My sister decorated my place because I have no style. I mean, I do, but not to the degree that she does. My favorite little touch is that I’ve always thought of bees where Aada is concerned, a throwback to Outlander (“Go Tell the Bees That I Am Gone”). Lindsay incorporated bees into my decor so I’d think of her….. except she didn’t make the connection. She just thought bees were cute and they’re actually a very sacred symbol to me. I have bee lights that absorb the sun and go on in the dark.
That is my beautiful girl’s personality, as well. She carried light into the dark when she met me.
There are also little bees on my coasters, therefore I cannot have a drink without thinking of her. 😉 I am sure she is drinking her Diet Coke with Jack or her Stella Artois in her own world. But those are the only touches that remind me of others. I have a painting that reminds me of Brian, because he bought it for me at Fredericksburg pride.
Eventually, I’ll have something from Tiina as well because she’s good at visual art and I’m not.
The thing that gets out of hand is me. There’s crap all over the place that I need to organize and my executive dysfunction and pathological demand avoidance are screaming. I have a constant need to organize and through autism and ADHD this often becomes an insurmountable task. Systems break down. I hate living alone.
I’m thinking about moving to the program in Rockville so I can be closer to Tiina and Brian and also have an affordable housing avenue through CBH as well. Rockville is an expensive city in which to live, more than Baltimore, anyway…… except I’d only be there sometimes. I am too happy out at the farm and the lake to want more than my share of alone time. It is the perfect setup, because I am enmeshed and I have an escape. We can all count on each other without me imposing, because the drive is easy when I don’t have a set schedule.
Upping the ante, I like exploring and will often take the extra hour to go through Frederick and drive the hills in Maryland as well as the rolling hills in Stafford, Virginia. It’s just stunning, mile after mile of ethereally devastating beauty. Stafford is where the house is, but Fredericksburg is where we “go to town,” not DC.
It was very much like moving out to Sugar Land….. all of the sudden, going downtown meant toward the mall area and not Wortham Center. Tiina draws a clear distinction that if you want to live in DC, go for it…. but Stafford is not it. We are more likely to go south than deal with 95’s constant bullshit. “66 is so much easier,” said no one ever.
Nah. The best course of action is to drive from my house to Tiina’s house going the long way around (never underestimate the power of an all-blue route) and then use back roads if I need to run and get something. DMV traffic is no joke, and Stafford is bad, but it’s not as bad going toward Fredericksburg as it is trying to get past Quantico. Some days, I feel like I should write Tiina letters….. “if this reaches you, know that I loved you and Brian and the kids very deeply. I wait patiently as the end comes because I forgot it was shift change.”
My mind is chaotic and drops details, and it reflects itself in my house. I am learning to see things differently, that I function better in a team. We’re all starting to feel comfortable together because I’ve put so much effort into showing up. I’ve been there when things got real, real fast. I am not outside the system, I’m a working part of it.
It’s also nice to have a family to spoil. I spoil Tiina the most often, but it is very hard in stores not to shop for children you love. Everything I see, I wonder, “would 10yo think that was cool?”
I don’t know why. Everything I’ve added to the decor would make 10yo perfectly comfortable. I even have a weighted plush.
Stories That Are All True 