Expectation

I am so excited to have a new job, but my expectation is body-slammed into the ground right now. It’s not because I was expecting anything to happen, I’d just already prepared for it and the reality is that I have to wait….. which I am about as good at as algebra, and I got a 54 for the entire semester the first time around.

We’ve canceled the DC trip so we could start our new jobs, but I wanted to see my friends this Christmas….. Giles, Zaid, Xavi, Nathan, Emily, A-dog. It will happen, eventually, but right now my heart is up in the air with both darkness and light. I’m happy to be here for my family, and sad not to be on a plane. Still waiting for a last-minute Hail Mary because I’ve been waiting for this trip for almost two years.

Because I haven’t lived in DC since 2002, I’m eager to get back in a ridiculous sort of way. I want to build a version of St. James on the Anacostia river, where I think it would do the most good. That’s not going to happen in one trip, but I can at least go to the Anacostia and sit on the bank, dreaming of where the pews go.

I’m also very close to my friends by direct message and Facebook, so we’ve seen each other virtually since I left. However, there is nothing like a hug from a friend you haven’t seen since your original hair color. Plus, Nathan and Emily and Zaid and Giles both have children I’ve never met.

I feel weird about not going, because I am incredibly good at pretending time and space don’t matter right up until they do. All the “what would it be like” rumination gone in an instant. Sad and overjoyed at the same time. No DC, but being able to pay the bills won’t suck.

It’s just that all I wanted was to see people in the flesh and not what they look like in a few Facebook snapshots. It will happen, but on God’s own time.

Screw mine.

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