In doing so much research on verbal abuse, I know that my reaction to getting well is right on target. I have managed to piss off nearly everyone I know because I don’t act in ways predictable to who I used to be, so they think I’ve gone bonkers while at the same time, I feel like this is the first time I’ve ever made sense. What has been ridiculous is thinking for the last 24 years that I was destined to be a normal person with a normal life who could make it through in the rank and file when my personality indicators in both the Meyers-Briggs and the Keirsey Temperament Sorter have been Idealist/Visionary. I am not telling you that I am a visionary. I will let every personality test I’ve ever taken speak for me. The people in my category type are, for example, Jesus. Martin Luther King, Jr., Oprah.
Now there’s a reason for my obsession with her career. I was trying to figure out how growing up in BFE prepared her for the life she has now, and I realized that it hadn’t. Unless I miss my guess, the vision came to her in a dream, snapping into action as opposed to a great buildup. Dana compares me to the 50th Anniversary Special of Doctor Who, that my software has been running the algorithms for St. James since I was born.
She’s indisputably right.
I have a palsy in my brain from being oxygen deprived as a child. It did not delay me mentally, but my coordination is off to a tremendous degree and I have monocular vision so that I always look like I’m staring at two places at once. I also started talking when I was six months old, but I did not walk until I was almost two.
That’s the foundation of my personality, those months being able to think without being able to move. I couldn’t do anything but soak up information and start the tape running. Because I am ADD, I start tapes all the time and they just let me know when they’re done. I can’t feel that they’re going all the time, necessarily, but what I know is that I ruminate on things until they’re done and then once that happens, I am unstoppable.