the shape of my parents’ lives, but not the ages — and maybe that’s the most honest way to inherit a story.

I grew up with the outline of who they were, not the timeline. My father was a minister for the first half of my childhood, the kind of pastor who carried other people’s crises home in his shoulders. Later, he left the church and became my stepmother’s clinical coordinator, trading sermons for schedules, parishioners for patients. I know that shift changed him. I know it rearranged the way he understood responsibility. But I don’t know how old he was when he made that decision, or what it felt like to stand at that crossroads.

My mother’s story has its own shape. She was a stay‑at‑home mom until she couldn’t be anymore. Life forced her back into the workforce, back into teaching, back into the version of herself she had set aside. I know the broad strokes — the exhaustion, the reinvention, the quiet resilience — but not the ages. I don’t know if she was my age when she returned to the classroom, or younger, or older. I only know the emotional weather of that era, not the dates on the calendar.

Parents don’t narrate their lives in numbers. They narrate in eras. “When we lived in that house.” “When your sister was little.” “After the move.” “Before the diagnosis.” Their stories come to you as seasons, not as birthdays. And so you inherit the silhouette of their lives without the timestamps that would let you line your own life up against theirs.

Now that I’m at an age they once were, I feel the gap more sharply. I understand how slippery adulthood is, how much of it is improvisation, how much is doing the next right thing without knowing whether it’s right at all. I understand why they didn’t talk in ages. Age is too precise. Too revealing. Too easy to compare. Too easy to judge.

I could call my dad and ask him what he was doing at my age. He’d probably tell me. But it’s three in the morning where he is, and the truth is, I don’t need the exact number to understand the shape of his life. I already know the arcs that mattered. I know the weight of ministry. I know the pivot into medicine. I know the way responsibility pressed on him from both sides — the church and the clinic, the family and the work.

And I know the shape of my mother’s life too — the way she moved from home to classroom, from caretaking to teaching, from one identity to another because she had to.

Maybe that’s the real inheritance: not the ages, but the contours. Not the timeline, but the trajectory. Not the specifics of what they were doing at my age, but the understanding that every adult is navigating a life that makes sense only from the inside.

I don’t know their exact ages at each turning point. But I know they were doing the best they could with the lives they had — and now I’m doing the same.

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Scored by Copilot. Conducted by Leslie Lanagan.