Remember that I told Jesus I was free Tuesday? Well, lucky for me, he showed up. I didn’t know whether he would, because honestly, I have won the Shitty Friend Award™ with him. We haven’t talked in a while, and we should be talking incessantly. Why have I been avoiding Jesus? The same reason I always avoid Jesus. We have so much to talk about that I cannot even. I am grieving Argo and Dana and our lives, both jointly and severally, because I don’t think for a minute that either of them are over what has happened the last two years. I didn’t mean to, but I put off Jesus to take care of my thoughts about them, first.
Why do Jesus and I need to talk incessantly? Have I mentioned that I started my own religious organization (oh, like a THOUSAND times…………. #prayingonthespaces)? Douchy preacher/author mode: engaged. The reason that I have created a doctrine is that in order to get a 501c, you have to have a belief statement first. This is not to say that I would not join a major denomination once I am ordained. It is just not possible right now, unless by some miracle Jesus is able to work it by letting the UCC or the Episcopals or whomever approach ME. There are plenty of denominations that would be willing to either ordain me based on a work study program, or license me to preach and offer rites such as communion. I am biding my time, gathering up the crumbs under Thy table, knowing that God’s property is always to have mercy. I stole that line from the Book of Common Prayer. If you’re an Episcopal, you probably said it in your head as you read it.
And on that note, I would like to close with my favorite prayer from Rite I, the Prayer of Humble Access. It is my Lenten anthem, because it says everything about the work that I need to do from Palm Sunday to Easter.
Most merciful God,
we confess that we have sinned against thee
in thought, word, and deed,
by what we have done,
and by what we have left undone.
We have not loved thee with our whole heart;
we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves.
We are truly sorry and we humbly repent.
For the sake of thy Son Jesus Christ,
have mercy on us and forgive us;
that we may delight in thy will,
and walk in thy ways,
to the glory of thy Name.
Most Sundays I cry through the entire thing. I know I’m gathering up crumbs, but I know that the resurrection has so much in store for me this year that I don’t need to make up with Argo and Dana anymore. I need to make up with Jesus. He’s the one I sit with in silence with his arm around me.
He seriously cleaned me out at Starbucks. Do you HAVE to get a venti, Jesus? Really? You’re gonna have to pee later.