Yesterday was the greatest day of the year (so far). The one I have waited for returned with kindness, love, grace, and mercy. We are not the same shitty people we used to be, and we are trying to trust each other not to fuck each other up in the future. Trust is a big issue in our relationship, because obviously, I require it. I am about to go into a huge profession. I need someone who can be brutal in their honesty to me, which is why I trust three people, and the rest fight to get in.
She is also an agnostic/atheist, the kind of boundary I need to question my own in terms of faith and how strong it can become against a true friend who has no official tie to theism or church politics in the slightest. It is a marriage of ideas in my mind, and gives me so much food for thought that this is why she is THE friend I’ve waited for my whole life. Someone that holds me accountable to my words and actions in all things, not just the ones that go in the chord that runs between us.
I have a friend in Portland who is a healer. When she looks at people, she can literally SEE the chords as auras and not just sense them. The one that runs between Dana and me is brighter than anything I ever imagined, as is the one to Diane. The one to Argo started as a string and is now a mooring rope, tensile strength enough to hold an oil tanker.
Because as I mentioned in the entry about L-train, it takes scar tissue to create better, stronger healthy tissue in its place. Our scar ripped me open to let Argo in…. to create healthy dynamics where they were once damaged. To, in a sense, marry her in the way that all long-term friends do, and like I’ve been reading about in the books I bought about long-term female friendship. I had to. I don’t have a very strong sense of what it means to be a straight girl’s friend.
I had to look it up.